Help with 13 Month Old Going to Sleep

My second daughter was the same way. Never a great sleeper and bedtime was always a project (she had colic for 6 months!) We also would sit in the glider to try rocking her to sleep also and all of a sudden she didn't want to be rocked to sleep and would throw a fit just like you are decribing. One night we just put her down in her crib and found out that is all she wanted. There were a few night where she would cry it out, but each night got less and less. The first night was the worst but now, bedtime is a breeze. I would try just putting her in her crib and see if that's the problem. There have been a few times where my husband would just sit in the glider in her room until she fell asleep and she seemed to like that also. Good luck!

My son was terrible going to sleep but my doctor told me I had to let him cry it out. (I used to lay down with him to get him to sleep)The other moms are right the first night is the worst. I went back in 5 minutes and patted his back to calm him down and went back in 10 minutes and that helped. By the 3rd night he only cried a little and I didn't even go pat his back. Now my son just goes to sleep and it is wonderful!!!! I do agree you might want to wait till 8pm. I start our routine by 7:30 so he is left alone with the hall light on goes to sleep. He will even lay down now for his nap in his crib with out any help. I don't know if it makes difference but I also limited the toys that are in his crib. He has two little stuffed animals so there isn't much to distract him either. Good luck

I don't have any answers for you- I just wanted to say it's good to hear I'm not the only one! My 12 month old is suddenly throwing fits when I try to rock her, and I haven't been able to figure it out. Sounds like it might just be a developmental thing that some babies go through. Thanks for the post!

I have read Dr. Weissbluth's book and I too highly recommend it.
I just wanted to add, sometimes despite doing everything "right," these issues still creep up. I followed his advice with both my kids and things didn't always go 100% smoothly.
For example, at 18 months my oldest daughter started fighting going to bed. It was literally out of the blue! Strangest thing - one day she just did NOT want to go to bed and we had had absolutely NO problems in the past. We did the cry it out and although it was beyond awful, it worked within a couple days.
One last thing... both my girls gave up their naps at 11-12 months. I really think when a child gives up a second nap is a totally individual thing.
Whichever route you decide to take - best of luck to you. So many of us have been there and know the difficulty sleep issues. Especially with another one on the way!!
Take care :)

I rocked my son or held him until he fell asleep until just after his first birthday. Then one day he would simply not let me do it anymore. He cried and tried to get free. We decided it was time to let him go to sleep on his own. The first night was tough. He cried a lot and wouldn't lay down. But eventually he did go to sleep. We did go in to check on him every 10 minutes. We layed him down and patted his back and told him that it was time to go to sleep. The next night we did the same thing and it took a little less time for him to go to sleep. By the third night he knew what was coming and went to sleep without a peep. I have heard it said that it usually takes 3-5 days to establish a new routine. Hang in there! Eventually she will understand that when she goes in her crib, it's time to sleep. It may take her up to 20-30 minutes to soothe herself to fall asleep, and that's ok! As I am typing this, my 2 year old is in his big boy bed talking to himself until he falls asleep for the night. I do agree the method of getting your daughter to sleep for her nap is detracting from getting her to go to sleep on her own at night. It should be the same sleeping routine for nap and bedtime. One nap a day at this point should be fine if she is sleeping for 2-3 hours. Just make sure you and your nanny are on the same page and that she makes sure she gets your daughter home before she falls asleep in the car. By the end of the week it should be a lot better, as long as you are all consistent. Stay strong and good luck!

Hi-

Something occurred to me while reading your post. My 5 yo son said to me about a month ago, why are we eating dinner? It's not dark outside! The days are getting longer, and it's still light out when my kids go to bed, so it's hard for them to understand that it still IS bedtime. They're also getting up earlier. Some kids are just more sensitive to the light. Do you have room-darkening shades or drapes? If not, you may try making the room as dark as possible, and see if that helps. Kids don't care what time the clock says!

I feel for you. Both my kids had sleep issues too and it can be nerve-wracking. I have consulted with Marc Weissbluth for both kids and learned from him that fallin asleep in the car is a huge no-no. He said to do anything to avoid it. If your daughter is falling asleep in the car, it means that she is overtired. He also said that when kids fall asleep in the car, their nap and nighttime sleeping times will be messed up. We've been told to blast the radio, open the windows, etc. to stop our kids from falling asleep in the car if we're out and they're tired.

Weissbluth also says that if kids throw tantrums in the evening, they've missed the time at which they should be going to sleep. He recommends that toddlers go to sleep around 6 or 6:30. If they throw tantrums around 5ish, then they should go to sleep around 5:30. The bedtime routine might have to be started around 4:30 in that case. She's probably off schedule now because she's adjusting to going from two naps to one.

I recommend his book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Babies". He's at Northwestern and does sleep consultations, but you can get most of the info in his books.

Good luck and hang in there. Once you get your daughter back on schedule, you'll feel a lot better!

Hi R., Sometimes our little ones are ready to move on to the next stage before we realize it. This happened with my son. It sounds like your daughter is ready to skip the rocker. She may just want to go to sleep. When my little guy is really tired he goes bananas and drags out all the toys and gets kind of slap happy. Try skipping the rocker and putting her down into the crib. Say good night, tell her it's sleeping time and that you'll see her in the morning. Make sure she has something to comfort her (doll, blankie, pacifier), put on music if you think that might help, and walk out of the room. We do this with my son and we've never had to "cry it out." Good luck!

you stopped morning naps too early. She is overtired by bed time and therefore unable to function even at cuddling.

Have the nanny give her a short morning nap, waking her after an hour or so, and keep the pm nap at the same time. Keep your bedtime at about 7 pm and I bet that extra sleep will solve everything.

I have NEVER had a child successfully give up morning naps before 17 mos old. I truly believe that the toddler tantrums and behavior problems are caused mostly by being overtired.

If your daughter wakes up at 7 then she should be back down for a nap by 8:30, sleep till 9:30, or even 10:30 then another nap at noon is perfect. The recommendation for sleep for 10 mos to 24 mos old used to be 15 to 17 hours, I have no idea why it was lowered to under that. But 12 hours at night still means that child should be napping at least 4 hours during the day, so please go back to two naps.

I know lots of people say that their child did fine going down to one nap early or giving up naps early, but it's like changing the oil in your car - you can't tell there is a problem until it's too late and your engine dies. Same with kids, they can't tell you there is a problem and you won't see it until it's too late.

Oh, and for a 13 mos old you can still have them nap as late as 3:30 and still have a 7 pm bedtime easily.

Here's my advice for what it's worth- first every child is different- I totally believe that 100% now that I have 2 very different girls :) Anyway, my youngest daughter will be 13 months this week. She gets up around 7am, and goes down for a nap around 8:45/9:00 and sleeps until 10/10:30 at the latest. She then naps again in the afternoon from about 1-3/3:30 at the latest and goes to bed at 7pm. I thought about giving up morning nap, but she really needs it! We do bath, read, sing a song, and lay her in bed. She has been putting herself to sleep since about 3 months old. Some nights she still does a little protest cry for a few minutes, but always gets herself to sleep.
Keep trying and remember what every you decide, in the end you know what's best for your child :)

I think the main thing that's going to work is consistency. She has to know what to expect, and not think that if she throws a back-arch fit or pulls all of her clothes out of her dresser that she might get to do something new or different at bedtime. I think the best thing to do is to keep your dinner, bath, story and milk times consistent, and then to set her in her crib at the same time every night, tell her you love her, give her a kiss, and walk out. No, it's not easy, it sucks for awhile in fact, but you need to let her figure out how to self-soothe. It will help her so much later on.

Also regarding the bedtime, maybe you could back it up a bit. If she's sleeping 3 hours during the day, and 11-12 at night, she might be able to last until 7:30 or 8. And then be really tired so that even if she is crying it out for a week or so in her bed, she doesn't have as much energy left and will hopefully be able to settle down sooner.

I wouldn't disrupt the nanny's routine, it sounds like they have a good thing going there.

R.,

Sound like you are doing all the right things, except, She is 13 months old now, used to being rocked to sleep. You are going to have a new baby. Hold her, rock her while you read to her, then put her down. Do not rock her to sleep! She is dependent on being rocked to sleep

This will require patience.

P.M. nap might be too long. No nap after 2 pm. Turn off the phone, TV, even in the other room. Set the play time for 15 - 20 minutes, put her in bed with a favorite, safe cuddly toy, turn light low, or off (depending on if she need light to sleep).Try soft music. sit outside the door, if she get up and cry, immediately, lay her down with a hug and kiss, If she cry, let her, until you absoletely can't handle it, wipe away her tears, keep up the routine after a few nights she will probably get it.

Make sure that the nanny does not allow her to sleep too long during the day. If you are at work, call the nanny and tell her to wake her, no later than 2:00 or 2:30. Ask to speak to the child, even though she may not be verbal enough to communicate with you. You will know if she's awake Call home frequently, make sure the nanny play with her and keep her occupied (busy). Good luck

She may still need her second nap. Sleep begets sleep, so if she is overtired, she will find going to sleep hard. Dr. Mark Weisblut, a sleep researcher at Children's Memorial here in chi has a great book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child". It is well worth a read. He stresses never interrupting sleep or shortening a nap etc. I think children go through phases of really resisting bed time. I would do cry it out for a few days. Tell her it is bedtime in x mins and then go through the routine. I have a safety lock on the inside of my little one's door so she can't get out. I tell her that everyone is asleep - baby x is asleep now, her nanny is asleep now, her grandma is asleep. Also if she is tired, then 7 is a fine time to go to sleep but if you think she is not tired, she could go a little later. Good luck. Cry it out is hard for a few days but it works pretty well in the long run and won't harm her emotionally in any way at her age.

The main problem is that you are rocking her to sleep. Try rocking her until she is drowsy and then put her in the crib. If she cries, then you need to decide if you want to make her cry it out. I did what I call cry it in. I spent about a week laying on his floor next to the crib until he fell asleep (he wouldn't even lay down - would fall asleep sitting up), then I sat in a chair by his crib for about a week, then I moved the chair to the door for about a week, next step would be to sit in the doorway, but I just wait straight to the last step of closing the door and leaving. We just did this a few weeks ago, and now he maybe cries for a minute or two before he falls asleep.