How Do YOU Deal with Tattling?

Is there blood? Are there bones and brains spewing forth upon my carpet?
Do I need to stop what I am doing right now and go to the hospital? Because If I do, there won't be any lunch, snack, outside play, whatever.

See? Everyone else is so much more diplomatic than me.

My kids now say "but I didn't draw blood" They are so very sarcastic at times. My kids can hang with Jo's kids. lol

my step mom and my grandmother both had daycare's in their homes I have learned to say one thing if a young child comes running up- Are you going to tattle- think before you speak. It usually slows them down

I would interupt them as soon as I realized they were tattling and say... "is this a dangerous situation? Is someone hurt? Going to be hurt? If not then you need to work it out yourself....I know that since you are four you can handle it, correct? :)". Since you are supervising them I am assuming you would be aware if it was a serious situation.
I think they will stop tattling if you don't let them:)

There is Tattling and there is Telling. You "tattle" to get someone in trouble, this is not allowed in my house. You "tell" to keep someone from getting into trouble, or to inform an adult that someone is hurt or in danger, this is allowed. With all the kids I have worked with over the years, and with my own kids, this is a very distinct easy line to draw and understand.

We talk about the difference between tattling and telling a lot. It does make me batty too.

I ask them,
"Is this important?"
"Is someone hurt?"
"Has something been broken?"
"Can you guys solve this on your own by sharing/being nice/working together...?"

One thing, is once they hit kindergarten, there is usually a strict no tattling policy. So, it's good to teach them now what tattling is, and when they really need do to tell on something.

Since you are the caregiver, why don't you do a mini lesson on tattling for them that they can all understand? Have them role play.

My kids don't tattle so much, and their concerns are usually legit when they come to me... but when they visit their older cousins, it's a tattle once a minute. "He looked at me funny!", "He said he doesn't like my shirt.", "He knocked over my toy."... So dang annoying!

When they tattle I ask them "is anybody getting hurt? Is antything getting broke?" If the answer is no then I tell them to work it out. I might make suggestions. If they are fighting over a book I suggest, "why don't you offer something as a trade" Hey have learned to work alot of stuff out so I don't have to hear about all the little stuff. When they are just too out there, I seperate them. Send them to differant areas of the hsoue to get a break from each other.

This is a byproduct of the new age of Barney. The we must talk about our feelings when really you just want to pop um one. This probably won't work since you are dealing with other people's kids but I have always let my kids pop um one. That way the annoying kid knows you annoy they are going to get popped and the kid being annoyed never comes whining to me. :)

Works out the issue really quick.

The barney way on the other hand doesn't punish the kid who is actually causing the problem. The one who is annoying everyone. Not exactly sure why Barney thinks annoying people is an acceptable character trait but he loves you, he loves me....I hate him. lalalalalalalalala

Don't ever leave me alone with a purple dinosaur. I will pop him one. :)

Teach them the difference in tatteling and telling. Tatteling gets someone into trouble,(she called me names) telling gets someone out of trouble.(she got hurt)

Tell an adult if there is danger. If someone is doing something that could hurt themselves or others.

Tell an adult if someone is hurting themselves or someone else.

Tell an adult if someone is destroying the room, the furniture, the toys, or someone else's stuff.

If it doesn't fall in line with these things, the tattler get's the time out. We also practice verbal and negotiation skills so the kids can work out their own problems.

Ask them "Are you trying to get someone IN trouble or OUT of trouble?"

I was just talking to a friend about this. She gets so irritated when her kids tattle on each other. For me, it hasn't been that big a deal, mainly because I would so much rather my child tell me if someone is bugging him than take matters into his own hands. We've worked very hard with him about dealing appropriately when other kids bother (or do worse) to him. So telling me is much better than the alternative.

Conversely, I would also much rather another child tell me when my kid is bugging them so that I can deal with him than they decide on their own that they just don't want to play with him. So I also see it from that angle.

All that being said, I can see how it can get annoying. I was telling my friend, we need to figure out a system where the kids can kind of "record" their grievances so that they feel validated and heard without having to come to us EVERY SINGLE TIME. I may try to institute a sort of grievance journal (like in the movie "Rain Man" - "Charlie Babbitt squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck in 1988") for my kids when they are old enough just so that they can "keep track" in the moment. Because I know most likely they'll forget about it afterward.

And as my son is getting older and more flexible, I've told him that it's much better if he can work things out himself. Yesterday, we were at a play date, and we talked beforehand about what he could do if his friend's little brother bothered him. I said, "You can tell him, 'I don't like that.'" And my son said, "And I could tell his mom." And I told him, the problem with that is that a lot of times my friend tells her kids that they will leave if they make "one more bad choice," so if he tells on the little brother, that might just be the end of the play date. So it's much better if he can deal with it on his own. So that's helped too.

I think that tattling can be good. If someone is doing something wrong, telling an authority figure is a good thing. When children tell us things that others do, that hurt them, the respective child is saying to you:

"I don't have the skills to resolve this problem. Will you help me."

I thank the child for "telling me" because, again, I think it is a good thing. When my kids' are older and one of their friends is not doing the right thing, I want them to tell me.

So I "thank" them and then I see it as an opportunity for discussion. I say to the other child, in my case it is usually his brother: "We don't say those mean things." or I might tell the "offendee" that is getting copied that the "copier" loves him and it his way of playing with them. But then I would say that when someone says "Stop!", it means they aren't having any fun so to respect others boundaries. Respecting others' boundaries is a biggie because the word "No" or "Stop" means exactly that.

So again, I look at tattling as the child's inability to problem solve and that is when I would step in to help give them tools--even if it is like "Tracy" said below, and asking them to work it out on their own. If they cannot, then come and tell me again. Tattling is not a bad thing in my view.

What I find annoying is the whining that may accompany the "tattling" so I tell them to tell me in a normal voice.

I agree with Talkstotrees, only we call it "tattling" and "reporting".

Check out the book Siblings Without Rivalry. Even if these children are not siblings it will give you some useful tools on how to deal with navigating the dynamics between them.

Good luck!

I always tell my daughter that unless it's something very hurtful said or something going on that could hurt her or someone else... she needs to deal with it on her own. I started saying this about 4.5 years old and continue to now at 6 y/o too.

Whenever I tattled on my older brother my mother would punish both of us. That stopped it. Her favorite punishment was to make us sit in 2 chairs in the kitchen looking at each other for 10 minutes. Pure torture.

My son's teacher has a great concept (he's a tattler). She has a list of 5 things and they are: 1. Is there a fire? 2. Are you bleeding? 3. Are you broken? 4. Did you throw up? 5. Is anybody else bleeding, broken or have they thrown up? She shows them her hand with all 5 fingers and asks "Is it any of the 5?" And she says you can just see them thinking slowly through the list and usually the answer is no. They turn around and go back to what they were supposed to be doing.

"Work it out."

I first make sure there isn't any bullying going on, no one is injured, and it isn't something that they really can't handle on their own and then I encourage them to work it out on their own. They really need to learn the skills early to compromise