Grandpa Won't Change Diapers

Sorry, if you are not willing to change diapers I can't leave the kids with you until they are fully potty trained. My kids are the end all be all and I will stand up to anyone on behalf of my kids. Even wet diapers get heavy and irritating and lead to rashes and yeast infections. I can't believe so many are so cavalier about it!

Hire a babysitter who is willing to change diapers. I think he's been pretty clear on his policy with regards to diaper changing.

I would say to him, " I love that you like to watch the kids but part of this job is changing their diapers. It's important that they are not left with a dirty diaper because they can get a bad diaper rash or infection. I will be unable to have you take care of them if you can't do this."

What else is he not doing while they are in his care?

Tell him you would love for him to watch the kids, but he can't since he won't do diapers. Unsanitary and unhealthy! I wouldn't even leave them with him for an hour; what if the baby pooped as soon as you left?

Sounds like he isn't going to change. And you expressed that you don't even want to go there with him. If you want to take him up on his offer to watch the kiddos, I would go to a late movie with hubby so you can get them in their PJs and overnight diapers and have him just be there while the kiddos sleep. If he says anything about it have your hubby be honest and tell him why.

I would say nothing. Dont leave the kids with him if it is not acceptable to you if they sit in a wet or dirty diaper for a few hours. He has been very clear that he will not change their diapers. This is a battle that I wouldnt pick.

Your father n law is from a different generation, and many men did not change diapers. My dad NEVER changed a diaper. When he watched us by himself, he took us to the neighbor if we needed our diaper changed. Seriously. To the neighbor....My father n law has never changed my children's diapers although he has watched the kids many times.

I, personally, agree with your husband. I dont think its a big deal if they dont get changed every hour. If you can live with it, just lather them up with diaper cream and stay out for just a couple of hours.

;)

My FIL doesn't do diapers either - unless it's an actual emergency. He says he did his "time" and now that he is a grandpa, it isn't in the cards.

I'd let it be and not say anything.

If you are only gone an hour or two, your kids will survive. Heck, when I had two in diapers, there were days when I didn't get them both changed right away if they had peed. I usually did change poopers right away, but if they were just wet, well - todays diapers are pretty absorbent.

You can decide, a young/stranger changing your daughter (babysitter) for a fee or a loving Grandpa staying with her but not changing her for free.

I'd pick Grandpa.

It sounds like grandpa really loves to spend time with his grandkids since he volunteers to babysit. I suspect he would change them if they were uncomfortable or crying because their diaper needed to be changed. If he is great with them otherwise I would change them right before I went out and only be gone for about an hour or so. My husband reallllly did not like to change diapers either and would avoid it whenever possible.

I agree with you! If your FIL won't change the diapers, then he doesn't get the opportunity to watch the kids. Period. (in my opinion) I know my DD will get an irritated butt very easily if not changed properly. You could run into problems with diaper rash and possible infection of your child is left to sit in a full diaper.

Changing a diaper is a MUST when watching a child. I understand that your hubby doesn't want to give up "date night", but maybe you could find another sitter. Just ask your FIL "what exactly is it that makes you uncomfortable with changing a diaper"? If he flat out refuses to change them, you will just have to be honest with him. Tell him "while we appreciate that you are willing to watch the children, we had to hire a professional babysitter who can perform ALL the tasks required when watching small children. We understand that changing diapers makes you uncomfortable, and since that is a MUST, we didn't want to ask you to do something you were not comfortable with". Hopefully your husband and FIL understand. Men...they just don't get it sometimes. Good luck!

my fil was like that too. i finally told him that if he cant change a diaper then he cant be counted on to care for my daughter. that snapped him out of that. but even then i know that he waited till she was about to leak because her skin would be red and irritated.

He's not going to change, only have him watch them for time periods where you are comfortable with the amount of time you will be gone, otherwise find an alternate babysitter. I think it's great that he offers to watch your kids, but you know what you are getting.

The one question I would ask him, is how he would handle one of those explosive poos that migrate out of the diaper and up the baby's back. Obviously, the child can not sit in this for an hour or more until you make it home. This way you are not being confrontational, you just need to find out what his plan B is. Agree that under "normal" diaper conditions it is no big deal for them to sit in a wet or dirty diaper, but explain that there are times that this can't happen. Offer to teach him how to change the diapers, you could even try teasing him a little - there's nothing to be afraid of. But, like others have said, men of his generation didn't change diapers (they had wives that did), obviously if a mother died and there wasn't some other person in play (nanny, older child, etc.), there had to be some fathers that did this - but they would never admit it in public ;)
Good luck

Actually I am on Grandads side. Your children will be just fine for a few hours while they are sleeping. You are really lucky that he even will do this for you both. If one of them had diarrhea you would know that before you went out. He sounds like a very loving Grandad to me. Why would you take this away from him?

Updated

Actually I am on Grandads side. Your children will be just fine for a few hours while they are sleeping. You are really lucky that he even will do this for you both. If one of them had diarrhea you would know that before you went out. He sounds like a very loving Grandad to me. Why would you take this away from him?

I don't think you are going to get this man to change diapers. And I don't think it would be worth the family fight that could happen if you push it. My father never in his life changed a diaper, and there were four of us.

If you leave your kids with him or not is your decision. I might, if I knew we were going to be gone a reasonably short time.

I would love it if my kids grandpa would come over and babysit if just for a few hours. I would not care if he changed diapers or not. We never get to go anywhere alone except for work.
Just make sure they she has already gone before you leave home. My son would go at least a couple of hours before doing #2.

my dad doesnt do diapers either. anytime i leave my son at my parent's house overnight, and my mom leaves early to go to work, i know my dad wont be changing the diapers....
but i also know my son won't die with an unchanged diaper.

my thoughts are, as long as you arent going to be gone more than a few hours, they will both be ok. If he is offering to change them, take the free babysitting with the whole gift horse in the mouth idea.

Change their diapers before you leave and only be gone for 2-3 hours.

They will be fine with a dirty diaper for an hour. if they have bad diaper rash or bad diarrhea, then don't go out that night or get another sitter. Sometimes, you have to choose your battles, and it sounds like otherwise, he's a great grandpa.

my dad used to say that, I don't think he changed many of my diapers either. Then one day he was alone with my son when he did the nastiest smelling poop. My son is not the type that will just sit around, he is a very physical playful kid and crawls all over you. My dad couldn't stand the smell and broke down and changed him. I won't say that he did the best job of it, and he left the diaper in the hallway so I could experience it. From then on he would change the diapers if he was the only one around and he couldn't avoid it. If the same situation arises, would your father in law do the same, or stomach the smell?

How old is Grandpa? A generation ago dad's and especially Grandpa's didn't do diapers. My dad doesn't and neither does my FIL. Dad was 54 when he became a Grandpa and didn't then either, that was 20 years ago.
I wouldn't have expected him to.
Feed the kids, change them, put them to bed. THen go out and have a nice time.

I would ask him to change their diapers and tell him that it is required if he is going to watch them. If he refuses, you have the choice of allowing him to watch them without the diapers or find someone else. I personally would just to quick trips or outings if I knew grandpa wouldn't be changing the diapers. Good luck.

M

Well it isn't like you are cloth diapering like I do and HAVE to change diapers at night. Personally if the ONLY complaint you have is diaper changes, I think you are doing REALLY well. I mean he could be bent on feeding them pure sugar instead of real food while you were gone instead or let them watch R rated movies all night and then leave you to deal with the nightmares for weeks after. It isn't like you are leaving him with the kids for DAYS, you say the max ever was 3 hours.

Personally, I wouldn't let gramps watch my children if he doesn't change diapers and it sounds to me that he has a problem with changing a girls diaper. Why push this issue? It doesn't sound right and I don't know about you, but this raises some flags for me. What does your gut say? Follow it.

Hi KF, I wish my kids had had a Grandpa, whether he changed their diapers or not, but they were both dead before the kids were born.
I guess I would let it go, let him babysit if it's only for a couple hours. Not like they're sittin' in wet diapers all day every day. Just use and extra layer of Desitin.

:(

I'd say if he would promise to change a B.M. diaper then you could go ahead for 2 hrs or so safely. Otherwise --no--sitting in poo for a long time would be so uncomfortable!

You have 2 choices. You can accept your FIL's conditions and enjoy alone time with your husband (even if it's just for a few hours) or you can pay a babysitter upwards of $12/hr to get the diapers changed. If it were me, I would hands down choose my FIL. If you children have diarrhea, then you probably wouldn't go out anyway. And, your husband is right, the kids go several hours at night wearing wet diapers. We don't live anywhere near either set of grandparents and would love the opportunity to send the kids to their house for a date night!

Choose you battles. If you kids are safe, happy, and loved by your FIL, consider yourself blessed!

Maybe it is a girl thing. I don't think it means he perverted--he's entitled to his feelings. When my niece was very young she had a bad infection/rash in her vagina. My BIL told my sister he felt uncomfortable putting cream on her private area (it was their first child and he is a FANTASTIC father). She respected that and did the cream.

Well... my kids' Aunty.... does NOT change diapers. Either.
It was her mantra... when my kids were in diapers.
Even if she took them out.... she did NOT change diapers.

I have heard of alot of men in that era that never changed a single diaper simply because it was the norm for moms to stay home and take total care of the kids. Seems outrageous now because both my husband and I work and will therefore split the duties. I wouldn't worry about teaching an old horse new tricks. Just hire a babysitter and only use grandpa for short trips, a few hours out on date night, emergencies, etc.

I have had it happen a couple times that when I have taken my kids to nursery at church that things have gotten busy and they didn't get changed. Now what I always do is put a huggies overnight diaper on my little one just to be on the safe side. I think just for going out to dinner you could do that and they would be alright. However, I would just hate to think of my little ones sitting in poop and not being changed, I mean that is a diaper rash waiting to happen, so I don't know if I could leave my kids knowing they would not get changed. Tough call, sorry guess I was really no help at all!! Good luck!

I do understand you being upset. But be very thankful he's part of their life. I'd make it really clear to him if the kids end up having a messy diaper to call you right away. Even if you have to gross him out with yeast and bladder infections from not being changed do it. I wouldn't stop going out with your husband and having grandpa watch them. Although he doesn't change diapers he loves them a lot. Just change them before you leave and when you come back. 3-4 hours isn't too long.

My FIL doesn't change diapers either. He says he won't let her be dirty, but if her diaper isn't full then he won't do it. My MIL changes all the diapers, and if she's not there he will wait as long as possible, and usually she returns by the time teh baby needs a diaper.
In our situation it has nothing to do with our baby being a girl, my FIL has 1 girl and 2 sons, he just never changed their diapers, and won't do it today with his grandkids.
Is there anyway you guys can have a late night date after you put them to bed?
Good Luck.

He doesn't have to watch them, he is being nice to do it. If you are not comfortable with it, you can get a sitter.

My brother in law would watch our kids but also did not change diapers. I think he just wanted to make sure he was never in any situation that could be mis-interpreted as sexual since we have 2 girls. I often just took them with us and wore one in a sling. Since I nursed them exclusively I could not leave them longer that 2 hours anyway.We had a bag of "restaurant toys" for consisting of an old purse of mine with little princess dolls and drawing stuff and a card board book that ONLY came out in restaurants. We would occasionally add a new toy so that there would be some excitement to come along. I don't think it is a big deal for kids to be in the same diaper for a while. I would add an extra thick layer of diaper cream and perhaps buy the next size diaper or overnights, etc. to put on the kids so they can last however long you are gone. And thank grandpa for wanting to spend time with the kids. His heart is in the right place, if I did not have to I would also not change stinky diapers!!

I guess if he can't change them, you shouldn't leave them with him. My FIL said the same thing, and the one time he did have my daughter by himself (MIL is usually there as well) but the one time they were alone and she needed change, he changed her. Granted, the diaper was backwards, lol, but he changed her. Myabe tell him you really want him to get to keep the kids, but for health reasons, they need changed when they need changed, and would he reconsider?

Was there some crazy show where grandparents were instructed to stop doing diapers as a way to force potty traiining? My inlaws are doing the same thing so my niece lies about her 5, 4, and 2 year old being potty trained. Then they get to clean up poo and pee off the carpet. GROSS.
They won't change and I bet he won't either.

My guess is he feels uncomfortable wiping a little girl and does not want to wipe between her legs as he sees this as being a "dirty old man"
Ask him why he does not change diapers.
Maybe go from the angle it is not good for them to lay in it as it can cause diaper rashes etc.
You may need to let Grandpa visit etc but hire a teenager who will change the diaper for long times out.
An hour out I would think would be ok without being checked/ changed.
You want to nurish the relationship with Grandpa and although you and I think it is terrible I am sure there are lots of children who sit/lay in their filth much longer than that and they survived.
Best wishes and good luck
sounds like Grandpa wants to help out but may be a bit scared :)

It's definitely your FIL generation and I think the girl part is also a factor. My father does not change diapers either. My parents, well mainly my mom has watched my daughter two days a week since she was 15 months old and my mom did all the changes. There was one day when my mom had an emergency with my grandma that she had to attend to so my dad had to watch her for about two hours. She has a HUGE diarrhea blow out. He called my mom freaking but guess what he took care of it. Our dads just grew up in an era where it was not expected of them so they get weird about it. If it really makes you uncomfortable then I would tell your husband to hire someone who will do diapers. I agree with you as far as a possible poop while you are gone. A baby should not just sit in it. Tell your FIL you would be happy to have him watch the kids when they are potty trained. Good luck

I wouldn't force the issue as you are asking for trouble. If he doesn't want to do it thats up to him. My Dad never changed diapers and I wouldn't have expected him to.(he probably wouldn't have done it right anyway)lol. He is a wonderful Grandfather to 6 grandkids and father to 4 and has maybe changed a diaper once. Obvously your fil can't watch the kids for a period longer than 3-4 hrs so I would get someone else to babysit if thats possible if you are going to be out with hubby any longer than that. When he is watching them just make sure you change them just before you leave. The time will come when they will be out of diapers and he can watch them for longer periods. Also if my child had diarrhea I wouldn't be going out anyway unless it was an emergency. Good Luck. Your kids are so lucky to have a grandpa who wants to spend time with them.

If it's just a couple hours, change them right before you leave and slather their bottoms with vaseline for protection. I started doing that when my mother in law once said she didn't change my then toddler's diaper one time because when my MIL asked my daughter if she wanted her diaper changed, my daughter said no. I had to explain to my MIL that my 15 month old does not have a say in the matter!

Put your kids to bed THEN go out.

What a butt head...my FIL was the same way. He watched my son once so I could attend the funeral of my BFF's brother and I got stuck in a major traffic jam and he was panicking b/c he was afraid my son was going to be hungry (near dinnertime). I was thinking....ummm, can you make a PB&J? Sheesh.