Myself Going Back to Work - Vine Grove, KY

When I went back to work I was so worried my child would not sleep. Everytime I would pick her up she would be taking her afternoon nap and her Nana would say I have no problems getting her to sleep. No suck luck for me.

Hi J.,
Congrats on your new little one! And on behalf of my fellow Mamasource members, I apologize for the critical and judgmental comments some have left here. I don't understand why some other mothers seem to thrive on tearing down rather than building up.

I've had the blessing of being a sahm, and believe me, I don't take that for granted. So I can't personally know the position you're in, but I think I'm in the minority. Meaning, you're not alone, and to me, just the fact that you care so much about your babe means she'll be fine. I used to keep another couple's infant after the mom had to go back to work. This baby had been held 24/7, and did not like it when I had to put her down to attend to my own children or whatever. She used to turn blue in the face, she'd cry so hard (talk about scary!), but even she got used to the fact that I couldn't hold her all the time. I should think if this baby could transition into a different environment, any baby can. And I'm sure the day care staff you've chosen has had lots of experience in helping new babies to get used to new surroundings.

In the meantime, do you have friends around (or could you do a trial run at the day care?) who could put her down for a nap during the day to get her (and mainly, you! ;-) used to the idea?

I hope you'll come back and tell us how it's going. I wouldn't be surprised if soon, you'll find that your baby is more adaptable and sleeping for you just fine.

Best of luck!

I hope that you can peacefully and respectfully ignore the comments that placed judgement on you for going back to work.
I stay at home with my children, but am fully aware that it is not always possible. There have been plenty of times that I have thought about going back to work. But the profit (after day care costs) just wasn't enough for us.
Anyway, what I would suggest is that you begin to just slightly rock her (maybe about 20 min) before you lay her down for naps during the day. This is probably what you're going to get from the daycare. They DO rock your babies. I had my one year old in daycare for a brief time and saw them rocking her plenty of times. Other than this, I would just try to calm down as much as possible. The providers will do a good job, at least the best that they can. But you have to go ahead and accept that they will never be as good as you are!!! (We moms kick a*s!) But remember, at the end of the day, you will always come get her, and be able to fill her up with the love she missed from you during the day.
It will be okay. Sometimes we forget that the babies aren't necessarily the ones that have such a hard time transisitioning; it's us, the Mommies! She will be just fine, and as time goes by and you get used to it, you will be too!
Best wishes J.!

A child needs that closness. But time has change for us all. No more can parents be home to raise them to understand life around them. It got to be terrible to have to let her be with other people she does not know. There is nothing wrong with daycares. They just don't have that special touch that children need. Their Mommy and Daddy. But they do try.
Is there anyway you could take her to the day care and be there with her while she gets to know the people there? Call it a previsit ( made that word up ) It is just a visit a couple of time untill she get to know how it will be to her.
Let her check the place out. Maybe this will help her not to be afraid and start having fun. And it will make you feel better to see she will be alright.

J.
Let me just start with - There Is Nothing Wrong With Going Back To Work. I have 3 children and I had to go back to work with my fist 2. I found that children are amazing. The best thing I found, like many other mothers, was to talk to your daycare. I was amazed at how much time they did spend holding the new babies. They may not be able to hold her for her whole nap, but rocking her to sleep shouldn't be a big deal. Most places that I talked to were more than happy to let come in and see how they ran a typical day. This gave me a better idea how to prepare for my daughters' first day. I am sure that you have picked a wonderful place and they will be happy to discuss your concern about your LO.

Do you have a daycare lined up already? I suggest you interview and select your daycare provider carefully. I myself shopped around through A LOT of daycares until I found one that I felt would take care of my baby (who was then only 8 weeks old) almost as well as I would when I needed to go back to work. My husband and I also popped in unexpectedly in her first few weeks at daycare to make sure everything was going okay. Now, she is five months old and thriving. We really feel we made the right selection.

Good luck!

J.,

I know you have received a number of responses and i didn't have time to read them all but I just want to say, hang in there. When I had to take my child to daycare, I was definitely concerned about how they would know when to put my child down for a nap and how they would do it, etc.. and what I found is that when I expressed my concerns to the daycare staff, it was met with "well how do you normally do this or that?" and then we worked together so as to make the transition smooth. i think the most important thing is to always keep the lines of communication open with your caregivers and try to come up with solutions together.. that always gives me piece of mind. i also was just watching a show on npt about separation anxiety. although your child is a bit young to be expressing this, I think the take home message is applicable, and that is, if it is possible to take your child to the daycare for increasing periods of time, then they get used to it and when it comes time for you to actually baby girl there for the whole day, it is not as traumatic an experience for either of you... so i would check into if your daycare has the capacity for you to do this. if not then, rest assured that children adapt quickly and any reputable daycare has experienced workers to help you through. Good luck and know that you are not the first mom to experience this, nor will you be looked upon as the overbearing or paranoid mom if you visit periodically throughout the day or week to check in on your child.

My son was the same way- he was very colicky and demanded to be held when he napped. I held him so much I got bursitis in my shoulder. The swing worked for us and might be worth a try. We had one of those cradle swings that go side-to-side. I would turn on his noise machine, turn the swing on lowest setting, and he would drift off. After he was good and asleep, I would turn it off and he would sleep motionless for the rest of his nap. After a while, we moved the swing into his room for naps, and then we moved him from there the crib. Hope this helps!

J.,

If there is ANY possible alternative DON'T put your sweet little girl in a daycare facility!! In some the ratio is even 4 or 5 babies to one childcare worker!! And nobody can take care of four or more babies at a time and give them the attention and affection they need.
The ideal situation is to stay home for a while longer, or find a work at home position, so you can be with her. This time is very special, and I know some have to work and don't have the choice, but if you have a career that you can put on hold, the rewards are priceless.
The other option would be what has been suggested, such as a nanny or somebody that is a SAHM that needs the income and would give your baby more personal attention.
I'm not against day care or after school care for older kids, but they're little babies for such a very short time. Believe me, you won't regret spending a little more for quality care, or if you decide to stay home, it'll be a special time forever for you and your daughter.

Hi J.
We had the same worry when we started our LO in daycare. You'll be surprised at how well babies transition. Your LO is young enough to where she won't remember her routine, and most babies aren't quite on a routine at her age. Most of the time it's the parents that have a harder time transitioning. There are some parents that like to stay home with their children, which I think is great, but if a circumstance comes up and the parent has to go back to work, the transition is so much harder on the child especially when the child gets a little older and knows what's going on in her surroundings.
You can ask your daycare if they use a sleep machine (ours did) or see if you can bring one in. Babies are interested in looking at other babies and doing mirror time because they see another baby and don't recognize themselves, so she'll be entertained by her surroundings. Then you can still love her and hold her at home just as you always do.
Also, please feel obligated to call and check on her or stop in to see her, if you feel the need, especially the first few weeks. If your daycare doesn't offer this then you should check into it.
Good luck, this will be hard at first but it'll get easier. Every parent that uses a daycare, even if it's family, has some degree of guilt, but don't let that overcome all your reasons for using daycare and going back to work. I think all moms are supermoms, but especially the full time working moms!!
Feel free to email me if you need to ____@____.com
P.

Have you ever considered a nanny? You can get really good care in your home and your little one will get way more attention since it will be one on one! You can find excellent nannies that are the same price or cheaper than daycare. You can find them through agencies or even craigslist. Just a thought. I know my kid is a quiet kid and I would be scared to put him in daycare. Two teachers to 10 kids just doens't seem like they are able to really spend as much time with children as they need. Knowing mine is quiet I was afraid of him getting set in the back of the room till he cries. Consider a nanny. Good luck!

I think you will find that children adapt to their enviornment very well. She will get used to the routine at daycare and you may find this will make your life easier when you are home with her. Good Luck!

You will have to put her in her crib while napping, that is what they will do. They may rock her to sleep with a bottle if you want to do that. There will be noise at the daycare though, no noise machine. You may consider feeding her a bottle with the tv or radio on, allowing her to fall asleep to the noise and then lay her down in her crib. You really just need to do whatever your routine is at home b/c you don't want to change everything b/c of daycare and then at night or days that you have her, she is confused. Babies that young are resilient and she truly will conform to daycare. They are not going to let an itty bitty baby cry much. Most daycare workers will want to hold her not to mention letting her cry might disrupt other children trying to nap. They most likely will hold her, feed her a bottle, and then lay her down when she is asleep. Don't worry, this young age will be good for her to not get so comfortable and into an easy habit. daycare babies usually sleep better b/c they conform young. Just tell them when you drop her off that you would like her to be fed her bottle and then rocked. :o)

W.

I went back to work at 12 wks in July. I was devasted but my daughter was fine. I thought she would be traumatized but it was harder on me than her. She loves her daycare teachers! I, too, hate the thought of her crying it out & she's 5 mos now. But honestly no one ever died from crying. Make sure you trust your daycare. No one wants to leave their baby but if you can trust them, it will make a world of difference when you have to pull out of that parking lot!!!!
And you may not be able to get her to go down on her own yet. I would say within just the last month, my daughter just started staying sleep when I put her in the crib. Prior to that, she would immediately wake as soon as her head hit the mattress & we'd have to play the pick her up put her back down game! So you may just have to give her time.
Your baby is only a month old!!! She won't be a baby forever. If you want to hold her, hold her! The day will come quickly when she doesn't want to be held! Trust your mom instinct & cherish every moment - they go by fast!

My daughter is now 4 months old and is getting started on sleeping during the day on her own with no assistance. At 3 months she would go down with very little assistance. We are VERY fortunate. I don't go back to work for two more weeks and then my husband is taking his 12 weeks of FMLA before she goes into daycare, so we haven't had to consider this.

When she was 6 weeks, I started looking into sleep books for the same reason: good night sleeper, bad day sleeper. Crying it out at this age seems a little early. I've read some of the sleep books and baby books and they all say that babies aren't developmentally able to sooth themselves this early. What I did learn is that she needs to be put down after no longer than 2 hours. Once I started swaddling her and getting her ready to sleep when you she got fussy (at about 1 hour and 15 minutes) she slept fine and napped for an hour or three (no middle ground there; either 1 hour or 3 hours). It did make it hard to get out of the house too much in the morning when she does this. She still doesn't take an afternoon nap well. I have to take her for a walk around 3pm and she sleeps while I walk.

Talk to your daycare about what you can do to make her transition easier. Hopefully, their philosophy and yours will match.

Good luck.

Have more faith in your daycare. Trust that they have been through this many, many times. Call them and ask if they recommend some type of preparation for her, or if they will be able to hold her more than you think. At my day care, if you show up in the middle of the day the office staff are likely to be holding bed babies along with the official teachers in the bed babies' room. Every other baby gets through this, and yours will too. Try to relax. Good luck.

Hi J.,

I wish you could stay home with your baby! =) I know that isn't always possible - especially with the economy the way that it is. The first 3 years are so critical in building trust and having a responsive caregiver. If there's any way to look into having a nanny rather than sending your baby off to day care I highly recommend it. Babies get more sick and the more "needy" babies (*sigh* they're just babies and they do need to be held!!) really aren't catered to at day care. My cousin worked as a certified teacher in a very expensive day care in the RTP in the Triangle area of NC and she was surprised at the care the babies received. Their basic needs were met - diapers changed, fed, smiled at. But holding was not something they could do - too many babies! The easy babies probably suffer the most because they are actually content in the swing or bouncy chair (both are extremely detrimental to a babies spine! when they are overused). The babies who wanted to be held all the time were somewhat resented in a way -"Oh, that one's spoiled - his mom probably holds him all the time!" That breaks my heart. Babies are hardwired to want to be held - they desire closeness and touch because biologically they know that keeps them safe. A nanny would be able to give you that kind of care for your baby. Think about it! Babies do not need social networking opportunities with other little ones. They need one-on-one holding, talking, interaction with a consistent, loving caregiver. Please consider a nanny and stop by my website for more parenting support and help. You sound like an intentional mama =)

R.
http://www.noblemother.com

She'll probably be fine. It's usually harder on 'mama' than baby. Six weeks is too young to 'cry it out', tho. She's still practically a 'newborn'.

Is there ANY WAY you can be a SAHM or work only part-time? I reared 4 kids while hubby worked, and it was the most glorious 'career' I could've imagined! Our nest just became 'empty' in June, and I'm actually grieving (although I'm NOT the kind of mom who never wanted my kids to leave!! I kicked one out at 19 or 20! [he's almost 29 and still loves me, tho! LOL]) It's what women were 'wired to do' -- 'mother' and nurture children. There's just something about being able to mold, nurture, and direct little minds and bodies into healthy, productive adults that nothing can compare to! I wanted to do it myself, not pay someone else to do it. (And I'm NOT trying to 'guilt' you. It's just worth a lot of thought and prayer!!)

I know how you feel. I felt the same way when I took my son to daycare for the first time. He is in a really good daycare and the transition seemed to be fine. Their job is to try to get your child on a schedule (for eating and sleeping) to make it easy for both you and the child. I think it's normal for some crying in the beginning, but they usually have a low ratio for infants, meaing only 3 babies per worker and they can give that extra holding time, if needed. Now, yes, they will not hold the baby all the time, but they will do what they can (if it is a good daycare) to keep your child happy.

I just made a point of talking with my teachers (and still do to this day and my son just turned 2) about how the day went, see if they have any suggestions for you - be willing to try some of the things they say if you've never done it before. I feel that the parents who are asking a lot of questions are the ones that the child seems happier b/c everyone is working together to keep them happy.

You might find that taking your baby to daycare will be harder on you than the baby :-) But that's normal and you will go through phases. But I have enjoyed the daycare experience. I believe it gives the child the exposure to other children and they learn a lot and have fun.

Good luck!

I went back to work when my almost 7yo son was just 7 weeks old. It was a fairly easy transition for me because instead of looking for a daycare I looked for someone with a good reputation that kept children in her home. I found a Mom that was about my age...(I was 40 when I had my son)...and had 2 older children(one grown and one in HS) and 1 5yo. (in Kindergarden) She also was only keeping one other child at the time...a 1 yo. I turned down a mom that had about 5 2yos...especilly after she admitted it might be a stuggle keeping a newborn safe around them...at least she was honest..lol I checked out a couple of refernces..but mainly I knew when I set down to talk to her that she was very used to dealing with childern ...and she told me "I just treat them like they were my own." I knew he wouldn't get that in a daycare. He was not used to being coddled that much but she did take the time to rock him to sleep sometimes..and I believe she enjoyed it as much as him ;) She also was less expensive than daycare..although not all are. She decided she needed to get a "real" job when my son was 2 and a half...which was devasting to ME ..and h*** o* him for a few weeks..because she was like another mother. But I did find another lady...although not as "special" and inexpensive as the 1st one. Since he was 2 and a half I didn't worry as much...and after a couple of weeks he was enjoying playing with her grand-kids and he learned alot..like how to stand up and "potty" from them..lol At 4 I felt like he was ready for preschool. I have had mostly only good experiences with in-home daycare....ask someone in your area...I found my 1st one off the bulliten board at the grocery store...she was Heaven sent!

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know it's hard, but she'll be fine there. I had to send both of my boys to daycare - my youngest is still there and they both love it! I was nervous about sending my first son so young so my mother-in-law kept him until he was 4 months old. When he started the daycare, he was perfectly fine and he wasn't a great daytime sleeper either because he had reflux. Babies learn to adjust to their new surroundings very quickly. Our daycare always rocks the babies before laying them down and if they wake up and can't hold them, they try them in a swing. They are used to dealing with babies of all temperments and can come up with creative ways to help the babies. I actually learned a lot from them and had no concerns about starting my second son there at 8 weeks. And they actually hold them a lot more than you would think...especially the new babies!

I can understand how you feel about being able to prepare your daughter for daycare. The daycare will not do anything extra or more than what is required. It is sad because alot of parents feel that their child needs extra care because when we as parents take care of them we give our children every tiny little thing they need. My son is 18months now and when he was little i did the same as you, i held him for every nap. Everyone would tell me to let him cry it out, but i never did because i could never understand how you can justify the fact that the only reason your child fell asleep was because they cried themself to sleep. Its like one of those things where you got 10 people saying its okay and it works, and then theres 10 people telling you not too. I never let my son cry. He has been sleeping on his own all through the night since he was 1 1/2 months old. He took 3 solids naps a day. Anyways what im tryin to tell you that if you want your daughter to get that extra bit of attention maybe you should try a nanny or find a babysitter that you can trust and get to know. At least with babysitters you can explain what is expected of them and the care that your child needs. i wouldnt recomend changing your daughters routines at home, when she does get to daycare she will adjust on her own, and more than likely not tramatized. Children adapt quicker than we want to realize. i belive its us who freaks out more. i wish you luck with going back to work, and being able to find some comfort when deciding on what to do. Best wishes - A.

Unfortunately, the only way I know of is to let her cry. I wish I could help you more with that. I know it seems cruel but honestly after a couple of times....you won't have that problem any longer. Also, you might be surprised at how they put her to sleep at the daycare. At the one my son was at...they always rocked him to sleep. It was easier that way as they like to keep the room quiet. Check into it, that may not even be a problem for you.

I would like to just throw this out there without being accused of spamming. But, if you would like to find out how you might be able to not have to go back to work and avoid that issue all-together...please Private Message me. When my daughter was born (second child) I just knew I wanted to stay home. If you want to go back to work, that's good, but if not...then send me a message so I can share what I do with you. You are local to me and I would love to help you.