How to Get My Pre-schooler Backing to Going to Sleep on Her Own

Can you use a timer? Tell her you have to leave when it goes off. Each night shave off a minute or 2.

I wouldn't take the "big girls don't do this" route. I would just simply tell her she can either go to bed happy or sad - its her choice. Acknowledge her feelings "yes, I know you are sad" "yes, I know you want me to stay but I'm still not staying".

Let her have all the loveys she wants, in her bed with her.
Let her choose the ones to have in bed.
Let her have a flashlight in bed with her and a sippy of water.
Sit, in the room, instead of laying with her.

At this age, they are still very young, but on the cusp of being a "big kid" but are still having cognitive and emotion based developmental feelings about it.
The world, expects them to be all big and grown up, because they are 3. But, they are not yet, fully all grown-up.
It is an age of dichotomy. Hence, 'growing pains' emotionally.
Hence, it being a hard age.
For the child.

Have a regular daily routine at night.
Tell her you will sit in her room, versus lying down with her.
As a compromise.
Then when she gets used to that, you can gradually leave the room.

When I was that age, I simply got scared at night. And missed my parents. In my room by myself. It is developmental. At this age they do developmentally begin to get night time 'fears' as well.
Lots going on in their little minds. Childhood.

They do grow out of it.
So you can do the cold turkey, or gradual transitioning for her.
Up to you.

I had the EXACT problem with my DD. She would never go to sleep without me laying with her or laying on the floor of her room. It got to the point where it would take FOREVER for her to fall asleep because she kept sitting up to check and make sure I was still laying there!
So, this is what I did.... I continued the same routine we had, bath-jammies-book/song-drink-kisses/hugs-lights out. Except I explained to her that mommy wasnt going to lay in her room anymore. Obviously she was really upset, but I propped the door open and left the room. She cried and screamed and came out a couple times but I just stuck to my guns. First time she came out, I said "sweetie its bedtime. I love you, goodnight"...the second time, "Its bedtime sweetie"..and then every time she same out after, I said nothing and just put her back in bed. It took about 2 weeks, but she finally understood and started going to bed without crying or anything. Its rough, I wont lie! But, SO worth it! She is not scarred from it...she LIKES going to bed now! I cant tell you how much better it has been since. I have time to myself at night now and bedtime is peaceful. I know its rough. No one likes to hear their babies cry...but it will be better and so worth it in the end.

Good Luck to you!! *HUGS*

we had this issue with my two year old when we moved. and we had to do strict cio with her. it was the only thing that would work. and now she goes to bed on her own every night. have a good routine in place and reassure her when you need to. but, it might take letting her cry to break her of the habit of you laying with her.

Jen E's response is exactly right. She knows how to keep you in the room! Definitely hard like she said, but she will start understanding. It will probably be really hard at first, things tend to get worse before they get better remember! We went through this with our daughter too and we just kept to our plan and it worked.

we did a reward chart, with two little dollar-store prizes on days one and two, and we promised a princess prize after ten nights of sleeping in her own bed. she picked out a princess coloring book and could not WAIT to sleep in her bed so she could color her princess book!! she's been sleeping in her bed for about a month now!

it was such a long, dramatic problem that drove us nuts so i was surprised and sooooo happy that something as simple as a $4 coloring book could totally change her habit of sleeping in our room!!!

I LOVE cuddling my kids to sleep! It is seriously, hands down, the coziest, best part of the day, and I send them off to dreamland feeling safe and secure. My sister in law's kids are always crying themselves to sleep and, while I am by no means the perfect mom, I have to wonder who is building better emotional health. Now my oldest takes forever to fall asleep, so I don't stay the whole time, but I cuddle, stroke her hair, and talk about her day until she gets drowsy. Then I tell her I have to go and I leave. She feels emotionally fed and secure and there are no complaints. And you know what? I want to continue this bedtime bonding as long as possible, because this is when you hear about anything that bothered them during their day, and wouldn't that be nice to be that close once they are teenagers? You have to build that bond now if you want to have that intimate relationship later. This is a precious opportunity, please don't waste it. And when it comes down to it, who cares how the room is decorated? That's not going to mean jack when it's time for closeness and cuddles. And really what else matters? That we get 10 minutes more to do laundry or facebook?

Here are some sleep tips by Dr. Pruett with more info at the link below:

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/01/09/...

At the Goddard School, parents will express concerns about their child’s sleeping habits and patterns. The following article by Kyle Pruett, M.D., provides excellent insight on this topic.
Children’s sleep issues are among the more challenging developmental stages for parents to master.  But biology is on the parents’ side in this one, because sleep patterns mature over time just like other developmental skills.

Polls tell us that one-third of American children and their parents sleep together some or most of the time before children start school. Co-sleeping varies hugely by culture and ethnicity. So think about what you want to do, and discuss the pros and cons with your pediatrician.

What do you do when she cries and begs? Whatever you do is exactly what you have taught her will happen every time she cries and begs. I remember one time when my daughter was in high school and I had told her she couldn't do something. My daughter had a friend whose MOM (!) told my daughter to keep working on me until she wears me down. I am not kidding! My daughter laughed so hard. She couldn't wait to tell me. Obviously, my daughter learned at a very young age that she didn't make the decisions in our house.

It will take time but just think, the sooner you get control, the sooner you will not have to have the whole song and dance every night.

In answer to your questions, you have to get over the fact that she might hate you for making her go to bed by herself. She doesn't mean it. She will try any angle to make you feel badly and cater to her wishes. Do not reason with her (she is not going to be reasonable). You state the way it is going to be and tell her what the reward is (a sticker on a chart, maybe, that can add up to a day at the park with you - or something that translates to time with you, not a toy or something that costs money). After you state the reward, just walk away. Again, you cannot reason with an unreasonable person (no matter how young or old they are).

I have no idea if this is your situation but perhaps she's scared? My 3 ½ year old who wasn't afraid of the dark until a few months ago learned from her cousin that there are “monsters” in the room thus making her scared to go to bed by herself - among other things. We had a chat the other night about it. I told her that monsters are not real like the characters from her story books... like Cat in the Hat. I asked her if she understood and she said yes. I then asked if she thought there were still monsters in her room and she said yes =)

I had to do some quick thinking but then I asked her if the Cat in the Hat was in her room too? She looked at me kind of funny. I told her “well, if monsters can be in your room and they are not real, why can’t the Cat in the Hat be there to and keep you company? Maybe the Cat and the Hat are friends with the monsters.” She got in her bed and we did our goodnight kiss and I said “let me know if the Cat and the Hat visits you.” The next morning she said he did visit and there were no monsters. Might not work for other children, but it got me thinking about when I was little and why did I just focus on “bad things” that could be with me and not think perhaps some of the other make-believe, fun characters could be around as well =)