Helping Toddler with Good Toothbrushing Skills

Hi A.,
I'm a dental hygienist & mother of a 1 yr old, who is also a very independent soul! Unfortunately, NO toddler will do an adaquate job. The rule of thumb is that if your child doesn't have the dexterity to do cursive, the parents should STILL help with the brushing & flossing. And that's alot older than most parents think! From your post, it doesn't sound like him WANTING to brush is the problem, HE just wants to be the only one to do it! I know that having you help is NOT on his agenda, but it really DOES have to be that way.

A couple ideas for getting him to let you help: (1) trying a mouth swish call "Agent Blue". It's a non-fluoride mouth rinse that turns all the plaque on his teeth blue. Let him have a go first, to try & get all the blue off & explain that if he can't then Mommy/Daddy has to get the rest off. You can turn it into a fun competition! Be careful not to use any good towels as it does a fantastic job staining other things as well. You might have him use it when he is just in a diaper or underpants so as not to stain any clothes!
(2) let him know that plaque is actually "bug poop" - I'm not sure if he's into bugs yet, but it seems to work for most kids & is factually true! The bacteria in your mouth produce fecal waste just like humans & the result is the white stuff we call plaque - talk about gross ;) He just mught think it's gross/cool enough to let you help get it all off!
(3) your idea about an electric toothbrush is a great one! He will still need your supervision & help though.

I don't know if any of that helps, sometimes it DOES come down to "forcing" them to let the parents help, but I would SOOO rather see a kid with healthy teeth & parents that CARE, than some of the bombed out mouths that I see because the parents didn't want to BE the parent & say "look, this is just the way it is & your teeth NEED my help!"

A little encouragement for you, A.. I saw a 13 year old girl with cavities on almost every tooth in her mouth. She had such a bad infection in one of them, that one side of her face was swollen & so sore that to just touch her cheek made her tear up! She ended up (at 13!) having a PERMANENT tooth pulled because the parents didn't want to do the root canal & crown that it would have taken to save the tooth. It made me sooo mad that her parents wouldn't take the time to DO the daily monitoring of her brushing & flossing & holding her accountable in taking care of her teeth.

When you feel like you're causing your son "discomfort" by taking an active roll in caring for him, just remember that being proactive will save your little one from just such a situation! I have NEVER talked to a teenager or adult that said "I hate my parents for making me NOT have cavities!" Quite on the contrary, they are grateful that they have BEAUTIFUL, healthy teeth.

I know tough love sometimes really SUCKS, but you're doing a GREAT job! Just keep at it, eventually, you'll find something that works for you two.

J.

We use a mouthwash called --> Inspector Hector Plaque Detector
The bigger kids use it like mouthwash BEFORE brushing, and it turns all the ickies on their teeth blue. They know they are done when no blue is left.
With my girls (2yo/4yo) I dip a Q-tip in the mouthwash and 'paint' their teeth to find the ickies.
They don't like letting me help, but they get their turn first, and then I do the Inspector Hector search for any blue teeth.
I'm a dental assistant, so I too am a little obsessive about teeth..lol
I tried a battery toothbrush for the girls, but I turned it on while they were holding them, and it totally freaked them out, so now I just use them for cleaning. lol
The first time I did the Inspector Hector mouthwash with the little ones, I had daddy sit on the stool in the bathroom and I painted his teeth, and then the girls brushed all of the blue away, then I did the search for the blue teeth.
I've battled for years with my 4yo about teeth brushing, I had to sit on her to brush her teeth. I was so glad when I found this mouth wash.
(sheesh I almost sound like a commercial..lol)
C.

I let my daughter brush her teeth, then we play dentist & I finish brushing. Since I worked in dentistry for 12 years before staying home, I know firsthand how important it is for us to help them.

Has your son been to the dds yet? If not, he should go & will likely have fun. My daughter LOVES her dentist; I would recommend a pedodontist so that it's geared towards kids.

Lastly, go to the bookstore. I got a Dora book about brushing her teeth, going to the dentist, etc. My daughter loved it & it still encourages her to do a good job brushing!

I don't have any suggestions, but my Dr. says they need help until they can tie their shoes alone. (they just can't do a good enough job until that same age) I'd just try to keep it fun (as it sounds like you are), and with my son (almost 3), I always say "let me check how good you did" and then touch up after he's done it himself. Good luck.

I think it's important to let the kids try on their own, but I really like the Inspector Hector mouthwash idea. But anyway, for Christmas, my 4 yo son got a musical light-up toothbrush. The brush is activated when he starts brushing. It plays music and lights up for about 2 minutes. He knows that he has to brush the top until the music stops, then he starts over on the bottom. It seems to work well, at least for me, it has eliminated his every 10 second question of "am I done yet"

I agree with other responses that 2 is just too plain young to let him brush his own teeth. Sure, he can do it his way first, and then mom gets to finish up. I read somewhere that children shouldn't be the only ones to brush their teeth until the age of 7!!!

Love the blue mouthwash idea. I've heard of that, though not when my kids were still little enough for me to need to brush their teeth. I have two boys and they loved games and silliness at that young age. I played the "Catch the Cavity Game" when I would brush their teeth.

First, I'd sit on the closed toilet seat lid and have one stand between my legs and lean back over my arm and leg so they were looking right into my face. Then they'd "open wide" so I could search and see where the cavity monsters were hiding. I'd start out slowing massaging teeth and gums while saying "Oh Caaaaavity Mooooonster, where aaaaaare youuuuuuu?" Then I'd do the voice of the Cavity Monster (something like the wicked witch of the west) starting to get scared that I was getting too close to his hiding spot. Then I'd find him and start really brushing him while he ran around to different teeth trying to find a new spot to hide, screaming and getting mad at me for chasing him...then his voice would fade away as he was buried in a glob of toothpaste, which my boys then took great delight in spitting out (as noisily as possible) into the sink and washing down the drain.

Then we'd do the victory dance. Yep. I said "dance"! lol

I did this with them until they were about 5 yrs old. They are 13 and 10 and still remember this ritual and laugh about it.

Hope that helps,
T.
http://www.bornagainresale.net

Hi - I have a 4.5 year old and when we started brushing teeth it was hard. Same thing, he wanted to do it himself but we ended up doing it for him because I was afraid he was not doing a good enough job. I then got him a spinning toothbrush with Spiderman on it and he thought that was great! He has been brushing his own teeth now for awhile and loves the spin brush. We also explained to him what can happen if you dont brush your teeth very well...you know, having to get your teeth drilled for cavities, stuff like that. Maybe you can tell him that he can brush first and then you can finish brushing for him. I still brush for my son if I dont think he did a good job. He doesn't like me to do that, but I do.

I disagree that forcing it on him will make him hate it. My kids both disliked having their hair washed and teeth brushed (esp. my son) but they grew into it just fine. We just made sure not to give up, and to be polite and firm about it.

2 years old is young to do a good job. My daughter is 8 and is just now starting to do a truly thorough job. Up until now I've been helping. If he's willing to do it himself, let him go first then you go and do the best you can. Be sweet and humorous but firm. He will grow into it!

Good luck!

We began doing several different Love and Logic techniques with our oldest daughter when she was about 20 months old.
First, we give her lots of choices. Examples: Do you want to brush your teeth first or comb your hair first? Do you want mommy to start your teeth or you start your teeth? Do you want to use your Dora toothbrush or your Tigger toothbrush?
We always give two choices and she has a max of 10 seconds to decide or we get to make the choice. When she does make a choice, we say "good choice!"
The choices help to make it so it's not a power struggle.
The second thing we had to do only once when she was 20 months old. She had a couple of weeks of screaming and crying when it was time to brush her teeth at night. The last time she did it, we said, "That is so sad. We'll take care of this tomorrow night." So, the next night after dinner, I got out ice cream for my husband and I. She promptly went to get her bowl out, too. I said, "Oh no. I only give ice cream to kids who protect their teeth by brushing." She had a big tantrum while my husband and I almost cried! But, it was a natural consequence for not brushing. Believe it or not, she has never refused to brush again! It did not feel like a bribe at all because of the way we worded things. Ice cream or dessert is only an occasional thing in our house, but she knows that she will get if she protects her teeth by brushing.
Good luck!!!!

I'm sure all kids all differnt but...what I do with mine is I let her "brush" first..if you can call it that. Then I tell her "mommy's turn and open wide". My daughter usually turns the brush over to me. I add in lots of "good girl" comments to get her excited.

Hi, My Dr gave me great advice that has helped soooo much! I lay my daughter down on the floor with her head in between my legs and her arms pinned under my legs. That way she cant grab the brush away. She has thrown in a "kicking" exercise she does while im brushing which is basically her trying to kick my face and me trying to bite her feet. she loves it and im willing to have a broken nose over it beause I to an very concerned about tooth care. so good luck, give it a while, it gets better.

The dentist told us that not to even let them do it until they are at least 6. We let our 5 yr old (also VERY independent) do the morning one (and then we check) and then we brush his teeth before bed. Our two yr old is doing the exact same thing as yours, except we seem to have found a compromise. I let her start and then mama "finishes" after she thinks she is done. It gives her the practice but we also make sure her teeth are actually clean!

Here is my two cents about terrible two's teeth brushing.

We call it the scream and scrub! My son is 2 1/2, and finally after months of scream and scrub, he will let me brush his teeth with out holding him down. He has the "I do myselfs!" too. How did we do this, we always let him have a turn first and always love him and assure him afterwords. It will get better, and I don't think the scream and scrub followed by a big hug and you did it, are going to leave lasting scars.

A.,

My son is 4 1/2 and we still help him. I let him brush, then say, "Okay, let me see" and then do my own brushing, but also praise him for doing such a good job on his own. Like yours, my son is all about doing it all himself.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

My little one sings the alphabet while we brush. We sing it once for brushing the bottom teeth, and once for the top teeth. It helps him to know he needs to keep brushing until the song is over. He loves his toddler toothpaste and we also have toothbrushes everywhere!!! All three bathrooms have toothbrushes, he has his own drawer in the main bathroom for his toothbrush and toothpaste, and he has his own little paper cups for his swishing! He loves to brush!!! Remember, most of these teeth will fall out and be replaced by adult teeth in a few years so, just getting him to go through the motions and start the good habit of brushing daily will be fantastic until he is really old enough to do a really great job brushing!

The way we got our 3 year old to let us brush her teeth is to let her brush ours. It is really funny and you do get a little toothpaste on your face, but it works! Good luck.

It is great news to hear that he is actually liking the task of brushing his teeth. Congrats on your guidance of good hygiene. I started my three year old on a children's rinse that they can use after brushing. It helps to get those places that our children didn't get to while brushing. I purchased ACT and it states that it is for 6 and over but with proper guidance my son has accomplished without swallowing and it helps him master the swooshing process. The great thing about the ACT rinse is that they get to squeeze the bottle only allowing one dose. It is fun and also tastes great. I hope this helps and happy brushing!

See when Vickie was 2 yrs old I would brush her teeth first and then let her do all by herself. Or I would do it Vise Versa. It still gives her the idependence but lets me be reasured that her teeth are getting brushed.

I have a 21 month old and a 3 yr old, and we've dealt (are dealing) with this with both of them. For my daughter (the younger one) we "take turns", I brush a little, she brushes a little, lots and lots of praise and "good girl!" when she lets me brush. Little by little we get it done.

With my son, when he was old enough to understand (I think we started it around 2 1/2?) we told him there were "sugar bugs" in his mouth, and we had to brush to get them out, or they'd bite his tongue during the night. Not totally untrue, as plaque does eat away at teeth enamel and gums! Ever since we instituted the sugar bug story he lets us brush as much as we want, even sticks his tongue out so we can brush it at the end.

You definitely DO have to force this one, unless you want rotten teeth, and eventually they do get used to the routine and won't go to bed without doing it. Good luck!

Prepare to have this as an ongoing issue. My daughter is 6 and I still have to demand she brush her teeth. Sometimes I can convince her to let ME brush HER teeth, but like you she is a DIY kid. Try letting HIM brush YOUR teeth after YOU brush HIS and you may be surprised at how much better he may feel allowing you to brush his teeth. Sometimes the issue of forcing him to do things only makes it worse. With my daughter she just tunes me out since I explain the reasons for everything. Just hoping she will get it. It does surprise me how much she does get though. I hope this helps. Maybe by getting him to understand that like you sometimes you can't get everything on your teeth, so it may help if he brushes what he can see in your mouth and you can brush what you see in his will help. Kids can be reasonable sometimes. Good luck.

My dentist recommends that we don't leave our kids completely to their own brushing skills until they are at least EIGHT (especially since horrible teeth run in my family)...so what I do is let my son (three) brush first, and then I just say I'm going to "finish." He HATED the idea (also independent), but then I made it a game by claiming I saw SpongeBob in his mouth. He opened it so I could see better, and we found Patrick, Gary (I meowed when I brushed him), Mr. Krabbs, etc. Every night he'd look forward to finding everybody. My daughter wasn't as reluctant, but she willingly let me brush as long as I looked for zoo animals. If it becomes a game, it won't be a test of wills.

Good luck!

Good Evening A.,
I have a 2 1/2 year old little boy who once had the problem of not enjoying to brush his teeth and would put up a huge battle when doing so. Just like your son he wanted to ALWAYS do it himself. Now, he truly enjoys to brush his own teeth and does a decent job.. but I still brush over them. Have you tried letting him do it and then you do it? Or the other way around? Do it and then ask him if he can do what you did? Try taking turns... My son will start out now "brushing his teeth" and then I come in and do it after him. He gets the sense that he is being "Mr. Independent", but us as mom's are knowing that his teeth are going to be healthy because we do it too.. I wish you the best!!! Let me know how it goes!

I am a proud 43 years old mom with a 2 1/2 year old who is in the DIY phase. What I've learned that made is easier for me and to ensure good brushing is to "insist" that mommy will brush first then he can finish up. I talk him to him as I'm brushing and most times he will just copy what I've done. He gets double dose of brushing and we're both happy. I hope this works for you.

I have the exact same problem with my 21 month old twins. I too would love any suggestions that anyone has!

I just made a rule that I do it first then they get to do it. Sometimes I'll have my older kids let me brush theirs first so he'll feel okay about it. He does alright! :) You're doing a good thing by making it important!

I got my son to do it by showing him teeth on the internet and what they look like when they are healthy/not healthy. I pointed out to him what he wouldn't be able to eat without his teeth. Also, I purchased him a toothbrush that lights up for a minute. He LOOOOOVES watching it light up while he's brushing his teeth, plus it helps him keep track of timing. I also brush WITH my son which helps him see how I do it...and it's fun!

I used to battle with my son when he was about that age too, and I still do on occasion... Every night I would let him brush first, and then when he was ready I would take my turn. I would always praise him for what a great job he did, and then when it was my turn I would say that I just needed to be super sure his teeth were clean so they wouldn't turn yellow, or that the "sugar bug" wouldn't get him!! lol

But I can recall many times where he didn't want me to brush his teeth... First I would give him a chance to let me brush, and if he still resisted he knew I was just going to have to hold him down on the floor and brush his teeth while he kicked and screamed and cried. I HATED doing that, but I think he needed to know that it's not an optional thing. It never happened two nights in a row!! I think he found that just letting me brush was much easier on him!!

PS: He will be turning four in a week and I still brush his teeth... I don't think that kids are capable of doing a good job on their own until they're much older. I still don't think my ten year old step daughter does a very good job!! lol Hope this helps, and good luck!

I have a 15 and a 17 year old. The one thing that worked best for me was one of those cute childrens electric toothbrushes. I let each of them pick one out and although they didn't brush perfectly they did brush. I didn't push them because the more I pushed the more they threw a fit. I was sure they would have cavities and costs lots of money! My daughter has had one cavity and my son has had two and all of their cavities were in baby teeth that fell out. Remember he is only two and this too shall pass. Good Luck

My friend had a similar problem with her son at about the same age. She gave him her toothbrush and she held his and they would brush each other's teeth. He had something to focus on and felt big doing the same thing to mom that she was doing to him. She said it made a huge difference. With my kids I would let them brush first and then I would check. When I "checked," I would tell them I only have to do it for a count of ten. It gave them an end in sight, and I could count as fast or slow as I wanted, and sometimes I would mess up or forget where I was to give myself a little more time. It wasn't the prefect solution, but it sure helped. Good luck!

A.,

We found with our 1st child, that if we let her brush 1st, we could come in a do a quick brush afterwards.

It works well with our son also. He lets us know when he is done and then we do a brushing afterwards to insure a good job is done.

Hope this helps.

Yeah! I love all the new ideas especially searching for the monsters! My 2 yr old loves to do it himself also but we have made a game out of taking turns. It keeps going until they are clean. Sometimes he bushes a little and I get to finish right off and others we switch every few seconds for quite a while but it does get done. With my 6 year old I can still get him to let me check for cavity bugs...he always wants to know how many are left....it is always fun to start with a crazy high number and then after a few tries (more brushing) it dwindles down to none. I also tell him that since I can see them, to let me get them for him. It usually works.

I hate to tell you, but it will be several more years before he can correctly brush his teeth. Has he been to the dentist yet? They are now saying first check up should be at 1 yr. My daughter did great. The put me in the chair with my daughter in my lap and layed us both back. She let them check then clean her mouth. I was amazed. My almost 2 yr old now brushes too much. 6 or 7 times a day she wants to brush. She does let me do it and it tickles her mouth. Maybe that is why your son wants to do it himself. Being that yours is very independant, maybe ask him to teach you to brush his teeth and see if he will let you do hand over hand.

I am having the same problem. Another mom asked a similar question a few days ago, and someone suggested letting him brush yours while you brush his. and thank you to the mom who suggested it it worked! Two days of brushed teeth! And no fight!!

Hi A.,

One thing I do with my almost three-year-old son that usually works is "searching" for stuff in his teeth. Whatever "kick" he's currently on--sometimes it's the Thomas characters, sometimes it's the things he ate that day, sometimes it's different animals or pirate treasure--is what we "search" for. When I "find" it, we make the noise for whatever it is. But this usually gets him to stand still and open his mouth wide for me to get to all the nooks and crannies.

Yes, sometimes it takes more patience and cheerfulness than I've got at the end of the day, but it usually gets the job done! :)

~J.

A pediatrician once recommended letting the toddler "brush" first, to get their kick out of it, then when he loses interest to have "your turn".

We have a system in place. He gets to brush after breakfast and lunch and I get to before bed. I have a very independent 22 month old. He wants to do everything by himself. This seems to really work for us. I also noticed sometimes when we are in a hurry to just get it done we push harder. If we keep light pressure he does better. I also let him brush mine after we brush his. He loves to brush at night now. Hope some of these ideas help.

I have four children and our rule is that mommy or daddy get to do the teeth brushing at night before bed, but they can brush their own teeth when it is morning time once with toothpaste, and then as many times as they like throughout the day without toothpaste. If he really likes the toothpaste, you may want to make that your stipulation. "You only get to have toothpaste when mommy and daddy do it", or "You may do it yourself with toothpaste if you let mommy or daddy do it first."

My youngest son didn't like to brush his teeth. We got him a battery operated tooth brush and a better tasting toothpaste (that wasn't so "hot"). When he was younger (he is now almost 16 - and his dentist tells him that he takes great care of his teeth) we had to make everything a game to make him do anything. He has always been very competitive and making a game of something or timing him at something always made it easier for us to get him to do something he didn't want to do. Good luck.

Just a quick suggestion..We let the kids brush their teeth first and then we "polish". For our kids there is something about the word polish that makes it seem like a fancy word and a special thing. We praise the good job that they did when they brushed their teeth whether they did or not so that they are encouraged to keep trying. They are always willing to let us polish and we are able to make sure that their teeth are clean. Good luck!

Hi A.,

We used a timer when the kids were little- they brushed for 30 seconds, then I brushed for 30 seconds, then they brushed again for 30 seconds. That way they feel like they got the best part of the deal because they brushed longer! As they got older, the time for brushing got longer.
Good Luck!
C.

Our 2 1/2 year old has never liked us brushing his teeth. But he gets to choose if Mommy or Daddy does it. And it's a turn taking thing. We say Mommy gets a turn & then he gets a turn. Or vice versa. We also do sound effects when we brush that he finds entertaining. He may not do it very well himself, but at least he gets to try & we get to make sure everything gets brushed. Good luck.

My almost two year old loves to brush. He loves it so much that we can use it as leverage. We have an electric toothbrush (he was afraid of it at first) and his daddy made up a toothbrush time song. We allow him to turn on his toothbrush and then we brush his teeth. When mommy or daddy is finished, we then allow him to brush his teeth and rinse the toothbrush. He then puts the toothbrush in the medicine cabinet and closes it himself. I don't know if it will work for you, but toothbrush time is Clayton's favorite time of the day!

I have always let my children brush their teeth first and then I do the "final touches". I also set a sand timer so they know how long they need to brush to get the 'ickies' away from their teeth. I tell them to brush tops, backs, bottoms and sides. It has always worked well with all of my children. I stop doing final touches when they are about 5 years old.

I take turns with my son. I count to ten while he brushes, then I get a turn to brush his teeth. If he's in a good mood, he lets me finish. Otherwise, we take turns to the count of ten until I am satisfied that his teeth are clean.

We have had the same issues. Our son is two and he HATES brushing his teeth. The dentsit and pediatrition recommend that we do still brush them for him though, even if you do have to hold him down.. What we do is usally one of us brushes and the other one does goofy things to make him laugh and it works out pretty good. On hte other hand I let my daughter brush her own teeth when she was a toddler ( now 10) and she has quite a few fillings now.. Another dentist actually recommended we brush and floss her teeth too and she was 8! :o) Also, its also possible that if you keep consistant then your child will eventually stop fighting it :) good luck~