My husband is 33 years old, and had a stoke 5 months ago. It has been very tough since then. Our lives have changed alot. We have two children, a 11 yearold and a 9 year old. The kids have alittle trouble understanding why we can't do some of the things we use to do. I try to tell them that we can't do it because either of fiances (which are next to none) or because Daddy can't do it. My husband was totatly paralized on the right side. But he is able to walk now, but is limited. His right hand doesn't have its fine motor skills back. Then how do I explain to them their daddy's mood swings? I try, but I don't think they understand.
Thank you to every body that responed to my request. It has helped alot. Here in the last few months, we have gotten involved with our church more, which was a suggestion that we had already started, but not for that reason. When I read that, I got to thinking, and it has made a difference. There is alot of suggestions I will try. But I know most of all it is going to take time and prayers.
04/18/08 -- Rob has got to start physical theropy!!!! Thank you ALL for your prayers!!!!!!!!!
http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/stroke/stroke_happen.html
Have them do reasearch on it make them understand it more, or take them to the library have them find info on it.
E.,
I am terribly sorry for your distress. As far as the activities that your kids want to participate in, are their family members or friends from school that can fill that void. You know; scouts, baseball practice, playing outside, movies, etc? If someone could fill the void tempararily, your kids wouldn't feel deprived and you and your husband wouldn't need to feel guilty. (That's the last thing he needs for his recovery.) Do you attend church? My church has royal rangers for boys and missionettes for girls that age on Wed. nights. Many churches offer something of that nature. (And it's free!) However, the prayer support and comfort you would recieve would be invaluable. Thank God that your husband is recovering and hopefully this will be a short interlude that you will look back on with a type of gratitude. By that I mean for all the things that you will learn, the way you got through it with a strength you didn't know you had, and that your children will be kinder more understanding people when they grow up. I can't be of any more help, but I wish I could. I will pray for a speedy recovery and strength to get you through each day as you need it.
E., I don't have a lot of time to respond right now, but I have a brother who had his stroke at age 34. He has two children and at the time they were 7 & 5. The most important thing I want to say right now is it will get better and your future will be brighter than you think. His was really really bad. He was lifting weights in the basement when he had his and the 7 yr. old was the one to find him. She found him in a coma, on the floor and the sight was worse than you can imagine. He had been there for at least two hours and as you now know the most important thing with a stroke victim is to catch it right away. In the beginning he could do nothing. My husband had to hold him just so that he could urinate. He could do nothing on his own. I will get deeper when I have time, but the beautiful outcome is this. He now lives on his own. He walks on his own, he drives, he grocery shops, he cooks, he cleans like crazy, he emails on the p.c. he is so independent. He is still Mike. He does need help on the phone with bills, direct TV, Doctors questions, etc. There is so much I could talk to you about. I am saying a prayer for you right now, because you do have a very long road ahead of you. Yes, your life has been changed forever, but believe me it is not as bleak as you think it will be. We as a family all laugh and play, and we understand what he is saying just fine.
I want you to take my number if you feel like you need to talk to someone. Please do not hesitate to use it.
J. ###-###-####
Hi E....My ex-partner had a stroke about two years ago. My experience isn't similar to yours BUT I found an on-line source VERY VERY VERY helpful www.strokeboard.net . The group has a mix of family, caregivers, and stroke survivors on-line who are available for support and advice. Please go on-line...they will absolutely help you! I know there are books out there as well...one particularly I remember talked about stroke affecting the whole family, not just the stroke survivor.
Best of luck...you have a lot on your plate! My thoughts are with you.
R.
Talk to the hospital where your husband got his care to see if they offer some family support services. It would help your children to talk about this to a trained professional. And it would help you too. My prayers are with you and your family.
I agree they are old enough that if they have more understanding it will be easier on the kids. There are so many classes in area hospitals...check this out...it might help them deal with the life changes better. Also...I realize the finances are different...but they should still be able to do some things they used to even if Dad can't...are there relatives, family friends etc that they can do things with? My daughter was on a traveling soccer team, and one of her teamates brother was sever autistic and staying in a hotel would just set him off....if one of the parents had to travel for work...the other couldn't bring him theywould just ask if she could stay with another family...and well we all did that anyhow. You know how people always ask what they could do...and you really don't know what to say? I would say help me by helping my kids do some of the things they are missing out on. Also...is he needing 24 hour care from you still...or just to get you out some...and bring some income in could you get a PT job possibly - at least for a few hours a week while the kids are in school?
Oh..and Major hugs to you.
Barb
my heart goes out to you...my husband is older, but just went thru a triple bypass. He came home on Christmas Eve, & our only thought was how thankful we were to be together!
Our sons are 20 & 11...our older son went back to college & that left our younger son to help with all chores & jobs around the house. It was a challenge that he met very well.
Our insurance provider kept close tabs on my husband, including a case worker who monitored-not only Mike's emotions-but mine also. One of the services offered was counseling....I highly recommend that you & your family seek help. Even if it's thru a free services agency or thru your church...please ask for help.
E.,
I am a mother with a daughter a few years older than you and have a masters in nursing in family heath. One way is to ask your children how they feel about what has happened to their dad. When one memeber of a family has an illness/acident it affects each memeber of the family as you have discovered. It does not matter what they feel, acknowledge that their feelings are real and theirs and they are not wrong. But with those feelings have them think what it must be like for Dad to feel like since he cannot do the things he used to do, but in time he may be able to do some of those things again. Get them involved in his therapy, even it it just to remind him to do the exercises and encourage him that he did good or he has made an improvement. Check with your local hospital for support groups for families that have children going thru similar situations. let me know how things work our or if you need any other suggestions.
A. B
E., my heart goes out to you and your family. What an unexpected trauma, and a very frightening one. There is an organization in our area with a mission to help the caregivers of stroke victims. It's called the American Stroke Foundation, and they are located right in Mission, KS. Call them and ask for information on support groups, and for help with the questions you've asked us. Good luck. Your family is in my prayers.
American Stroke Foundation
Stroke Activity Center
5960 Dearborn
Mission, KS 66202
Phone: ###-###-####
Toll Free: 1-866-549-1776
Fax: ###-###-####
Whatever you do, let them know the mood swings have to do with the stroke and not them. He hates the stroke, not them. Ask them what they are feeling and talk about it, and of course, help them understand the stroke.
They are old enough to understand that you sometimes have to do things, or not do them, because of the family. Also, be sure they get "time off" out of the house. Sleep overs could be great therapy. Good luck. I hope your husband continues to get his strength back.
You may need to seek therapy for your entire family. What has happen is tragic & nothing we could ever prepare for in life but we as women just roll with it good, bad or indifferent. IF you can't afford therapy try your local church & if you don't attend that's okay too...better late then never. This could provide you with a lot of help & resources. Prayer changes things & it will help in some situation(s) in your life. Your husband is still here alive & moving forward the best that he can, you can work with him on moter skills & rehabilitation at home. I know it may get a little stressful at times but you need to take for yourself as well before you find yourself on the verge of a break down. I notice that your a SAHM, I commend you for that as well, if you ever need to make some extra income let me know & I can send you some information on an awesome home based business Mary Kay. You can do it at your own pace & from home. It's christian based & the women are wonderful! The support from these women have gotten me through some of the ruff times as well as being there for others. I truly wish you the best of luck & God Bless you & your family, I will lift you & your family up in prayer.
