How to Start Over!

I highly suggest seeing a counselor. It is very helpful to have a neutral party helping you to dicuss things. They have also had a lot of exerience and are able to provide helpful suggestions. We are seeing one with my 15 year old son and it has been very helpful.

Therapy..therapy....therapy.....we hit a rocky patch in our marraige - and insurance covered most of the therapy. (We ended up going only about a dozen times!) I really think you get a lot more out in the open, and get a third person's 'unbiased' opinion. There were times he beat up on my husband - there were times he beat up on me - but we found ourselves starting to defend each other and compromise more and more. Seriously - if there was something wrong with your son - you would not hesitate to go to a doctor - so do it for yourselves!
I hope that you can work it out - divorce seems a hard lot to go with - but is needed in some instances. Good luck to you - try and be strong!!!
R.

this is always so hard not just for the kids but for the parents. first get help, if not for all 3 of you then just for you and your son, it'll do wonders. i've been seperated for 3 years and there is no hope that we will ever get back together we are just both putting off the expence of a divorce. we also have very very very different ideas about how to raise the two children we have together. I'm firm and we ahve rules and my children have responsibilities, minor ones they are 5 and 3 but there are things i expect them to help do and certain ways i expect them to behave. my ex is the opposite, he lets them run free, no bedtime, no set mealtime, if they want a snack after dinner they get it, ect. and boy do my kids know that that is the way things are there. they walk all over him they are rude and demanding, they don't clean up thier toys they throw tantrums if he does say no and so on. honestly when they are here they are the best kids one could ask for. some things carry over a little, they come home tired and crabby but for teh most part things here are calm and happy. oddly enough my ex and i even with all the differences have shared parenting. they are with him 2 days one week and 4 the next, and it works. there has never been the question of who they want to live with, i don't get the i want to live with daddy when i tell them no, they know that they basically live at both places and that daddy may be the fun one but mommy is the one thatmakes sure they have lunch for school and helps with homework and makes sure they have clean clothes. so whatever you decide have faith that'll it'll work out and your son will be fine. it takes time and the more support he has the better he will do. good luck and take care.

J.,
This might be a valuable resource for you. The website is family.org. They are a family-centered organization. Their focus is on keeping the family together and growing strong and happy families. I know that if you email them with any questions you have, they would give you any information you needed in a heartbeat. I hope this helps. I will be praying for you and your family.

J. F.

Hi J.,

Whatever you do!!!! Do not do it in front of your son.
Always discuss difficulty in private. It is not your sons fault that you and ex cannot agree on things. Therapy may be a way for you to go. Good Luck. B.

i know this might be far fetch but i would put your son in counseling and you and you husband put your differeces aside for the moment and that way your son doesnt get the wrong impression because your fighting over him he might think your fighting because of him, group counseling will help him understand and also might help you two disolve your differences of how he should be raise and you can be on the same page. your child with thank you for this. (i am a divorced mom of a 14 year old and a 8 year old. i've been divorced 11 years.)i would find the closest child focus nearest you (www.childfocus.org)

J. J.
Go to a counselor, talk to your minister in church. Any of those will help.
Also, if you do end up divorced it is NOT the end of the world. There is a Great class called DIVORCE WORKSHOP that is held at the Willoughby Friends Church. I am not sure where you are but look up there web-site and you may be able to find a class close to you.
This class helps you figure it all out. Where you went wrong and why. It takes both people to make a relationship work and it does take two to allow it to fall apart.
I realized that at the class. It was NOT all his fault!
You can grow and become a health happy single mom. If you choose to do things differently than he does then you need to let your child in on it.
And what is OK at dad's is NOT OK here. It will be hard but you can do it.
If you need to have him visit you at your home. Depending on your circumstances and what you do at the divorce. I have sole custody of my boys. I told the Judge that I would not stand for SHARED PARENTING and If need be I would take the kids and go into the UNDERGROUND to Protect them!
Plus, I had a GREAT ATTORNEY!!!
RUSSELL KUBYN
VICTORIA PLACE
PAINESVILLE, OH 44077
JUST TELL HIM C. (PLYLER) BALANTE SENT YOU!
HE WORKS ON THE FEE AND WILL WORK WITH YOU.
HE IS GREAT. Very soft spoken but in court is a Lion and bing, bam, boom it is over and you win!!!
I hope it does not come to this but if it does you have alternatives. Plus, he gives FREE ADVICE.

God Bless you,
There are several books at the library to help you get over and on with your life.
C. Balante

Unfortunately there is not much advice to give. I have been divorced for about 2 months, but my ex husband and I have lived apart for 17 months. I have a 7 and 9 year old, my ex and I have completely different ideas on child raising. (Amazing we didnt' figure this out until after we had kids) My best advice is to raise your son the way you feel is best, dont' be surpsied if the "fun" parent wins. I am much more the disciplinarian than my ex. I keep schedules and stress priorities to my children, they may resent it now, but my main goal is to raise two strong independent children. Take a few steps back and look at the big picture, things will get clearer for you and your son over time. Also after your divorce is final, remember to stay strong and good luck to you.

If your insurance doesn't cover therapy I have been told a mediator through your County is another option. I am having the same problem, but haven't figured out how to deal with it. I believe in a loving, calm approach to discipline he believes in letting our son do whatever he wants until he (dad) can't take it anymore and then blows up. Also, what about parenting classes? I also am appalled that we don't figure out how different our parenting plans are until we actually have children!