Help with a Non Hungry Picky Eater

I am a family Wellness Coach and I hope you don't mind me sharing a bit of what I know.

I know that:
1. Kids are picky, they will like something one day and not the next (just wait until school and friends!)
2. Kids will eat when they are hungry.
3. When parents gives choices, healthy and healthier, moms get wht they want and kids win too.
4. Power vs force is a wonderful concept in parenting. Forcing a child to do something is rarely the way to teach and guide, however the power parents have to influence good eating habits (like eating 5 small meals a day, drinking lots of water, eating the right snack foods, being creative with family meals) will stay with children much longer.
5. Love children for where they are at.

I hope this helps

B.
Family Wellness Coach

I wouldn't force him to eat, that could definitely lead to food issues later in life. I have a picky one too, he will be 9 next week and he is FINALLY becoming more open to trying things and discovering new flavors he likes. I realized the food I was serving was pretty bland because I had been short on prep time and trying to serve healthy meals so everything was pretty plain and simple. Now that i have been adding flavored foods with oils and spices from Wildtree he is finding all kinds of new things he likes :)

S. P

Please, please, please do not turn what should be a happy family time into a battlefield.

You are absolutely doing the right thing in giving your son what everyone else is eating. But that's where your responsibility ends and his begins. He will eat what looks/tastes good to him and what his body is telling him he needs. What he chooses to eat or not eat has nothing to do with you or your abilities as a mother.

We are all individuals with our own distinct set of likes and dislikes. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate if someone forced you to sit and eat something you don't like or threatened you with punishment if you didn't. Your son is no different. You shouldn't penalize him for not liking certain foods. He can't help it.

Starting today, just serve him what everyone else is eating and then DON'T MENTION FOOD AGAIN. Spend dinner time talking, playing I Spy, telling jokes, whatever you all like to do as a family. Once he feels that the pressure is off, he will begin experimenting in his own time. This may take several weeks, even months, so just be patient.

It's clear that you are a great mom who is committed to giving your son the best. Best of luck to you and your precious babies!!

To be honest, it does sound like you're stressing a bit too much. If he's growing normally and is healthy, he's likely getting the nutrition he needs and I would think that your focus on food (and making such a little one stay at the table) could very well lead to food issues down the road. My daughter (who is now 8) is still very picky, but it's not a battle I choose to fight. If I make pasta, which she prefers plain, I simply set aside some for her before I add all the yummy stuff that my husband and I like! I buy juice with vegies in it so I'm sure she's getting her nutrients that way. My opinion is, lighten up and in a fews years he will expand his eating habits when he is ready. Would you believe my picky eater is now a fan of chili and jambalaya?! Still won't put butter on toast... Just hang in there!

Hi K.,
I agree with Deanne Leigh below. Dinner time should not be stresful and food should not be an issue - especially for a 3 year old. They are notoriously picky about what they eat and how it looks (that's why your son eats Meatballs and not Meat sauce - even though we know it's exactly the same thing). If he likes breakfast foods, give him those for dinner too. (I eat breakfast for dinner when my husband makes a dinner I don't like - I'm picky too). You don't want your son to have food issues when he's older and you don't want him to go to bed hungry. You can't force him to eat what you made - you'll never win that battle - but you can offer him some easy to fix substitutes - some milk, cheese... bread and butter - whatever he'll eat. Give him a Flinstones Complete vitamin every night if you are worried that he is not getting enough nutrients (he gets 1/2 a vitamin until he's 4). He'll start to eat better when he's older, but until then give him what he'll eat and don't stress. You can't take care of 2 kids if you are stressed about food.

If he is going to bed without dinner and doesn't care then he is probably not hungry. But at least try to get some milk or cheese in him if he'll have it.

I hope this helps. There are much more important things to stress about. Food doesn't have to be an issue.

Good luck!

HI K.~ You have gotten some great responses. I thought I would share my tips. I fortunately have a great eater, at three years old he eats pretty much anything, but barely weighs 30 pounds. Hard to believe since he eats whatever we serve.

From the time he ate solids I always tried serving a variety of tastes. Remember it takes like 20 tries to get them to acquire a taste for something new.. so try new things often and don't stop if they turn their noses up at the first try.

A breakfast favorite is cheerios mixed with half a banana, handful of blueberries, and either plain yogurt or a tiny bit of milk. I started this idea because when he was learning how to feed himself with a spoon the thicker consistency made him more successful. He now asks for "yogurt cereal" You can add a handful of groud flax or wheat germ for more protein/nutrition,

Plain yogurt mixed with spices of your choosing makes a great dip and healthier than ranch dressing. The taste takes some getting used to but if you add enough spices it may work.

I agree with the posters about limiting afternoon snacks. I have found that the later it gets when a snack is given our son eats less and is much choosier about what he will eat. Also, he loves to watch me prep dinner. So, I drag a chair over and he will "supervise" and often snack on the veggies as I chop. Making a big deal about the loud crunches of them adds some fun. Pick whatever animal he is crazy about... "ooh that was louder than a dinosaur munching a tree" or something like that may get a second bite, especially if you have dip nearby. My son was not a dipper until he started preschool and they always serve ranch or ketchep, now it is a highlight. Whatever works!

I always add lots of veggies and sometimes purees to my dishes. Sometimes simply because it adds veggies and although I love salads I don't like making them. Don't give up on adding veggies or purees. The more you do it the less they notice it or care. Chopped spinach, mushrooms, veggie/squash puree in spaghtti sauce is easy and not noticed. Omelettes are another great dish with tons of veggies. Soups as well, thicken with veggie puree plus you can add boatloads of veggies.

Also, I don't make mac & cheese at home unless it is my husband's bday.. it is his all time favorite meal. So, while my son loves it (preschool) he knows when we go out to dinner it is always on the menu and his first pick. I think by making other choices at home, he sees it more as a treat than an "always offered" meal.

Lastly, we eat together and talk about the day. What is going on out the window behind the table, what is happeingg tomorrow.. you get the idea. We don't focus the whole time on what we are eating. If it seems like he isn't eating well or having a problem behaving we may try getting overly excited about our own meal to remind him of why we are at the table. Some days he just isn't hungry and we all have days like that.

Sorry this is long, I really hadn't planned on it being so long. All of a sudden more ideas came to me. I struggled with my "lightweight" for the first 18 months, I was so concerned he wasn't gaining enough weight. Once the dr. convinced me he was just a slow to gain weight kid but good eater I came to terms with it. Took a long time though.

Hang in there,
J.

Hi K..

I was just logging on to cancel daily mamasource updates and came across your message. Mealtimes can be a stressful time, especially with a picky eater. As long as your little one does not struggle with weight gain or underlying medical issues like gastroesophageal reflux disease or sensory integrative problems and is otherwise healthy, I think you are doing the right thing by offering what the rest of the family is having for dinner. It is a good idea to have at least one thing on the plate that your son will eat so that mealtimes are successful in some small way. Offer small amounts of what he doesn't like (one piece of broccoli instead of three). I would not allow playing with food or complaining about food at the table but I don't recommend you choose dinner as your battle.
If he doesn't eat what is in front of him, he just doesn't eat it. I would not punish him for it - but natural consequences can be a great motivator. For example, if dessert is strawberries and whipped cream or a popsicle, he won't be able to participate since he wasn't able to finish his "growing foods." It should be presented in a non punitive way; "Oh, that's too bad that you don't think you can finish your veggies. I was hoping you could get a popsicle for dessert. Maybe tomorrow." This way you avoid a battle and he remains empowered. If the reward is something that really motivates him, he might decide that piece of broccoli is worth it and everyone wins.
Forcing children to eat is never a good idea. It is a battle a mother will never win.

First of all, you have to pick your battles. You might not want food to be a battle. At your child's age, you might not win this one. My husband and I raised 4 children, and have 5 grandchildren (plus one on the way). We had custody of one of our grandsons for 3 years. He too was a very picky eater. I think that all you can do is to continue to offer good healthy meals for your son and healthy snacks. He might do better to eat several small meals a day rather that three bigger ones. Our grandson was eating much better by the time he was sent back to his parents (by the court). However, they were not into cooking and he got spagettios, frozen chicken nuggets and take-out food. It stymied everything we had accomplished. When our own children were 4 or 5 years old we would insist that they at least taste everything on their plate. If they really didn't like something, I couldn't see forcing them to eat it. They ended up liking many different things. Also, each child is so different. Out older grandson eats so healthy and I babysat him. He will eat veggies, meat and fruit and actually prefers them over junk food.
Keep up the good work. It will pay off in time.
K. Kosanke

Well, what you are trying now (making him sit at the table until he eats and going to bed without eating), does NOT work.
You tried.

3 years old is a hard age. Worse than 2 years old. But thankfully, once they are 4-5 years old, it gets better.

My son is also picky, but he is healthy and grows like a weed. I also give him vitamins. And, he will not eat if he is not hungry. If he is not hungry, we don't MAKE him eat, just because of what time it is on the clock. We rather he know his body's hunger cues. We don't force him to eat. We cue into him, and learned that he is a "grazer." Meaning he does not eat in big quantities at one sitting. He grazes throughout the day. This is him. My daughter on the other hand, will eat all in one sitting. No big deal.

When I was a child, my grade school Teacher was a witch. She FORCED all the kids in the cafeteria to eat ALL their food, or they could not leave the cafeteria. Needless to say, this traumatized some kids, made others hate her, made others cry, made others scared, and just made the whole lunch time miserable. Some kids would pretend to eat, and then spit it out when she was not looking, stuffing it in their milk cartons. She even held a ruler in her hand to slam down as a special effect of her "power" over us. One day I got her wrath. I told my Dad. My late Dad, invited her to dinner at our home. He watched her, just as she watched the kids in the cafeteria. When she finished her meal, my Dad told her that she did NOT eat ALL the food we fed her and until she does she CANNOT leave our home. She was aghast and furious. My Dad told her off, in a gallant way. He told her that that is what she does to the kids at school...and this is our home and she will follow HIS rules. My Dad sat there and did not flinch. He made his point. He made a formal complaint to the school and she was reprimanded. AND other parents complained about her too.

Now, is this what you would want your son to experience at school? What if a Teacher did that to YOUR son? Would you be pissed? I think so. Some would call it going to far... to make a child eat and "obey."

But that is my personal experience. In my family, we do not force our kids to eat. But they must sit at the table and try their best. Food "phases" comes and goes. But personally, I do NOT want to make food an issue.

To me and my Hubby, food/toileting/bedtime is not an event we want to "force" or manipulate our kids for. But we explain our 'rules' and are plain and honest in our expectations of them. Main thing is that they try their best. And, I don't expect my kids to eat like me.

Perhaps, let your son make his own plate at dinner time. My daughter likes to do that. Then she eats no problem. My son, we "let" him, within reason, pick what he wants to eat, from what I have prepared.

No, dinner time is not always "fun." But, it should be a nice comfortable NON-stressed out occasion. Otherwise, a child will HATE meal time/family time. THAT is worse, right?
Just as the kids in my grade school just HATED that Teacher... and hated when it was her rotation to "supervise" the cafeteria.

Dinner ideally, should be a time when the family and the kids can talk about their day and their concerns or anything. THAT should be the main thing. Making it 'hospitable.'

Well, just my thoughts, and experiences with that. My late Dad... really made an impact on me when he put my Teacher in her place for forcing the kids to eat. Bless him!

All the best,
Susan

Please don't take this the wrong way, I hear about it every day, but the biggest problem with picky eaters is us, the parents. By giving into their everyday crappy food wishes, it becomes easier for parents to cook chicken nuggets every meal, instead of healthy fruits and veggies. It will take time, but if you start offering them healthy (and yummy foods), shopping and cooking with them and giving them a choice, I guarantee they will start broadening their horizons. Just remember, baby steps!-www.weelicious.com

Okay, so here's my two sense.

If we make food an issue it will be an issue. Forcing someone to eat something before bed or not eating at all puts way too much importance on food. As a kid, I never had to clean my plate or go to bed hungry and this is because of what my Dad experienced as a kid with his Mom. One night she was so mad that he wouldn't eat the dinner she cooked, he slept at the dinner table and had to eat the leftover food for breakfast or he couldn't go to school until he did. My Dad relates moments like that to how he felt about his Mom growing up, and how detached he became as a grown-up. My Dad was also always the 'treat Dad' because he never wanted my sister or I to miss out on sweets as he did...with my Mom's guidance he was able to be the 'treat Dad' within reason.

I think with my son, what I do is prepare foods I know he will eat and that the family will enjoy and if he doesn't eat it then no big deal. According to my son's Pedi, by dinner time, most kids have gotten their daily intake because they are more apt to eat when they have been active and are hungry. If he doesn't want to eat dinner it's because he's not hungry then, I don't stress. But, per my son's Pedi I don't let him go to bed hungry either. If before bed he says he's hungry, then we can have crackers and milk (or string cheese or cut up apples) while we read our first book together. Once the book is done then so is snack.

You have identified the foods your son will eat, so then just go with it. You offer him healthy versions of that and you are confident in your ability to give him what he needs. Just try a different approach. It's such a trial and error thing with food, but think about how you would feel...put yourself in his place and think about if you were made to sit at the table until bedtime.

Food and punishment don't go together and are a bad mix, in my opinion. Like your son, mine would eat hot dogs, homemade chick nuggets and baked fries all day if he could...so, I offer him different versions of those things. Just be creative and don't stress. Let dinner time be a time for your family to decompress and enjoy each other's company.

Good Luck!

I have to say - that the minute your child knows he or she is in control of a situation, they will continue that behavior until we change. They need to be in control of something, and if it's food - so be it. I have 3 children, and all have gone through their picky food phase. Keds eat when they're hungry. Instead of making it an issue - just serve what he likes and put bowls of cut-up fruits and vegetables with Toothpicks. My kids still love toothpicks. A little Ranch dressing for dipping for the veggies and let him pick what he wants and don't make a fuss. You can also mention that his friend or cousin or whoever he likes/admires really loves whatever it is your serving. His tastebuds will change and in the end is it really worth the battle...don't make eating or not eating a punishment. And - start enjoying dinner time and make the end of your day as pleasant as possible. Sit and talk with him and ask him what his favorite part of the day was...and yours...his answers are sure to make you smile. Good Luck!

Make sure that there is a good amount of time between a snack and dinner. I make smoothies for my non veggie eaters that include the V8 juice with Acai and a full serving of veggies. Dinner should not be a power struggle. With my kids, if they didn't eat a decent amount of dinner, then they received no dessert.

Don't let dinner become a battle ground. Try giving him tiny amounts of food like a teaspoon. He can always ask for more. Find a special plate for him, like superman or batman. If he does not eat, let it go. When he eats, let him know how happy you are. You ate such a good dinner tonight, would you like to pick what we eat tomorrow night. Then fix his favorite. Try to avoid the junk food snack except for special occasions. keep the good stuff available. Just remember as long as he is healthy everything is ok.

I would try not to worry so much about it and try enjoying dinner time more. I think my kids ate less around that age and it worried me at first, but they will eat what they need when they are hungry. You will have control issues and eating issues if you force them.

Try serving smaller portions and letting him help pick out one or two of the dishes for each meal so there is at least something he likes to eat. You can put on some fun kid music, decorate the table, drink from special straws and so on if it will help make everyone more happy.

One of my daughters is really picky, but she is getting better on her own. Lately, she has eaten lettuce (plain) and drank green juice (without knowing there is broccoli and spinach in it). Yeah!

I was a picky eater and my mom gave me a really hard time about it. It only made it worse. I think it made me even more stubborn! Go with your gut instincts and good luck!

Hi K.: don't force feed. I learned this with my grandson. All he managed to do was throw it all up. My daughter got on me about that and basically told me, he will eat when he is hungry. No child will starve themselves, so just give him his food and if he eats great and if not, try again later. It worked. He eats when he is hungry and I dont stress about it anymore. He is 17 months old. He loves fruit so I always have it available and he loves sandwices. So there you go. Of course its never that easy but be patient. With my nephew, we couldnt get him to eat brocolli. He used to love dinasours when he was little, so one day, we were at a restaurant and he got brocolli on his plate. I looked at him with surprise and told him that they had given him dinosaur trees and bushes to eat. Oh he loved that and started eating the brocolli. Needless to say my brother and sister in law were thankful for me getting him to eat brocolli. He is 18 now and still loves it. He loves it when I remind him of that. Be patient it will happen and one day he will thank you for it.

V. R

For the most part I think you are doing exactly the right thing. The one thing I would change is the one thing you asked the question about: let him leave the table when everyone else does. Don't make an issue about it.

If he chooses to go hungry, let him. No one ever starved from missing a meal. He can eat what's available or not, that's up to him. As long as there's no "reward" (getting something "better" to eat, for example) then there's no issue.

This is just a hard time with them. My green-bean-loving 3 year old decided he wouldn't eat anything green for months. He's back now.

Relax. You're doing exactly the right thing.

Back off the punishment for not eating and do not let him upset your dinner time. There is a game going on and he needs to lose this one. I don't believe that you can force children to eat, but you can let them know that the behavior they display cannot cause the rest of the house to submit to them. Feed him and if he does not eat big whoop. However, if he creates a scene at the table that is not acceptable and he should (for example) be required to leave the table and stand in the corner or a time out place before coming back and joining th family that is enjoying the meal. They are little for a VERY short time so we need to be teaching them how to be adults in the way to behave.

I never had this problem with my kids, I guess I was lucky, they loved all kinds of food and would try new things all the time. Try to make meal times fun, have him help with cooking the food, let him know how proud you are that he made this dish or helped with that dish.

Try cooking things in a different way. I grew up not liking vegetables, when I became an adult I realized it was the way my mom cooked them that made me not like them. Try raw veggies & dip, my kids loved that.

It's good you are giving him the same food as everyone else, don't make separate meals, if he eats what you put in front of him great, if not, don't worry about it, if he comes back later and says he's hungry tell him he has his dinner in the fridge. He will eat when he's hungry, don't stress.

Hi K., this is a tough situation but rest assured, it's also very common so you are not alone!
To me, it sounds like you are basically on the right track (allowing him to go hungry rather than being a short order cook). I would definitely make him stay at the table during mealtime (no running off to play while you are all eating) but if he doesn't want to eat I wouldn't force him. (although, perhaps a rule of 'try one bite' wouldn't be unreasonable). One other thing that will probably help is if you can take a look at his snack intake and his overall food intake during the day prior to dinner. Snacks should be evenly spaced between meals (more or less) and should only be 2 per day, generally speaking. Many kids are given snacks on request and this will definitley affect their appetite at mealtime. If you find that he's having more than 2 small snacks per day, or if he's eating a huge lunch then you might try feeding him less during the day (for a week or so), and perhaps even skip the aftenroon snack, or make it very light. You can explain it by saying something like "I've noticed that your tummy seems to be "full"* at dinnertime, so what that is telling me is that we are eating too many snacks before dinner. So now, we are not going to do that anymore, because our tummy needs healthy dinner food to grow big and strong." (*btw, it doesn't matter if he's actually full versus being picky, because either way, he is turning his nose up at dinner. If he's actually full then the 'no snacks' thing will help his appetite. and if he's just being picky then the 'no snacks' thing will hopefully motivate him to make different choices at the table). This statement should be delivered with no criticism, just a very matter of fact tone of voice; cheerful, even. There will be alot of whining the next day, but...oh well! I have noticed that my kids are far less picky when they are hungry versus if they have had an afternoon snack. We were always very structured about having a moderate lunch and a light afternoon snack NO LATER THAN 2 hours before dinnertime. If it got too close to dinner and they said 'i'm hungry', well then, they just had to wait, or they could have a few carrots or slivers of red pepper, or cucumber. If you are really worried that he'll be starving by then w/o an afternoon snack then you could opt to serve lunch a bit later (half hour or so?) and have earlier dinner. Not forever, just for a week or so. Just to see if he'd be willing to eat more at dinnertime as a result. And of course, I would not ever give him milk at dinner until he's eaten a few bites of food. Just give him water first. If you feel you must give him milk even if he doesn't eat anything, I would not give him more than 4 oz or so. I don't know how much he is eating during the day before dinner, but if he's like most kids, he's probably eating far more than he needs. I often see people giving their kids ziploc bags filled halfway with crackers, etc at like 4 or 5pm and then they scratch their heads when their kids turn up their noses at the dinner table an hour or 2 later. Or, they are in the habit of giving their kids a snack every time they ask for one. Just something to think about.
Anyway, those are a few tips of what worked for us...my kids are now 5 and 7 and are not too picky now, generally speaking. They both have very hearty appetites all day long and we have a hard time keeping food in the fridge, lol. Good luck and just remember that they won't get malnourished or starve to death in the short term if you cut back on the daytime food and milk at dinnertime. I know that some people may read this and think that it's unhealthy to control a young child's food intake during the day, but it's just my opinion and our pediatrician was always fine with it. :-)

K. ~ Bless your heart for being such a concerned Mama! I had to chuckle when I read your post, only because I too, was considered a "picky eater" when I was a toddler...My Mom tells a story of how she was at her wits end with my "non" eating habits, and one night, she made me sit at the table (everyone else had finished & was gone) to eat my broccoli. I kept TELLING her that I didn't like it....long story short, I DID eat the broccoli, and then PROMPTLY threw up all over the kitchen floor!

The point to my story is this : Your boy WILL eat, when he is hungry! He will not starve himself - it's against human nature, ya know? And just think about yourself for a minute....do you like EVERY food there is? We all have preferences with food, even into adulthood. I'm not necessarily against sending him to bed w/out dinner, but keep in mind that you may be creating a power struggle by doing this. On the OTHER hand, you don't want to create an "entitlement" kind of attitude by cooking one meal for you/hubby/daughter and a SEPARATE one for your boy.

My advice is, as long as he's eating healthy for breakfast & lunch, take a pass on dinner (maybe give him a multi-vitamin as a supplement?). The more you react to the fits he's throwing, the worse it will be. It seems at this point, he may just be trying to get a rise out of you - don't give in to that & don't let him have that power. When you fix dinner & lay it out for him, let him eat what he wants & let him push away what he doesn't. ie : (your boy) "I don't want THAT! It's YUCKY!"......(you) "Oh, I'm sorry you don't like that, honey but that's what I made tonight. Maybe tomorrow night will be better." Then, just carry on as usual..... He'll come around :-)

Good luck to you & let us know how it turns out!

p.s. I am a very healthy eater & I LOVE most vegetables!!! (but still, NOT broccoli! lol)

If he's growing and healthy and your doctor is not concerned about his progress, if he doesn't want to eat, why should he?

Maybe he's getting the calories he needs during the day, and rally doesn't need to eat much in the evening.

Keep proving healthy balanced meals for the family, and ifnhe doesn't want to eat, don't force him.

Now, if he's hungry after dinner and wants to eat, that's a different story, but a few days of "dinner- take it or leave it- there is nothing later" should help with that.

Unless he's not growing and developing because he's eating so little, really, just let him eat he's comfortable with from the meals you provide for the family.

hello! My son is exactly the same way -- major carb and junk-food freak but very resistant to nutritious foods. He's nearly 10 now and still very picky but we're making progress. First, don't force the issue, don't force your kid to sit at the table or clean his plate or punish him by sending him to his room, etc. You cannot force a kid to eat, you can only encourage their good habits. If you turn this into a power struggle he will just associate meals with misery. Instead, find a few things he likes and use them to build up his taste for other things. If he likes ranch dressing, let him dip almost anything into it. If he likes cheese, let him sprinkle (a bit) on his veggies, his chicken, even on fruit if he wants to eat it that way. My son decided he likes garlic, basil and hot sauce (not all together!). So when I'm serving something he's not crazy about I either prep it with one of those flavors (I drizzle veggies with garlic-flavored olive oil) or suggest to him that he can sprinkle some dried basil or Tabasco on his food. In the past year or so he has begun to eat omelettes, green beans, tomato soup, baby carrots, and a few other items because I let him dabble some of these things on them. ... Re: the chicken, Costco now carries bags of "Naked Nuggets" in the freezer section -- they are plain grilled nuggets of chicken, no breading. Your son might eat those, especially if you let him dip them into BBQ sauce, ketchup or whatever he likes. These nuggets are pricey but if he's really, really resistant to protein and he's willing to eat these, they're probably worth it. ... Other sources of protein: beans. I let my son eat them (canned ones) with his fingers. He doesn't like all beans but will eat garbanzos, pintos and black beans (especially if he drips some hot sauce over them)! Also, when you're at the grocery store, let your picky eater choose some items ("do you want green apples or red apples? Why don't you choose the vegetable we have with dinner tonight?") If you get him involved in the process he's more likely to embrace the food. Finally, I like your rule of having the kids eat the same meal as the grownups. I'm not a custom, short-order cook either! I only make ONE meal, not four! :-) Also, if your son really, really doesn't want to eat dinner, don't force him (don't try to force him) to eat but you're doing the right thing by not caving and finding him something else to eat. He should definitely learn to eat what's served or eat nothing. It's said no kid ever starved themselves to death when food is available. Keep serving the healthy stuff, do it without a lot of fuss, encourage him when he tries something new, and definitely eat nutritious foods yourself, because you want to serve as a role model here. He'll never want broccoli if he sees you eating ice cream! I'd stop trying to hide nutrition in his food. He's already suspicious of this, so don't give him reasons to not trust you about eating. If he feels you're trying to sneak something past him all the time he'll balk at eating EVERYTHING. Take things slow. He'll probably get more open to new foods over a long period of time. My youngest brother was a picky eater when we were kids. Now 38, he's a major foodie and a great cook! There's hope! Good luck.

Dinners are the roughest meal for us too. My four year old son is picky and immediately tries to take the food off his plate that he doesn't like. I don't mind modifying foods we are eating, like you said with the pasta. I think that is perfectly acceptable and eventually they will eat the sauce. We TRY to keep dinner really positive but sometimes we blow it. A success for us is getting our son to try something new. Just a bite, not the whole thing. Usually, if we can get him to try it, he will like it and keep eating. We go overboard praising his efforts when he tries something new. You can see him light up! Also, dessert is used as incentive to eat well too. I would say your expectations are really high and that over time your son will continue to incorporate new foods if you slowly introduce new foods and keep it positive.

A couple tricks I try: Make things look appealing. I cut up chicken breast into tiny, tiny pieces and put ranch next to it for dipping, just like the nuggets.

I don't always call things by their proper name. I call pork chops, chicken chops. The name can freak kids out (I am a former picky eater...trust me, we all grow out of it and I know what freaks picky eaters out).

Keep servings really small and realistic for him to eat. If he isn't into chicken breasts, say three small bites.

Praise his efforts. Praise is the key!!!!

I was a very picky eater. I remember sitting at the table till the food was gone I sat there till bed time. And still didn't eat that gross stuff.

I'm not as picky now we all grow up and learn to try stuff. But to this day (41 years old) I still hate green veggies, Peas and salad is it. I always made my kids try everything at least once then when they got older they had to try it again just to make sure they still hated it. Some things change and some don't all my kids are good veggie eaters. My youngest (son) is my picky eater had a tuff time getting him to eat meat. Now that's the first thing he eats and sometimes all he eats. He use to come to the table and say (I haaaaate that!) every night I hated making dinner and still do but he has learned that this is what we are having eat it or don't but I'm not McDonalds and you can't order what you want. If you would like to make the dinner go for it. He has learned to eat what's their or make something diffrent. Sometimes it was a hot dog everynight, or top roman, or notcho's because we were eating taco's. He still won't eat a taco and he is 8.5. But I'm still alive and I never ate those green veggies. With time he will change a little. Teach him to heat a hot dog in the microwave it's 30 seconds. Or be ok with him having a sandwhich, it's not worth the whole ordeal. You forcing him to eat it won't help either. So it's better to make things pleasant. My son has learned to cook alot of things for himself. This has made my life so much easier. things like (top roman, little frozen pizza's, hot dogs, mac-n-cheese, cookies from the dough that's already made, bake potato's, kids meals) I just keep this stuff around he knows how to help himself. He eats and that's all thats important for growing at this point. Every so often I make him try something he wouldn't eat before. Sometimes he likes it sometimes he doesn't. But I don't care since I have survived myself. Good luck J.

having a treat incentive for after dinner always helped my child eat dinner better. it could be a "healthy" popsicle, a piece of chocolate, popcorn, or many other things. if he/she eats the appropriate amount of dinner, then they are rewarded with a treat. this worked for my child, partly b/c we didn't/don't have treats very often.
i think it is good that you do not make different foods for your child. i agree that he ought to eat what the rest of the fam is eating.

as long asd he is drinking and pooping and is not "snaking" on anything but fruit and veggies you don't have to make him eat.
MHO
Good Luck
V

Looks like you got a lot of good feedback, and I didn't read all of them, so this may be redundant, but here's what I try with my almost 3 year old son who also loves waffles, pb&J, pizza, cereal and fruit. He will eat corn, but when I make broccoli, or cooked carrots, I entice him with a 'dip', whether its ranch, or another dressing of some sorts, I ask him to try at least 2 bites with the dip. He seems pretty open to this and last night he actually ate all the broccoli. Another 'trick' I do is make quesadillas (this is another 'standard' he eats) with pureed veggies and lots of cheese, or black beans, corn, avocado in them. Sometimes he will open the quesadilla and take out the veggie and sometimes he will eat it. I figure he will eat if he's hungry enough and most of the time he does. Don't get me wrong, there are other days where the only thing I can get into him at dinner is cottage cheese and fruit! Good luck and hang in there.

I think your first method was best. Eat or not, but you won't get something later. You might want to try inviting him to help you cook. Also you could try dicing the chicken breast and letting him spear it with a toothpick(if he can handle that w/o choking hazard) and dip it in sauce (pureed veggies). There are books that show fun ways to present healthy food so kids will like it. I also found w/ my daughter that she'd make a fit, but if I ignored it she'd end up eating it anyway.

Hi K.,

Boy, does this sound familiar! We have an almost five year-old who is an annoying eater right now too. My cooking and our meal-time rules sound a lot like yours.

What we started doing is to say that if dinner is not eaten, then it will become breakfast (because like your son, ours would just go to bed hungry and thus just be eating the more "preferable" breakfast and lunch). I know that this sounds very "Mommie Dearest," but we just feel like what we serve for dinner is not weird or complicated or out-of-the-question for a four year-old, and I am not a short-order cook (and I do not want him to go to a friend's home in the future and be an annoying guest--or just as bad, be an annoying roommate and husband). This usually works because the thought of chili (or whichever food he is protesting to) for breakfast sounds pretty gross.

I think that if we make our child eat an appropriate protein, complex carb, and vegetable at dinner that this will not create bad eating habits, because eventually his taste buds will mature. I have friends whose teenagers are ridiculously picky eaters and I refuse to raise one of those kids, so I am trying not to provide an option other than just eating what's in front of you. I have heard that it takes 10-15 experiences with a food in order to develop a taste for it, so I keep trying.

Here is what we have also been saying to him (he's a bit older than your son, but something like this might work too): "Daddy works hard to make the money to buy the food that Mommy cooks. When you cry about eating dinner, that hurts our feelings because we have worked hard to provide you with a good meal that will keep you healthy and smart and help you grow."

This is usually followed by: "There are children in the world who do not have enough to eat. We are lucky because we always have food to eat when we are hungry. It's not nice to cry about dinner because there are children who do not have any." (Yes, we've turned into our parents, but we feel that this is appropriate since it is Lent right now and we are collecting coins for Operation Rice Bowl--a program to feed hungry children).

We also say: "We're sorry that you do not like ______. Sometimes we have to eat certain foods even if we don't like them. It's important to eat a variety of food to keep us healthy. Mommy eats broccoli even though she doesn't like it. Daddy drinks milk even though he doesn't like it. You have to eat ___ even though you don't like it. That's just how it is sometimes." (This last mantra usually goes over very well with our son, who is fascinated with the idea that Mom and Dad don't like broccoli and milk (which he loves) and that we will eat something without complaining even though we do not like it).

Usually, after one of these mantras he will eat if we ignore him and just talk to each other.

These things have also worked: taking away the occasional trip to the frozen yogurt place, any chance of dessert in the next day or two, and/or the Sunday morning trip to Starbucks (where my son is treated to a coveted pastry and apple juice). All of those things go away if dinner is not eaten satisfactorily. We have decided that with foods he's seen before, that he must eat what is put on his plate (it's an appropriate amount, not a ridiculous one). If it's a new food, it must be tasted, but does not have to be eaten in its entirety. However, in that case, there is no chance of a cookie for dessert. Dessert is only provided when dinner is eaten nicely and without a big dramatic tear-fest. (I know that there are schools of thought that say that dessert should not be used as a reward, but our son is really food-motivated and a carboholic, and I don't want to just give him dessert when he hasn't eaten the "good" foods). We have also taken away other things that he values (like time riding his scooter).

And lastly, I have him help me choose the vegetable or protein at the store that we are going to have for dinner. If he complains later, I remind him that he choose it, and that another night during the week Mom might make his favorite (pizza or pasta), but we can't eat his favorite every night--back to the whole "variety" thing.

I guess we are winning the battle because eventually he does eat what we want him to eat. It's just not very pretty. I don't know if I have helped you at all, but perhaps at least you will know that you are not alone.

Hang in there! (I will too).
:-) D.