Help Mother in Distress

I personally like the love and logic parenting style. There are two choices, one is to ignore her until she speaks instead of whines. The second choice is telling her (only once for each situation) that you'll be happy to listen to her when she speaks in a normal tone or whatever other mantra works best for you.
Use patience and have fun watching the whining dissolve!

This is a good age to teach sign language signs and beginning words. It is easy to teach them "please, more, no more, hurt, thank you", and others. You would be surprised how easily they can use these signs. Then tell her, "show me what you want" or "use your words" (and try to ignore the whining), and she will learn that you respond to the signs instead of the whining. Good luck!

Hi, D. -
Isn't whining the absolute worst?? I find it's the thing that gets under my skin the most, too. I wish I could tell you it will magically disappear, but my whiner is turning 5 today. A 16 month old can't really verbalize her needs, so it may be difficult to change right now. As she gets more verbal, all I an suggest is that the whining is NEVER successful at getting her what she wants. My daughter is made to repeat her request as many times as it takes to get the whine out of her voice. Eventually, I think she will get sick of having to ask for what she wants a half-dozen times and break what is essentially just a bad habit. Good luck.

My Kids still go through this from time to time (they are 2 now). Although we have not nipped it in the but in its entirety we have come a long way. When they start to wine I stop what I am doing and tell them that I don' understand what they are saying when they talk like that. They need to use their words. I warn them that if they are going to keep it up, they can go to there room until they are ready to talk to me. I tried to ignore the whinning when it first started, but that did not work, but they started to learn about time outs when they were about 16 months old. Now the whinning is limited to being overly tired or being sick. It has worked well for us. good luck

try the phrase "use your words" If she has no words, teach her to sign, just "milk" "up" and "mommy" help a lot. We just went through something similar with our son. It helps.

It's tough because she is so little. Can she be doing it because she knows it frustrates you? She may like the reaction she gets (our "pain" is hilarious to our children). I tell my kids that I cannot understad whining and will only respond to their normal voices. My daughter, who is 19 months, got better with whining when I started ignoring her. I think at this age they may be too little to understand the logic, but I still explain to her that I am not respond to her until she stops whining.

Good luck. Some phases that they go through are much more annoying than others. Hopefully she will get through this one quickly

I have used the excuse that I can't understand whining. It works remarkably well. Tell her it sounds like a mosquito buzzing in your ear when she whines. You can even ask, "Did you hear a mosquito?"

Consistency is the key. Ignore completely any whining. Tell her you can only understand her "big girl voice" and reinforce with your attention and responsiveness. This has worked well for my two kids. There is still some whining, but they quickly realize I don't respond to it. If no attention, positive or negative, is paid to the whining, it will start to fade away.

Good luck!

Our kids are programed to get our attention...and whining must have developed early in evolution. It is just something that will be replaced when communication gets better, and when a child becomes more adept at playing alone for a while. (And some gentle training from parent)
If you are having an emotional reaction to it, you need to find some way to decrease that. Try not to take it personally. It is not what you have or have not done...like infant crying, it is just a communication method. Nerve grating, yes. unusual, no.
Under 2 years was hard for me, as my daughter needed me to play and interact with. Now...a few months away from 3, she can use her imagination and think of things to do by herself. She still sounds whiney when frustrated, but there are longer spaces in between such episodes. I remind her to say "help please" instead of whining. Her neighbor friend screams/squeals instead of whining. I count myself lucky.
sign language could help with communication issues...although a child might still whine first out of habit, and general frustration. (You can even make up your own signs to just work until toddler gets more verbal skill)
I tried to make a lot of things my child wanted to play with available (safely) so she would not need to whine so much for things. It makes for a messier house, but I figure, she lives here too.
Good luck

Oh my gosh. You are not alone. I can take anything but the whining. It drives me out of my mind! I tried the I can't hear you thing. Worked a little. Then whining resumed. I do think she (4.5 year old) does it because she likes to piss me off. She is doing it right frigging now! Came in from the other room and just started whining. I ignored her except to say "take the whine out of your voice" She didn;t but she did stop and go find something to do. ARGGH

I think my tact will be the zero reaction either positive or negative, maybe just one time to inform her "stop whining" or "get the whine out of your voice" or "I can't hear you when you whine" etc.

Drives me frigging nuts!!!!

Hang in there, lock yourself away in the bathroom and plug your ears if needed. Think "I want to be happy" over and over, works for me. Kinda helps redirect sometimes.

Hang tough!

She is young and she is just trying her best. She is not purposely trying to annoy you, so please be patient. TEACH HER ASL SIGNS. If you did when she was younger or feels he's already talking, all the better. Pick it up again. Learn the signs for emotions and her common needs. Find an instructor who is certified by Sign2Me: http://www.sign2me.com
They have more extensive training and didn't just pay money for a kit.

Even if kids are learning to talk, it helps with more abstract terms, when they are tired and whiny, and it boosts their pre-reading/literacy skills. ANd, it will cut back on whining, if you stick to it and are encouraging!

I don't have advice for you, but did want you to know that you are not alone. My daughter is 17mo and she does the same thing. She whines for just about everything. This may sound awful, but I even thought this little girl is going to be the biggest cry baby ever. I never had this problem with my son, so this is quite a different situation for me. I ever tried to ignore her, but if her whines are not answered they eventually turn into full fledged crying, and it is very hard for me to let her get so upset for no reason. I am very anxious to hear others suggestions.

Good luck to you, and just know you are not alone.

M.

Hi D.,

Every time she whines - tell her to stop whining. She does not know that what she is doing is the wrong way to communicate. Do not respond to her whining by giving her what she wants. If she does not know what to call something or what to say - teach her. Try talking as you do things. Do you want a drink? Are you sleepy? Would you like to play with your bear? Before long, she will learn the words. God bless.

Hi D.. This is typical. And it is a phase that lasts quite a while. Sadly, it's mostly just something you have to "deal with." But if she really gets out of hand, you can give her a one minute time out for whining. She's simply frustrated. I'm sure she knows a few words (if not a lot more) by now and she sometimes gets confused.
Our son knew over 50 words at 16 months. But he still gets quite whiny sometimes because 1) he forgets words 2) the words aren't coming to his brain fast enough or 3) he simply does not know the right words to communicate what he wants to say.
I just normally deal with it during the day and if he whines while I'm trying to make dinner, I put on the TV or even try to give him an early evening nap just so I can get my sanity back. Plus, it's dangerous for him to whine and pull on me when I'm over the hot stove.
And honestly, the wining will get worse before it gets better. There are lots of ways that books say to help ease whining, but nothing worked with our first 2 kids. We just had to be CALM and CONSISTENT. Whenever one would whine, we'd figure out what they want first. Then before giving it to them, we'd say how one should ask for that item. For example, if our son is whining that he wants to go outside, we'd say "You want to go outside? Go outside?" Even though he knows "outside," we'd repeat it a couple of times to reinforce it.
Both our kids are advanced, so a lot of the other things books said to do didn't work simply because I think it was beneath them. For your daughter to start this behavior at 16 months, it sounds like she may be in the same boat.
Good luck...my whiny boy just woke up! :)

let her know that when she is ready to ask in a proper tone of voie that she will get what she wonats and ingnore her until she asks right.

D., first of all...all of us mom's have been there, and I'm sorry you have to walk through it too! The best thing we ever did was teach our kids sign language. Google "teaching infant to sign" or "infant sign language" and hunt around. The signs that were easiest to teach at that age (just over a year) were "yes, no, please, more, all done, stop, thank you". Our children were created with the ability to learn and all four of ours learned to sign long before they learned to speak except the first. He was verbal very early. Best wishes!
K.

Have you tried the Hyland's homeopathic teething tablets? They always seemed to mellow my son.