Frustrated About Sisters' Involvement

They are young. I would not expect much, or anything out of them. When I was that age, and my sister had her baby, I was like, cool. Now I am going out with my friends... It just wasn't as important at that age. I wouldn't count on them for anything right now. You have the MIL and best friend helping...I would think that should be enough people. I would just be vague also if the mommy to be asks how much her sisters were involved.

I think part of it is an age thing. When we threw a baby shower for my sister-in-law 13 years ago, I was just shy of 22. I have no recollection of doing advanced preparations for it. My mind was preoccupied with graduation and what not. It wasn't that I didn't care but I didn't have the right perspective. It may not be a matter of not wanting to be involved or intentionally sabotaging as it is they don't know any better. My advice would be to extend an offer of being involved and if they don't accept, I wouldn't make a big deal of it.

totally understand your frustration but you can't expect everyone to be so involved in the baby shower. Is it possible that these sisters don't have children? they seem pretty young so I would give them a break. You don't have to lie to your sister-in-law but, you don't necessarily have to bring it up either. I'm sure she would just be very appreciative of everything you and her friends are doing for her

They are young. I would give them a little slack. Did you ask them if they would like to be involved or just assume they would? I know when my SIL threw a wedding reception for my brother , he eloped, I felt she was out of line and it was not her place to take over since it was my brother. She did the same for his baby shower. I ended up both times not helping out because of the way it was all presented to me.

If they don't want to be involved, that's their business. What is so hard about planning a baby shower that you need so many people to "help"? You are making this into something that it is not, and causing a rift in the family. Just because you decided to make a party doesn;t mean you can force people into doing your bidding. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but it seems the only one with a problem here is you.

As far as what to tell the mommy-to-be, all you have to say is that YOU were giving the party, and all you wanted from anyone else was to attend & have a good time. And that should be your main objective, really.

You need to look at your actual motivation for giving this shower & creating tension in the family.

Honestly I would just let it go. It sounds like she has some pretty crappy and selfish sisters. If she directly asks you what they did, just tell her that they were busy and you, the mil etc. took care of everything. Just tell her to enjoy her shower and not worry about who did what! I think she maybe won't ask at all anyway... hopefully then thank your lucky stars that they aren't your sisters!

WEll, you can't do anything about other people. You can make suggestions but you can't make someone. You can really only do something about you...so whatever there problem is that keeps them from helping is their problem...so try not to make it yours..that will always frustrate you. As for lying about their help...I would just tell her that they did what they could. Because "technically" if they said they can't...then they did what they "could".
I hope that helps, I have 4 sisters that are all married with inlaws and we have dealt with many issues. It gets you nowhere when you confront things that you can't really do anything about...it just stirs the pot.

With a week to go till the shower, they aren't going to suddenly pitch in unless they decide to act like they did everything at the shower itself. If your sil asks, just say that it was great working with her mil and best friend in getting it all together. It isn't worth getting uptight about it. I agree in sending one more email but I would just state the info for the shower confirming who, what, where etc.

I'm sure the 17 year old doesn't know the first thing about showers, but the 22 year old should have no excuse for not at least helping to think of games! I can understand your frustration!

Just think of it this way, at least they are not trying to be controlling! Or criticizing your decisions!

I would let them participate as much as they want. I'm sure the mom-to-be is well aware of what kind of people her sisters are! I would say nothing to her about their help or lack of help. I really don't think she's going to ask who did what! If she does, you could say "so-and-so did the decorations and I took care of the food." I wouldn't mention the sisters either way. I wouldn't single them out for thanks, but neither say they did nothing. Sometimes tasteful evasion gets the point across without you being rude!

Good luck with the shower!

If they never offered to plan the shower, then I'm not sure why they would be "expected" ot do anything... especially the 17 year old. If a friend of my sister's came up with the idea to throw a shower, and I didn't offer to help, (would never happen, but just saying...) then I would probably be pretty offendend if I was suddenly getting e-mails telling me I need to plan a game and do this and that. I would consider this your shower at this point, and not worry about it. The sisters are not only young, but keep in mind that a lot of people are really struggling finacially these days, and I don't know where their income comes from, but many people don't have the extra income right now to spend on things like "decorations". Just a thought. good luck.. try to relax and have fun, so that the mommy to be can relax and have fun too.

Unfortunatley we have had a few experinces within our extended family. Why not take the girls aside and tell them that this is a very special day for their sister and if they cant help financially then there are plenty of other tasks they could help with. Setting up the decorations,food, drinks, ice, cake, assisting with games, prizes, taking pictures, or recording the baby shower.I hope in spite of their lack of involvement the baby shower is a success and your SIL has a great shower.If all else fails, I agree with the other mom about announcing a special name recognization to those who truly helped.

Why are you stressing about this? Just get the shower together and have a great time. This is like any other event. The people who want to help, will help. The people who cannot or who don't want to, won't. You can use your energy worrying about who isn't doing something and why they aren't doing it. I also don't think your sister-in-law will ask how her sisters contributed. If she wants information on her grown sisters actions, she can ask her grown sisters. If her sisters are responding to email, give them a call. If they can't or don't want to help - let it go. There may also be family dynamics that you are unaware of.

Most 17 year olds and a 22 year olds really don't have the mentality of how important it would be to help out at their sisters shower. Some day when they are the ones having the shower they will regret their lack of involvement, but for now, they just aren't going to get it. Let it go, and just do what is best for the mom to be.

I don't think you should force the issue. They are young, if they don't want to help out you can't make them.

I would just shoot them an email that let's them know you and some others are handling everything for the shower but you don't want to leave them out. If they have any opinions or anything they would like to add to the shower to send you an email anytime.

Z., I can hear the frustration loud and clear in your email. Did the sisters offer to help plan a babyshower? Did they in anyway say they wanted to do this? It sounds more like you just assumed they would want to be involved. I would at this point in the hopes of not having a major family crisis over this just let it go. It is so not worth the stress and anger. In the long run this is about "you" having a shower for your sister in law. A wonderful thing to do. And something that will be appreciated. But you doing the whole "I did this and they didn't help...." thing will just mar the good feelings. Let it go. If you don't have games you don't have games. just have fun and shower the mom to be with the day. Don't make the other girls feel bad. this is a tough time of year. 17 means a senior in highschool, we are talking finals, proms, college scholarship essays etc..... college kids are dealing with finals, hormones and how to pay for next years school when this year is not even done. They should not have to be adding in the shower as yet one more thing to worry about. I wish you well with this and hope it goes well.
From one who has already been there done that with the "this is our sister we should all be doing it thing......"
S.

"I'm planning a baby shower for my husband's sister. He has 2 other sisters (ages 17 and 22) who should be helping with the shower."

If you are planning the shower no one really has any obligation to help, espically young people who probably don't grasp the importance of a shower to a new mother. If you all had sat down and planned this shower together and they flaked out on you that would be a whole different story.

I'm so happy to hear that you are not confrontational. Bite the bullet! It is so frustrating but necessary. I just posted some advise on a recent post "3/19/09 throwing a baby "sprinkle" and I included a couple games, decorations, etc... to do. If you need other ideas, just personal message me.

Nothing good will come of telling your sister-in-law that her sister has been useless through this whole thing! This is why I do not like throwing a party with a committee because there is always SOMEONE who does not do their part and the rest feel dumped on. Let your sister-in-law remember the good that you have done and not the immature way that her sister has acted. Plus, her sister is young and inexperienced in what it takes to really plan a party of this extent. And....bottom line... they will always be sisters! Personally, I would send the sister another, generically entitled "baby shower" "e-mail" (that she will NEVER READ but you are covered!" saying that you have taken care of her part, don't worry about it and looking forward to the shower.

As far as your preggo-sister-in-law questioning you, get your answer ready beforehand. Just tell her something like... "it was nice to work with your family on the baby shower! They all wanted to be involved (well.. they THOUGHT they did and you aren't lying!) ... Then move into asking her what she thought of the appetizers or cake or anything else!

Sorry, you are the hostess - and the hostess sets the pace - if there is tension, your guest (and preggo sister-in-law) will know. There will be no room at your sister-in-law's baby shower for dissention. You've worked way too h*** o* this to let her sister take the joy from you. It's good you're venting here, with your unbiased mamafriends!

Hi Z. I really do feel your frustration. I am in a similar situation but I am the preggo and my MIL cannot get my own mother to participate. I have talked with her and my boyfriend has talked with my father. They think this is the responsibility of my friends to throw the shower. I told them that I did not partake in throwing any of my friends shower so how can I expect them to help. They are telling my siblings that my boyfriend came over looking for money. He went for their opinions and feedback not money. So we are definitely keeping them out of the shower preparations. So now for your problem - I definitely think you should either have your husband step in and talk to his own sisters. He should get involved and make sure they are doing something to help! I am like you and can be confrontational and would want to say something. Is there an aunt or a mom of these girls that can tell them the importance of helping with their sisters shower? How about you arrange someone to pick them up and take them to the store so they can buy their share of the decorations. You are very generous in throwing the shower and it is unfair to assume you are to buy and prepare everything. I suggest a telling a family memeber and see if they can talk to them without a family feud.

First I think you expect too much from most children that age these days. And I call them children because I find many that age these days act like children....self-centered, selfish, egocentric.

Enough said. As far as telling their sister what their part was in the whole thing...don't. I doubt seriously that she will even ask and if she does maybe it's because she knows how her sisters are and is curious if she was right. I would just say "they helped as much as they could" and leave it at that. So it was not at all, but that was as much as they could....so you aren't lying and you aren't going to upset her.

Just let it go. It sounds like it is urking you right down to the soul, but saying something won't help anything and it will make you look petty.

Just let it go.

Ahhh, in-laws.
Well, it's obvious that they don't want to be a part of it. So don't push them to be involved 'some how'. That's something the mommy-to-be needs to handle. Don't put yourself in that position. As for telling the mommy-to-be who was involved. Be honest about her MIL, her best friend, and your involvement WITHOUT mentioning the names of the other two sisters. And when she asks about her sisters simply say "I tried to suggest simple things for them, but...I didn't get any feedback."

As for them not getting a ride. Again not your problem. You will I'm sure have your own car full of things for the shower and don't need another errand to do such as pick them up before the party. They are big girls if they really need a ride they will ask someone and find their ride. Otherwise keep saying "Not my problem."

On the other note: they are only 17 and 22yrs old. All they care about is Graduating high school and the bar scene rght now. If they were going to get into any shower I'd say it'd be a bridal shower, because that's their next step in life.

Hope this helps.

I think sometime after the shower perhaps even way after the baby is born you might find out why they were behaving like this. I agree with another poster that a seventeen year old is immature and (perhaps a little jealous) and the older one might not real up to it either. Someone else said you don't know what went on behind the scenes either. Maybe they aren't very close with mommy to be. I'd just let it go and have them just come. And why cover for them. Just say they did whatever they could. You don't have to be the bad guy. Give yourself all the credit you deserve.

I understand your frustration, but they are young. Baby showers are the furthest thing from their minds. Just ask them to help out that day by setting up and cleaning, helping with food detail, handing their sister her presents and maybe jotting the gifts and the giver in a nice notebook. Um, and where is their mom in all this? Is she helping? Can she at least bring them to the event? Good Luck and don't stress, it'll all work out!

Maybe, get the decorations yourself and have them come early to decorate. They can be the greeters, take coats and put the presents on the table. Maybe have them be "Vana" when the presents are being opened, and carry them around for everyone to see. But as far as money, I wouldn't count on any from them. They are just too young to understand what is involved in planning a baby shower and probably don't really have any money. (well, at least the 17 year old)

Good Luck! Make sure you explain to them what they are to do at the party.
Sounds like they really are clueless in this matter. : )

Tell the truth matter-of-factly and let the consequences fall where they fall. YOU do your part and don't worry about the rest. Ask someone else instead of the sisters. Peer pressure does wonders... They too may 'grow up' some day. Enjoy this for the baby...xo

It's unfortunate that they are unwilling to help. I would say if you hadn't sent invitations yet, to just not include their name on "Given by" but since it is so close, that's already been done I'm sure. I know a lot of 17 year olds that are mature enough and would be able to handle the financial and responsibility contribution, but I know many others who would not. You've extended the opportunity for both sisters, to help, and they aren't willing to. I would not depend on them to do their tasks since they haven't responded that they would. I'm afraid if you do wait on them to do their part, it won't happen, and then you won't have those things done for the shower. I say either do it yourself or delegate to the MIL and best friend to help since they are helping anyway.

I wouldn't tell the momma to be right now about the situation as she should be able to enjoy her day and she is emotional. Later, after it's all over and maybe even after the baby is here, you could talk to her. Maybe she will be less emotional then.

You could also have all those that contributed/planned sign a special baby shower card with a note that "We all are excited to help welcome Baby into the world and can't wait to meet him/her. Then you all sign the card so she can see who gave her the shower.

Sounds like you are a great person and getting it all together. I've been in situations, too, where others aren't pulling their weight and I usually have done it to make sure it gone done. Have a wonderful shower. I'm sure she'll be appreciative of all you do.

One game you could do is make a matching game of celebrity kids' names to match the celebrity with thier child's name. Some have come up with some interesting ones, so it's kind of fun to do. Just Google Celebrity kids' names to get a list and type it in Word.

At the time you first decided to have the shower, did you ask the sisters if they would contribute to the shower financially and help with hosting duties? Did they agree to this? If not,you really can't expect them to be involved. They may be too young to be expected to have the social graces to offer to help you after the process has already been started. You also shouldn't have expected that someone as young as 17 should contribute financially to the shower.

I have been in your situation before--my mother-in-law persuaded me to have a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law. She was marrying my husband's brother who we are not at all close to and never attends any family events. To top it off, my mother in law did not contribute a dime or even attend the shower. I feel for you, but I advise you not to mention the younger sisters lack of involvement to anyone. It might seem petty to others since these girls are young adults still, and it may hurt the guest of honor's feelings.

I would just make an announcement at the shower that you like to thank mention the names for their help with the shower and for evryone who attended.

Let it go. I wouldn't expect involvement for a baby shower from anyone at the ages of 17 and 22. It's all about "me" at that age. The key sentence in your note is "I'm planning a baby shower" My guess is the mother to be knows what her sisters are like - if she asks, a simple "they are so busy with work and school..." will suffice. The 17 and 22 year old will grow up, and someday have a baby and truly appreciate the shower you throw for them.

If you plan to be married to your husband for a long time, just let it go and take the high road. Your priority right now is not their priority. If I was 17 and my sister in law was telling me to make up a game and get party store decorations for a baby shower for my bossy older sister, I'd think she was a little crazy - "I'm in high school and a little focused on getting a date to the Prom"

I see you already have lots of thoughts on your issue but I thought I would share mine opinion. I was the youngest of 5, so for majority of my siblings showers wedding or baby I was too young to get it. I was 18 when my 3rd sibling got married and I was clueless. I was excited for her but really stuck in my own world even through my own wedding. I was more involved with my 4th sisters showers ect but I was single with no kids. Now that I am helping my sister in law with her wedding do I realize the effort (time & money) my siblings put in for me raising kids at the same time. Not that I would cutt your sisterinlaws loose of the responsiblity. Keep asking but try not to expect much. At the shower, I would give them direct jobs to do. Once they are there at the party they have no excuse but to help. As for the sister in law who you are doing this for, I would try to keep her out of the drama the other sisters are creating. It is her day and she should enjoy it to the fullest. You will know who did all the work and so will you hubby. I am sure the others will realize it maybe not now but in the future. And if they don't well, then they really aren't worth the frustration!

Good Luck!

Hi Z.,

It is really tough and I would like to share some advice my mother would give me. She would say, IT IS JUST NOT WORTH IT. It will be very clear at the party that the sisters are only guests and did not put much thought into it. And you can also treat them like guests. If the mom-to-be asks who helped out just point out who had helped and if she asks specifically about her sisters then you can explain that you all did communicate before and that they did let you know times were tough so to make things run simple you stayed with the BFF and the MIL. You will also be able to sleep at night because you didn't cause any bad blood in the family. My family is unfortunately full of tough decisions like this and instead of feeling violated I instead have just said it is just not worth it. I get help from the others that are also excited to put on a nice dinner or party. These girls are just young, immature and can not see it themselves. You are putting on the party because you care deeply for your SIL and feel it would be nice to contribute. It is sorry to say but that is going to have to be enough so have fun with it, enjoy the day, enjoy the guests, and enjoy the ambiance you created. It does not need to be outlandish fancy and expensive just with a good energy and lots of good wishes for the mother to be. Karma has a way of makings its/her way around.

I totally understand where you are coming from and wish you the best, and no family warfare.

Best,
VK

Yes, it's true the younger sisters should WANT to help, and I understand your desire to get them involved for the mommy-to-be's sake, but you can't FORCE them. It's possible that they think with you, the best friend and their mom all involved, their help really isn't needed. And honestly it's not- between the three of you, you do have it under control. It seems that the 17-yr-old has been feeling so much pressure about it that she's avoiding the whole thing by not even checking her email. And it's possible the reason she waited so long to say something is because she didn't want to upset you. You may want to lighten up or she may not even want to GO to the shower. Sending emails to everyone you think want to be involved, without knowing for sure if they do, is probably a bit much. Personally I would have sent out an initial email asking who wants to be involved, and only keep those who responded in the loop. This should be a joyous occasion, and unfortunately now it's fraught with bad feelings for you and for them.

I suggest you nicely let them off the hook about your previous requests, and only ask for assistance in the decoration & set-up and/or clean-up, but it's very important you don't actually count on them doing it. If they still don't help, just let it go. It's not worth getting upset about, especially since they never offered to help in the first place. If the preg sister asks what they did to help, be honest, but don't go on about it! No use going into details. It will then be up to her if she wants to be upset about it. It's very possible that the shower will be such a success she won't even ask!

Just enjoy the shower, the mommy-to-be, and that new little baby who'll be coming along soon!

If you truly do not want to harm his sisters, then say without judgment in your voice "they did the best they could." Because we all know we all do the best we can for whatever reasons at every point in time. If you want to take credit, then you'll have to be confrontational.

The sisters are at a different time in their life and they probably aren't into the pregnant/shower thing. It will probably be boring to them so I think we can give them a break. They will probably shower their nephew/niece with plenty of love and that is what will really matter to your sister-in-law.

The sisters can offer their help by helping out at the party rather than spending money especially in today's environment--writing down names and the related gifts, handing out cake, etc.

Let it go its not worth starting a fight and making the day full of tension take help where you can get it and then take the credit you deserve but let the tension go with the sisters .

You can't force her sisters to partipate. Let them explain to their sister why they failed to help out with the shower.At the shower treat them like you would you treat any other guest-maybe you'll get help with the clean-up. Pretend you never expected their help anyway and remember what goes around, comes around.

This is the best place to vent-

Where is your MIL (mother of the sisters) Passed away? Unapproving? The girls may be chimming along. OR Is your MIL also planning a shower? Maybe the girls are participating with that shower?

E-mail or call the sisters
, I would say I was sorry -
"for bombarding you with all the baby shower business.
I forgot that you are so young and have your own "stuff". I guess I was just concerned that you might feel left out or that I was excluding you. If there is anything that you think that you might want to do to help during the shower please let me know so I can help you participate. I'm sure anything that you do for your sister's big day would be most appreciated.

Why are you sure your SIL would want to know how they participated? Avoid conflict! Have an unemotional response ready and practiced.

Good luck and let us know how it goes

Hi Z.,
I would just let it be! If you wanted to do the shower than you should do it and not worry about what others aren't doing. I hope I don't sound snotty because I certainly don't mean to be but when it comes to showers and other parties I think people worry way to much about what others should be doing.
Put all your energy into planning the best party then go and have a great time!
Best Wishes!
PS. If ask what someone did just say you wanted to handle it because it was just easier.

I'm not sure you can really expect a baby shower to be the priority of 17 and 22 year old girls. They are in a very different place in their lives right now and pushing them into it is probably going to make them more resentful than anything else.
You understand how important a baby shower is because you have a child. I think all you can do is put it out there, but don't expect much. If you're afraid that your SIL will be upset by them not contributing, then just don't bring it up. If she "specifically" asks, then just tell her that they didn't really seem to understand what a baby shower is all about and they did the best they could.

Ha- I can totally relate and I'm sure you don't want to hold back. It's understandable that they probably don't have a lot of money or maybe even time, but heck.. this is their sister not yours, so I'd be pretty put out. They should want to help, even if it's in the smallest way. Obviously I would try to be as classy as possible, but if the celebrant asks, I would say, I asked but you know how it is at that age... always busy, or something of the sort you're not lying to cover for them at the same time you are also able to let her know their amount of involvement. You are spending your time (and you have a kid) to make her day special and I think that deserves some credit. Good luck and hang in there, in-laws can be hazardous to your health!

hi Z.,
It seems that you nailed it on the head when yousaid they have no problem doing things that they want to do. From your request I'm not sure what the original agreement was about who was hosting this event. It sounds like you have a vision of how it should be and what people should do, but others may have different ideas. The sisters may not have any experience or interest in thinking up "shower games" for example. Any person is more likely to do something if it is something they are interested in or feel they can do well...maybe you should ask them what they'd like to do for their sister at this special time, instead of assigning them tasks.

It may be that they would like to do something meaningful for their sister, but do not know how to handle it or are just not tuned in to the situation (they are young and focused on themselves).

Maybe you say (in person)something like: "I'm happy planning the shower but I've taken on a lot and I would really appreciate your help. I also think your sister would really be touched if you thought of a special way to mark this time in her life. Pregnancy can be very emotional and it would mean a lot to her for the soon-to-be-aunties to share their time with her . What do you think she'd like from you? What would you like to do to commemorate this time in her life?"

Basically, appeal to them as sisters and future aunties, not as relatives who "should" be running errands. See what they come up with...maybe it won't be something that you need done for the party, maybe a poem or a separate "sister day" or something more individual will come of it but you will have faciliated a nice moment for your SIL. THen the sisters will have contributed and you can get the kudos for planning and executin gthe shower without any guilt.

good luck!
om

I'm afraid you probably won't like my answer, but put in perspective, these sisters are 17 and 22. High school aged and college. Their priorities are not going to be the same as yours, as a mother and someone older.
If they don't have funds or transportation, don't expect them to drive to a store to spend money- they've already made it clear that they have neither of those. Be realistic- ask them to come to the shower early, or pick them up early, so they can help with the decorating, or setting up of the party.
Don't get too hung up on it though- don't tell your sister-in-law that they didn't want to help plan- what good is that going to do anyone? You said that you emailed everyone that you thought would want to be involved- they've been pretty straight-forward about letting you know that they don't want to be involved in planning.
Just enjoy the help you are getting and don't get too worked up about the sister!
Have fun!

As a high school teacher, I wouldn't expect anything from the 17 year old. Even if she seems mature in other areas, if a teenager isn't into something, they won't do it without a fight. My standards wouldn't be much higher fr the 22 year old either. If your SIL asks how they contributed, you can nicely evade the question, or say, "They offered their loving thoughts and support".

Z.,

It doesn't seem like you're asking for a lot from a 17 year old but here's what I would do. You, her MIL and her best friends are giving the shower that's enough people to handle all of the details. I would call the sisters and just ask them to come early and help set up and maybe let them lead a game or 2. There's the cut a piece of string/yarn the width of the prego belly which is cheap and easy name. Find a word scramble online of baby items that you could print out. Easy to explain they can do that and pass the stuff out. Other than that, I just would handle everything between you and the best friend & MIL. It's too bad you can't count on the younger girls for much more than what I suggested but it's probably a little more realistic just because they are teenagers. Don't do it over email, pick up the phone. Start by saying, I didn't realize that it would be difficult for you to get around and help with the things I offered up but I really would like you to be involved and help out but in a different capacity. The shower starts at 1pm, could you just come at 11 and help us set up? I've decided on the games as well and would love for you and your sister to run them for the guests.
Definitely grin and bare it if you get the shaft and don't tell the prego friend. Just realize that young people are stupid sometimes which I'm sure your friend already knows or will soon find out when she lines one of her sisters up to babysit and they disappoint her by not showing up or not wanting to help out because they'd rather hang out w/ friends.......

Hi Z.,

I haven't read the other posts but I have a 22 year old sister and really they simply don't get it!!! In a way it is nice because you simply then don't have to many hands in the pot trying to make decisions....So not to hurt you SIL feelings but you can be honest in a lighthearted way that "well you know how younger people" can be....Don't sweat it...really! I have 2 kids and it was my twin sister and friends who did the planning for my shower...and my little sister just showed up...I didn't take personally...Just different times in our life. Have fun with the shower...Most importantly make your SIL feel special Blessings to you

This is very frustrating. But it is really impossible to truly know the family history of these sisters even if you have heard stories. I would dodge the questions about how much they helped and let your husband handle it...they are his sisters right? Have him speak up and tell them he will drive them because they are the siblings. You do not want to crack the wipe at them. Have a back up for everything you assign them (you can always return it all if you don't have to use it.)This is hard, but you seem like you really care about this SIL having the baby and this is a special time for her that her younger sisters can't understand right now. They are young and won't get it until they are older or maybe will never get it. Thank goodness your SIL has YOU!! You are her blessing and her friend. Good for you for stepping up here and understanding what a special time this is for her and for protecting her from the people who aren't supporting her in the ways she needs.

My SIL was having a wedding shower. I helped find the location and put way more money into it than some of the other bridesmaids. Her sister took ALL the credit. I wasn't even mentioned for the things I bought as gifts for the mothers of the bride and groom. The brides sister gave them out in front of everyone as if everything was her doing. To top it all off my SIL told me to "F OFF" in front of EVERYONE at the party at one point. Screamed it at me because she thought I had said something that I hadn't even. I took it all with a smile helped clean up and handled the rest of the party. Didn't respond to anything. She said she was "Sorry" and then turned around a started telling me off again. But she is now my brother's wife and therefore a part of my life for as long as they are together and if they have kids, forever. So I just let it all roll off my back and try to see it all as her issues that I can not control. I think about how much I love him (my brother)and [in your case your husband] that is what is most important. Good luck!

Well id just go on taking care of the shower and face it the sisters arent going to help look at there ages real young and probably dont know what to do and to busy with there lifes