Getting Some Sleep

Hello M.,
I ha the same problem I'm not sure what everyone else has told u to do but the first thing I did was bring my sons bed next to my bed side for the first night.Then after about a week you take it to the end of your bed and then you keep working your way closer to the door and then before you know it he is in his own room..My son was 3-4 when I finally did this.But it worked for me and now he is 5 and loves his room..Now my 3 year old wants to sleep with me and i really didn't want to start that again so we made it like a sleep over and some nights he sleeps with his brother.They love it.

Good luck to you

H.

Hi M.,

We went through the same thing with my son when he was 11 months old. It took a while, but he started sleeping through the night in his own bed. Have you tried the "No Cry Sleep Solution"? It is a book that walks you through how to get your child to sleep through the night on their own. Good luck!

J.

I was able to break this problem by assuring my son that he was not alone.
Most nights I would gently rub his back, while playing very relaxing lullaby music until he fell asleep. This is a big commitment, but it did pay off! I just had to set his bedtime a bit earlier so that I could hold out. Some nights, when he was extra cranky, I would gently swing him in a blanket hammock and carefully lift the whole works into the crib after he fell asleep. Of course, there were nights that I was completely exhausted! I would make a little blanket "nest" alongside his crib and hold his little hand.
This issue would subside and then resurface itself at various times throughout his toddler years. My son was a daycare baby too, and I was also a single mother.

My son is 3. He and his older sister (now 7) until the age of about 4 would lie in bed with me at night until the fall asleep. I let him sleep about 20 minutes in our bed, then my husband or I move him to his bed. Around 4 years old, my daughter started to want to go to sleep in her own bed.

I had tried to let her cry it out when she was smaller but she would cry until she vomited. Then I would have to clean up her and her bed and start again. Someone told me just put her back in and let her cry it out again after I cleaned everything up. I tried it once but she vomited again that night. For me, it wasn't worth it.

If your son, wakes up when you move him, you may need to try a different tactic. The important thing is to find something that works for both you and your son.

There is a wonderful video for kids out too called the Nighty Night Video. It is about 14 minutes long. It shows animals playing to instrumental music at the beginning and slowly transitions them from play to falling asleep to being asleep to a starry night sky. It worked wonders for my daughter when she was small. On the other hand, my son loves the video but, unlike my daughter who would fall asleep before it was over, he is able to stay awake and watch it over and over.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you from another mom who couldn't do the cry it out method.

Hugs! I coslept with all 4 of my kids until they were around a year old, so I can sympathize with you. Getting the first to sleep without me was really the hardest, as she didn't have a sibling that I could put her with (and even after she was 3 1/2 and we'd had our 3rd child, she was the one who would crawl into our bed in the middle of the night--so we had to work to break her of that. Didn't "concern" me so much as I knew I did the same thing when I was her age and had eventually quit...but it was getting to be a sleep disruption for DH and I). Honestly though, she stayed in our bed the longest--until she was about 15 months old, then I was 4 months pregnant and she just didn't fit, so we set up a toddler bed in our bedroom for her. She finally slept in her own room once her little sister was big enough to join her. She's almost 9 now, and a wonderfully independent and mature child.

Anyway, I really reccommend you consider the "crib beside the bed" option. Take the drop-down side completely off, and put the crib right beside your bed. That might just give you the extra space that you need to sleep soundly without making any other changes. If the crib is too big to fit in your room, consider getting an Arms Reach bedside cosleeper. It is the same size as a pack & play, but is made to attach to your bed, and the "bassinet" insert is lower than in most "pack & play" models--to match a standard bed height--and has a drop down side next to the parents' bed so that you don't have to reach across that side. I have one and loved it. I know the directions say not to use it past when the baby can roll over, but we used it for all of our kids until they were transitioned out of our bed, and only had one "fall out" incident (and I think in retrospect that our son actually threw himself out on purpose--I didn't witness the event, but a few times after that I saw him do things to hurt himself like banging his head on a wall--when he was angry--trying to get sympathy. He always did each thing just once...and when he realized how much it hurt he didn't do it again, LOL!...doesn't do it anymore, and he's 5 now).

If you decide to do this as a long term fix, you need to remember that if a gap forms between the crib and your mattress, your son can get stuck in there and be injured, so you need to tie the two together. Even if the crib is jammed against a wall, the mattress on your bed may slide away from it. I reccommend getting a piece of plywood that measures about 10" X 10" and drilling two holes through it about 4" apart, then thread clothes line through those holes. Then place the clothes line between your mattress and boxspring, with the piece of wood on the opposite side of your bed as the crib--perpendicular to the mattress & box spring (so hard to describe this without pictures--LOL!). Anyway, then tie the clothes line to the head and foot of the crib--tie it so the clothes line between the mattress and box spring are pulled very tight to hold the crib and your bed together.

M.,

I see that you have got lot of responses but I am going to tell you one more that just automatically worked for us.

1. Our daughter co slept with us almost up to 20 months. She hated her crib and ended up on our bed on a regular basis.

2. She is a kicker and would toss and turn and kick until I decided to move in to the guest bedroom. Few days later my husband joined me. So there she was sorrounded by tons and tons of our pillows and sleeping on our king size bed all by herself.

3. Then we put her mattress on the floor in her room, put a child safety gate and also sourrounded her mattress with all the pillows she got so used to in our bed.

4. Then slowly one by one I started stealing back my favorite pillows and now she has none of the ones I love! But I did make her mattress more comfortable and soft. I realized hers wasn't anywhere close to as comfortable as ours. I am thinking of buying a mattress topper for her.

5. Then we moved the mattress on a cot and put a padded guard around it and she is on most nights sleeping in her room. Still especially when she is not feeling well we let her in on our bed. I realized that if I don't put up a fight with her to let her in on my bed, she also calmly goes back to her own bed the night she is feeling well. This was a revelation to me as everywhere I read it was that we have to stick to our guns and not give in but I guess every child is different.

I did all this over a month and a half.

M.

I'm not sure what all you've tried (so, sorry if I'm repeating things you've already done), but what about setting up a crib (or even a pack and play, if he fits) next to the bed, then in the room, and slowly into his own room? Have you tried putting him in the crib when he's already asleep? I can probably count on one hand the times that my daughter has lain in her crib NOT asleep (I usually nurse her to sleep, and then she sleeps until morning). Also, what about investing in room-darkening shades or hanging a thick blanket over the windows to maybe make it darker when he goes to sleep (my daughter hates trying to go to sleep when it's still light out).

Another idea, what about, if he's lying in the crib awake-ish, patting or rubbing his back while he's in the crib and you're kneeling or sitting next to it?

Ok i'm no help really because we don't co sleep but maybe try a matress on your floor(in your room)and get him used to sleeping there.Than when he sleeping good at night maybe try at naptime,moving the matress into his room and slow moving him from your room to his room??
Have you tried putting the crib in your room and having him sleep in the crib in your room??

Sorry no real help
J.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!! I sleep with my son...and I'm not sure I'll ever stop. There are nights that he tosses and turns and I wish he slept in his own crib / bed (he's 19 months) but be sure that's what you really want to do and your really ready for him to leave you. See I work full time too, and night time is all we have together...So i'm not willing to give up that closeness we have. I'm not sure if you are familiar with Dr. Sears, but google him and co-sleeping, you may change your mind.
Best of luck to you and your family!!!!

Moving will throw off baby's bedtime routine. I dealt with that when my daughter was 7-months old. It took me a month to get her into her crib for longer than 1/2 hour even though she would sleep for 6 hours there before the move. She spent the rest of the night in my bed. I ended up giving her gas drops before bed, and she slept better, so I could put her in her crib which was in our room. When the crib wasn't working anymore, I put the crib mattress on the floor of our room. She rolled off it and got stuck between that mattress and the frame of my bed, so I started using the pack 'n play for a while. (She didn't get hurt.) Then I got her a toddler bed in her room. Since I was already putting her to sleep, I just put her in her bed instead of the pack 'n play. It took some adjustments, and nights on the couch for us, but now she sleeps in her own bed all night most nights.

Hi M.,
Maybe you could try sleeping on the floor in his room next to his crib. Then you can slowly work your way out of the room. My hubby slept outside our son's room when he was 4 (we moved to a new house), and it took about two weeks of that, but now he is fine.

Just remember that whatever you decide to do, be consistent, and it will pay off. Good luck!

My daughter is almost 3 1/2 and wont go to sleep on her own in her room. I rock her to sleep everynight and put her in her bed. She co-slept with us all night, every night until she was about 1. Then we tried to put her in her crib, and she would wake up right away and come back to our bed. We ended up skipping the crib and putting her mattress on the floor. We put a gate at her door so that she could not escape, and made sure that there was nothing that she could get into in her room. That way when she woke up, I could go in and lay beside her until she fell back asleep. It works great for us. There are times though that she does end up in our bed, but not everynight.
The mattress on the floor next to your bed is a great idea too. that way if he wakes up in the middle of the night, you can slip down with him and slip back into bed with out much hassle.
Good luck!

I can relate. Read more on attachment parenting. Since I'm also having issues with not sleeping well, I'll do the same.
Are you getting to bed early enough yourself?

S.

( yes, i agree, letting him cry and scream is unloving. )

I went through the same thing with my son when he was about that age. I'd definitely recommend starting him out in a crib set up next to your bed. Just getting them used to that from co-sleeping is the hardest part. I wasn't into crying it out either, but I won't lie, the gentler approach is going to require a few sleep deprived nights on your part. I began by rocking and singing my son to sleep, then putting him in his crib. When he woke up screaming,I would go back to rocking and singing until he calmed down and fell back asleep, then put him back gently but immediately. I would repeat this as often as he woke up, which was quite a lot for the first 2-3 nights.

I have a few suggestions to help you out. First, many people don't recommend picking up your child when they awake, but instead patting them or singing to them while they're in their crib until they fall asleep on their own. This didn't work for me at all initially. He would scream the whole time I tried, and I think just that small contact was too big a change for him at first since he was used to sleeping next to me at night. It helped to just focus on settling him down any way I could, then making sure he spent most of his sleeping hours in the crib. Secondly, I definitely recommend putting him down as soon as he falls asleep. This might mean that he wakes up as soon as you put him down, and it can take more than a few tries before he goes down for good. However, I know when I did this, my son would sleep for longer stretches once he was down. If I waited to put him down until he was deeply asleep, as soon as he would fidget (usually within 45 minutes), he'd realize something wasn't right and be awake immediately. It was tough first few nights, but within a week my son was sleeping through the night in his own crib.

I wish you the best of luck. I think the no cry method is great, and it worked for me, but again I must warn you that it is a very slow process. After moving my son into his crib like I described, I then worked on getting him into his own room. After that, it was a matter of trying to get him to fall asleep on his own without all the rocking. That was the point when I started to just pat him and sing him to sleep, and it worked a lot better then when he was used to his crib already. Of course, you can take as long a break as you want in between each of these steps. Just make sure that once you decide to begin any one of these processes, stick with it. He'll want to get back into your bed, and at 4 am its easy to convince yourself that its not a bad idea. Trust me, in the end it prolongs the process considerably.