How Do We Tell Our 2 1/2 Year Old About Grandma's Passing

I don't know what your beliefs are, but when our very close next door neighbor died, we just really told our 3 year old the truth. We told her that "Gramma Dee was really sick and her body was getting too tired so God decided that it was time for her to go live with him up in heaven. Now she doesn't have to be on oxygen and her body doesn't hurt anymore. We will miss her now that she is gone, but we will see her in heaven some day." She really did grasp it. The very next day it was raining and she asked me if Gramma Dee was helping God make it rain lol. Everytime she sees a dead bug or a dead animal or something on the road , or if she hears of someone who died, she will say "don't worry, we will miss them now, but we will see them in heaven".

As far as the viewing part, I explained that her body will be there for people to say goodbye too, but her spirit is up with God. She was still scared and wouldn't look at it. When she was 18 months old her Great Grandfather died, and viewing the body didn't phase her. Just be there to comfort her, I guess.

So sorry for your loss and good luck to you!!

When a loved one passes, we tell our kids that they went to live with God, but can't come back to visit. Let her know that the funeral is a place to say good-bye and remember how much we love Grandma, and warn her that people may be very sad and maybe even cry (she may not be as scaired if she expects to see people upset). Being as honest as possible is best, without traumatizing her :)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hi J.,
Ask your local librarians to help you find a picture book or a board book in which the passed person is a grandmother. Maria Shriver has a nice one called "What(Where) Is Heaven?". Edit as you see fit. Your local librarians live for this kind of request.

Good luck on this tough rite of parental passage.

L. L., librarian and mom

Just be honest. Kids handle loss better than we do most of the time. My Dad died when I was 12 and it was my first wake/ funeral. I had no idea what to expect. That was almost as scary as losing him. My parents believed in "protecting" us from the pain of death. That was horrible for me. Be honest and don't try to candy coat the truth.

I'm so sorry for your loss. At your little girl's age, she will miss grandma, but won't really understand 'death'. I would not lie to her or say grandma is sleeping or anything like that. I would just explain that grandma was very very old and that after people have lived a long time like her, they die and their souls go to heaven and watch over the people they love. Say that we miss the person here on Earth because we won't be able to spend time with them anymore, but emphasize that their spirit is happy and that this is all just a part of life.

You can put in whatever religious specifics fit your family best, but I think this is pretty general- it is what my mother told me when my grandma died and what I first told my son.

The important thing (I think) is to be sure that it isn't scary-that she understands that grandma is not 'asleep' so they don't get afraid of going to sleep themselves- and also make sure she understands that this is NOT going to happen to you, or her father or her and that it is something that happens when you are very very old and have lived a long full life. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

J.,

I'm sorry for your loss. I agree with Kim that you just need to be simple and concise. When we talk about our grandpa that passed before my kids were born we explain it similar to Kim did...that his body got sick and he was very tired. That God and the angels could take away his pain and sickness. So when he closed his eyes and God took him up to heaven so he will be happy and healthy again.

We explain it as he's no longer here with us, but he's still watching them and they can talk with him. We treat it like a "conversation in your head". My kids still talk with their grandpa, have a picture of him in their rooms, and know that he is always there to help them.

As for the visitation and your daughter being so young. Perhaps a family friend can take her home with them for a "playdate"? I think it's up to you if you want her to see the body at the viewing, she may get very upset. Our friends, when they lost Grandpa, brought toys they set up at the back of the room. The kids played quietly while other grownups watched them. I brought them McDonalds for "dinner" and a coloring book with crayons. I offered to help out however I could.

Keep in mind that this is a HUGE loss for you and your family. Your daughter may just not "get it". So be prepared to have someone take her home if she's tired or out of sorts. You and your spouse and family need grown up time to grieve and be there for each other...without being in Mommy/Daddy mode.

Good wishes to you and yours.