Getting VERY Frustrated with 6 Month Old Sleeping Habits!

My oldest daughter slept like that. She is six years old and finally stays asleep all night and stays in her own bed (most of the time).

Hi S.,

We have a 6 month old and I was writing all over these boards about her sleep patterns because I was so frustrated. I'm still frustrated but in the last week have taken a completely different attitude towards the whole thing, which has really helped me. Our daughter was never a great sleeper but she used to sleep in MUCh longer stretches when she was younger. Like your baby, there are times when she naps poorly, or wakes up an hour after we put her down. There are also times when she wakes during the night with a smile on her face ready to play and it becomes challenging to get her back to sleep. Most nights, she wakes between 4 and 6 times within an 11 hour period. It's insane and my husband and I are both severely sleep deprived. A few weeks back, she caught a horrible flu and then after that, a double ear infection. Since then, her sleep habits have worsened. I, too, have read most of the books on sleep for infants and have tried a couple different things with her (starting with the least invasive). What we found was that the very best thing we could do for her was simply tend to her needs, so that's what we've been doing. Meaning, if she cries, I go in and nurse/change her...pat her back, whatever...if she's up, she's up. I tried crying-it-out for a good chunk of time, and she ended up sleeping even more poorly----so we scratched that one. We tried having my husband go in and soothe her if she woke up under 3 hours after going down, but that seemed to make the crying escalate and she became even more frustrated. We tried going in at different intervals...etc etc etc. In the end, I've put it all aside, told myself that she's simply not ready to sleep through the night and that her sleep patterns right now are part of her development and hopefully they will change in the coming weeks. We decided to wait and see what kinds of patterns develop over the next month and take it from there. Yes, it's incredibly frustrating that I put her down at night not knowing how long she'll sleep or how many times she'll wake up during the night----but I'm also feeling more peaceful knowing that for the time being, I'm going to respond to her needs and not drive myself crazy with any sleep training methods. She is definitely a baby who can self-soothe...she goes down for her naps and bedtimes relatively easily----though many times she wakes mid-nap, wanting comfort. It's the nights that are so hard for us.

Hang in there. You are not alone.
-R.

I am against letting a child cry it out, I'll say that up front. But I also totally get how exhausting it is to have a child waking up constantly. I really do (I have two myself). Her sleep is all messed up because of her age and her illnesses. Many, many six month olds do not sleep through the night. I actually don't even think it should be considered "normal" for a baby that age to sleep through the night. BUT, it certainly is possible for your baby to sleep in longer blocks of time and wake up only for a short time so that everyone in the house gets more rest.

In my experience, it takes about two weeks AFTER an illness has resolved for a baby to get back into a good sleep pattern. Now that she is healthy again, I would set up a consistent bedtime and routine and do it exactly the same at the exact same time every night. Soothe her however she wants (milk, snuggles, etc) when she wakes up in the night and be patient. Try to figure out what is waking her up and what she needs to sleep more deeply. At six months, my daughter was still swaddled, had a nuk and slept on an incline in her crib. And she still woke up to nurse once or twice a night.

Be patient and reassuring and she will settle back into a good pattern faster. It will be hard for another week or so so see if you can enlist help from family with the night wakings or letting you get a nap occasionally.

Hang in there - she will sleep better. This time passes quickly and both you and she will feel closer and happier when you respond to her needs even if they seem "unreasonable."

Good luck - its hard!

Healthy Sleep Habits is the way to go. I had the same problem with my second child not being as "sleepy" as my first. It took me forever to figure out a way to sooth her to sleep. I feel like we are finally making progress now that she is 4.5 months. We did cry it out with both my kids. I feel like it is less crying total. It may be hard for a few days but then it's over. She still fusses for a few minutes when I lay her down. She was also doing the 30 minute naps and driving me crazy. Try a sound machine to block out the noise you and your older child are making in the house and make sure the room is DARK. Also, I had to just let her cry herself back to sleep for a few naps until she realized that a good nap is longer than 30 minutes. I know it's tough, but it's better to deal with it now than struggle for several more months. I'd encourage you to commit to it for 3 days and keep track of how long your baby cries and how long she sleeps. You'll know if it's working or not. Good luck.

Weissbluth is the way to go. We've ALL been there. (Like Tammy said, we all try other methods first, but then 99% of us do CIO in the end.) My ped. (w/ 6 kids) recommended the book and I'm thankful every day that he did. My 2nd kid is a great sleeper because we followed that book. Do it and save your sanity, not to mention give your child the gift of sleep too. She's going to bed waaay too late, By the time my 2nd was 6 months, he was asleep every night by 6pm. Not to say that youhave to be asleep that early because it's not realistic for many families, but use that as a guide for knowing that little ones just can't stay up too late. Remember that sleep begets sleep--the cat naps aren't going to go away until the bad/late nights are fixed. (And, her naps aren't too terribly short, all things considered.) It will be super rough those first few days and possibly weeks, but it will all work out and be completely worth it in the end. Good luck!

Is her ear infection COMPLETELY resolved?
Did you have a follow-up about it with the Doctor?
Many times, ear infections can take time to go away, or it recurs.
This happened with my friend's son and another friend as well.
Meanwhile, their baby (the same age as yours) could not sleep and was so uncomfortable. Still.

Is she teething?

Are you feeding on-demand still? For the 1st year, it is still important. Growth-spurts make a baby hungry... and intake has to keep pace with their growth and development and needs for increased intake.

Is she starting to sit-up, roll over and having all those MAJOR gross-motor changes? THIS tweaks a baby's sleep as well. Its normal developmental changes though. But a phase in development.

A baby changes a lot, at 6 months as well. Growing pains, for the baby. Lots happening at the SAME time... and it makes it hard for them.

When she wakes... does she cry or scream? Or is she just waking and making noises but generally fine? If she is just having intermittent wakings...but NOT crying/screaming... then let her be. Try that. LOTS OF TIMES, a baby will just wake sporadically, make noises perhaps, but will go back to sleep if not interrupted. For me, I knew by which noises my kids made as babies, required me to go and comfort them, or if they would just fall back asleep.

All the best,
Susan

You are right - they are ALL different. My son was a good sleeper, BUT if he got sick and out of his routine... watch out!!! He's almost two and it can still be and issue. Maybe the ear infection threw her? I am not a huge fan of the CIO method either - especially at her young age.

However, I have found that when we need to get him back into his routine, this would work (still painful some nights). Make sure she eats enough during the day. Get her on a nap routine if you can (maybe just two a day)? Put her down each night with the routine of your choice... then if/when she gets up, go in and don't pick her up. Talk to her quietly, "mommy's here", "it's time for bed, Love you etc." - just a few words that signal night time. Then you can rub her back (I used to sing - not pleasant really!) for a minute and leave the room. If she is upset just give it a few minutes to see if she can calm herself - esp if not screaming. Then go back in - fewer words, and leave. Finally keep it up and if you have to sit in the room so she knows you are there, but let her find a way to soothe herself to sleep. And of course, if she is screaming... I gave in (that's probably not in the books), but it worked for us. Good luck to you!

I would have to agree with another person's response, she should be going to be bed way earlier. The earlier they go to bed, the longer they sleep. It really is amazing. After reading multiple books to help my 7month old sleep, many articles state infants tend to get tired between 5:30-6:30pm. After that point if they are not put down for the night their bodies start making a stimulating hormone to try and keep them awake which makes it even harder for them to fall sleep and stay asleep the later they get put to bed.
I would try slowly changing the bedtime earlier in 30min to hour increments. Start at 9pm for a few nights, then 8pm, then 7pm, etc.
Best of Luck

You don't have to do the "cry it out" but that's definitely the easiest solution in terms of it working the fastest (and the best). The first night is REALLY tough--if you decide to do this, I had my husband help out and I left the house for an hour, just so I couldn't hear the baby. The second night is easier, and then by the third night, the baby only cried for about 5-10 minutes, so all was set after that. It has been really worth it to do this with both my kids. We tried the "check and console" method for awhile, but it just didn't work...it was taking FOREVER. The biggest thing, I think, is to really establish a consistent routine before bedtime!

the good news is that i think you are doing the right thing. the bad news is that this probably has no "cure" persay.

my son was very headstrong early on, and even as an infant he would accept no substitutes for mom. i was VERY attatchment parenting, and so i carried him a lot, didnt cry it out, breastfed on demand, all of that stuff, not only because i wanted to and even when i didnt want to, because my son had higher needs. one book you might like is raising your spirited child. my son is definatly spirited. and that requires a whole other set of rules. with my son, he did not sleep through the night until between 15-17 months. some nights were better than others, and by a year he was only waking at 4, coming to bed with us, nursing back to sleep, and that was it. it worked like a charm.

so after all that blah blahing about ME, i guess what i might be saying is that your baby's sleep habits might not improve for a while. she could be teething, the illness getting the best of her, learning how to turn over/crawl/walk any big major milestone can and will interrupt sleep. i will tell you though, no amount of crying it out will help you. YOU know what your baby needs. its likely she needs you and she wont take substitutes right? i mean, if not, then you do what works for you and your family.

the "tough" thing about cio is that what baby learns is that there are times where you will not respond to her needs. until they are around a year old, wants and needs are the same. my son had a change in his cry when he was 10 1/2 months old, where i physically noticed a less urgent sound to his cry, and i didnt have to rush to him all the time (but still did most of the time). but any younger than that, they really dont understand why you are not coming and it can be scary and either it makes things worse, or she shuts down emotionally... its a matter of you knowing your child and what you and she can handle, some people/babies end up feeling fine with it. but if you are not find with it, dont do it. just because its a "quick solution" doesnt mean its best for every kid.

www.askdrsears.com - check out info there on high needs babies. i remember just crying reading dr sears book in a section about high needs babies and i was like 'thats him! thats my baby!' and i was just releived that i was doing the right thing by not making him cry it out and holding him and responding to him and breastfeeding him on demand and all of that
and i will have you know that my son is not clingy, dependent, or otherwise "too attached" like people think he would be. he is the most independent; so much in fact that he wouldnt let me help him potty train; he had to do it all himself. so i would say hes rather well adjusted and independent in a healthy way.
good luck

Hi S.,
I know how hard it is to be sleep-deprived. I had the hardest time when my son was an infant. I would suggest trying the No Cry Sleep Solution techniques first, since they are least "invasive", if you will. Then I would try The Sleep Easy Solution. I really liked this approach to helping your child sleep better. Then, if those don't work, you can try Weisbluth's cry it out method and say that you tried the others first. That's what I did because I did not want to do CIO unless nothing else worked.

Good luck to you!
T.

I am another firm Weisbluth believer. Like others have said it wasn't our first choice but once we got on the program we felt like it was the owners manual to kids sleep no one had told us about! ;) Giving children their independence to sleep is hard - just like taking them to the doctor for their shots, or to the dentist (someday!) - we hate to hear them cry but sometimes we have to be the strong ones.

And I know many have said this, but at this age little ones need at least 11 hours of overnight sleep so consider that when setting your bedtime. Our 2.5 y/o still goes to bed at 7:30 because our family needs to be up by 6:30. Here is a chart I still depend on: http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-much-sleep-does-your-chil... And others are right - if a child gets overtired by going to bed too late it starts a viscous cycle of not sleeping well.

Best of luck to you - I know its hard but since we followed the book when our daughter little she's been a solid "through the night" sleeper with very few minor set backs (things like taking away paci or moving) and even then getting her back on track was easy. You can do this! ;)

I am having the SAME EXACT thing with my 8 month old!! As we speak, it is 11PM at night, I am just now having dinner because i have been playing with her since 9PM that she woke up from supposedly going to bed at 8:15PM!!!....sigh....well she is in her crib as we speak whining. She isnt screaming or really crying or anything, just whining. I know shes probably not sleepy because she has been going to bed at around 3AM every night and not waking up until 1PM!!! She was on an amazing schedule at 6 months. I would put her down for bed at about 9PM and would sleep until 8AM the next morning! i was so relieved and so proud!! My trouble was over!!! Well, in December, My dad passed away from lung cancer and my sisters and I were up all day sometimes into the wee hours of the night, we had to figure out all of my dad's things so needless to say, we were out all hours of the day and would come home late at night. My daughter didnt take to well to me being gone. I was usually the one who put her down since my husband works over nights but since he had taken bereavement time, he was home and he would try to put her down for bed and she would refuse! That has been going on ever since and I dont see any end in sight. I cant really let her CIO because that isnt the problem, she is JUST NOT sleepy at the time i want to put her down. When her time does come around, she sleeps in her crib no problem and doesnt give me a hard time. I am trying to wake her earlier and let her be tired and fussy all day without naps and see if she falls asleep earlier. Other than this, I really dont know what else to do. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! Keep us updated and feel free to contact me anytime. Good Luck!