My 3 yr old had a night terror about 3 weeks ago. Since then, he has been in my bed. All night, every night. He has never been a great sleeper. Prior to the nightmare, I would usually have to sit with him in his room until he fell asleep, and then he would wander up to my bed at some point in the night. He is a light sleeper and wakes up many times throughout the night. Since the nightmare, he doesn't even want to start out in his bed. If we try to make him stay in his bed, he screams. I'm not against crying it out, but he would literally scream all night. He shares a room with his older brother so it just doesn't work. I've tried a reward chart (he didn't even make one night), I've tried getting him a prize and showing it to him then telling him he could have it when he slept in his bed all night, I've tried telling him Santa's watching and that he won't come on Christmas Eve if he's not in his bed. Nothing is working. My husband is tired of sleeping on the couch and I'm tired of sleeping with Mr. Restless. I want him out of my bed! Help!
Is his bed big enough for you to snuggle with him in it? If yes, he may need that extra comfort for a bit.
Or will he sleep in his if you stay in the room? If yes, get your laptop and hang till he falls asleep. That might help him reset. Good luck!
I agree that it's important to get him back in his own bed. I suggest that doing so is a process and will take time. Start out by talking with him about his nightmare and how he feels now. Sympathize with him. Remind him that you'll always protect him. Tell him it's important to sleep in his own bed and that you'll help him get comfortable there. Take several days to have this conversation. Perhaps try making up a story about a little boy who's afraid to sleep in his own bed and have your son help tell the story by suggesting ways that might help this other little boy. Then try those things with him.
Then, start the night in his bed. Have a calming bedtime routine with stories and perhaps music while he's in his bed. Stay with him until he goes to sleep. You may have to make a bed for yourself so that you can spend the night a few times. The purpose is to let him know that you understand and sympathize with the way he feels.
Once he's able to go to sleep while you're still sitting with him then go to your own bed. When he comes in to your bed, calmly take him back to his own bed and stay with him until he goes to sleep. Do this over and over until he's able to sleep thru the night.
I suggest that this might take a couple of weeks. You do need to make a plan and stay consistent.
I am a big fan of monster spray. You can make it with a trigger spray bottle filled with water and a scent of your choice. Spray it around the bed -- under the window -- across the door and along the closet. Reassure him that monsters can't cross the spray, it makes them melt, or turn into butterflies.
Then put a nightlight in his room and maybe a motion detector light/music toy such as a glo worm in his bed, if he gets restless it will start to play.
Do you go to church? Ever watch Veggie Tales? There is a Veggie Tales called "Where's God When I'm S-scared?" Junior Asparagus watches a movie that scares him, and he has trouble sleeping. He learns the song "God is Bigger than the Boogy Man." It's really cute, and we've used that song many, many times with our 6 year old.
For awhile at least, I would give in and sit with him while he falls asleep. He's scared, and having you there is very comforting. Give him some time to work through the emotions. Soon you'll be able to leave before he falls asleep.
We also have a little one that comes to our bed some nights. We've decided to just let him in. (We have a king size bed, so that helps.) We figured if he comes to us, he must need that extra reassurance. He'll stop coming in when he's a bit older. In the mean time, we are ok with it. We love it that he feels safe lying next to us.
I agree...while I like the snuggles, I'm not a huge fan of sleeping in the same bed as my kids.
Do you think he's truly scared or has it just become a battle of wills?
If you think he's just doing it because he can:
Since he shares a room with his older brother, how about they have a camping party for a few nights? Make a 'tent' in their room and let them both sleep in it for a while, even if it's on the floor. IF he's excited about this idea tell him he can sleep in his tent OR sleep with mommy, but if he sleeps with mommy the tent gets put away. Could maybe have a tiny flashlight for the tent too to help him shine away the nightmares. Would really only work if he's super excited about the campout, otherwise the plan will horribly backfire lol. Maybe the excitement of something new will help him forget about his fears of his bedroom.
If you think he's truly scared of his room:
Maybe put a sleeping bag next to your bed. Tell him he can either sleep in his big boy bed or in the sleeping bag, but not with mommy. But in the meantime, maybe let him be near so you can help 'in-case' he has a nightmare, but not so much that he gets used to sleeping in your bed. At some point it's just going to have to be non-optional to sleep in his own bed...but I would make sure he's over his fears before trying to push him into his own bed, maybe give it a week or so.
Just some ideas, looks like you have some other good ones below too...hope you guys find something that works!
We got our then-4 year old an inexpensive older iPod. It is programmed with a bunch of classical music. It serves a dual purpose of distracting/ soothing and acting as a nightlight. If he gets nervous, he can touch the screen and it will light up. We also tried a small flashlight, but he likes the iPod better. We intentionally stocked it with ONLY music, no games or other distractions.
Diligence, discipline, patience and a nightlight. Every night, 1/2 hour before he goes to bed, go in with him and do something he likes or sit in his bed, cuddle with him and read a story. Make a tent by going under the covers, lights out and read with a flash light. Read above the covers and get a Twighlight Plush. This is fabulous! It gives off a soft glow in the room and has a timer you can set. It should ease him back into the comfort of his room and wanting to be in there. Check out the video on QVC and it will make him want to stay in his room. I love this thing!!!
http://www.qvc.com/Twilight-Plush-Constellation-Nightligh...
You may have to do this with him several days, but it will work. Remember, diligence, discipline and patience. Good Luck!
Around that age my son was afraid at night, but we couldn't figure it out. All he could say is that "it had no face". I tried asking him to explain more, but that didn't help. I would say out loud "any no face monster, leave my son alone". He was at least able to fall asleep then. We finally figured out it was an octopus that he was afraid of!
Start by blanket on the floor and let him sleep there for a day or two and tell him what your conditions are. You're right, it fouls up marriages when there are two many cooks in the bed.
Let him sleep in the middle, with you and husband on either side. A little more every night, you and husband squeeze closer and closer. Your son: "Move over. I am squished." Y'all: "I dont' have any room. You are such a big boy now!" He will maybe eventually give up and realize he has more room in his own bed.
and/or Say prayers before bed every night for "sweet dreams." I've also told my son (now age 4) that when he has nightmares, to turn them into something else in his brain. ie: When there's a bad guy, yell at him in your dream "You're not a bad guy! You're a gummy bear!" And then laugh at him and tell him to watch out or you're going to bite his ear off. My son and I laughed about turning things into silly or favorite sweets. My son has told me that he has turned a monster into an ice cream cone.
