I am really struggling with whether or not to have a 4th child, etc.. If we are going to do it, the time is critical to do it now. We have three boys (4.5, 2.5 and 6 mos). My children bring me the greatest joy in the world and I love being a mother. I would like to have another baby and a girl would be wonderful, but a boy would be wonderful if that's what it was. My husband says if I really want this, he's on board. I am almost 42 and we did 3 IUI's to get pregnant w/our 3rd child and so we would probably start with IVF at this point. It costs approx. $10,000 and of course, there are no guarantees. My odds of getting pregnant are 25-35%. We could probably only afford to spend the money for one cycle. I'm not working the last few months as I look for a part-time job instead of full time, so we would have to use a portion of our savings, although we would still have more than 6 mos. living expenses left after that.
How do you decide whether or not to add another child or not (I know that sounds ridiculous at face value)? How do we know if we will be able to afford them later in life? How do you ever know? Is four too many? What are the pros/cons? Would you do an IVF with those odds at this age? If it doesn't work, will I feel guilty at throwing that amount of money away on the IVF?
Also, on the IVF question, does anyone recommend Dr. Goldstein? If I proceed, I need the best! Thanks for listening and responding.
I saw go for it as well. We went thru IVF with Dr. Goldstein and were very pleased. He was very empathetic, but did not sugar coat things and I liked that. I know his stats are considered the top in the area according to my OBGYN.
Good luck to you
It sounds like this is something you really want to do and your husband is on board. Why not? I think you would regret NOT trying.
As another mom said, you'll adjust accordingly if you do have another baby.
Do you have 3 healthy children? Be thankful for what you have. Save your money. Don't fix something that's not broken. With IVF, and your age, you could have multiples! You wouldn't have your fourth and be done. You'd have 6 or 7. I'm 33, and would never consider IVF as a means to have a child if I had 3 perfect ones already.
I can tell you'd really like another. Just go for it. I just had my 3rd (my wonderful, marvelous, fantastic surprise baby; I've a 16 y.o. and a 12 y.o. besides) and am 44 years old. Another friend just had one, same thing w two teens but she's newly married again, and she is 46. Since you just had your other little ones, you know pregnancy is harder when over 40, but I'm so much calmer this round. Best of luck to you!
I say go for it! It seems that you really want a fourth, otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question! I guess if it were me, I'd rather try and see what happens than wonder "what if" for the rest of my life. It sounds like you and your husband are comfortable financially so that shouldn't be an issue. Best of luck to you! Let us all know what you decide!
Hi K., I don't have the answer to your question....Here's my story...I had two boys, which seemed just fine with me, then an unexpected pregnancy which turned out to be a girl (incredible). After the third I had my tubes tied, seemed to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. Really wanted at least 4, but my husband was not on board. I have very very FEW regrets in life, especially with regards to motherhood, except that ONE. My life has changed (for the better) in so many ways. I am now 43, just dropped my oldest off at college last week. At this point in my life, better finances, a little confidence, a better relationship, yeah, I'd do it in a heartbeat!!! I LOVE the babies!!
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You have to go with your heart or you could will regret it later on. I saw Dr. Goldstein at Baylor Frisco and am pregnant. I have several girlfriends who got pregnant after seeing him. He definately will go thru the process with you and let you know realistically what your chances are. He was always easy to talk to and I loved his staff. For us the decision to go with him was very easy given he was recommended by so many.
Good luck,
If you feel physically and emotionally prepared to take on another child, as well as watching him her grow (you will be 62 when the child is 20)... then by all means go for it!
Do you feel like a complete family, or do you feel like if you wait a few years, will you have a sinking feeling that you should have tried? Have you prayed about it? Will you be okay if you go through the treatment and the money and it doesn't work? Would you consider adoption... knowing for sure it would result in a baby girl? (My little bro is adopted and we loove him!)
And not to burst your bubble... but my sis just had her 4th boy... no girls!
I have 5, so I don't think 4 is too many. I never considered if I would be able to afford them later in life, I know that God provides my every need. However, if I were in your shoes I would save the money for family trips/vacations and concentrate on keeping myself healthy so I will be able to see my children get married and have children themselves.
You have 3 beautiful children, perhaps at your age with such a young baby you should focus on enjoying them? You wouldn't want to put yourself and family through the financial and emotional stress of going through IVF.
However, if you and your husband really want another one and can't imagine going through life without #4 then go for it! This is your life do what you believe is right. :-)
I am not a fan of IVF.
My Mom had her 4th at 42. Today he's a senior in college.
Your youngest is still so young. Sounds to me like you have baby blues and are wanting a little girl... I like the suggestion of adoption. The cost would probably be about the same. There would be no stress on your body. Tests to worry about, etc.
M.
Well I am 42 and although I feel young. As a family we hike,bike and camp together. That bein said I am not as young as some of the other moms that have kids the same age as my kids. Although most days I feel like I have boundless energy they wear you out.
My kids are 10 1/2 yrs, 6 1/2 yrs and 4 yrs. I would say no and enjoy the kids you have.
I have to say that, personally, I agree with the mom who suggested adoption. Adoption is a sure way to get exactly what you want, and what you want is another child, hopefully a girl. You could spend $10,000 and walk away with nothing but sadness in your heart over the "loss" of not having another, or you could adopt a child (here or abroad) for the same amount of money, get quite a bit of that money back in tax credits (not trying to sound crass, but you are concerned about your financial situation), and know that you and your hubby are now the proud parents of 3 boys and a little girl! Again, that would be what I would do, but I think you and your husband need to sit down and discuss what is best for both of you and your three boys. Good luck!
If you bring another child into this world you will make the necessary adjustments to afford it.
So the oldest doesn't get a new car at 16 and drives a junker. Maybe they all have to wear hand-me-downs until they are in high school. Maybe you have to stop eating at high end restaurants and eat at Golden Corral.
We have four kids too and I brought in a foreign exchange student last year. We make do. The kids have everything they need, just not everything they want.
I can't imagine life without any one of my kids. My fourth was really an uh oh. My hubby was in Okinawa getting a vasectomy on a deployment. We had three, that was good, and then he left a little piece of himself before he actually got on that bus to deploy. :o)
While four can be challenging at times it is also so rewarding. I think the biggest challenge for us is we can't fit in a small compact car. I don't like them anyway and drive a huge van. Or when we go to a restaurant it's always a table for 6 and some restaurants charge the party gratuity on tables of 6 or more.
We have had three car seats at once.
There is more puke up to clean when they all get sick. And this will take a month because not a one of them can get sick together.
When they get into school they are all in dofferent activities.
At one point we had kids at 4 different schools, two different girl scout troops, two different Cub/Boy Scout troops, Violin, trumpet, piano lessons all at differnt places. Soccer, Swimming, dance and gymnastics. This was all at the same time.
You will run around like a chicken with your head cut off, but get a good calendar and enjoy.
On the price, I don't think I could do that, but it is your's and your husband's decision.
Only you can decide this although having 4 kids under the age of 6 sounds like craziness to me. But that is my feeling as I have one and have time to myself in the mornings and because he has a speech delay, I can devote the entire day to helping him and giving him the extra attention he needs to succeed. That brings me to my point. People have mentioned how are you going to feel if you don't get a baby? I also want to mention, how are you going to handle it if the baby has a problem? Lets say he or she has a disability (this is a real possibility as you and your husband are in the high risk range). How are you going to cope emotionally and well as the physical ligistics of doctor appointments and or therapy sessions? I know a mom whose older son has a speech delay, the middle one seems to have pretty serious problems and the baby seems ok. BUT she feels overwhelmed and has cut down the much needed therapies for her middle son because its too much for her. This is a very important issue to consider. I would consider myself blessed to have 3 healthy sons and put that 10,000 dollars into savings for them.
I just wanted to add that unlike the "olden days" when having another child meant a "Clunker" at 16 or handmedowns, these days having a lot of children can be financially debilitating. Many people have to pay their own healthcare. If you are lucky you don't have too but job security now a days in non-existant. What if something were to happen to you or your husband medically? What if one of your current of future children needed medical help that insurance did not cover? I am not trying to be negative but I think there is a big difference in adjusting your live for a "surprise baby" and knowingly going ahead and having a fourth when you have 3 perfect ones already.
