How to Help My Grieving Dog

Updated on March 13, 2013
J.R. asks from Geneva, IL
21 answers

When we first got married we got two puppies. This year, we had to put one of them down the day after Christmas. It was hard and horrible but we did everything we could to keep him alive for as long as possible. He had major health problems and zero bladder control. We had major surgery as a last ditch effort and it didn't work. We put him down the day after Christmas and I sobbed the entire day.

Our other dog had never been without his brother for even one day of his life. He is 11 and his brother was 12. I seriously considered putting them both down together because I was so worried about what it would do to our remaining dog, but I could NOT put a perfectly healthy dog (who we love deeply!!) to sleep.

So, two months later - he is not doing well. He is clearly depressed. He is not himself, his tail is always down, and I don't know what to do to help him! We bring him everywhere with us - he is almost never alone. And he gets a ton of attention and treats.

I expected this to an extent, but I was not prepared for just how devastated he is. Has anyone been through this and had their dog survive the loss? I don't know what to do. And every day I just feel horrible for him and want to help him but I'm not sure what else to do to help him. Have you tried medicine for depression? Another puppy? (I'm worried this will be more stress for him then anything since he's an old man... I don't think he wants a playmate, I think he misses his brother.)

I guess I'm just hoping someone will tell me he will bounce back at some point.

If your surviving dog didn't bounce back, what happened? Did you have to put him down, or did he die of a broken heart? :(

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all of your advice.

Because our kids are so little, I think we're just going to keep giving him time and attention instead of adding another pet to the mix (although that may be something we try if he's no better in a year!) I guess It's just nice to know other people have been there and their pets have recovered, at least recovered enough to not be horribly depressed all the time! We do see glimpses of his old personality from time to time.

Hopefully he perks up. I don't think he will ever forget his brother, but I do think we can help him learn to be a dog again.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

It takes a lot of time. I have gone thru this twice. I later read that when you have to put one dog down, bring the other one with you. They need to see and grieve. Just like humans. This advice was from a vet. I used to say I cried more for the dog left behind, then for the one we put down. That one was at peace. It is so hard. I am so sorry for what you are going thru with him. Wish I had some advice other than time.

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Y.G.

answers from Miami on

I would definitely get him a "teenage" dog... One that's about 3.. That way it's not a puppy and driving him nuts.
My friends dog is on prozac for anxiety.

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V.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Well, about a year or so after we adopted a 3 year old yellow lab we adopted a stray that wondered onto the farm. They became best friends, but after another couple of years the yellow lab died of a heat stroke. The "stray" was very depressed for a long while but did cheer up when we got another puppy (Though he was initially upset at the little fur all following everywhere). If you want another dog, maybe adopt a 3 or 4 year old from the shelter. That way the new dog isn't an annoying puppy

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

so incredibly S. and heart breaking. i will tell you i am not a person that would have considered surgery on a older dog. i am very old fashioned and i am alwasy amazed (and slightly shocked) at the lengths and money people will go to to save a dog. it is amazing. but i do not have that built in my own system.

i hope my suggestion works for you and does not back fire. perhaps you can foster an older dog to help be a companion for your dog not a play mate. you might be able to work with a shelter to find a good match for your dog. i would try 5 different "dates" with dogs to see if any are a good match or if she is up to spending time with other dogs. you might even be able to take her with you to the shelter.

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L.B.

answers from New York on

I am sorry about your dog. I am an animal lover and hate to hear such a sad story.

Maybe you can bring the dog to the shelter and see if he hits it off with another dog, You may need to bring him several times to help him find another companion.

We did have a dog that needed to take antidepressants, you can talk to the vet maybe that is the answer.
Talk to the vet anyway they may have some good suggestions.

I am sorry for your loss and the heart break your dog is suffering. Let us know how he is doing.

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☼.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Awww, I feel for you and your poor pooch. In so many ways, dogs are much like humans in regards to feelings. I don't think I would go the puppy route, I've known several people who have introduced puppies into the family while their own existing dog is older and ailing and it has been very tough on the older dog in all cases. But perhaps an older companion may benefit him? Maybe a few years old? One that won't bug and annoy him like puppies can do and has a loving, mellow personality. It would be ideal if you could do a trial period with your dog and the possible addition. Many rescue groups will agree to this. Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

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S.S.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I've been there too, it's so hard to watch the sadness your old friend is feeling. Have you considered a mature dog and not a puppy? There are many S. mature dogs and cats living in shelters who would make a great companion for your dog and they are already house broken! Remember the shelter pets, they would love a home and are so grateful when adopted.

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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

I feel so sad for you and your dog. My first thought was actually a young kitten to keep him company. Both cats and older dogs love to sleep all day and maybe they could be snuggle buddies as your senior dog gets older and it would be a good distraction for your dog. Cats are also usually more calm than dogs. If you do adopt a dog I would suggest an older dog and let them meet first to see if they click. I just think it would be a rotten trick to get some young pup in there that makes his older years a living h, e, double hocky sticks.

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S.G.

answers from Norfolk on

Even before I read any of the answers, I thought "You all should adopt a calm, older shelter cat!" The people who work at the shelter should be able to recommend some likely candidates once you explain what's going on with your dog. And I'm sorry for your loss, it's so hard to say good bye to a member of the family.

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry about your other dog.

I do't know that I would give him medicine for depression but you can
try a bevy of other things:

-taking him to a dog park
-lavish him with more than your normal love & attention. Even if it's just
sitting by him & petting him
-I definitely wouldn't get a puppy at this stage as puppies are full of energy wanting to play and he won't get a single minute of peace/rest.
-If you do decide to adopt another dog, I would make it an older adult dog.
-Give him a little bit of time. It's only been 2 months.
Be kind, be loving & just "be there" for him.
It takes people & animals time to grieve.

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J.C.

answers from Columbus on

It does seem as if he's depressed if he's not snapping out of it for this long. I'm so sorry for the guy.

I would suggest as many playdates as you can. (and I know how weird this sounds - playdates for dogs) But it might help. Is there a neighbor friend who has a dog that yours gets along with? Have them spend the afternoon with you and your pet. Have as many playdates as you can stand. Also, take him to the dog park often. I think the very very last thing he needs right now is a puppy.

My other suggestion is to foster a dog. We had such a wonderful experience doing this. And shelters are so full and stretched so thin these days. It's a great service to the dog, the pounds, the whole community. Just remember to choose a dog who is close to the tempermant your current doggy has. Fostering would make it a temporary situation - unless you fall in love with the buddy, like we did - an end up adopting. Your guy may just need a furry friend.

Good luck to you and your pupster. You sound like a great dog mommy.

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S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

We've been through this twice. And both times, we remedied the problem with another puppy. It worked for us.
I read some other responses about a puppy not being a good idea with a senior dog and recommending a kitten instead. That might be a good idea. I don't know. Our oldest dog is 15 and we brought a puppy in to the home last year and it was fine. We tried one time to bring an older dog in, almost a year old, and it was a disaster because they both wanted to be the alpha dog. Now, they were both females, so that's more of a female thing and I think you said yours was male. We had to get rid of the addition and get a puppy. Our older dog was the alpha dog and was able to put the puppy in her place. LOL (For those of you gasping that we got a dog and then got rid of it; there was no choice as she actually injured our other dog twice and we'd had to take her to vet; and in trying to break them up my husband got bit. So I was fearful our toddler and other children might get hurt. We found her a good home though.)

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F.B.

answers from New York on

There are dog psychologists and there is doggie zoloft.

Some dogs will bounce back sooner than others, some never do. You can help by getting past your own grieving (as best you can), and getting past your dog's grieving. Treat him like you would a normal dog. He might just rise to your expectations.

My own experience with this is a little removed, and certainly not heartening. My aunt's father had a collie which was first and foremost his dog (dog's choice). The collie stood by his side as he got sick, got hospitalized, and was then homebound. The dog would be let out to walk itself, and would come back 15 minutes later. Within a week of his death, the dog walked off and never returned.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

We had an almost identical situation with a pair of sibling goats. The sister got very depressed when we had to put the brother down at about 12 years. We spend more time with her to compensate, but she stopped eating and was clearly depressed.

So we borrowed a half-grown kid from a neighbor. At first, our girl took great interest in chasing him away from the shed. She was really animated – her life seemed to take on new purpose. Then he discovered he could intimidate her, and chased her out of the stall. We sent him home after a couple more weeks of increasing hostilities, and by then, our girl was SO grateful to be on her own, she had mostly bounced back from her deep gloom. I don't think she ever completely got over it, though. She died of heart failure the following year. {:–( But that's a reasonable life span for a goat.

I've pondered this often. All creatures eventually die, and heartbreak is one of many legitimate causes, for people and probably for any critter with emotions. It seems very sad, but that doesn't necessarily mean it should never happen. I think we might be doing some of the work we came here to do when we suffer. In my experience, at least, suffering increases my ability to understand and empathize with others. But it's awfully hard to see somebody you love suffering, isn't it?

(I really miss our goats, which were wonderful pets, kind of a cross between a dog and a pony. But they did require lots of attention, feeding, grooming and hoof trimming. I'm not up to all that any more.)

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Check with your vet. There are some "natural" supplements and scents and medications available. I had a dog on Prozac for separation anxiety. It's very inexpensive. Your vet will probably tell you this, but please be aware that these types of medications can take weeks to take effect so if it helps it probably won't have an immediate result.

I also like the suggestion to foster or adopt an adult dog. I can understand why your old dog might not do well with a puppy, but maybe he would appreciate an adult canine companion.

My condolences on your loss.

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M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

My current dog belonged to my grandmother and she loved him more than anything. When she died (the dog was 10 years old), he was depressed for a few months. I know he couldn't understand what had happened to her, but there was nothing I could do about that. But he bounced back. Just like when we grieve, it just takes some time.
Same for my cat- we lost the oldest, and the other cat was pretty heartbreaking for a while. But now she's fine and happy.
Give it some more time.
I have never in my life heard of putting the companion dog down when the other dies. That's insanity!

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D..

answers from Miami on

Talk to the vet about doggie prozac. Do this before you put him down. Maybe it will help him.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's so hard to lose a pet, and this on top of it...

Dawn

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

Please don't get another puppy. This can help, but rarely - more often than not, it is extremely stressful for the older dog, and is one of the major reasons senior dogs are left at shelters (unable to bond with the new, more fun addition to the family).

Considering another adult dog (one your current dog helps to pick out) may eventually help, but make sure you give your dog a bit more time to grieve before you shake up his world again.

If this continues too much longer, talk to your vet about anti-depressants. They have been very successful in cats and dogs, and often once the dog is feeling better, you can slowly wean him off them again and he won't have to be on them forever.

You do have possibilities. Your dog doesn't have to die of a broken heart!

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

We currently have CoCoa. He is 8.5 years old. He came to us as a 2nd dog. When the older dog died, we got another pup....ChockO. & they became best of friends! (only 4 years between them, tho')

ChockO was with us for 4 years. Last summer, he & CoCoa managed to open our gate & escaped. ChockO was hit on the interstate, & we had to put him down after days of trying to save him. Between the trauma of the hwy + losing ChockO, CoCoa was devastated & mourned deeply....as did we. He became possessive of us, & hard to handle. After a few weeks, we added a puppy to our family....hoping to fill the void for CoCoa.

Tank was a kickass awesome Monster Pup. He & CoCoa bonded, but we noticed that CoCoa was not as tolerant of Tank's antics ....as he'd been with ChockO. We decided that the entire hwy event had aged CoCoa. As Tank matured, they became Best Friends & hated to be separated. It simply took longer for CoCoa to pull out of his grief + adjust to having a pup around. + he was 4 years older than the last time we got a pup.

Fast forward to this past month, Tank was diagnosed with total hip dysplasia....at 7 months of age. He was a worst-case scenario & the outcome was bleak. He "blew" one hip, & we chose to put him down. (both surgery & alternate txs were not viable options for him.) (sigh)

We mourn his passing. It's only been 2 weeks, & CoCoa is a mess. What he eats in 3-4 days...used to be a daily serving. He's our shadow. He's grumpy, & he's grieving. What we saw with ChockO last summer is what we're living now. At 1st, I said "no more pups"....losing 2 in 6 months is killing me.

But last week, I caved & shopped around. I found 2 options for us. After working with CoCoa (grooming, etc), I decided to hold on the pup. We are trying to include him in more of our activities. But what we're seeing is....as long as we're actively working with him, he's responding. The rest of the time, he's lonely & miserable. To this end, we are amping up our inclusion even further. But the real question is: where does this end?

I do not want another pup. CoCoa is 8.5 years old. Our younger son has 2 more years of H.S. .....& then it's just us + CoCoa. That puts CoCoa at 10.5 years! If we get a pup, then we truly will be starting over. So for us, we're trying to avoid that next pup.....

Sooooo, I have considered a bird. A bird in a safe cage, placed up high. CoCoa is a labradoodle & a bird freak. Prior to CoCoa, we had birds.... & since CoCoa is so smart, we know he can adjust to one. Maybe this would also help your dog???

Best wishes to you & your dog. Grieving & mourning truly does exist in pets. I would not use meds...I would find an outlet to perk him up. & I agree he's an old man....forget the pup!

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N.S.

answers from Detroit on

It took our dog a good year to bounce back. We just gave him lots of love. Then one day he came bouncing up to me like the world was right again. Just like people, they take time to heal their hearts.

M.A.

answers from Detroit on

We rescued a dog that had 4 sisters that were adopted by different families. It took him a long, long, time to get over his lost sisters.

I take him for long walks, and he loves all the attention he gets being the only dog. If I even thought about another dog, we would have issues.

Can you afford doggie day care? He could interact with other dogs for a few hours a day.

Dog park is also a good place.

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