Feeling Overwhelmed by Nursing (Only 9 Weeks In)

K. i understand and I'm going through the same thing. My son was born October first and the experience is very pleasant however it feels like a ball in chain. I want to breastfeed for all the good reasons but I don't like the time it takes me away from completing daily work/home tasks. I'm trying to bond a little more and make it as pleasant as possible for me because he enjoys it. I went back to work after 6 weeks and finding a nipple was painful but my moms tells me he misses my nipple a lot. I've set a deadline and I'm going to wait it out!

Hi K.,
You are doing a wonderful job. Kangaroo Kids offers a breastfeeding mother support group I think two times a week. I went there with my first son and it helped being around other women feeling and dealing with the sames issues I was. They are located off of Manchester Rd. Look in to it sometimes just being with other women helps. You can do this and good luck.

We had to use a shield too for a while (seemed like a long while) but it worked out okay. I only did it for 8 months but just b/c I would have taken her off the bottle anyway. I was always worried b/c I produced so little milk (at least when pumping it was never enough) but she ate and she gained weight and it really is so much easier. Just give it a little while longer and if you still feel this way then stop. there's no shame in trying and deciding it's not for you.

The other poster who said that you're going through a lot of hormonal changes is 100% right! Also, your life has changed immensely since having your child. Excuse the french, but becoming a mother is often a mind screw...
I assume you're staying home because of the trapped feelings... Going from working a job and having a real social life to being home all the time because your little one nurses every 1/2 hour-2 hours is a drastic change alone. Then you also consider that you're doing so much---Milk Machine is what you are, and you may feel like I did: unappreciated. The baby is too young to really respond and do anything but Be. You give up your body, your sleep, your life style, nothing is the same as what it used to be... it's so normal to feel overwhelmed, how could you NOT? I remember being resentful towards my husband because (of course) he still wanted to be physical, but I was completely touched out from having a baby latched on all day long, and felt like he just wanted to use me up too, and where was my payback? What did *I* get out of this arrangement?
So please don't feel like your feelings are worthy of your time feeling guilty, you'll feel guilty about plenty of other things in Duke's life and this shouldn't be one of them. You're going to find a way to adjust to the changes in your life and 9 weeks is barely enough time to even realize what all has changed, much less figure out how to balance things for yourself. I can tell you that for me there were some things that really helped:

Find a breast feeding mommy's group (if you want / desire to continue to breast feed) that goes out once a week for lunch. I would *never* have nursed in front of ANY one before going to one of these luncheons. They were all so natural and not bothered at all by nursing in front of other people, so I too became comfortable. Obviously some people are more confidant than others (I will always use something to cover up with, but there was one lady who didn't use anything and if anyone were paying attention she did expose herself for brief seconds during latch on/off) but you can do what you feel most comfortable with. Also just getting out for fresh air helps tremendously--we went to a place that had a playground outside and even though my son didn't play, the air and sunshine did wonders.

If you can, get a sling, I would nurse while WALKING at the MALL! No one had a clue. More often than not people wanted to know what the thing was, and had no idea there was a baby inside. (it has a tail that you can cover up with so no one sees anything.) This will atleast get you out of the house to do things semi normal even though the baby wants to eat every half hour during growth spurts. My back could not keep up with holding him the entire time walking but I could swap him between the stroller and the sling for feedings.

On the weekends... after you do your morning nurse, make your husband take the baby until he's hungry again, and SLEEP. This was a *life saver* for me. I looked forward to every Saturday and Sunday for this very reason. If you can pump some milk and your husband will feed the baby, this will give you even more recoop time (mine hated bottle feeding because my son didn't like the bottle,but if your husband has more patience you'll get more time).

Even if its just for an hour, go out without the baby attached to you, leave him with your hubby, atleast once a week. If you have nothing to do, just go to the store and read labels on things. Just get away for a little bit, you'll feel restored :).

The nipple shield... I weaned my son off that at around 2 months in one attempt and never looked back, but he was an avid feeder and I guess my nipples had toughened up by then. If it doesn't hurt you, get rid of it... cuz I still remember the annoyance of having to wash the stupid thing, or search for it after losing it, etc. It became so much easier to just tuck him in my shirt and he'd latch on by himself no problem, no assistance necessary.

And just for reference on the guilty feelings... I weaned my son at 13 months and he still tries to grope me and I really really hate it... but he'll grow out of it. Eventually. And then we'll be on the road to something else that will make me forget this was ever an issue. So just remember that these things will pass, and as you have read you're definitely not alone! If you do formula it's fine, if you do breast milk, it's fine. One thing I read recently that I've been repeating to myself every time I hear something negative... No matter what decision you make, from pacifier to type of diapers, something can be said for and against... Just do what is right for YOU and YOURS, because that is the best "right" that there is. And let the rest go :).

I can understand your feelings. I wish I could give you advice. When my son was born, I was too uncomfortable about the idea of nursing. When my second son was born, I wanted to but changed my mind before he was born. During my 3rd prenancy, I knew that I was going to nurse, no questions about it. Right after she was born, she took to it like a champ. In the hospital room I was surprised by the cramping, I did not expect it, but was determined to get through it. At home she seemed to want to nurse all the time but the minute my mild let down she would spit me out. Every 45 minutes to an hour she was at my breast. I was cracking and bleeding, she was crying a lot and together the two of us were miserable. I had someone from leleche come to the house and she talked to me, it was supposed to help but I felt more inadequate after she left. I took my daughter into the bath tub with me and we sat there, I began to nurse her and my nipples hurt so bad that the tears ran down my face.

I decided we both needed a break, it had only been 3 weeks but I needed some sleep and I was sure that she was not getting enough. She was always trying to nurse and then spitting me out, she seem unsatisfied. I gave her a bottle, she slept for the first time for 3 hours. She slept and I slept. I gave up nursing.

To this day I wish I had been able to nurse her, but at the same time I know that I did what was best for us. The guilt is over whelming when you are in the middle of it. The guilt of not being a good mom, not being able to do what I was created to do, it all seemed so overwhelming. At first I told myself I was trading sleep, and my nipple comfort for my babys health.

I realized after the first week that I made the right choice and the guilt subsided. That is until I hear of someone who makes it sound so easy. She is 21 now and I still wish I could have been better at it. The upside is I only regrett it for a few minutes and then it is gone, she is a beautiful healthy young lady.

I guess there is no real advice in this, other than to say that every baby and mom is different. After all of the advice comes in, do what is best for the two of you, guilt comes from within and only lives as long as we let it. I tell myself that everytime it creeps back in, then I kick right out the door. I wish you the very best, for you and your little one.

K....dont feel alone...a lot of Mom's have "issues" to deal with in nursing. Have you contacted your local Le Leche league??? They are so supportive and have so many great ideas. I nursed all three of my girls ( many many moons ago...the "baby" turns 25 next month!!) and I had such a wonderful experience with it..but there were the ups and downs to it. Now my oldest is nursing her first...and loves every minute of it...although I know she has her "moments". Keep reminding yourself of the benefits of nursing...best ready supply of absolutely perfect food for your little one....no getting up to prepare a bottle in the middle of the night...and best of all..that wonderful closeness that you have while you are nursing...there is nothing better in the world as far as I am concerned!!! Do you bring your little one to bed with you at night to nurse??? I used to do that...and I know my daughter does....she can drift back to sleep while he eats. Believe me...your life is controlled by that precious little bundle of yours right now...whether you are nursing or not!!! Relax...enjoy getting to know him...babies grow up SO quickly...just enjoy every minute of this and work on buiding memories!!! You are not alone in this...women have dealt with breast feeding issues since the Garden of Eden...lol...so relax...look for some support either online or at a local La leche league...the La Leche league is made up of other nursing mothers who will understand EXACTLY what you are going through!!!
http://www.llli.org/ that is their website.
Good luck and kiss that little baby for me!!!
R. Ann

I totally understand. I am in the middle of a similar experience. I am 5 weeks in and we are having a hard time. I have a low milk supply and an inefficent nurser, so I am having to supplement (w/breastmilk in a bottle and formula). I hate that I have to do that, but he does not get enough otherwise. i have wanted to give up, but I know that breastmilk is what's best for my baby. You can do it. It should get easier, and know that you are giving you baby the best food. I am proud of you for sticking it out.

you should not feel guilty. i only was able to nurse both of mine for 2 months because my milk never fully came in and i always had to give them formula afterward. i felt guilty for a long time like i had failed as a mother. then i came to realize that any breast milk they got from me did them good. most nurses and doctors tell you the longer you nurse the better it is for you and your baby, but i had one wonderful nurse tell me that if you are nursing and you are tired all of the time and cranky when you nurse and it is overwelming then its not always better. you have to do whats right for you and your baby, if nursing is making that bond between you a not so happy experience at feeding times then maybe its not the best thing. you have nursed for nine weeks and that is awesome and you should feel very proud.

I can totally relate! Just keep in mind that as much as breastmilk will benefit him, a happy mommy is the best gift you can give your baby. You've given it a go and stayed committed, so good for you! Have you tried pumping and giving him a bottle? I found that if I could pump on my own time (sorta lol) and someone else could give my daughter a bottle then I felt better. At one point I felt like no matter where I went, even to the store by myself, there were still strings attached from me to my daughter. Don't feel guilty.... do what's best for your son....and being happy is definately best! Maybe you could start pumping and giving him a bottle and just build up a supply (bm can stay frozen at 0 fegrees for like 6 months if I remember right) that way he can have bm longer and you can relax! Everyone wins! Good luck sweetheart!

The best advice I have is just to hang in there! It does feel overwhelming at first, but it gets better, and it's so worth it. I remember after I had my first daughter, sitting on the couch, feeling so depressed and thinking, "so this is what my life is now...sitting here feeding this baby!" I just wanted to cry (and sometimes I did). It was so bad at one point, I remember looking at her, and instead of seeing my precious baby, all I could see was this hungry mouth! But I kept nursing her, and after a few months, it just became second nature. I ended up nursing her for 13 months, and I was so glad. On the flipside, my second daughter started not wanting to nurse at about 4 months. I got so frustrated and worried about her not eating that I started gradually giving her formula. After a few weeks that's all she would take. She's almost a year now, and everything's fine, but I've regretted that I didn't stick with it longer. Partly because I'm sad we missed out on the nursing experience I had with my first, and partly because I'm sad about the small fortune I have spent on formula! That being said, everyone is different. Some people are happier with formula because they don't feel so tied down. But if it's really important to you, hang in there. Right now it seems like your whole life revolves around feeding the baby, but that will change before you know it! Good Luck!

OMG, you are the first person who has admitted feeling the way I did. Breast-feeding was the hardest thing that I have ever done! I was told to feed her every two hours, then pump right after to keep the flow going. I was miserable and sleep-deprived. Plus, after giving birth, I had no appetite and didn't eat enough, so I wasn't producing enough milk. Depression started to set in, so I called it quits after only 4 weeks. Took awhile to get over the guilt, but I did what I had to do in order to be a good mama to my new baby.

Do what you feel is right for you and don't listen to all those women who tell you to stick it out. If your quality of life is suffering, then your ability to care for your child will suffer, too. Good luck!

I CAN relate! What can you do? Your home, let's start a project! Oh wait, he wants to eat AGAIN!!
None of my friends nursed but, my sisters have. My friends just could not understand it or why I would want to put myself through it. They had other things that they wanted to do. (like clean the toilet- although important not Most important.)
I just couldn't find something MORE IMPORTANT than my child. Not only do I believe breastmilk to be best it is by far the CHEAPEST! But, aside from cost and serious ease of use (once you get over this hump) it helped when I prayed for my son, or read aloud from the bible (my goal was to read through it in a year-- surely we had enough time!! That didn't happen.)
I had to get past the pain. I think he was a barracuda that did not latch properly on top of taking his time to eat! I remember wanting to feed him and dreading it all at the same time. Praying that God would help me relax so the milk would let down and he would fill up. We nursed for about a year. There have been 2 more and they were much easier but, each time there have been moments of pity b/c I am missing out on something. If this is so good for my baby shouldn't it be good for me too? Every time it was overwhelming at some point. You are not alone. Take the advice and meet up with some other nursing Mommas. I wish we had had something like that here.
It takes a lot to be a mom. Don't let anyone try to play that down. But, no matter if you do breast or bottle YOU will still be his MOM. Someone else can feed him a bottle but, noone else can take your place in his life. Many people have said "relax" easier said than done but, make yourself stop looking around at what you feel you are missing out on and enjoy this bundle of blessing that is growing before your very eyes! Some of the smartest people I know were formula babies and breastmilk did not make my children illness free.
This too shall pass. God's blessings, Angie

K.,
You should be very proud to have made it to 9 weeks, truly you've made it through the roughest part. I have now nursed two boys and remember how tough and overwelming those first 8 or 9 weeks are in general and then to put nursing issues on top of that, it can seem like a ton of pressure. If you really did and do want to breastfeed then don't give up yet you've just about made it to the point that it gets easier. The ONLY reason I stuck with nursing my first son is because I joined a breastfeeding support group at the hospital. I met great friends and realized others were going through the same things and having the same questions I had!! Check for a support group it really does help. I would also suggest not stopping on a whim--what I mean by that is give yourself a timeline like I'll try for 2 more weeks and reevaluate the decision then. I hope it gets easier and more enjoyable soon, I do cherish the 13 months I nursed my boys!!

I nursed for 15 months. My dd is now 26 months, and sometimes, I still feel trapped, because everything we do revolves around her nap and sleep schedule. I am learning that as a mom, that is just the way it goes. i want another one, because I don't want an only child, but I am getting myself ready for the fact that once again, I will be a nursing mother.

I think that we that feel stuck like this are not in a minority, but many will not say they feel this way. I also know that it is a passing phase, and in a few years, I will probably miss the intense motherhood needs my daughter feels now.

Please, hang in there and try to enjoy being needed so much, cause it will go away soon enough!

p.s. I had to use a nipple shield for the first while of breast feeding and eventually after much work, we succeeded in making it go away. Keep up the good work!

K.-

I am a die hard, all natural girl. And I was suprised, too , when I had some negative feelings about breastfeeding. Long story short, I didn't quit (that's what was right for me), and I am still nursing my 19 month old.

When she was born, she latched OK, but not great, and when my milk came in, I was engorged. Unbelievable pain. Toe-curling pain. I cried and felt like I was failing, but with support I just kept at it. Within 2-3 weeks, we had it down... no more pain, everything was great. Then at about 8 weeks, she had a growth spurt and just seemed to be on me all the time. I learned that this is normal--- the 8 week growth spurt with additional nursing. I felt just like you described--- "trapped"--- I spent what seemed like most of my day on the couch feeding her. I had to time my outings precisely, or I would be stuck in the grocery store with a fussy baby. I nursed in the backseat of my car A LOT. I was pumping any excess milk, but I was afraid to start her on a bottle because of "nipple confusion"... I now know that with a nursing champ like her, after 8-10 weeks, our risk of nipple confusion was low. My husband finally sat down with me one day and said "let's put some of your milk in a bottle. Go out for a walk or to the store, and I'll call you if there's a problem." That was the turning point for me. After that, she mostly breastfed, but we always had a bottle or two of expressed milk ready in case I needed to go somewhere, or just wanted a break (he helped sometimes at night, too, when I was really tired). And I would take a bottle to the store so that if she got hungry, I could feed her in the cart.

So, if there is any advice in here, it's to stick with it if it's something you really want to do, but ask for help if you need it. For me, the freedom of knowing that I could have an hour or two (or several) to myself was enough to keep me from feeling trapped. And in the long run, I am grateful that I nursed her (and still am!).

Good luck & congrats on your baby boy!

Yours in health,
Dr. Alyssa

K.
First of all, take a deep breath and give yourself credit for what you have done so far. It's tough. It would be wonderful if you could keep nursing, but at leat you've gone this far. Every little bit helps and you have to do what is right for you and your baby.

I had a lot of struggles early on as well. My son nursed at least every two hours and I was so exhausted I couldn't see straight. And I felt like all I was doing was nursing! With time it did get better. He gained weight and didn't need to nurse as much. Try calling the hospital you gave birth at and see if they have a nursing clinic. Stormont in Topeka was a lifesaver for me and St. Francis has a clinic as well. I know Stormont's was free and I think St. Francis' us to. I got tons of support and could measure how much he was getting and truly see the results on the scales and that helped me phsychologically. Or try the local la leche league. They can give tons of support and guidance. And, don't worry, they won't guilt you further. They will help support you around nursing tips ... and doing what is best for both you and your beautiful baby. And that may be bringing formula into the mix. Hang in there and don't feel guilty.

K.,
Hang in there honey, this always seem that people make you think it's so "natural" that you should just be able to do it. Problem is, no one in my family when I was growing up had babies, I never heard anyone talk about breast feeding and my own mother used bottles with me and my brothers. I had to read about it to learn how to do it with my children. It was different for each child. My oldest daughter took to it easily and we had a wonderful experience with it, she nursed until she was almost 10 months and then she weaned herself.
My second daughter struggled, I had mastitis in one breast, used a breast pump, and was back to work by the time she was three months old to compound it all. It was harder and I didn't enjoy it as much, she weaned herself at 6 months and I put her on formula after that.
My son....good lord. He was colicky, he was miserable for the first month and I took him off the breast and put him on hypoallergenic formula, he was a totally different kid at that point and was a joy. I couldn't breast feed him due to his severe allergies.
I never felt guilty that they all had different experiences, it just is.
It's not shameful to put your baby on a bottle if this isn't working out for you, ours would drink out of a bottle when I was at work because I pumped; sometimes anyhow. No one will think less of you for doing what is best for both of you and your circumstances.

I absolutely hated it at the beginning, but that ended at about two weeks. Just hang in there, it is the best thing for your son. The times you are nursing are so special, times you two, and only you two, share. My daughter is 14 months and just now totally weaned... and sometimes I tear up because it's over. You will not regret sticking with it. Good luck!

I can totally relate. I used to cry when nursing my daughter. I had alot of problems nursing due to a breast surgery. My dr put me on medication to help with the supply that only made me depressed! Talk about making matters worse! The best help I got was from a lactation consultant. She came out to the house and helped us. Carol Garwood was her name. I think you can google her to get her #. She identified that my problem was that I wasn't having a letdown. I got an oxytocin nasal sparay and we worked through it and I nursed (with some formula through a nursing supplementer) till last month when I finally just dried up. Having Carol come out gave me confidence in what I was doing. I also went to Kangaroo Kids nursing mom group. I went Thursday at 12:30. Everyone that works there is a lactation consultant and helps you out for free. It also helps to vent frustration to other mothers that can really sympathize. You are doing a good thing by nursing your son, but you wouldn't be doing a bad thing by going to formula. Don't feel guilty whatever your choice. My pediatrician said to me as I sat in the exam room crying(I wanted to keep nursing exclusively but my daughter was losing weight), "I was a formula baby and look at me now, I'm a doctor." I wish you the best of luck.

It is completely natural to feel overwhelmed. Don't feel bad about it. If this is truly what you want to do then you can do it. you are nine weeks in so you may try pumping and have dad give him a bottle. Do this when you are out of the house though, sometimes babies won't take a bottle when they can smell mom around. then take some time to yourself, go for a walk, go see a movie with some friends, get a manicure, whatever makes you happy. When you get back you will feel better which is better for you and for baby. I know you feel like nursing is taking over your life, I've been there, my daughter nursed every 45 minutes to an hour for the first four weeks (all I did was sit on the couch and feed the baby.) However, if she was formula fed then you may have more space between feedings but you will also have to spend time preparing and storing the formula, and washing bottles and all the other 'stuff' that comes with that. your life will still be ruled by a little tiny person who wants to be fed all the time.

Don't fret, be strong. It will get better in just a few more weeks. Try to take a break for yourself and just unwind. And always take comfort in the fact that you are doing what is best for your baby. Good Luck!

K.-
From a Mom who has nursed three children all over one year old and not without trials and tribulations....don't give up! Breastmilk is the best food for your baby! Formula cannot compare---it just doesn't. Study after study have shown the health effects from breastfeeding....lower obesity rates, lower chance of diabetes and heart disease, higher IQs, less colds and ear infections (my children have never had ear infections) and on and on. I do want to mention that I had to use nipple shields with my youngest two children. I stronly suggest that you contact a lactation consultant or Le Leche League if you have not already. They can help you with the enormous feelings that you are going through right now. And, they will help you with the shield. By nine weeks in....you should not be using the nipple shield anymore. As someone else mentioned, it does decrease your milk supply and the baby will get used to the feeling of the shield instead of your breast. If you are using it because you are having pain then it could be that the baby is not latching correctly and you are getting sore nipples. This happened to me. Also, with my third we had thrush which was the worst pain you can go through and caused bleeding, cracking of the nipples and extreme pain. My nurse-midwife told me that most women stop nursing because of thrush problems. I was very determined and decided that I was not going to stop just because of that. After lots of pain and research I finally found the solutions and the thrush was cured and we continued on with our breastfeeding (pain-free and nipple shield free). Please get help and don't give up. You are still experiencing hormones and lots of emotions. I understand how you feel! Most hospitals after lactation consultants (where did you deliver?)and you can look up Le Leche League online and find a group that meets near you. Hope this helps!

K.,
I CAN relate to what you are feeling. Ihere is almost time between feeding, burping, changing yor clothes or his from burping, changing his diaper & then starting all over again. I can promise you this ...... it DOES get better. Be sure to take care of yourself now. It is really hard, but maybe your husband can make some sandwiches, snacks, & water bottles to keep in the fridge so you are eating & drinking enough. Put out some clothes the night before to go on an errand the next day. Then when your son is sleeping change into your 'spit-up free' clothes & LEAVE THE HOUSE. You won't believe just how liberating the grocery can be! :) Oh, PLAN on nursing your son either in the car as soon as you get there or in the dressing room if you go to someplace like Target. That way you have more time to shop & your son is not concerned about his next meal. Also, you might want to considering wearing your son in a sling or other baby carrier. I know this might seem like MORE time taken from you but it actually has the opposite effect. Your son will be so happy to be next to you he will be less fussy & you will have 1 or both hands free so you can actually do something for your self. Just doing something w/o holding your son makes it feel less like you are trapped. My son is now 11 months old & I do remember the times when it was hard to make it through each nursing session. Again, it DOES GET BETTER! Hang in there and if it till feels overwhelming, definately call La Leche League. They are an amazing group of women who have been there and have lots of loving & gentle advice or just support if that is all you need. Hey, its free!

Good luck you are doing an AMAZING job already, pat yourself on your back for providing 9 weeks of the best nutrition & nurturing for your son already!

Good job mom!

Ok, I'm not reading everyone's response b/c well, you have quite a few...I'm going to tell you that your story is almost mine. I have 2 kids now 5 & 3. The first I could only nurse until he was 6 mos old b/c going back to work dropped my milk production to less than 4oz a day no matter what I did. Yes, I felt like a complete failure so your reaction is a normal one. Life at this point IS overwhelming for you. You went from thinking about yourself to entirely thinking about someone else...it is controlling your days/nights...but it doesn't have to. You can pump throughout the day and store it up...let your husband feed him at night. THERE IS NO CRIME IN GOING TO FORMULA!!! Breastfeeders can bash me all you want but I tried and tried...My 2nd child was 10lb 6 1/2 oz at BIRTH! I couldn't nurse her past 3 months...there was just NOTHING left...she ate ALL the time. The whole point to breastfeeding is that yes, it is really good for the baby. And it is a great bonding experience. However, you are NOT a failure for having tried it and given up. Sticking it out for a year is HARD HARD work. My BFF did it with all 3 of hers and I can't tell you how many times she's told me she's gone nearly 3 days w/o sleep b/c she just wasn't producing enough milk..blah, blah, blah.

BOTTOM LINE.... YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!! You are no good to yourself, your child or your husband if you don't. Try the pumping to give yourself a break or even a formula supplement here and there...there is nothing wrong with that. Also, when was the last time you got away from little Duke? I mean a whole day...no crying, no diapers...just you doing what you want to do...if you haven't left him with Daddy, mom, m-i-l YOU NEED TO...take a break. It'll help with your perspective too.

Oh, and K....don't get caught in the perfect syndrome. We all want perfect kids and to be perfect moms but the reality is we're all just trying our very best...give it your best and let the rest go. It's only baggage. Do what is right for you and your family. When you let the baggage go, you'll find that it's really quite liberating.

I totally understand what you're feeling. I nursed my son for about 10 weeks (until I had to return to work). I felt guilty about stopping, but I was secretly grateful to stop because I really wanted my body back to myself. We give so much of ourselves as mothers, and of course you want only the best, but if you're feeling that way you don't want to get to the point where you resent the baby. There are plenty of formulas that are great for your baby too. Maybe try pumping a little more or weaning a little. If you do decide to continue nursing, make sure it's because you want to, not because you feel you have to.
best of luck

K.,

Breastfeeding IS overwhelming! You have this hungry bundle wanting to literally drain you...but remember it does get better. Just remember that hormones also play a factor!!
I also felt "trapped" sometimes, but then I would remind myself that I am the only one who can do this for my baby, that it is the most important thing I can do, as everything else can wait. I had cracked nipples which were sooo painful, and I used a pump for a while which helped.
Get in touch with a breastfeeding group, and you'll realise your feelings are quite normal.
Good on you for breastfeeding!

Yes, it is hard at first. I've had four children and never bought formula - I nursed them all for a year. Well, actually, I nursed my last three for a year - but I pumped and fed bottle with my first child because nursing didn't work - and I had to go back to work then anyway. When it came to my second child - I quit my job and was totally bound and determined to nurse. I had several obstacles I ran into which made nursing a little harder. But with every one of my children - one thing I knew I had to do and that was Pain for the first two weeks of nursing all four kids. I would cry and pray with every latch on for the first two weeks and then after that - it was painless! I totally loved nursing and you'll find that it makes things really easy the whole year. However . . . it was really hard at first because of the schedule thing. It seems as though you just got to sleep when the little one wants to nurse again. I feel for you. I would wake up, sit on the glidder-rocker and set him on the boppy and go back to sleep. Sometimes I would wake up and the baby was sleeping too! :) I "single-side nursed" because I was too lazy to nurse, burp, and then nurse the other side. So I just nursed one side for one feeding and the other side the next. I did that with all of mine and it worked out perfect.

Another thing, make sure your hormones are in balance. I had a really hard time when I had the baby blues. As a matter of fact, I had Post Partum Depression with each of my three boys and no depression after I had my girl. Pretty strange, huh. With my first (a boy), I gave up nursing early and went straight to pumping only. (I pumped 5 times a day - religiously). I also, in the beginning, cried almost every day and sometimes I didn't know why. After that child, I asked for help and life was great again with the rest of the kids. If you are 'weapy' at all, please go get help by contacting your OB/GYN and see if he/she can prescribe you some Paxil or something. It can make a BIG difference. As a matter of fact, I didn't wean off of my Paxil until I weaned my baby off of me!

Try to stick to it because you will regret it if you don't. But be Realistic and know when enough is enough. Besides, I know gals who have trouble with the first child and end up nursing the other babies with no problem. Some of it is determination and some of it is experience from the first one. Don't feel less of a Mom if you cannot nurse. It is NOT for everyone. However, the first 3 months is the hardest. Mostly because of the whole - no sleep thing. Life was better when I put the baby in their own room and listen via monitor. I found I nused them less. I think when they were in my room I took any slight sound as a sign for feeding.

You can Contact your Le Leache League and speak to the leader or attend a meeting. My leader helped me with my problems. (I had over-active let down and would practically drown the poor babies). You never know if there is a problem until you ask someone experienced. You can find them on line. It's a world wide organization and there is one near you.

Good Luck and remember, it's not for everyone. Please send me a personal message if you would like to discuss any of this further. I'll be praying for you! :)
C. R.

My son will be 5 months on the 1st and am still breastfeeding. Even though it has been hard and demanding at times, I will never regret doing so. I have always had to use a shield with him and in the beginning it was frustrating because I thought, why can't I do this without the shield?! It still gets frustrating sometimes because now he is getting active and pulls off and looks around and laughs at me. I just feel like stopping, but feel bad because I won't be feeding my baby. My nipples would get so sore and cracked that I def complained about giving it up, but it does get easier. He was eating like every 2-3 hours I would feel that there couldn't possibly be anything left for him since he ate ALL the time. You are not alone, good luck!!

I can echo you feelings exactly! I failed with my first son and ended up exclusively pumping for six weeks to provide 8 weeks worth of breatmilk for him. I was determined to have a better go at it this time...read new books, talked with many nursing moms, and even had a lactation consultant to my home after leaving the hospital. All to no avail. We did the shields too but within a week he was not getting enough and we swtiched to formula. I fought extreme guilt and cried many tears over this BUT my baby is happy, healthy, and our family works better with my husband being able to help with feedings. He is 3 months and growing. Your are past the initial 40 days which is when things are suppose to get easier. The bottom line is that nusing doesn't work well for everyone and though I desperately wish that i had been able to provide that for my boys it didn't work. You have to do what is best for you and formula options today are at their best. I hope this helps you know you are not alone and you should feel proud to get this far... a lot of moms don't!

READ THIS K.!

You've done a great job. Nine weeks is long enough. Formula is perfectly fine. Give yourself a break, don't feel guilty. You need sleep. You need time to take a shower. You deserve some spicy food! If you're happy, the baby will be easier. It's a learn-as-you-go deal. Nursing is different for different people just like pain is different for different people. And once you get a bottle schedule (probably 2 oz. every 4 hours?)going, it will be easier to get the baby to sleep through the night. Good Luck!

K., The advice you have recieved is right on-keep trying, it does get better! Just to add my experience: at the 7 week mark, I came down stairs in tears saying I didn't think I could do this (nursing) anymore-and 3 weeks later, with a little more routine-it WAS better. #2: my little guy would NOT take a bottle and when I returned to work, his stay at home dad had to syringe feed him 2 ounces in the afternoon, after driving him down to my work for his noon nursing(from August05-Feb 09)-But I managed 14 months-the last 3 months were only AM and PM-then only PM. And the results in his health are phenomenal-and yes it IS hard and takes dedication, but well worth it if you choose to continue!
Bon chance!

I know you have tons of responses already, but I just wanted to say that I had great difficulty and pain nursing at first, even with lots of support and more than one lactation consultant, but it got much better after a couple months, and became a great aspect of my relationship with my daughter that I wouldn't trade for anything. The hardest part is the beginning! It will not be this way always! She is going to be 4 soon and still nurses before bed for a short time. I also nurse my 15 month old mostly on demand. I guess extended breastfeeding isn't for everybody, I just wanted to say that it is a very viable option, it's so worth it, even though probably every mom feels the kinds of feelings you are feeling at some time.

Dear K.,
I have four children. I nursed my first one with no problems whatsoever. My second one was a totally different story. I did decide to give up with him, and I did struggle with the guilt. Now that my children are older, I have a little different prospective on it. I do think breastmilk is the perfect source of nutrition. However, we live in an day and age that does offer healthy alternatives. Maybe you just need to give yourself a little break. Maybe you could give him one or two bottles a day. It does get easier later on, but at this age it is overwhelming. I think whatever you decide, your son will be fine. You obviously care a great deal about him. That's what's important. Just follow your instincts.

I felt so burdened by nursing for what felt like forever while nursing my daughter. I can't remember when it actually got better, but it did. I nursed her for 9 months and after the pain of nursing subsided (after 2-3 months, I'm thinking), I thoroughly enjoyed it. I would pump some so that other people could help with her feedings if I knew we were going somewhere. But sometimes, I just enjoyed being the only one who could feed her. Especially around my MIL who wanted to do everything and just got on my last nerve. It was nice when my baby got hungry, and Grandma couldn't do anything to help... Mommy was the only one who could save the day!

K.,
I know exactly how you are feeling. Nursing sometimes seems like it controls your days and nights - don't feel guilty. You have made the right choice to nurse your son and that alone should alleviate any guilt you are feeling - he will have an amazing headstart with the immunity booster you're providing him. I went through the same thing with my first daughter (we're about to have our third). The first had latch-on problems so the "lactation consultant" recommended the use of a shield, which we both became addicted to for about 3 months. But it was when I finally let go of the shield that nursing became both more comfortable and more natural (and it took a week or two to get used to). But once it starts to feel okay, you can begin to not despise it and relax and start to understand that giving your baby that 20 minutes or so is the best gift! And yes, nursing for a year or more seemed an incredulous journey that I would never embark upon, but I nursed the first for 13 months and the second for 14 months. Find things to do during this 20-25 minutes, like reading, knitting, watching a favorite program or chatting softly on the phone to a friend. You can begin to feel that nursing is very natural, but you have to be able to relax (once any pain subsides!). Good luck, and perhaps think about visiting a lactation specialist - maybe they can help. Good luck and try to stick with it, but recognize that if you don't, you're still a wonderful mama. Take care,
K.

Hi K.,

I am the mother of three beautiful grown daughters, now 27,25 and 22.

When I had #1, I was sure I was going to Breast feed - not to be - she was allergic! Talk about a bummer!

#2 - nursed for 45 minutes every 2 hours - after about 6 weeks of this she went on a bottle - not that she wasn't "getting" enough, she was just HUNGRY! She ate a full 6 Oz bottle every 4 hours at 6 weeks!

#3 - I just decided to "skip" the whole breastfeeding idea - a lot of people tried to tell me I would miss the Mother baby bonding - BS - I was and remain today the closest with that child!

Maybe you should try a compromise and nurse sometimes and give him a bottle at other times. Choose times to nurse when you will be able to sit and take the time and be relaxed such as first thing in the AM, nap time and bedtime - then pump and give him a bottle at the other feedings - this will also allow "daddy" to be able to bond with baby as well.

Don't give up just yet, and don't feel guilty if it doesn't work out breastfeeding - you will be just as close to your little guy if he eats from a bottle!

Good luck and hang in there!

N.

Good Morning K., It is normal to feel over whelmed at times. it's just part of being a great mom. It takes time to Slow down & relax. It's OK to feel this way! You can talk to your OB if it is really bothering you K..
Enjoy your cuddle time, bonding time, just plain ole Loving Duke time. I lasted less then 3 wks with our eldest son, he just wouldn't latch on good and in the hospital when I asked for help the nurses would just tell me I was lazy and take him to the nursery and give him a bottle. grrrrrrr They got a nasty letter when I left. Our second son would of probably been a great little latcher. But with the first experience I didn't even try. So sad too. I had several G/F's try and help me relax and help me with the first, I just couldn't get it. They turned out ok though. Our DIL's did great nursing, even when it was painful and stressful for one of them.
One DIL said she felt like a milking machine sometimes and would smile as her baby boy nurses.

It can help sometimes if you want to pump and give him a bottle, you are still holding him but maybe dad would enjoy feeding Duke once in a while and you could soak in bubbles.
Relax K. and just continue to be a Wonderful NORMAL mom.

God Bless on your new little Man
K. Nana of 5

CONGRATULATIONS ON 9 WEEKS OF NURSING! WONDERFUL JOB! YOU ARE DOING GREAT! I completely agree with all the previous comments, but I really just wanted to reiterate that you should be proud the 9 week accomplishment. Just take it a day at a time & remember to enjoy motherhood.

I share your feelings. I wanted so badly to nurse both of my children and wound up stopping for different reasons with each child after just two weeks. Be proud of yourself for going as far as you have. I suggest the breast feeding support group at Shawnee Mission Medical Center. I also have to tell you that if you do stop know don't let yourself get caught up in guilt. As Mom's we always have to do what is best for our babies but sometimes that means making sure Mom is OK. Maybe you could try supplementing with bottles and let Dad in on some of the feeding. That might give you the best of both worlds. Your baby will be fine whatever you decide.

I think I finally got my period again after my daughter was 6-7 months old. (I breastfed for 6 months.)

Nursing is a mixed blessing for sure. I want to nurse our baby until she's 1, which is next month, so I've been putting my time in for 11 months. I want to laugh when people say, "boy...it sure does go by fast." Apparently they didn't nurse their kids. Nursing means being tied to your kid constantly for multiple feedings day/night with a few hours at the most to yourself. Some people have luck with pumps, but I didn't, no matter how much I tried & wished. Once your baby is a bit older, you can wean from night feedings, which at least gives you more sleep (if you can re-train yourself to sleep through).

On the plus, you don't have to mess as often with bottles & don't have the expense of formula, but that all comes with a different kind of cost. I truly admire those willing to nurse longer than a year. You might also try attending Le Leche meetings (go online to find one near you); I go in University City & it helps. Some people, I think, just need their personal space & nursing makes that difficult. I am one of those people. Even though I've nursed my baby for 11 months, some days it still gets to me to some degree. Don't feel bad. Nursing, to some extent, is a sacrifice, but it's just one of many we'll make over the years. Nursing has so many benefits that outweigh my desire to have my body back (my baby has never been ill & is perfect weight, if not a bit thin & loves nursing) & everytime I eat dessert I'm really glad I nurse. Don't worry how long you nurse your baby; the fact that you are is great & your baby will benefit. Once you realize that it is just one of many sacrifices you'll make as a mother, you'll be at peace. I also remember a woman telling me that it's amazing to think that this time next year, I won't ever be doing it (nursing) again. That gave me some perspective. Hang in there!

K.,
I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. When I had my daughter (now 4) I wanted to nurse her more than anything! We struggled getting her to latch and finally went to the shield. By week two I was ready to quit! Not that my daughter wasn't doing well, I hated it! For the main reason...my daughter was a cluster feeder. Starting at 4 p.m. until 10 p.m. she ate every half hour! It was exhausting to me. I called my lactation consultant crying about how I felt I spent all afternoon and evening with my shirt off and a baby attached to my breast! She was quick to point out that at 10 she went to sleep and slept all night, we didn't hear a peep from her until 7 a.m. (I know, I should count my blessings and I did, but at the same time...) I was fortunate in that I produced a lot of milk, she was only able to feed from one side and I pumped the other side all day, until 4 p.m. that is. She suggested allowing my husband to bottle feed some of the pumped milk during her cluster feeding time. That helped me immensely! And my husband who was truly wanting the opportunity to bond with her through feeding as well.
I am also not one that breast fed until one year! My daughter refused the breast within one week of me going back to work, so I pumped until she was 4 months old. I had no idea, I truly thought I had more than enough stored up to make it until she was 1 year. (I had a big stand up freezer pack full of frozen breast milk!) She made it until she was 8 month old and we switched her over to formula. I was thrilled with that!
My son, I breast fed until he was 5 months old and I pumped until he was 6-1/2 months old. Again, same thing freezer full, etc. He only made it to 9 months and we had to switch him over to formula. He was a harder switch, but he adjusted.
I have to very healthy, happy children. I truly believe it has to be your comfort level! Don't let anyone else tell you what is right for you. I knew the health benefits of breast milk and that was my main reason for wanting them on it. The bonding part it a nice benefit, but you can bond with your children without breast feeding! Best wishes to you and good luck! J.

Rekax and undferstand that you are doing the best for your baby. All else is secondary!

K., you are not alone. In fact, I think your feelings are more normal than you know. I definitely knew I wanted to breastfeed my daughter but I had no idea how hard it would be at first! I felt like I was crying all of the time. It was so exhausting. She was the slowest eater and I couldn't make myself sleep while she ate, so I was just up all of the time. I hated it but felt so guilty that I didn't want to quit. My mother finally said to me that I wasn't doing the baby or me any good by feeling so overwhelmed with guilt. This took such a load off my shoulders. I'm happy to say that I didn't quit, but I was so close. I gave myself a goal. At first, I just wanted to get to 12 weeks. Then, I went back to work and thought I would do it as long as I had enough milk for the baby (I HATED pumping, but I did it). Then, it just started to get so easy. Honestly, I am still shocked to hear myself thinking it when I type it, but it really did. You have milk with you no matter where you go. You don't have to warm anything up inthe middle of the night. You don't have to take bottles with you when you leave the house. You don't have to wash bottles (something I HATED to do too). It just became like second nature to both of us. Sure, it does restrict your ability to do things outside the house. Actually, if you pump, it really doesn't, but I always felt that way. I always felt like I needed to be there to feed my daughter in person. I learned, however, that it was okay to pump and go out every once in a while. I started to enjoy this special time with my daughter so much, however, that I wanted to be there every time. I went from thinking there was no way I could make it to 12 weeks to breastfeeding my daughter for about 13 months. I will say that I did supplement (after 12 weeks) when I had to do so with formula. It isn't the end of hte world. Sometimes, you just need that extra sleep or someone else to watch the baby so you can go to the store, dinner, etc. and don't feel so guilty--especially if you haven't stored any pumped milk. My baby still ALWAYS preferred the breast (something I was worried about) and while I didn't have to supplement often, this worked out well on times when I just needed some alone time, etc. Good luck. The best advice I can give you is to set a goal for yourself and see if you can meet it. I just kept increasing my goal because it started to get easier and easier. Oh, one more thing. I couldn't have lived without my breast pillow. I tried the poppy and it didn't work for me. My lactation consultant (I would highly recommend you talk to one if you haven't) recommended My BReast Friend. It was a life saver. It made breast feeding so much easier and more comfortable for me!! Good luck! Know you are doing something wonderful for your baby! Take the guilt out of it, no matter what you do. That doesn't help either you or your son. Good luck!

Without a doubt I hated nursing! It was painful and time consuming and it felt violating to me. I tried each time and each time I didn't last more than a few weeks. I lasted 6 weeks with the last and that was the longest.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Don't let it rule your life. Get that bottle started before it's too late. It's not worth it. You and your son will bond just as well without it.

Suzi

Hi, K.!

I honestly think that most women get to that point, even if it is only for a moment. I could not breast feed for a full year when I wanted to. I screwed up my back really bad when my daughter was about 7 months and had to stop because I went on pain meds so that I could move. Obviously, my daughter couldn't drink that. But I felt horrible about it for months. Early on, I also had to start supplementing with formula, because she just wasn't gaining weight and it became a concern. So she got both breast milk and formula. I also felt guilty because either she wasn't getting enough from me or it didn't have a nutrients or whatever. So when I started to feel trapped I felt even more guilty. Post partum played a part in that I think.

One idea that I have for you, if you do not want to stop entirely, you could pump and use a bottle for every other feeding THAT way Daddy could get in on the action, giving you a break and he can get some really special bonding time with the little one too!

Talk to your doctor, also. This maybe part of the "baby blues.......". If the pumping thing doesn't work for you, talk to baby's doctor about supplementing. That may help so you don't have to give up entirely.

Good Luck and Congratulations! You are doing GREAT! I promise.

My daughter was born prematurely, so I had a heck of a time nursing & had to use a shield, and eventually I had to just pump because she didn't really latch on. I experienced the guilt feelings you are describing because I hated feeling controlled by nursing/pumping, and I wondered how in the world moms could do this for a year. I think it's just harder with some babies and easier with others, and I was so relieved when someone finally told me that I wasn't a failure if I couldn't/didn't want to nurse! I was told that any amount of breastmilk was better than nothing, so I set a much more realistic goal of just nursing for a few months rather than a whole year. I can't tell you how relieved I felt once I made that decision- I knew I would be "free" soon, and now I can finally enjoy being a mother. It sounds like you need to hear what I needed to hear- you need to do what is best for you & your family, and that is different for everyone! Congratulations on your new baby!

I had to use a shield when I nursed my twins and it was a very stressful experience. I lasted 7 months but I think it really effected my ability to enjoy those first 7 months since I was so stressed, felt guilty, etc.
My third child nursed great. It still controls your time and that stressed me out but it was a good experience and worth it and I nursed her to 14 months and enjoyed it.
Really, you have to do what's best for you and your baby. Formulas are fine and healthy and the relationship is far more important. You could supplement feedings with formula if you wanted to be able to maintain some milk supply and that bonding but allow yourself some freedom.
Whatever you do will be the right choice for you. Don't let anyone tell you you should do one or the other and don't feel like you are a bad mom or giving up if you decide that nursing is not working for your or your child. Do whatever is right for you and your baby and you'll be doing the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also felt very overwhelmed at the beginning. I thought this was something natural that should be easy and easy to do while just going about the rest of my life. I finally discovered a breastfeeding support group and that has made all the difference! You discover other people who are feeling the same things as you, having the same issues as you (knowing you and your baby aren't abnormal is a huge relief!), and have had experience and successes they can share with you. After joining the nursing support group at about 3 or 4 months, I FINALLY got really comfortable with nursing somewhere between 4 1/2 and 6 months. It really will get better, the first 3 months are pretty rough (which no one tells you!), you will get into a groove, your baby will eat on a more regular basis so you will know when is a good time to get out of the house, and as you become more comfortable with nursing you can do it more in public and just be on the go without feeling overwhelmed (and it's so much more convenient that hauling around bottles and getting everything prepared!). It's hard to believe, but if you stick with it (think of this hard time kind of like practicing, with practice, it will get so much easier), and get some support, you will get some relief and feel much less overwhelmed. I hope you can find a nursing support group in your area, in St. Louis, a lot of the children's resale shops have them, as well as the WIC offices and of course, the wonderful people at La Leche League (go to www.llli.org, to find one in your area, and there should even be phone numbers of LLL leaders in your area there that you can call anytime you have questions or issues, it's free and they have all breastfed and been through this same difficult stage)! Good luck, I promise it will improve, but I know it's hard and overwhelming when you're starting out. I've been there and I feel your "pain"!

K. - I can relate. It took about 8 weeks for my little one and I totally figure out the whole thing. With latch problems early on and gulping air later, I felt like every time I nursed was an obstacle. It was stressful for us both.

We kept on keeping on, though, and it has evened out. Yes there are still days every now and then where I feel like a milk machine, but we have a routine that helps a lot... maybe you can try something like it. Wake up, nurse, play, sleep. It puts him on about a 3 hour eating schedule which is manageable.

I know if feels like a lot of pressure to continue on - and only you can decide if it's right for you... but if you can hang in there another few weeks, I bet things will even out. If not, you can always pump and bottle feed, so the guilt will be lessened. (I hate the pump, but have to befriend it as I'm going back to work part-time).

If you continue to breastfeed, keep in mind how it can help through tough times like teething... I love the way it comforts my little one. For instance, I think we both have a cold. Nursing helps relieve the stress of the bulb syringe attack and calms him immediately. If nursing helps with this and decreases the risk for ear infections, I'm glad we went through the stress of nursing early on to help illeviate stress later.

Whatever you choose, good luck!

J

K.,
You'll probably get a lot of responses from a lot of people since this tends to be a topic people are passionate about.
From the standpoint of someone who was determined to nurse their daughter for a full year, and was only able to do so for 3 1/2 weeks, I understand both sides. In the end...whatever way your "feed" your child is fine...you can "nourish" your child with your love and bond either way. I was so guilt-ridden when I had to stop (my daughter just would not stay awake and was losing weight and I was getting stressed out) but one thing I heard helped me so much...(I don't know who said it), "A bottle fed with love is better than a breast offered with frustration or tears" or something like that. You have given your child such a gift with every drop of breastmilk you gave him. If you continue on...GREAT! If you decide to go the route of formula, that is fine too! You just need to do what is best for BOTH of you! (P.S. My daughter is as healthy or healthier, just as smart or smarter, and suffers no allergies or anything else compared to her "breastfed for a year or more" friends!)
Follow your heart. When we have another child, I will try to breastfeed again with all I've got...but will not suffer the guilt and stress if I need to feed with a bottle. There are more important things in life...
Best to you!

K., hang in there. It does get better and it takes a great deal of dedication. As your little one gets bigger, he will feed not as often. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Gradually adding solids etc. will be helpful. I know how you feel-breast-fed three kids myself and felt like a walking milk machine. They grow so fast and be patient. Supplement if you have to give yourself a break too. Nothing wrong with that. Using a bottle can sometimes be a big adjustment for your little guy to get use too. The sooner the better. My one son had trouble adjusting to bottle and breast, but he was 5 months old. Every child is different.
Good luck and best wishes.

This should be a happy time, and if the nursing isn't working out, don't beat yourself up. There is perfectly good formula out there, and there are millions of women who DIDN't nurse, and they are great mothers, who take great care of their kids. I nursed my oldest daughter for 10 months, my middle child for 8 , and my youngest for 6. They all decided they were done with the nursing, and we moved on. It's not the end of the world, and the more you stress about it, the more your baby will pick up on that stress. Feedings really need to be a bonding time, and enjoyed, and loved. More stress doesn't help. Good luck, and know that no matter what you choose to do, you are making the best decision you can for your baby and you. and don't let anyone pass judgements on you for that.

Best wishes!

I have always had a really busy life but also wanted to bf my babies and did bf and formula feed them. I would determine the busy time of the day and give them a formula bottle during those times. They never had a problem taking a bottle because they even had a formula bottle or 2 while I was in the hospital. I let the nurses know that if I was still asleep they could feed the baby a bottle because I was planning to bf and formula feed anyway.
they usually had 2 bottles a day and bf the rest. When we were at church they had bottles in the nursery. I never felt comfortable bf in public places so whenever we were out I would give them a bottle and pump at home if I needed to if I got the full engorged feeling but most of the time I could skip 1 bf feeding and didn't have to pump. By having both options to begin with it made it really easy as they never had issues with not taking a bottle. Your body will produce the milk needed so the feedings you skip everyday--your body will reduce the amount needed and after you get a routine down you will be able to do both and give you the opportunity to still enjoy bf but not feel overwhelmed. As I weaned them I even got to the point where I just bf them twice a day, in the morning when waking up and going to bed at night. It is all up to you and what works for you.

Give it a little longer. I hit a point where I felt overwhelmed too and all of a sudden it was just fine...Mine hit at about 6 weeks and lasted a couple weeks... I ended up nursing for 10 months (with my first baby).... Had a hard time every now and then, but it was worth it. Try to focus on your alone, special time with your baby... I know he's always hungry when you are ready to eat, or when you have company and you have to leave the room... I had to just decide to accept it and know that it was more important for my baby...Believe me I spent many hours crying and feeling left out of everything, but now I look back and would love to have that time again with my kids... My oldest is now 17 :( Time flies...If you can't continue to nurse, give yourself a break...It'll be okay. You gave him 9 weeks of nursing and that's great... Do what is best for you and your baby. Congrats on your little man...Enjoy motherhood....

I can completely relate. I loved the idea of nursing and its true what they say about the bonding between mother and child when nursing. But my goodness it was such a hassle!! I went back to school a week after having my daughter so pumping was necessary and then back to work when she was 3 months old. I dried up at 4 months. It was just too much work to nurse/pump, go to school, and then go back to work too. I suggest pumping and doing the bottle thing occasionally if youre feeling overwhelmed. Also, many women dont ever breast feed. Yes its very beneficial to your child's health but so is formula. Maybe not as much as the real thing but remember, your sanity is important too. To your baby and yourself. Try pumping and storing milk. At least this way you can give him a bottle during the night time feedings if you want. And then while youre feeding him you can pump if you want to. Its all up to you whatever you decide to do. Youll find something that works for you.

Dont let your guilt overcome you. Lots of mothers dont breast feed or cant breast feed and theyre children turned out just as healthy as the ones who had nursed. Dont be so h*** o* yourself. Whatever you choose will be just fine. It wont hurt your baby to quit nursing! Ive heard great things about La Leche League(I think thats what its called) and they can provide suggestions for you if you still have more questions. Best of luck to you, and dont beat yourself up over this!!

I completely understand how you're feeling! I also was given a shield in the hospital and quickly used it at every feeding - no one tells you how painful learning to nurse can be!!! And I didn't know it at the time but I soon learned that using a shield decreases the amount of milk the baby gets (I think it's around 20%, but I'm not positive.) I don't know why this happens, and I got that information somewhere online, but I decided to stop using the shield cold turkey after a few weeks and my son gained 5 ounces in 3 days. Maybe you could try a day or two without using the shield at all (he's hungry - he'll eat) and see how it goes. If that's preventing him from getting enough at each feeding to feel full it could be why he's eating so often.

I really know how overwhelmed you're feeling, and I wish someone had told me to expect that. But you've been doing this for 9 weeks which is a great accomplishment! My advice would be to try not using the shield and see where that gets you. You've both certainly got a great start at nursing and I hope it works out for you. If not, just remember that the most important things are that he's healthy and knows how much you love him, and you don't have to nurse him to attain those.

Good luck!

Also, if you try to ween him from the shield remember it will take a few days for your body to regulate to that so it may be several days or a week before the feedings get longer and further between.

It is so great that you are trying to nurse your baby. It is not always easy, even though a lot of people seem to think that it should be. Babies are so demanding of our time and attention, and when they are very young they do seem to nurse all the time. Add to that the difficulties that have led you to use a nipple shield and it is easy to see how things feel so stressful right now. I would highly recommend La Leche League, both for information and support. I started attending meetings because my family didn't understand my decision to nurse and did not support me in an effective way. When I attended my first meeting I finally met other mothers who really wanted to breastfeed their babies and wanted to support each other. It was great to hear others say that it is difficult, but that you can work through it. And just being able to talk out some of my feelings made a huge difference. On the information side, La Leche League Leaders have access to tons of resources and could probably help you with the difficulties that have led to needing the nipple shield. I personally know a mother whose son needed a nipple shield for 4 months and then suddenly just knew how to nurse without it. You can check on the website www.llli.org to find groups and leaders in your area, or if you just want to talk directly to a leader now you can call 1-877-LA-LECHE and all of their services are free.

I certainly don't think that you have to nurse your baby. You have to make the choice that is right for you and your family, whether that's continuing to nurse exclusively, nursing and pumping, nursing and supplementing with formula, or not nursing at all. Your son has gotten a great start from the 9 weeks of hard work that you've already put in. I hope that some of this helps.

Contact La Leche League. They will help!! http://www.llli.org/

I just finished nursing after 5 months, thinking I'd make it to 6, but my supply and his hunger were not matching up at all for the last few weeks. What kept me going was reading about what benefits my son got from my milk and for how long I nursed him. My favorite reasoning was "Cows milk is for baby cows, Momma milk is for baby Sam!"

Hang in there, you can do it!

C.

Hi!
Don't feel guilty-- I felt the same way, and once I finally weaned I was absolutely relieved. I didn't ever miss it. That doesn't mean quit, though-- you can get through it (I disliked most of the 14 months of nursing, actually). It helps to pump and then have someone else take a shift feeding your son if that's possible. Also, see if you can figure out positions like laying on your side and nursing so that you can relax, read a book, or watch TV. Enjoy inappropriate movies now while you still can!
And no guilt. It's HARD to have someone attached to you all the time!
A.

Try to slow down and relax. I, like you, felt very overwhelmed. I was always the kind of person that couldn't sit still. I felt like I spent all my time nursing. I soon realized that my primary focus was taking care of my baby and myself. Everything else was less important. I learned to use nursing time to relax. I would keep a magazine or book nearby to occupy myself. When you aren't watching the clock, time flys. You should never feel guilty. Whether you nurse or feed formula, your son will be fine. He has already received 9 weeks of breastmilk. Formula is made to provide everything he needs. It is more important that your son has a mother that is healthy, both physically and emotionally. I'm sure lots of women feel the same. All 3 of my sons, nursed and received formula. All are healthy and happy. As much as I stressed nursing them, it was much worse when they became toddlers. Then the pickiness starts. Relax and enjoy this time with your son!

Have you tried pumping and and giving him a bottle (or better yet, letting Dad give him a bottle) once in a while?

You're going to have enough guilt throughout your little guy's life (part of bein' a mom!) so just remember this mantra forever..."IT IS WHAT IT IS." Try it, and if it doesn't work...IT IS WHAT IT IS. :)

I know you have gotten a LOT of responses but I figured I would put my 2 cents in...It IS overwhelming...not just the nursing...being a new mom is. With my older daughter I was quite overwhelmed, exhausted, stressed....I was able to nurse her through a year but it was very stressful until I realized that However I fed her, she would get her nourishment. I now have a 9 month old in addition to my 3 year old and it was much easier this time. I think it was easier because I had faith that everything changes and it gets easier. It GETS EASIER. Feedings get shorter, intervals get longer. SLEEP comes back into your life! You are right on the cusp of sleeping longer stretches but the sleep deprived brain feels as if nothing will ever change and that nothing will get easier. IT WILL. No matter how you feed your baby he will be very well nourished. If you feel like you want to keep nursing you will and if the benefit of nursing is less than the benefit of your sanity you will choose a great formula. The other thing you can do is feed part and part...nurse a few times a day and do formula at other times. Your milk supply may drop some with this but I know many women who do part and part through a year. You have freedom, you love your baby, and it is about to get easier! (Of note, if you decide to do some pumping get the hands free pumping bra on line....you can email and pump at the same time!)

Feeling like this is completely normal. It is because baby is nursing so often, your hormone levels are changing, and your whole life has changed very suddenly.
It will get better with just a little more time. Baby won't need to nurse so often, your hormones will balance out, and you will find a new "groove" for your life that you will be comfortable with.
I commend you on not giving up. That's awesome !
DON'T feel guilty though, if you do decide to quit and do bottles instead. There is nothing wrong with bottle-fed babies. They grow up just as healthy and loved and secure as the rest.
Breast is best if you can do it, but you moms now days live much different lifestyles than I did, or my mother or grandmother. You are so busy, and so much is expected of you. You are all required to be super-women, it seems. Breast feeding can force you to slow down tremendously. It's wonderful, but not always practical, and not always in yours or your baby's total best interest.
Take time to assess your situation. Is this just a readjustment period, and it will get better, or is this really not fitting in well with your required lifestyle ?
I know you love that baby, and I have all the confidence in the world that you will choose the right path for both of you.
:o)

I only nursed my twins for 2 weeks. When I was pregnant, I was adamant that I was going to breastfeed, but things didn't work out as planned. When I stopped, I immediately felt guilty, but they are both happy, healthy little boys now. At 21 months they are almost 3 feet tall and 30 pounds.
My point is, you have to do what's best for you. If you want to keep breastfeeding, keep at it, if you want to give it up (or even supplement) go for it. Some may criticize your decision, but you will make the decision that's right for you and your baby. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or trapped.

it is very overwhelming...I only nursed and pumped my baby for 3 months...they say the most important time is between 8-12 weeks...but after I introduced formula she was much happier because there was not much work on her part and she ate more at a feeding and less feeding times thru out the day...there is nothing wrong with formula...if you are a busy Mom it is a commitment...and if you return to work...you pump during the day...that is why I stopped there was no spot I could go to and pump...I weened her off by mixing nursing and bottle it took about a week...don't feel guilty...if anyone does then shame on them...

Hi K.! Oh, do I know how you feel. I have a now 6 mo. old son. I have just completely weaned him to formula. We had weight gain issues early on, although he was 8 lbs. 4 oz. at birth. After 3 mo., he had gained fewer than 3 lbs. So, I started supplementing with formula to get some weight on him. I so desperately wanted to only bf him. I didn't have an easy time of it with my almost 3 year old daughter, either. Mostly b/c I was a nervous new mom. I was also surprised at how "difficult" it was. There were times I almost dreaded the baby wanting to eat, b/c I knew it was going to be painful :( And that stressed me out even more. I had intended to nurse much longer, and still do feel guilty sometimes about it. BUT, I have to do what is best for my son and myself. He needed something else to gain weight. I was trying to pump, but my milk supply just cont. to dwindle down and it became an almost neurotic task for me. So, I decided what he needed was a happy, relaxed and fun mom! I am proud that I was able to nurse him for the time that we did, not that I don't still feel a twinge of guilt every now and then. But, he is happy, healthy and growing into such a beautiful boy!!

I empathsize with you; I do know how difficult it can be trying to decide what to do!! Just know, whatever your decision, it is OK as long as it is comfortable for you and your baby boy. A happy mom makes a happy baby. If you really want to cont. bf, then do it. If supplementing some formula will help you feel not so tied down, then do it. Just be aware that your supply will decrease. And, please don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you decide not to bf. We moms beat ourselves up enough!! Good luck to you!!

K.,
Nursing is a lot of work! and most mom's who breastfeed only would agree with you that it controls your days and nights. The good news is, it does get better. But it takes quite a while. Once your baby is 4-6 mos. old and starts taking some solid foods, you can spread out those feedings a little and get more of a break. In the meantime, you can try pumping and having your husband give the baby a bottle, or if pumping is too much like work, try a formula bottle. It's no disgrace to supplement your breastfeeding. The stress relief for you is a gift to you, your baby and your husband.

Breastfeeding is great for your baby, but if it's just too much, it's ok to switch. The mother guilt will subside. And you might as well get used to it, because you'll feel guilty about soo many things from here on out! It's just part of being a mom :)

Nine weeks is a stressful time...you feel like you should have the hang of things by now. Don't worry, you are NOT alone. Just let go of the little things, get some rest and enjoy your baby. Congratulations!
C.