Help with 2 Year Old Temper Tantrums

Well A. I am a mother of an 18 month old Boy who started Tantrums at an earlier age. I also nanny a 23 month old girl who also throws tantrums which are much milder than my sons. We have been threw a lot like the whole hitting stage, grabbing, and pushing. In all reality they really are trying to comunicate with their peers. My son went threw the not wanting to get out of the tub or even not wanting to take a bath. I found that the best book is the Happiest Toddler on the block. They have many positive ways to help with tantrums and a DVD Too. I say it declines tantrums in my life by 75% of the time. I hope this was good enough.

Teaching your infant/toddler sign language helps reduce tantrums. Tantrums are a way of getting attention, asserting oneself, testing the waters, and also a result of frustration from not knowing how to effectively communicate. Sign language is fun and also give a child an alternative outlet for communication.

We found basic toddler sign language videos at our local library.

Polly,
Because you said a lot of the tantrums are occuring on the way to and from the daycare could something negative be happening to her at the new daycare? It sounds like she wants your attention and is trying to tell you something. Just a suggestion, can you make surprise visits in the middle of the day to the daycare to check things out?

I found that getting up with my daughter just a half an hour earlier and giving her a bit of down time and a little time with me helped tremendously. Everything wasn't go go go. As far as bath time, having her clean up the bath toys at the end while still in the water gives her a bit more time, but also indicates the end. Good luck!

Hey A.,

I can relate to your situation. I went through something similar when my son started school. I really believe that she has probably seen some other kids fallout and she is testing you and looking for attention. I think the biggest thing is not to pay attention to it, unless you think there maybe something else going on. If you are sure she is just acting out and only does it for you for a period of time, then I would ignore the behavior. I'm sure it's embarrasing, but who cares, don't focus on other people focus on you and her. When my son would do that, he did it twice, where he just went into a crying, screaming fit and would not stop. My mom was convinced someone at the school was doing something to him, but I knew that was not the case. So what I did was just sat there and let him scream and cry it all out. I didn't yell, I didn't tell him to stop it, I just let him get it out. I put on a cartoon he liked (we were at home during his fit) and then all of a sudden he started to calm down. My husband started joking with him to make him laugh and then he stopped. When he calmed down, I talk to him very calmly and asked him if he was okay and what was wrong. I asked him if he was hurt, if he was hungry, and he gave all positive answers. He just sat in my arms for a little while and then he was back to normal. He wore his self out! So I think you have to treat each situation differently. If she has a fit when you drop her off, just drop her off and leave. Get daily reports from the provider to see if she was okay, and eventually she will stop. It's just something they go through, but she has to see that when she throws a fit, it's get her nothing. Good luck!

Perhaps she just needs some time to adjust. She's awfully young and has had several major changes in her short life. Just proceed with whatever you have planned, stay calm and tell her what you are going to do. You can try singing through the tantrum or make up a little story or rhyme that encourages her to quiet and listen. Be very consistent and certain in your actions. Don't change your plan because of her behavior. It will reassure her that you are still Mommy and you aren't going to change. Try to establish a routine and give her as much stability as possible. Lots of hugs and kisses when she is behaving appropriately.

If it is truly just a temper tantrum, as long as she is some place safe...let her have it. If not some place safe, like the tub, get her out and let her have it. Don't pay her any attention because if you do, she has learned that it works.

My daughter is now 15 months (I also have a 16 year old son) and she has had a tantrum a few times over the last few months. I walk away from her and tell her to have her fit without me. One day, she actually stopped crying and walked into the room I was now in and started as soon as she looked at me (sort of like "you will see this!".

Since your daughter didn't do this until she went to this new daycare,it could just be that she is missing her old surroundings and is still adjusting. But please consider a few things. Are the other kids doing this so she has learned it? If so, what is happening to cause it and what happens when any kid has a tantrum? Is something happening at the daycare that has upset you daughter?

Put her in a quiet, safe place by herself when she's having a tantrum. That might be her room, or a chair in another room or a playpen. Let her know that when she's done with her fit she can join the rest of the family. I know it's difficult to do in a car. What I've done with our son when he pitches a fit in the car is turn up the radio and sing along. Ignoring the fit and not giving in just to make her stop is the quickest way to get her to realize that it's not going to help her get her way.

Hi A.,
I have 3 boys and we found the best thing for temper tantrums was mostly ignore them (they tend to dissipate very quickly when no one's responding to them) and say, 'when you are all calmed down we can talk' then we'd continue about our business even if that meant stepping right over them lying on the kitchen floor. As they got older we would ask, 'do you ever get what you want when you cry/whine/boss/scream for it?' and tell them when they asked correctly we could talk. Once they got a little older we'd tell them to go upstairs in their bedroom and shut their door to have their crying fit about whatever it was. We'd say, "I see you're upset about ___________, but it's not ok for you to wreck all the peace down here, so go upstairs and cry and when you are calmed down come back down and join us."
These simple tactics have worked really well for us and hope you might have some success too. All 3 boys rarely throw fits over things, even at pretty disappointing news. Best wishes!
J. :-)

Hi there. I found the video/book "Happiest child on the block' a God sent. Around 18 months old children become more challenging because they are becoming more independent but lack the verbal skills to articulate their desires so this turns into frustration. Try this video out. Positive discipline and acknowledging children's feelings is key. My son hardly has temper tantrums and Im sure its because Ive employed these techniques.

On a different note, since this does seem to happen after day care, I would question the daycare environment: is it too stimulating, is she getting enough rest there, does she need a snack when you see her. Also I would question your routines (in the morning and evening) and if there is enough transition time for a small one. Adult time is much more rushed and hurrried. My son is very sensitive to these things as well. I found that getting up very early in the morning and making the morning very slow for him worked. When I dropped him off at daycare Id spend anywhere from 15 min to 30 min with him (no exaggeration). This seemed to help and it also permitted me to have an inside look at the daycare. In the evenings I'd do the same. SOme kids just need transition time.

Hang in there. It DOES get better over time.

Julier

It seems as though you have an (almost)two year old on your hands. It is called the "terrible two's" for a reason. Not an "old wives tale". From the age of 18 months to 3 years,(on average) your child goes through a sort of transistion. They are trying to test limits and see what pushes your buttons. They are incredibly hard to reason with, mean, seemingly angry, frustrating, stressful, stubborn, and worst of all you are left wondering where your precious angel went. I call it "going to the dark side"....... as a joke. I have 3 myself, and my youngest is 20 months and right about that age. But you have to know first, this is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Yes it is just a phase. Yes most will get over being this way, and yes, you might lose some hair.:>) I do have a little bit of advice that I seem to give everyone (as it was the best advice anyone ever gave me). ENJOY IT! No, seriously! Your child is going to grow up faster than you will ever believe and you will miss out on things, as we all do. So I think trying to enjoy even the hard times will make you a little more patient, and caring, and most of all thankful. Just try your hardest to be as patient but at the same time firm as you can. Let her know what your expectations are (reasonable ones for an 18 month old)Let her know who's boss, but also let her know who loves her more than anything else in the world! You and your toddler will get through it, and the amount of love you give them will always out weight any stress they feel. It is h*** o* her too. God Bless!

Parent Center has a great article about tantrums. http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/preschooler-behavior-p...
My advice as a child care provider, is to make sure you keep your exit at daycare short and sweet. I have a mom who stops at the door, and each day lets her daughter bring a favorite toy. It can be helpful to have a transitional object that goes everywhere. As she gets comfortable with the routine, the fits will be less and less.
Give her a heads up about sudden chances, and then let her make as many choices as you can. If it is almost time to get out of the tub, tell her a few minutes in advance. Then when she protest to getting out, change the subject and give her a choice to make. "So, do you want to wear you pick pajamas or the blue ones."
You have made all the choices for her up to now. Where to live, where to go to daycare. She will like feeling like she has some control over what is happening to her.
Also, follow you maternal instinct about the daycare. If the problem doesn't resolve in a few weeks, maybe the daycare isn't making her happy.

Just from your post, it sounds like alot of change for a little girl. You've moved and she's been in 3 different daycares. Two that didn't work out and the one she's in now, right? I would interpret her tantrums as a way of adjusting and treat her kindly right now. It's not like she's throwing a temper tantrum becuase you won't buy her the newest Bratz doll! I don't know that I would agree with ignoring the behavior while she's going through a difficult time.

Someone else posted the suggestion of giving her some extra time with you when you drop her off and pick her up at daycare. I'm assuming the transition time is what is key there and you can also use that tactic with the bath tub.