Getting the Kids Out the Door in the Morning!

When our kids have trouble in the morning, we make their bed time earlier (by 15 or 30 minutes). Usually, that is punishment enough. Otherwise, we use natural consequences.

Example: You go to school without your coat, you're going to be cold. Tardy for school? You won't make an excuse and it will count against them. You forget your assignment, you get a lower grade. Lunch box at school? Brown bag it.

Another thing I did when my kids were a little younger was tell them how much time they had left. "You have 30 minutes!" "15 minutes before we go!" "10 minutes!" "5 minute warning!"

I can never tell my middle girl to hurry up. She'll only go slower the more I say faster. Natural consequences and earlier bed time do the trick.

A check list is a good idea for a kid that "forgets".

It's great to have a list for him of things that he needs to have ready the night before. However, before he goes to bed, go through the checklist with him and make sure he really does have everything ready.

Getting our son up 15 minutes earlier has been helpful for us. He is NOT a morning person. If he's up earlier, it gives him more time to wake up before he has to start getting dressed. I wake him and then do my best to leave the grouchy boy alone until he's no longer grouchy.

Cheryl is so right that things go smoother if Mom and Dad are already ready to go (or mostly) and not rushing around themselves. Otherwise you're about to run out the door and realize the lunchbox is missing.

You need to have a back up plan in case the lunchbox or the coat or something gets left at school. For the lunchbox, have a bag of paper bags in the pantry just in case. For the coat, you could always buy a second coat at Goodwill or a consignment shop. I've done this for our older son, but we also have little brother who will wear it one day, so this is easy to justify. You could also have a couple of oversize sweatshirts and dress him in layers. It would just be for the trip to school, because after that he has his coat.

I suggest that when you tell him to lay his things out the night before, you actually check to make sure he did it, before he goes to bed That should solve a big part of the problem.
I really don't think a punishment is in order. Going forward, I think he's old enough to suffer the natural consequences of his behavior. Forgot your lunch? Guess you're stuck with whatever they're willing to feed you at school. Forgot your homework? Looks like you'll get a lower grade for turning it in late. No coat? You're going to be cold at recess.
This is how kids learn, by experiencing the consequences of their choices.

Punishment in our home for this type of thing, was that we woke our daughter up 15 minutes earlier the next day so she would have more time to search for her own jacket or gather her things in the morning.

This happened very RARELY, when she realized I was not kidding.

We also never had a rule about bed time, because she knew I did not care what time she went to bed, but no excuses in the morning for not getting up and being ready.

If she was not dressed in full, she knew i would carry her to the car the way she was dressed. She never tried this, because she knows me VERY well.

We had a teacher at the elementary school. She lived out at the lake and would drive into town to teach. Her eldest boy was a student at the school.. For a while he would forget his shoes at home.. She would dash to a Walgreens or a sport place close by and purchase some cheap shoes..

FINALLY,she refused and made him either wear her shoes (too small)!!! Tennis shoes. Or he would have to wear HER slippers!!!

He learned to keep a pair of shoes in the trunk of her car.

Have your SON sit down tonight and write out the list of things he needs to have ready in the morning. The list should be on his bedroom on the wall next to the light switch and next to the area where his school items are to be placed.

I am right there with you. I have a great 9 year old, aka the "sloth" in the morning.... Great kid but OMG he procrastinates, stares out the window... does everything but what he's supposed to in the morning before school.
Have done the get everything ready the night before route... it just seems to be we are on track and then the last 10 minutes before the bus, we lose it. Always running for the bus. I take away his iPad, no friends after school... it is so redundant and then we start off the day yelling and subsequently my feeling guilty for yelling.. over and over.. and over...My daughter on the other hand is dressed and ready hours before school some days... she is only 7. I choose to lay my son's clothes out myself, I untie the knots on his sneakers the night before... and leave only snack and lunch to be made in the morning which I do. He is only responsible for getting his homework signed, all folders and necessary books in his bookbag. That is a task in and of itself for him. We are still their moms, want them to be independent and self
A friend said to me the other day that she had just had this conversation with another mother who had spoken to a child psychologist (or family therapist). She said that the morning moments set the tone for the entire day. Calm and praise and what they CAN get done to help themselves in the morning is what's needed. He may be able to get A and B done but C is always a problem. Rather than badger him with negativity as I myself have been guilty of, she had suggested to praise them for the small things they do and to not expect them to be so perfect and adult especially given their young age. They are just kids.
As far as losing things, does your son get an allowance, extra or any money on occasion? If so, then perhaps give him the 2 strikes your out policy. First time you lose something I replace it. Second time and thereafter, he replaces it and has to earn the money or use his own to purchase whatever it was that was lost or forgotten. Kids naturally think money grows on trees. And it is painful to some of them to work hard to earn enough to purchase something silly like a thermos or sweatshirt when there are SO many other glorious things on a toy store shelf!
Good luck and be patient:)

two things to try. The first has helped us bunches!
1. have him sleep in the clothes he is going to wear the next day. unless he sweats alot. then just underwear. that way he isn't warm and cozy and not wanting to change out of his pajamas. It does take some getting used to, but my kids do this now without being asked.

2. wake him up 15 mins earlier.

3. we have a coat rack next to the door and a shoe rack in the laundry room where all shoes are supposed to be stored. you could try putting a shoe rack next to the door. have him take his shoes off as soon as he walks in and place them next to the door.

4. Keep a bag of an extra pair of shoes in the car. Along with a comb. That way if you are really running late, he can use the stuff in the car, on the way to school.

My son is 11y and we still have to remind him about things for school Yes he has left his lunchbox at school. That is why each kid has 2 lunch boxes. My son has food allergies, so we can't just say buy a lunch all the time.

As for punishment, try a chart again. if he makes it all week on time, then on Sat. he gets to have a yummy breakfast (choc. pancakes or a trip to IHOP). Something that he'll want to strive for.

As for punishment, okay. What is his trigger? What will he miss if he doesn't get it one day?

It's not a matter of how well behaved your 8 yr old is, it's not a matter of your husband 'thinking' your 8 yr old is old enough to do this. If the child isn't capable of doing it without supervision, the child needs supervision.
You/your husband have to make sure the clothes are set out, not just instruct the child to do it. You admit that it 'sometimes works', so you're taking the gamble every morning.
We have a very well behaved 7yr old who is slow as Christmas in the morning, and you wouldn't believe how many times I have to say "let's go", "you're gonna be late", "hurry up".
It's your/husbands responsibility to make sure your son get's ready, get's to school until and get's there in one piece.

I had to temper my expectations of my 8 yo (and 5 yo). They do not think about the next step as we do. I love the checklist, but even then remember there are days where he is going to be slower than others. In general kids are slower than adults in this sort of thing.

I'd put the check list in place and give him an extra 15 minutes. Also, a huge difference was made when me (or now my hubby) is already ready to go when the kiddos wake up. By being ready ourselves it loosens the stress on us and we are able to be more calm when helping move the kids through their daily routine.

Good luck!

Well some kids at 8 are ok with getting things together and out the door all on there own. You have tried it this way and obviously your child is not ready for this responsibility. It doesn't mean he's a bad kid or lazy, he's just not ready for this job. You can't just tell him to do it, you have to make sure he has done it. Our son is about to turn 7. We want him to be able to be responsible for getting everything together, but he's not there yet. So he has to get his stuff together in the evening. Backpack, jacket, school folder, etc. go by the door. Then I check to make sure it's all there. Before bed he fills his water bottle for the next day. Again, I have him show me it's done. We pick out his clothes - including, socks, shoes and underwear and set them out the night before. We put them in the living room and he gets dressed in the bathroom. That way if I don't see them next to our fireplace, we know it wasn't done and I can get something together before I go to bed.

I don't know that this is a punishable offense. It seems like a tardy to school and the rush and stress is it's own natural consequence. Is it possible an earlier bedtime is in order, so he can get up earlier? To him, that would be a punishment.

As for leaving stuff behind, I always do a quick glance in my son's back pack to check for stuff. If something is missing, he goes back and gets it. If he leaves his lunch box, then the next day he'll have to eat a sandwich, because his food thermos will be in that lunchbox. My kiddo doesn't care for sandwiches, so this is punishment enough for him. If he leaves his jacket? It'll be a bit cold the next day going to school without one.

THis routine sounds stressful for everyone. It just sounds like he needs a little more hand holding. Make HIM do it and gather it all, but YOU go in check that he's done it.

Put the backpack in the car at night after homework-buy a couple of warm hoodies for the times he does not wear the coat home. Have him keep laying out the clothes at night-load money on his lunch card and have him eat in the school cafeteria-if there is one-on the days he forgets his lunchbox-or has left it at school. Expect to do this for a while-he is an eight year old boy-routine is not important to him-it is his nature-he is good and not trying to be defiant. Also-our brains are designed to forget-especially things that are daily and part of a routine-if he is a good student and learning-that is your silver lining!

i think the checklist is a great idea. so is getting him up earlier so he can cope. if he gets organized and has a full week of getting out the door well, he can sleep that extra 15 or 30 minutes.
i really like that you and your husband are making this your son's problem as well as yours. yes, clearly you need to be involved, but at 8 he should be coming up with coping strategies and having consequences. good for you.
khairete
S.

You remind me of my daughter in that you say you tell him to do this stuff the night before, but obviously no one is following up to make sure it's done. That's the problem.

So, the first thing I suggest it to follow-up THE NIGHT BEFORE to make sure he's done what he's supposed to do.

A lot of people with this problem have their kids sleep in their clothes. It seems to work well.

Finally, I give warnings - 10 minutes and then 5 minutes before go time. At go time, I walk out the door. The kid will follow. If he has to brush his hair or put on his shoes in the car, no big deal.

Some kids are more task oriented than others.
Some kids are easier to wake up than others.
When I was a kid, I woke up easily. Sibling did not. Still doesn't.
Having said that, I can't find my wallet right now. I am an adult & always
know where it is. So.......my point is, he's only 8, make things as easy as
possible for all of you in the mornings.
Don't punish for something like this.
At this age, it's still our job to help, get things ready, ensure they have what they need etc.

Here's what I would do:
-have him pick out his clothes the night before then you go & check it is
laid out
-always have a back up coat
-put a note in his lunch to ask for his coat in lost & found at school
-you, as the parent, have lunches ready to go the night before and set out
something easy for breakfast (cereal, breakfast bars, little carton of milk
in fridge to grab & go etc)
-You ask how much "assistance" they still need at this age. A lot. They
are just entering the age/stage of knowing consequence.
-it is hard for kids of this age to plan ahead so we need to help them along.
-also, since it's rough in the morning (and believe me I know what you
mean...same here), do anything and everything you can to make your
life & your hubby's easier. Get things ready & double check them the
night before to make your lives easier, less stressed, seamless etc.
-It will get better AND easier.

Lists aren't as easy for your son at this age. Also, like some people aren't
list makers/followers, kids aren't either. Those adults you know that
don't DO or MAKE lists, weren't that way as a kid. I am and was. My
sibling? Not at all.

So do what YOU can to help make things easier for you & hubby. It's
your job and believe me it will make life so much easier for all of you.

-have one extra inexpensive lunch bag (you can buy the cheap everywhere now) and small paper lunch bags on hand for when your child leaves a lunch box at school. My SD was 13 & still losing/leaving her lunch bag. And it wasn't for lack of trying. It's more of a personality
trait. She's better now but personalities come into play no matter how old you are. Kind of like if you or hubby misplace your keys. I bet that happens every now and then.

Hang in there and do all you can the night before to make your mornings easier. Get stuff ready now.

For us - the clothes, back pack, jacket and lunch box are all placed where they go the night before. The only thing I do is pack her lunch (with assistance from her on what she wants). We have a special place right inside the door for her backpack. Otherwise it gets thrown somewhere in the living room. And I only have 1 in school....I figure each kid will add more mess so why not nip it in the bud now? Maybe have a hook specifically for his jacket and book bag. His job when he comes home from school each night is to put the jacket and backpack on the hook and take out his folder and put it on the table/island/where ever you choose. When he forgets, remind him. It doens't take long for him to pick up on this. If it's not done by dinner time, tell him he can eat when he's done his 'job'. With the clothes, why not (on Sunday) set out 5 outfits within reach/socks and underwear. In the mornings, wake him up and tell him he has X minutes to get ready. Leave a bit of time incase he does go slow (don't make him rush). Then if he's not ready in that time, you or hubby pick out and outfit and tell him he's wearing what you choose. For breakfast. explain to him that he can have cereal, eggs, waffles, etc when he gets ready by X time. If not, he gets a granola bar, muffin, etc on the way out the door. My daughter likes to watch cartoons in the morning (she's in K). The rule is she has to be getting dressed or eating while watching. If I see she's not, I turn it off.

I do not think you should be punishing him....work with him. You WANT him to succeed. Find out what works for him - maybe he needs more/different structure. Maybe he nees to eat before he gets dressed. Brush his hair before he eats, that kind of thing. I'd get him up earlier too. When he complains of being tired, tell him this is how long he takes. If he wants to sleep more. he needs to get faster and you'll let him sleep in more!

i have a slow poke too. i could wake him up 2 hours early and we'd still be standing there 5 minutes after our scheduled departure time as he tried to find his toothbrush.

the problem i have with the 'punishment' approach is punishment has to be almost immediate to be effectie with this type of kid. he lives in he moment, and a punishment doled out 12 hours after the offense is just about a waste. he gets nothing from it. all part of his ADHD. plus, he finds ways to have fun with just about any punishment other than writing lines.

i've gone with the check list approach, and lowered my expectations. if/when he forgets stuff at school, we improvise. we check to make sure shoes/jackets/backpacks are ready the night before. and we give a lot of positive praise when he self motivates.

PUNISHMENT??????? wow. I have a 16 and 14 and 8yr old. they get up on their own, but I help them get their stuff together and make their lunch,. I make sure they have everything before going out the door. I even get my husbands stuff ready and get him up. anything to help the process. My parents did not do this for me and i was on my own. I always wished they would have been up with me. You only have your kids at home for a short time. trust me. i am freaking out that my son will be a senior next year then poof gone. pick your battles. this should not be one of them.

I think the stress of rushing and being late is its own punishment. I also think its better to focus on how I help him organize more and share the burden. Get him Involved in the strategy planning. Would he like a visual reminder, a checklist? Or alarms? Like set it first for 10 Minutes, you have 10 minutes to get dressed and brush your teeth.,. Ok now 15 minutes to eat your breakfast... What would he find helpful, aside from Dad having to constantly watch and nag of course.
There is a way he is old enough but time management is not a strong skill at this age and they still need quite a bit of guidance. My son is turning 10 tomorrow and I now feel like he could mange his time and get ready without constant reminders.

Excellent suggestions here. In defense of children who daydream and forget things but are really good kids, count your blessings! My eldest was the same and,really so was I. Right brains unite! No matter how you try to change him into a list maker, it won't work. We see the forest, not the trees!

There are tricks that help. My goal in the mornings was that everybody walk out fairly happy. (see that's the right brain, big thinking, work backwards from your goal). So I kept getting him up earlier till that goal was accomplished. If you get up earlier then you have built in time to find things, to do forgotten homework, to find papers they forgot and to mention the 50 marbles they needed! Breakfast is at the table not thrown at them. I noticed my kids were sleepy no matter if I woke them up at 6:00 or 6:20, but it did make a difference on how crazy our mornings turned out. They had a clock in their bathroom and they knew the time they had to brushing their teeth.

My oldest forgot lots of things in elementary and middle school (middle school brain!). High school was better. 2 lunch boxes even then. Just in case things, in the car. He is a successful college student and is on track to be a great, if absentminded, professor!

Don't punish, make a better system. If you are comparing him to a sister or a girl, don't. Don't expect him to be an adult just help him to learn to cope with the personality God gave him. He's not broken! Your routine is.

When mine were little and we needed to get out of the house. We did did do all our getting ready for the next day at night. I am wondering why you or your husband can not check what has been done. He is only eight and still needs guidance with things. Go over the checklist with him. Make it so its not sistressful. Don't make the list long. Hubby needs patients in the morning. Give him stars for everything he gets done on his list and a prize at the end of the week for a job well done. LIke spending one on one time with dad or mom or a special walk with just him.

There's this interesting technique used in management that can be applied to child-rearing: Trust but verify.

Basically, let him do the job (trust), but verify that it's been done when he's not around. Then, if something isn't there that's important, you can ask him about it. But don't say "Go get _____ and put it_____," say "where's your_____?" or "Don't you need ______?"

Also, sometimes natural consequences are the best teacher. Forgot a jacket at school? Well, I hope you have a long sleeved shirt until you get there, but it's still going to be chilly! Forgot a book at school? Looks like you'll be doing your assignment during recess! Forgot a lunchbox? I guess you carry a walmart bag until you bring it home.

Finally, one of the best things I've ever said to my oldest: "If you are late because you keep dilly-dallying around, YOU are going to be the one explaining it to your teacher because I'm not writing you an excuse."

I have an 8 year old...and I am still in charge of mornings. I pack lunches, and fill backpacks (except for homework/take home folder that is his job). I lay out the clothes the night before. Our routine...

I get up 30 minutes before kids...gets lunches packed, have cup of coffee and get breakfast started.

I go wake kids...their clothes are laid out on the end of their beds, their sock and shoes are waiting at the kitchen table and their coats are on the backs of their chairs. Their backpacks are on the floor next to their chairs.

The kids responsibility is to get themselves dressed, dirty pajamas in hamper and make their beds then come to breakfast. I fix/comb their hair while they eat breakfast...and then they go brush their teeth when they are done eating and return to the table. They put on socks and shoes and they check their backpacks make sure I put their lunch and they have take home folder in their backpacks...zip them up and put them on with their coats. Then out the front door.

Now they are totally responsible for bringing home their homework/lunch box/coat/take home folder/etc...if they forget any item then they loose tv privileges that afternoon. AND they will have lunch in a plastic sack the next day or be very cold at the bus stop the next day or take a work conduct mark for no homework the next day.

Our morning routine is down to the minute...they know where every morning item is...clothes: end of bed...shoes and socks: at the table...backpack: at the table...coat: on back of chair at the table...toothbrush: by the sink...pajamas: in the hamper...bed: made (or no tv that afternoon)...

Each year in school they will have one more item go from my list to their list...this year it is homework/take home folder did you get mom to sign it and put it in your backpack??

So I think it is a team effort...and the routine is the thing it is the same every morning without fail...same items in same place everyday...

Good luck!!