How Would You Handle This? - Marathon,WI

Jeez, the boy is only 2-1/2. Smooshing poop with his foot is hardly a vicious act at that age. People shouldn't be labeling a 2 year old a "terror."

If he's too much for her, she should tell the parents they need to find another provider.

So the 2 1/2 boy is a terror because he smooshed a piece of poop in the carpet but the little girl who took her diaper off and dropped the nugget on the floor is being helpful? I don't care for the comparisons. If her daughter hadn't taken the diaper off, this wouldn't have happened.

I would tell my daugthter to NOT take her diaper off. I would tell the little boy to not smoosh things into the carpet and I would go and clean my carpet. If she can't hanle the child that is one thing but I really don't see where he is a terror. Again, if her daughter hadn't taken the diaper off, there would have been no poop on the floor. In my mind, her daughter is at fault not the little boy.

If the child is overall destructive and doesn't listen, then the issue is his behavior in general, not this incident. What kind of discipline does the friend have in her home for this boy? Does she do time outs? Does she make him clean up (as appropriate) his own messes? Does she remove him from a play item (or the item from him) when he doesn't use it right?

I used to babysit for 2 boys and the older one was a terror. I finally quit after he threw one of those little wooden plaques off the wall at my head and scarred my ear.

I think she needs to have a firm talk with the family and if they can't work something out, then she needs to give them notice, for everybody's sakes. I don't think this is really that horrible (my SIL's grandbaby is 2 and smooshed playdough into her carpet...similar thing, different substance) but I get the impression she is frustrated with this child in general.

she obviously cant handle kids and doesnt need to be watching them if she cant handle a two year old. 2 year olds have a mind of their own esp boys tell her she cant handle the heat and get out of the kitchen

Kids will be kids and they are curious creatures. To us squishing poop into the carpet is "ewww" but to a 2 yr old...he's curious as to what it is, how it feels, etc. This issue itself is a non-issue but perhaps a teaching moment...explain what it is and that we don't do that.

As for the overall behaviour...toddlers are not perfect and they aren't little adults...they are little people. They are learning, growing, exploring. Yes, they can be taught to behave but you must expect that they aren't going to behave all the time and doing things that kids do is not being bad (I have tried to explain this to my sister who sometimes forgets that kids will be kids). Sometimes it comes down to expectations...for example, I expect my daughter to listen and not deliberately make messes or tear things up but I also expect that juice will get spilled, messes happen, and yeah...as much as I hate to admit it, the occassional tantrum or meltdown (we all have bad days and kids this young may not be able to express themselves very well).

I once had a supervisor that said his son would take his soiled diaper off and smear it all over the crib and wall...it sent his now ex-wife over the edge more than once. I think it isn't uncommon.

I'm with others on this......The kid might be a terror but I don't think this is an example. Even if it wasn't an accident he's 2 1/2. He is not going to fully understand in an adult manner the grossness of poop on the carpet, the pain of getting it out and not the fact that he would track it every where once it is on his sock. It is GROSS and something that would send me close the the edge of what I can take messy wise, BUT I wouldn't blame the 2 1/2 year old for it.

I guess the only thing I can advise, based on the above is she might want to invest in a carpet cleaner for incidents like this.

I don't recall anything like this happening when my daughter was little and I watched another cild but I can understand it happening.

ETA: Just read your So What Happened. R., I still don't get it. No examples of the Boy "Acting out" other than this gross but understandable from a 2 1/2 year old perspective incident. She's cleaned the carpet another little girl is a sweetie pie and the situation has nothing to do with Boy X slowing down in the house when asked?

What if her daughter had dropped food on the floor like oatmeal, rice pooding? modeling clay from her brothers room? I think too much stigma emotion or something is being attached to the situation because it was poop.

This is the sort of thing we have to be ready for. I've had some kids play in it, paint the cribs with it, and I don't even want to describe somethings I've seen in 26 years.

We are with these kids every single day. We are often with them longer hours than the parents. They need us. They need us to love them and sometimes be tough on them, but most of all, they need us to be patient with them and go over the same rules 100 times if necessary.

Tell her to think hard about what she is doing and why. If she's not cut out for daycare, then she can quit. But she should not blame the child or the parents if she lacks patience.

Two of my friends have done in-home daycare for as long as I can remember. Many, many children have been in their homes.

This sounds like a fairly typical day for both of them. Granted, there aren't poop incidents every day, but I've heard some stories that would make your friend recoil in horror. I think your friend is having a bad day or something. Either that or she's in the wrong line of work.

I think she needs to get out of the childcare business.
I'm sure it was frustrating and a pain to clean up....but "s*@t" happens, right?!

So this boy was able to run over or move fast enough to step on the poop the instant it hit the floor? Or was it sitting there for a minute? Why would she take the girl's diaper off while standing her on carpet? Wouldn't tile/linoleum/wood floor be easier to clean up if something like this happens?

Kids do stuff like this - it's not the end of the world and I hardly think it's worth crying about. I mean, sure, it's gross but it's just poop. The carpet will need to be cleaned and it would be nice if the boys parents offer to pay for it, or chip in, but she should realize that when you have multiple small kids in your house, stuff like this is going to happen. We were in the process of potty training my daughter when she was 3 and one morning out of the blue decided to pull her pull-up down and dropped a deuce right on our living room rug. We told her that was a no-no - she realized she made a mistake and it's never happened again. We cleaned it up and moved on. But if your friend is overwhelmed by taking care of this boy and feels like this is the straw the broke the camel's back, she can try discussing it, and his other behaviors, with the parents. Doesn't sound like either parent is really managing him effectively - I don't know any kid that is a "perfect angel" but they shouldn't be thought of as "terrors" either. They need a different mindset that recognizes him as a child who needs consistent discipline and consequences for when he acts up, and needs to be taught right from wrong. But she also needs to realize that kids are not perfect and if this is just too much, she either needs to taking of different kids (maybe older kids that can be better expected to not do stuff like this), or not doing this at all. Maybe this child needs a different caretaker if she feels she can't handle this kid during the day - but it almost just sounds like typical toddler stuff to me. Sh*t happens (in this case, literally).

I know you think people aren't getting the big picture but I must confess I don't either. I've been a nanny, babysitter and now mom of three. I have to tell you playing with poop is a pretty common occurrence in the 2's. They love tactile stuff and actually it's great for their brain development. So the 2 year old saw a bit of poo on the floor. He doesn't know it's icky like we do.... So he explored stepping on it. Not shocking. A little girl learning to potty train or about to taking off her diaper because she poo'ed and hasn't been changed yet ... again rather normal!

I can remember back in the day one mom would put masking tape on her sons diapers before bedtime because he'd poo and then take the diaper off at night and pitch it and go to bed till mom came to wake him in the morning. Tape was all that kept that diaper on. The kid figured every other thing the mom tried out to get out of that diaper! I mean I sure as heck wouldn't want to sit in my own feces either.

But I'm with the others if she can't deal with this then hand them over to someone else. How does a child escape your notice to the degree that one poo's, has time to take the diaper off, and the boy have sufficient time to play and explore the poo before she notices. I'm sure she's a great lady but I wouldn't take my kids to her but that's just my opinion.

For her dealing with it I'd tell the parents everything and leave it at that. But all I would hear is HER daughter took off HER diaper because she poo'ed and hadn't been changed and my son wasn't watched to the degree that he smashed it all over the carpet. When I babysit children they don't leave my sight. That's all I'd be thinking about.

He's 2 1/2, he may be a holy terror, but lots of kids this age are into playing with poop. But the mom should be a little more proactive in dealing with dirty diapers and with cleaning up poop on the floor, though I do realize it can happen quickly. Her daughter has just as much fault for this as the little boy is for taking off her diaper, so if she's mad at the boy, she should be mad her her own kid. Theses kids are the same age, both immature with dealing with poop issues. This is part of the joys of dealing with children. If she can't handle him and is stressed out all the time, then she should give a notice to the parents if the cons outweigh the pros. But she shouldn't expect them to pay her carpet cleaning bill or anything, good grief.

Oh she would have hated my oldest, he was a poop painter ten times worse than this around this age. LOTS of kids do this.

That poor mama!

If I was in a really bad and bitchy mood, I'd have the parents pay for my carpet to be professionally cleaned. End of story.

If I was in a kindly and understanding mood, I'd sit down w/the parents and agree together what other acceptable consequences would be for him, should he do something like that again.

If I was in a "oh well, sh&* happens" mood, I wouldn't say anything to the parents. I would still have my carpet cleaned and keep the kid in solitary (playpen, timeout) more often.

If the mother insists her boy is still a perfect angel, then I would give her 5-6 scenarios of terror which her son created, things that actually happened, and ask her what she would do, starting w/the poop story.

It feels odd, then he wanted to see what else it would do. He found a golden opportunity to experience something available to him.

I would be annoyed at the little girl. She should not have taken off the diaper. She would get some time out for that.

The mom messed up here. Where was she? What if one of the other kids had pulled off their diaper, she'd be mad at them for that. She's not mad her daughter did this? The daughter obviously needs to have on a onsie style shirt with some over-alls over it so she can't undress herself and make messes like this.

maybe i am missing something here - but it sounds to me like the little boy was being a little boy - or just trying to get some attention. i don't get the tears - other than no ones likes to clean up a mess.

She needs to ask them to find another daycare situation. Just because she watches children for a living doesn't mean she knows how to deal with a child with this temperment. It is great that dad understands the reality of his kid, but that isn't helping your friend.

She is learning as she goes, and right now she needs to deal with her daughter. This little guy would benefit from a center that has experienced daycare workers. And your friend would benefit from having either younger kids than hers (so that she would know the different stages since her daughter would have already gone through them) or older kids who are close to school age.

I hope she resolves this soon.

Dawn

Well...as they say...poop happens!! Some days it is split drinks, some days it is jumping on the furniture, some days it is pee and some days it is poop.

My son liked to play with his poop when nap time was over but before he got up from his nap. If he had a full diaper. It was gross and I ended up having to wrap him like mummy for every nap.

So, yes I can see how the little boy thought I wonder what it would feel like to step in the poo and see how it feels and what it is like. Kids do not attach the gross health germ factor to poop that we do...it is just another thing to experiment with...

It sounds like this little boy might just be too much for what she was hoping to get out of in home childcare...it takes a good match on both sides and it sounds like it just isn't a good match.

Hm. Well I think that it is not all that big of a deal. He probably thought it looked interesting and then it felt interesting as he was smooshing it. He's so little - it's not like he was thinking, haha, I'll drive them nuts by ruining the carpet. Lots of active little boys are quite the handful...I have a boy and a girl and I have to say they are quite different creatures in sooo many ways. My mom has a funny story of my brother taking off his poop diaper and before she noticed he had smeared poo all over himself and the wall...finger painting. So gross! I also have to say that when my 2 year old (daughter) sees something on the floor I have seen her smoosh it too...a bit frustrating, but I'm sure it is interesting to a toddler. Anyway, it sounds like a non-issue to me. Why is your friend so upset about it that she was crying? That part I do not understand.

Take a photo or photos of the poop smeared carpet.
Document the events and what the Dad even said to her.
Give them a BILL.... for cleaning her carpet.

And/or, STOP babysitting that boy.
She does not want to.

The thing is: if issues with the boy were occurring all the time and there were a history... of his being a "terror", than sure, stop babysitting him.
But if this is the first time, he has caused trouble, well, then it really is up to her... if she wants to stop babysitting him, or just try again.

To one person this may not be a big deal. But to another... well, this could be the last straw that broke the Camel's back.
So if she can't deal with the boy anymore or his parents, then just stop... babysitting him or both kids.
It is her home and her sanity.

tears and the breaking point?
really?
little boys can be terrors indeed, and most are at that age. if a child did this in my home i'd be no end of exasperated and that child would be helping me clean it up. but i wouldn't be angry and i certainly wouldn't bawl. this is what curious, busy, wiggly toddlers do. and this is the sort of thing that in-home daycare involves.
she could, i suppose, get the parents to pay for professional carpet cleaning. if i were the parents i'd do it, and then find a more child-friendly place for my kids to stay.
sounds like your girlie is in the wrong line of work.
khairete
S.

The child is 2-1/2; I doubt that he did it maliciously. He was just being a kid and acting without thinking. I don't think it's a big deal and I don't think I would mention it to the parents. He was just smooshing something - kind of like popping the bubbles on bubble wrap. This doesn't sound like an example of a child who is a terror. Granted, he may be, but this doesn't seem to be a good example of it to me.

She should just clean up the mess and talk to her daughter first off about not taking off her diaper unless she's in the bathroom and talk to him about not stepping in poop and move on.

I have delt with 2 year olds doing a lot of different things working in a day care and raising three kids and having three grandkids. What would I do? I would clean it up, change his socks and tell them next time to let me know when they need help. I wouldn't punish, I don't believe he did it maliciously, even if he did it on purpose. He is 2 and they look for fun things to do and don't rate them on the gross meter like we do.
My daughter was just under 2 when she messed her pants and served it up at the little table and chairs in her bedroom. I went in and it was everywhere, we had to throw out the dishes because I wouldn't let her play with them even after being washed. My boys tried peeing in the heater vents in our trailer and I had to run hot clorax water down them to clean them out. Sh*t happens and when it does, 2 year olds like to make messes with it... good news is they do out grow it.

If she is consistant with her correcting it won't matter if he is a terror at home, he will mind the rules at her house because he knows what will happen if not.

I see two small kids doing what small kids do. Your friend left them unsupervised - something happened. She has to assume responsibility and the damages. She can tell the parents about the accident and give them the dirty socks in a plastic bag. Sorry.

She needs to tell this family that the situation is no longer working out...period. No amount of money is worth the destruction to home or loss of sanity. Her daughter needs to learn to not take her diaper off, too, but as I am also a daycare provider, unfortunately this happens sometimes!

If the family is causing this much stress, she needs to let them go.