I placed my daughter in a small in-home licensed daycare when she was four months old. I want to share my experience because I want others to know that it is OK to follow your gut when it comes to the care of your children.
This is my first child so I am learning as I go. My first red flag should have been that the lady talked too much and gave too many details about non-important things. As time went on, I recognized that she was doing this because she was basically lying about the care she provided.
She said she was into babywearing and didn't believe in letting babies cry it out. (actually illegal to for a childcare provider to do this). I picked my daughter up on several occassions where she was in the back room in the playpen crying alone.
My daughter frantically crawled to me or was always crying when I picked her up there before she could crawl.
The final straw was when I dropped her off and the lady had her fireplace on with no barrier. Just prior to this, my daughter choked on a woodchip. These things happen but I got four different stories about her response. The final story being that she performed back blows!
I was going to accomodate my work schedule to stay at home because I was so worried every day about my daughter. It was a "gut feeling" from the start that I ignored for five months. Luckily she is safe and happy now.
I ended up just pulling her without notice and found another provider. It is so differnt. No nagging feelings or worries throughout the day. My daughter is happy, well rested and fed when I pick her up.
There are a lot of details that I am leaving out. I worry about the kids that continue in this person's care. I don't know how to let that go. Maybe she just wasn't for us and is fine with the others but I am not so sure (gut feeling again).
Please always go with your instincts when it comes to childcare providers. I don't see how you could go wrong.
I am editing because I have no idea how to add what else has happened. You all supported me in my decision to report (I did that immediately after the incident) but I followed up with the Department of Early Learning (Washington) and could not believe the response I got:
I was told that “_____ said that was the only time she had the fireplace on and I talked to all the other parents and they reported the same.” The licenser said she had just started working on the referral and asked how my daughter was doing in her new childcare. I told her my daughter’s behavior has changed completely. She is happy, well-rested and fed when I pick her up (as opposed to crying, exhausted and hungry). The licenser then said, "well ____ must not have been a good fit for you then?" I said "no, she wasn't taking care of my baby." She then said that she interviewed all the other parents in the daycare "who all spoke highly of her so she has to take that into consideration in her investigation."I was shocked.
First, _____ lied when she said that was the only time she ever used the fireplace when children were around because when I confronted her, she told me she used it in the mornings as children were arriving and that she usually "put things in fronth of it so the kids wouldn't be able to get to it."
Also, there were only three other kids there when I pulled my daughter: one was a relative, the other was an infant who has only been there since January, and the other was a two year old who has been there since he was an infant. Maybe those other parents don't have a clue? I am so angry that I am filing a complaint with my state's ombudsmans office. The level of incompetence on behalf of this person is scary.
R.-
I've worked with parents & familes for more than 16 years as a preschool teacher, Nanny & now a parents coach, and your advise is the same I ALWAYS give parents, trust your instincts!!!
I honestly believe Mom's have the Mama instinct, so if it's yelling at you, listen.
Thanks for sharing.
R. Magby
You have to always let your instincts lead you, especially where your child is concerned, her health and emotional well being. Being left alone and crying it out is cruel.
Have you reported this person to your state agency? If you haven't you certainly should. I worked in nursing homes for years and we were inspected at least once a year and any time there was a single concern or complaint (whether it was founded or unfounded the state had to come in an investigate). The investigation is always unannounced which is exactly what this woman needs. If you were friendly with any of the other parents you need to let them know what happened and why your daughter is no longer there. I would want that info as a parent.
I absolutely agree with you. Any time you hafta let your child go (daycare, school, sleep-overs, driver's license, college, marriage...) it is scary and you can almost always trust your gut.
We were moving and needed to switch day cares for our 2 yr old. We interviewed someone in our new neighborhood. Like your story, she kept talking about trivial stuff, leading the conversation away from her policies, her approach to child care, her approach to potty training, etc. She just gave me an "oogy" feeling.
My husband and I walked out and I shrugged and giggled and said, "Well, I guess that was a bust." While almost at the same time, he burst out with, "So it looks like we found the place!" I was aghast but he was so convinced I let him override mommy radar.
Long story short, our son was there for just two weeks. Besides her pure laziness...She said it was ridiculous that a 2 yr old wasn't potty trained. We calmly redirected her and said we had a plan and were sticking to it. That last day, we picked him up and were greeted with this: "Your son is defiant. I put him on the potty and he WOULD NOT GO. But I made him sit there and then do you know what he did? He masturbated! That's is just disgusting and defiant." I can feel my heart racing just thinking about this. But all we could do was sweep up our son, race out...I think we left his shoes behind. We never ever went back. To this day, I wonder if she made him sit there was hours in anxiety and confusion. And seriously....2 yr olds cannot masturbate.
I have to say that stories like yours were our reason to go with a center rather than an individual provider. While it is a bit less personal, there is so much more staff and supervision that something like that is just less likely to happen....
I am sorry for your experience and thank you for sharing!
Always listen to your gut when putting your child in someone else's care. If she is licensed, she gets inspected each year by the state. I just got through my years of daycare. My youngest is finally old enough and my oldest is finally old enough to stay home together. One is a teenager who get's paid to watch his brother as part of his allowance. I have had my kids in centers and home based. I had problems with both. Ask for references, check in before you start a daycare unannounced to see the real show, and drop in afterwards unanounced too.
You should report her!!!
This post and these responses make me so sad, but also glad that you posted this. There are terrible childcare providers out there, but there are also some really good ones.
I have been on both sides of this issue. I had my first child in care when I worked out of the house and I now have my own daycare. I did have a negative experience with one of my providers, and wish I had known about what to look for when interviewing people and also to know to look at several different ones before making a decision to put my child in care there.
I feel really grateful to be able to now provide a safe, nurturing environment for people to bring their children to. But I work hard to make sure kids in my care are happy and taken care of, stimulated and safe while they learn and grow. It's the most important job I have ever had, and I love it.
My best advice is look around at lots of childcare environments. Bring a list of questions to ask when you make a visit. Drop in unannounced or for early pick ups particularly if you have any worries about care. And don't be afraid to call the governing agency if you are concerned that the provider is not following regulations.
There are good places out there!
In addition, anytime you have any "gut feelings" regarding licensed day care providers, you should call your areas Community Care Licensing and see if they have had any complaints or been cited for anything. I work for an agency that provides subsidized care and too many parents don't know their rights when it comes to checking out licensed childcare. Do your research and know your and your children's rights.
Thank you for your thoughts on this. I really wish that we would all remember to trust our gut. I have been SO fortunate with my kids that we have our daycare lady. She takes better care of my kids than I do. :) She told me in the interview that she would always care for the kids as if they were her own, but to remember that she would care for them as her own. Meaning that she loves them the same, but expects them follow her rules. Its been so wonderful. Her schedule never veries and its very helpful with our daughter who needs consistancy. They are always clean, well fed (to good sometimes I think :)) and Happy. They LOVE her and her husband like grandparents.
Now I am worried about those kids that are still with this women. I would tell the other moms!! Write them letters telling them what happened cuz if it was me i would want someone to tell me so I could get my kid out of dodge asap.
I see that you reported her that is good. Did you report her through DHS or the actual licencing? I would go through DHS and she will be investingated through them, especially if you us terms like you felt your daughter was being neglected and explain the situations. Plus every licenced provider will have to be visited when its time to renew.
I was a licenced provider for almost 10 yrs. Please go through the DHS dept and report her. They will investigate!
if you are concerned you should file a complaint. look up child care licensing and pick the .gov site, follow the links to "how to file a complaint". This lady will keep providing unsafe care unless someone intervenes.
I am copying the info below:
HOW CAN I FILE A COMPLAINT AGAINST A FACILITY?
If you think a child care provider is breaking licensing laws, you may file a complaint with the local licensing office. You can get the address and telephone number in any of the following ways:
Your telephone book. Look under State of California, Department of Social Services, Community Care Licensing; or County Welfare or Social Services, Child Care Licensing.
The provider's license, which must be posted in a prominent place in the home.
Your copy of the Parents' Rights Notification form.
The Community Care Licensing website: www.ccld.ca.gov
Call or write your local licensing office and explain your complaint. It will be investigated and you will be notified of the results when the investigation is done.
If you believe your child is being physically or sexually abused, you should also report it to your local Police department or Sheriffs department.
Contact your Child Care Advocate about any issues or questions you may have.
WHEN YOU REPORT SUSPECTED VIOLATIONS, YOU NOT ONLY PROTECT YOUR OWN CHILD, BUT ALSO PERFORM A SERVICE TO OTHER CHILDREN AND YOUR COMMUNITY.
Thank you so much for your helpful input. I believe you are right about trusting your instincts to such places as you had described. It's hard now days to find a place you can trust and even harder because of what ends up on the news...gives in even further to any fears you might be having. Hopefully, people will understand that it's all a matter of trusting your instinct. If something doesn't look right and you feel your child might be in danger...DO NOT hesitate to remove your child immediately or voice your concerns over their safety.
Thanks for posting this.
You did the right thing but as far as the other children in her care are concerned...she probably had to jump through some hoops to get her license so report her to the board that licensed her and they can check her out!
Tell someone you have a concern because it will break your heart if later you hear that someone else's precious child was hurt or worse in her care and you did nothing.
I'm a first time mom too and just recently had to find day care for my now 8mo old son. The folks that I would call and some I visited and if even for a moment it just didn't 'feel right' then I had to just pass... at least until I knew more. Some tried to worm their way out of my questions, concerns, etc and I just knew that wasn't going to work. As much as I was TRYING to stay within a budget, my husband and I decided that other things were going to have to be forgoed in order for us to have our son in the care where we felt comfortable, at least for now. It is so hard, but we are our babies' protectors and as parents we do what we can.
You can report this woman to the licensing bureau in your city or county. She is unfit to watch children. The harm she is doing is great. If you say nothing a child might die in her care.
It's good you followed your instincts even though it took a while. With a new baby and a job it is hard to keep on top of things and of course you were very likely quite exhausted every day.
If this lady has a listing on google or somewhere else online, you should go there and leave feedback. That way other parents will see it. I think this can be done anonymously. You don't have to go into much detail, but this will help other parents make decisions about where to leave their child.
Hope that helps!
Also, if you haven't taken the other lady's suggestion to tell the Department of Human Services (or whatever it's called in Washington), you should. That's what they are there for! Be sure you report every detail!
You should report her to the licensing board to have her evaluated to protect the other children.
Good for you for trusting your gut! If you are still concerned about this woman providing care for others, you can report your problems to the childcare division. They are actually under the Employment Department, and I think the website is www.childcareinoregon.gov. You can also check out reports on other providers you are considering. It is very possible that this woman isn't actually certified at all. There is a difference between being registered with the state (that just means the state knows you have a business) and being certified by the childcare division. Good luck, and I'm happy to hear your story has a happy ending!
