I Don't Know What to Do - Katy,TX

I have friends who terminated pregnancies... They all have told me they get haunted by feelings of guilt. I'm not religious. I'm not going to preach to you. Just wanted to tell you what women who I know have told me.

I also know several families who adopted through 'open adoption'--meaning, the adoptive family stays in touch/visits with the birth mother/family. Its a win-win for all involved.

If you decide to have the baby, remember: Baby stuff is easy to come by... There's always a mother who is ready to get rid of all the stuff thats coming out her ears...

Maybe you'll need to stop homeschooling in order to accommodate the attention needs of another baby.

I am 4 months pregnant with an unplanned fourth baby, and I have to tell you that the future scares the hell out of me sometimes! I was quite unhappy when I found out I was pregnant for a variety of reasons, but by the 8th week, I was feeling some excitement about the new baby. I was reading online that by the 8th week all the major organs are formed and the heart is beating, and I couldn't help but think, "Wow! That is absolutely amazing!"

My sister-in-law urged me to get an abortion, but I knew I couldn't bring myself to do it and thought that the emotional turmoil from that would be much worse than the emotional work of raising four kids. And even though I have to remind myself of this often right now, I do believe that a new life is something to rejoice in--even when it's unplanned.

As for taking away from the other three, I can't really speak to that yet, but I do know that my kids (well, the older two; the youngest is too young to get it yet) are very excited about the prospect of another sibling.

I will be praying for you as you wrestle with this decision. Please feel free to email/message me if you want to talk further with someone in a similar situation.

R.

I had an abortion when I was 18 and in high school and totally knew I was not emotionally/physically/financially prepared to take care of anyone else. I have had ZERO regrets and still think it was the most adult,responsible decision I could have made. When my husband and I started trying to have kids, I was having infertility issues- and that still did not change the way I felt about having that abortion. It was the right thing to do at the time. I have three wonderful children now and tell them that if they get themselves pregnant, abortion is an option. It has become VERY politically incorrect to say these things out loud- but I know there are many of us that believe it. That said- have you talked to your husband? This is not a decision to make on your own. And if you decide to keep this one, life will work out just fine. Things may be tighter- or may not. Hard to say what the future will hold. But I thought I would give you at least one "first hand take" on abortion that is not tinted by threats of how awful you will feel. Most people that have abortions say they feel mostly relief. (And I have quite a few friends that have had them.) Good luck.

Your 4th child will be a blessing and will bring you lots of joy. One more child isn't that much more money. Relax! You and your children will survive. But you can thrive if you have the right attitude. You're in shock right now. Give it time. My father was an accident during the depression and my grandparents were worried about how to feed him! But they survived. You are better off than them. You can handle this. I was an accident and my parents were always broke. I'm so glad they had the convictions that they did. I would die a little inside - for a moment - if I found out I was pregnant again too!!! But, then I would shake it off and get excited about what God has in store for me.

It sounds like you and your husband have an amazing relationship and amazing kids. I would talk to your husband. Speaking in abstract about not having children and actually being pregnant are 2 completely different things. He might surprise you. It is such a difficult decision. Remember - he's probably your best friend, right? Decide what's best for your family together. Either way, he's the one you'll need by your side helping to support you. I truly wish you the best.

Hello, I am sorry you feel over whelmed right now. Please consider all your options before you make a decision.

I am a Mom who wishes she could have 4 children. However, I have been unable to carry any babies to term. So, my husband and I decided to adopt. We started by adopting a baby boy 9 years ago – his birth mother was 17 and not ready to be a Mom. We have an open relationship with her and have corresponded with her for the past 9 years. Close to our son’s birthday, we meet with his birth mother so she can spend some time with him. A couple of years after we adopted our son, we adopted a baby girl. Her birth mother already had two children and could not afford to take care of another child. We send yearly updates to her birth mother; but, they just sit in a file at the adoption agency (if she ever wants to know how her daughter is doing, she can pick up the letters and let us know she wants to meet her daughter). Two years later, we adopted another baby boy. His birth mother was a divorced mom of three children that could not make ends meet with her three children. She told us she wanted a loving home that would take care of her baby boy. We met with her a few times and still send yearly updates. We are open to meeting with her again, if she wants to see her son.

My husband and I feel very blessed that we have 3 wonderful children. We love them so much and could not love them any more (even if they were our biological children). We are very thankful that their mothers decided to carry them to term and then chose us as the parents they wanted to raise them.

I hope you will consider adoption. There are thousands of couples like my husband and I that want to have a family and are unable to have children. Or, maybe you have a relative that would like to care for the baby until you are in a better financial situation. I know there are agencies available that provide free services with trained personnel that can help you in your decision.

Good luck with this difficult decision.

I'm sure that was a very big surprise and I'm sorry you are so torn about this. My only advice would be to give this child a chance - if you miscarry naturally, then it wasn't meant to be, but please don't use the abortion pill, because the fact that you are unexpectedly pregnant doesn't mean this kid doesn't deserve a chance. I know this is a touchy subject, but please please please please think about the life inside you and give it a chance. I'm a firm believer that God creates the life within - I'm 25 and pregnant for the first time and the moment I saw my little child I knew that even though many women abort their baby and claim it is just a fetus, that my little 10 week old child was life and was precious. Even if you are 2 weeks pregnant - that is LIFE! It is your baby, your gift, your miracle. I know it means extra money, extra time, extra energy, extra everything, but I know that if you follow through with this pregnancy that God WILL provide if you just ask. I also know that if you take the abortion pill you will regret it for the rest of your life....so, be bold and strong and do the right thing! I'm praying God will give you strength to do so.

Hey girl,
Well I am not in your shoes, and I am sorry that you have found yourself pregnant and unsure about the next move to make. I think you are weighing a lot of emotions as well as other factors but I don't know that you are weighing the emotional toll an abortion can take on you. I hear you that four was unplanned, but you, as a current mommy, know what it is to be a mom and I don't know that your heart can take losing a child and always wondering, what if? I have a great friend who was also surprised by number four and they were also strapped financially with the three they had. It was overwhelming. But you know, now that little dude is about 19 months old, as cute as button and hey they are just working it out. They adore him and cannot of course imagine life without him. I would really encourage you to just take a minute and a breathe and realize that although this was so not planned that is how some of life's greatest miracles happen. When our first was conceived, we had just been married six weeks, just paid for a nice wedding, had no savings and were living in a tiny apartment. BELIEVE me it was shock and we were freaking out. Now 3 1/2 years later that little boy is just my world:) I have also seen the other side of abortion that is not so nice. Wounded women who cannot forgive themselves and just live in so much regret. I know there may be some who feel relief and can move on, but I haven't personally known any. Some of my friends who have made that choice have had to really work hard to have a happy full life again. Hang in there!! Please feel free to email me anytime if you need any encouragement and just know you can do it!

You have so many responses already that I'm not sure of the real value of mine.

First, I want to say congratulations to you if you are pregnant.

But whether you are or are not, babies are truly miracles. You state you do not believe in abortions. So whatever your decision, make sure you do not compromise your values. Your children will grow, and as adults, they sometimes ask us questions that we should honestly answer. If you always live by your values, you will never be ashamed of any answer you give your child.

Beyond that, I grew up with 6 other siblings. We were anywhere from 1 to 3 years apart in age, and some of us were not planned. I remember my dad saying that once you could afford the first, affording the others was easy. I can't say if that was true or not but I do know that #7 was planned simply because he wanted a Texan, and he was proud of raising a Texan. We grew up in a one-income family, but we always had fun, enjoyed each other and never realized when there wasn't enough money.

Also, remember not everything has to be brand new for a baby. My sister and BIL just sold all their baby stuff on Craig's list at less than half what they paid for it. If you watch Craig's list, garage sales and thrift stores, you might be able to acquire all the baby stuff back at very low cost.

Good luck and God bless you.

Usually the most difficult things in life are the most rewarding. Teaching your children about sacrificing to make ends meet is invaluable. Just as you gave away all of your baby stuff, there are people out there who would be happy to share their stuff with you when they hear your story.

By stating that you don't believe in abortions, it sounds like that is what you want to teach your daughters when they grow up. This is a perfect scenario for your stance on abortion. I applaud you for putting all of your thoughts out there and wanting to do what is right. I think you already know but need to the assurance that you will not be burdening your family.

I am so glad you are married to a supportive and loving man. Coming together and planning how you can keep this baby will strengthen your marriage. Our marriage of 27 year has always been strengthened when we have had to deal with difficulties and hardships together.

May God provide you with clarity in your decision-making. I know He blesses us when we follow His will.

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but the first thing that popped into my head when I read your post was "Wow! God really wants you to have another baby!"
I think the timing of the Nuvaring falling out and you going to get info about tying your tubes and instead finding out you're pregnant is a huge sign that you are meant to have this baby. And I didn't know the Nuvaring could fall out! I've never heard of that happening.

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do because this is such a personal choice for you and your husband. But I think you've already made the decision in your heart since you don't believe in abortion. Kids are expensive but there are ways to cut costs and save money. I don't believe that if God wants you to have this baby that you and your husband will be unable to provide for it and your other children.
Maybe not much help, but it's my two cents.

Good luck & God bless!

I know your situation really seems overwhelming right now! But PLEASE don't get an abortion! You have no way of knowing what an amazing blessing to you that child might turn out to be, or what he/she might be able to contribute to the world. There are services around -- government, church, other organizations -- that can help with expenses and other things you may need. I'm sure there are people you know who would be happy to donate baby furniture, clothes, whatever.

I know you want to provide a high quality of life for your existing children and not have them have to go through difficulties, but I believe strongly that you can find ways to make your budget work, or find help, with this new child included. Think about the children you have. I'm sure if something had happened to them during pregnancy you would still grieve the loss of that little life you never got to know. It's the same way here ... don't rob yourself and your family of the wonderful little life that is waiting to be born!

I know this pregnancy is a huge shock and overwhelming. But I think the aftermath of getting over terminating a child that is part of both you and your husband that you love, would be very difficult. Everyone I know that has had a suprise pregnancy has ended up with the sweetest little gift from Heaven--and these were girls that were devastated to find out they were expecting and cried almost the entire 9 months. The idea may be very scary and you probably feel like you couldn't hand 4, but I just bet in 5 years you won't be able to imagine what life would be like without this 4th little bundle.

If you say that you do not believe in abortion, then don't consider it for one minute. Every time you look at your children, you will be reminded of the life you ended.

Here's another thought to take into consideration. When we raise up a generation of young people that think it's morally acceptable to end a life for "economic" reasons... for reasons that might somehow put us in some sort of "economic disadvantage"... what kind of message does that send to our kids? Ending an innocent life because we might have to get a job or quit school or cut back on our trips to the movies... When we go down that road, we better be prepared to live (and die) with the consequences. Those same young people will be taking care of us someday when we're old and gray... and talk about an "economic disadvantage"! I assure you it costs much, much more to take care of an elderly person than to raise a child.

IMHO, you have been blessed with this pregnancy. God does not allow a child to be conceived that He doesn't want to be born into this world. If you doubt that, then you also lack the faith of knowing that he can bless you with the resources to provide for that child.

First of all you need to be sure that you are going to be able to live with whatever decision you make. I had a friend in a similiar situation who chose an abortion and she had a real hard time dealing with it afterwards. She has felt guilty ever sense. You asked what we would do...I found out that I was pregnant after 7 years on the pill and three kids later as well. I don't believe in abortion either but more importantly for me, I don't believe God would allow a mother to become pregnant if there wasn't a purpose for that baby. Sadly, my pregnancy was a tubal and we had no choice. But God taught me a very valuable lesson from the whole thing. Please understand these are just my views and my choices. You have to choose what's right for you. I will be praying for you and your decision.

Wow! What a difficult situation! My gut feeling is that you could find a way to make this work financially. Maybe you are already down to a tight budget, but there also may be some areas you can clamp down on to make this work. The sacrifices would be well worth it. I've just heard of too much guilt and heartbreak associated with abortion. I'm not sure that's something you want to live with the rest of your life. If you truly feel that this would never work out, adoption is a wonderful, selfless, difficult option. My sister wasn't able to have children and the baby she adopted has been such a gift to her and her husband.
We have four kids and because of that, there are many things we may not be able to do just due to the financial burden. But, all my kids love the amount of siblings they have. I have a friend with five kids, lives in a 3 bedroom home and, if asked, those kids would love another sibling. I truly think you can make this work!

I'm sorry you're in this position. I know it can be a hard thing to deal with. On one hand, I say you can always find a way to take care of another child, but I don't know your exact circumstances. On the other hand, I also don't believe in abortions. Since you are so early in, you still have some time to think things through. Talk to others, such as friends, parents, spiritual leaders, counselors, etc. You might also consider adopting the baby out. Your Dr can usually provide help in that area. It IS an alternative to abortion. All I can say is that what is meant to be, will happen. But also please take into consideration your husband's feelings ALL the way through the decision you make. And project into the future how you might feel with whatever you decide. Good luck!

Pray over the situation. Sometimes the things WE plan are just ok but when God gives things to us they are wonderful. After the shock wears off, give it time, I bet you all will find that this baby is a blessing and a great miricle! God will provide! Hang in there! All will turn out right!

I can only say that this must be a very painful time for you. But the saddest thing I see is children being born into a family that is not prepared...for whatever the reason. I believe in the right to choose. But I am also the mother of a child we adopted at birth. The birthmother had a child and was not in a position to parent a second. She gave us the greatest gift. We can never say enough Thank You's, although we try. We send pictures and letters often to reassure her of her decision. I hope it helps her to know how much we adore this little girl. What a loving thing she did for her baby, herself, her other child...and us.

I guess, like others here, I want you to remember that there are options for you and your family. Please don't let anyone pressure you into raising another baby if the time is not right. Good luck to you. I wish you the best.

When there's a will, there's a way! Nobody can really "afford" kids, you just do it. You make sacrifices and do what needs to be done. Not to be harsh, but just think about it long and hard before you do anything to end the pregnancy, do you think you could live with yourself afterwards? I am kind of on the other end from you.. I want another baby more than anything and my husband had a vasectomy earlier this year ending that dream. We have one daughter that is 6 1/2 and he has a daughter that is 17 that lives with her mom and we only see her about once a month. Just pray about it and think about it.. God would not give you something you could not handle. Put your faith in Him! God Bless you!!

Whatever decision you decide will be the right one No one can make that decision for you but you and your husband, however please don't say we can afford 3 but not 4. It is tough to afford any child but we do it and the more we make the more we spend and the less we make the less we spend. Sure a new baby cost as far as formula, diapers etc. but after a short time that child is eating the same thing you are putting on the table for the rest of you. As for clothes they can wear hand me downs or go to a resale store but please don't say you can't afford one. I am a true believe in things happen for a reason and I know way to many people who were in the same boat as you or their other children were teenagers and they found out they were pregnant. All but one decided to keep the baby and they are so glad they did. That child has brought them so much joy in their lives and they can't think of life without them. On the other hand he friend who elected to terminate the pregnancy has never gotten over it and to this day wonders why if and has felt nothing but guilt for eliminating a person for financial reasons and really selfish reasons. There are a lot of single woman and men out their raising children and it isn't easy on them either but we all do it and do the best we can. Only you can make your decision but I hope you look deep in to your heart and make sure whatever decision you two make you both can live with that. Also please think about "what if" if your own parents had to make that decision on you. You wouldn't be here today and I hope you have had a wonderful life. I am not for abortion however I am for a woman's right to choose even if I wouldn't agree with her decision it is her decision and I would never judge a person by the decisions they make as we are not in their shoes, but do think hard about it and pray and I know God will lead you in the right direction. I am sure this child would grow up to be a very special person and who knows...... The President or a Doctor or worse yet a lawyer but whatever this child turns out to be I hope they are raised by parents who loved them and in the end wanted them and didn't just keep them because they didn't know what to do. Of course there is always adoption but can you truly live with yourself knowing you have 3 beautiful children and there is one out there that has to grow up knowing they were not wanted or that their parents couldn't handle their money differently in order to give them the life they deserve with their true family? Trust me, I am not preaching, but I just cringe when I hear people say they can't afford a child. Bet you can afford that other TV in the other bedroom or that new car you have been wanting. Suck it up for a few years and cut back so you can afford this child. I know you will be glad you did. Good Luck to you.

First off, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your husband right now as you go through this difficult situation. I'm not going to pretend to even begin to understand what you are going through!!! Here's my input though....

I'm pro-choice, so abortion is an option. The only person I know that has had one is my baby sister. She was 16 yo, still living at home, and the guy was 21. My parents freaked, took her to the nearest clinic, and had the procedure done. She didn't have much choice about the whole situation. Fortunately, she has had no ill effects from the whole thing. She completely understands that she wasn't capable in ANY way to care for a child, and she holds no animosity towards our parents for making that decision for her.

As for adoption, I almost gave my first born up when he was born. I was 18, going to college, and living with my dad & stepmother in a strange city. The ONLY person that even knew I was pregnant was my son's father, who wasn't interested. After my son was born, I called an OPEN adoption agency. They took us both to the hospital to be checked out, and then place him in a foster home. I went through all the steps to place him. I signed over my rights, picked a family to adopt him, and even met the family. When my son was about a month old, my dad & stepmom found out what had gone on and told my mom. Long story short, we went to court and had the adoption stopped. My son now lives with his dad. Yes, the dad who wasn't interested!! (I was married to my 1st husband & there were some bad things going on at the time.)

Okay, here's my point. Each of us has things put into our laps that we may not know if we can handle, yet somehow, most of us survive the experience. We are a little older, a little greyer, a little wiser, but extremely enriched by the experience. If you & your darling Husband both agree that abortion is NOT something you can handle, strongly consider adoption!! Open adoptions are a wonderful thing. You get to pick the family, even meet them if you want. They will share photos, letters, etc with you, allowing you to be informed of the miracle you gave them. Contact your church, an attorney, or an agency to get more information. There are many people/families who could provide a wonderful home for your child. Adoption would keep you from the guilt of an abortion, allow you to bring a miracle into someone's life, watch that miracle grow, without having to worry how you are going to provide everything that miracle needs.

I know I tend to ramble when I give advice/thoughts, but I only wish to help. Feel free to contact me if you need someone completely apart from the whole situation who can just be an ear & a shoulder!!!

Always,
J.

I think you should definitely keep the baby. Babies are a blessing and god will find a way to provide. Me and my husband wanted 4 kids and now we have 6. I wouldn't change it for the world. It is very hard sometimes but at the end of the day its all worth it. Good luck to you and your family!

I'm sorry you are worried right now. I know I would be stressed at the thought of another major expense right after buying a home.

Try to put yourself ten years in the future- what do you want to see yourself as having done in the past?

I know two moms who decided to have the baby even when in a tight financial situation, and neither have regrets. Both were single and working their way through college at the time.

I've also had friends who suffered grief because of abortion. Definitely not an easy choice either way.

I hope you are able to find some peace during this holiday season.

Think it through, whatever you decide. The jump from 3 to 4 is no big deal. How would the children you have feel someday if they found out you aborted or gave up for adoption their sibling? I know you think the secret would be kept but they are not. Won't your existing children wonder what thing could have made them unwanted? I think you will feel horribly guilty as a Mom if you do anything but keep that kid. I am done with having kids but putting myself in your shoes, I could not do it. I am a Pro-Choice person too. I think Mom-mindedness will help you make the right choice for you. My prayers are with you.

I know you have gotten loads of advice/suggestions - but I just have to put in my vote for carrying the child to term. We had 3 children within 3 years, not by our intentions, but each time one was born, we just couldn't imagine life without them!
God bless you - praying for you -

In september of last year my husband and I went to my OB for my first prenatal exam, we had decided to have one more baby then get him snipped, we only wanted 2 kids. That being said, imagine my surprise when my doctor took the ultrasound thing off my belly real quick and said,"how do you feel about twins?" I told him he wasn't funny, and he put it back on and showed me the 2 sacs with a little lima bean in each one. I tell you this because I had secretly,seriously, in the back of my mind, considered not going through with the pregnancy. I just did not know how I was gonna handle being able to finish school, and I was VERY worried about how it was gonna affect our older son (he's 5 now), and overall I didn't think I could handle the emotional demands. Also, we could afford one more, but 2 more...didn't think we could do it. My husband works and I go to school, we have a mortgage and 2 brand new vehicles on top of numerous other bills. Money is VERY tight now, but we make it, and in just a few months they will be off formula and things will get cheaper.

Now that my babies are here I couldn't imagine life without them. They are almost 8 months old and starting to crawl and the girl is already pulling herself up on stuff and I wonder where the time has gone. They were born at the same time, but they are so incredibly 2 different babies, the girl is very active and high strung and happy, and the boy is very laid back and serious, yet happy (he's not near as social as sister is).

Good luck, go with your heart!!

I want to encourage you not to do the abortion pill. Have you thought of adoptioning the baby out? Another encouragement. Our #2 and #3 were surprises. In 3 yrs I had 3 children. My daughter is 25 and 2nd son 24 (just out of the Navy.) What would I have missed if I had chosen to end the pregnancy? A child is a gift from God. You will be blessed with this baby too. And you wont be taking anything away from the other children. You will be blessing them. We have a total of 5. (youngest is 16) congradulations....B.

I just wanted to add that there are plenty of ways to cut costs that a child brings. There is WIC (which now provides fruits and veges too!); there are groups like freecycle where you can find all kinds of clothes, toys, furniture all in great condition still; there are yard sales and thrift stores and second hand stores and even craigslist for buying gently used items. There are so many ways to cut costs, and I'm sure that things would work out if you decided to keep this child.
I hope you can talk this through thoroughly with your husband before making any decisions. Good luck

What greater gift could there be to your children than another brother or sister? This is God's blessing and everything will work out. I know you are nervous right now, but once you hold that little baby in your arms and see how much love his/her siblings have for him/her you would not be able to imagine your world without this new blessing. You can find discount baby items through Craigslist or even friends/family may pass on baby items they are no longer using.
I'm a homeschooling mama too and can understand how overwhelmed you may be feeling. But, really, it will work out!

Hi! I know you are going through a lot of emotions right now and trying to make a good decision for your family. I would just encourage you to wait and talk it over with your husband and the kids. I believe that children are a blessing and that God does not make a mistake when he gives us our children. I was pregnant with our second when my husband filed for divorce....talk about bad timing. I went through the pregnancy by myself and he eventually went through with the divorce. It was a very lonely and difficult time but I was determined that, with God's help, we would make it! It's been three years and I cannot imagine our lives (I have a 6 year old) without him. They are the reasons why I don't give up! I determined early on that I would stay home with my kids and not put them in daycare. Today, I'm living proof that life goes on and that one can be happy with less. I work part-time and homeschool and have started my master's degree. Financially, we are a little tight but we have each other and we are emotionally bonded and stable and God has blessed us! Hang in there! God bless

Have you considered having the baby and putting it up for adoption?
I'm sure since you have three children that idea did just pop into your head right away (most people think of giving up a baby for adoption as something teenagers do). But there are many people in your situation who do it too. If you're truly torn about having an abortion, I'd encourage you to look into it.
There are so many wonderful couples out there who can't have their own children. You'd be giving some family the most amazing gift.

Whatever you decide, I hope you are able to find peace with the decision. It's a difficult place to be. My heart goes out to you.

I feel your sympathy. You would have to list pros and cons. Most couples today always say they only want x number of kids but then they get that surprise that changes up the situation. Children are a gift from god. Also you have to take under the consideration that if you choose an abortion the guilt that comes with it. Seriously think this through and remember that God will continue to love.

Hang in there. I hope to put your financial fears to rest and remind you that really little ones don't take up too much space or have to cost much money. We just sometimes forget that they need moms and dads who love them, cuddle them and show them that life is precious. Its amazing how hand me downs work fine, and they really just need to nurse and have diapers for a couple of years. If you have a birth with a midwife at home you can avoid a lot of cost and it is a peaceful way to go. Home schooling 4th doesn't add much more in cost after you've already gotten materials for the others (I know, we have 4 of the 6 schooling now.)

Have you shared this news with your husband?

My husband said let's stop the moment our third was born. I gave away all baby clothes. Baby 4 came along and he was such a delight! We didn't have a large income but some how (I believe it was a God thing) My husband's income expanded to meet our needs and the new baby ended up having more stuff than our first baby boy ever had.

Do you really think the first 3 will be harmed by having a new baby? It's amazing how love expands to cover fear. Please take a deep breath. I wish you, your family, and new baby well.

Eighteen years ago my son and daughter-in-law found themselves where you are now. That young man graduated from high school last June. They felt they could not afford him, but they made it just fine with four children. Love goes a long way and so much more important than things. You and your children may have less, but you will find that there is room for one more.

I an imagine what you must be feeling. I have an appt. this Wed. to see my ob/gyn. I have a 12yo girl and 9yo boy. Very happy with our family, I will be 39 in a couple months and very much do not want to have anymore children. Anyway, my Dr. visit is due to the fact that I haven't had a period in 4 months now. I went 2 months ago and pregnacy tests were negative. If, results are different this go around I will just have to live with God has allowed to happen. My husband has been laid off for a year now, but our needs are continually being meet. If you have faith and believe, will you be able to bear whatever comes your way. God is true to his word and their is a purpose for the miracle that is being bestowed up you. Best wishes!

I think I cried for about 2 months when I found out I was pregnant with my 4th- she is by far the sweetest, softest, funniest little baby that has brought our family full circle for sure! She is very very much like my first child and it has felt good to have her as a reminder because he is getting sooo big! I know it is hard to think about parenting 4/affording 4 but there is help out there (including those of us who are walking the same walk). Our lives have been richly blessed with promotions and raises and for the first time ever I am able to stay at home and we thought there was never going to be a way for me to do that especially with 4 kids! I am a cloth diaper mommy (because although there is expense in the beginning, it has been waaaay cheaper then having 2 in diapers and 1 still in a night time pull up. You can do this- you are strong! You are MOM! I had taken a full time position as the director of my kids pre-school- with the promising future of my kids being able to be at the private school school where the pre-school was located from pre-school through 12th grade with an enormous discount. It meant we would all go to school/work together, summers and holidays together everything. We had cars that we all fit into and everything. The future was perfectly planned (or so we thought)- But God knows the plans he has for us. I found out I was pregnant 5 months after I took the job and ended up having to leave because the doctor put me to bed at 26 weeks. She was born at 33 weeks but because I had lots of help and the school was good to my kids I spent everyday and most evenings at the hospital with her until she came home! I have been the happiest mommy to 4 kids and although times can be crazy- I wouldn't have it any other way! Hang in there sweet mommy you can do this! BTW - when I was 25 I was raped and took the morning after pill which is very similar to the abortion pill. It did make me very sick for a few days but no more than the whole morning sickness thing. I see where you say you don't believe in abortions- just take a few days to think about loving that baby and all the positive things that a baby brings to the family-not the expense. Things will work out! Please feel free to contact me if you need support- I don't mind at all!

Dear S M,

Recently I had an ectopic pregnancy and obviously lost my baby and left tube. I ask that you really pray and know that God will take care of you and your family. No baby is a mistake and it is truly a blessing. What a special miracle to happen and think of yourself telling your baby when they are older how they were the "surprise" baby. Adoption is another option, however I only recommend that you seriously consider what will come of that later such as your 3 children not knowing or growing up with their sibling...how that could affect them. Don't do anything rash, take your time thinking and praying and just trust that God has your back and he will provide a way for you and your family!

Please consider adoption. My husband and I are looking to adopt and there are tons of organizations and families wanting a child. Surely you can find one to help you. At the same time, I believe God doesn't give you anything you can't handle...only you can find peace within yourself on whatever you decide.
Praying for you...God bless...

Hi --I understand about not believing in abortions and not being able to afford anymore children. I found out I was expecting my second son when his Dad had been out of work for a while. My oldest was almost 7 and I had given up on having any more children and since my husband was not working I was very scared about being able to pay for diapers, clothes, etc. We were both raised Catholic so an abortion was out of the question. Both of our families were close by so we were able to make it work. At one time I considered looking into the adoption process. I wish you the best. Mary P.

God's blessings are always in His perfect timing. Children are truely a blessing from God. When you had your third child did you think you would be taking away anything from your other two? Can you imagine not having any one of the children you have now that they are here and blessing your lives? Did you think you would be able to afford the others as they came into your lives? God will make a way. God is too kind to do anything cruel.
Too wise to make a mistake.
Too deep to explain Himself. Give your lives to Him and He WILL take care of you and yours.

I am so sorry that this is a difficult situation. Both of my children were very unexpected but when they arrived I knew the gift I had in them. In my efforts to not be harsh I will say that you are in a loving relationship with a man whom you obviously love. There are women everyday making wrong decisions (ie. multiple baby fathers) and keeping their children though their financial situation could be better. You are already at home and you homeschool?? You can do it! It may be very hard but having an abortion is not the answer, I believe the regret you will feel after seeing your childrens faces and wondering what the fourth would look like and what he/she would be doing year after year would certainly outweigh having a new baby. I have had friends who have experienced abortions and it is a very real and scary thing...I know that you are wanting what is best and I don't want to seem judgmental at all, I do hope only the best for you and hope you make the absolute best choice for your family!

Hello SM,

I also am a stay at home mom with 4 kids (new baby just arrived 3 weeks ago). I don't believe in abortion, but can see your predicament. Hopefully, it will all work out for the best and you will find out more at your next dr. visit. I would say that you should pray about it, and figure out what your truly believe is the right thing to do. If you are pregnant, then maybe there is a blessing in that and things will all work out. You already stay home to raise your kids, so day care fees are not the financial concern. If college $ is the concern, then just remember that's 18 years before you have to have that $ together and many happy kids find ways to help pay for their community college tuition. My husband had no $ growing up, but he learned to help out financially and appreciates all he has in life. If this were your married adult daughter in this situation, what would your advise be to her? That may give you an idea of what you really feel is right, if you imagine you were advising one of your adult daughters who found herself in this position.
In my mind, children are a blessing and if I ever had an abortion, it would haunt me forever and I'd always wonder about that child. Just FYI about me... I found out as a single college senior that I was pregnant (at age 22) and I raised him by myself. Then found out at 24 and still single that I was pregnant agin. Raised her by myself, with help from family. At age 28 I got married to a wonderful man and he's adopted my two older children. We have 2 little girls now together also. I would never have thought that my life would work out okay and that I was capable of having 2 kids as a young single mom... But it's amazing how well things work out and you just have to have faith that they will.

I pray that you will consider keeping this baby. Your other three kids will love him or her and your husband will, too. Right now, much of this is just shocking and too many unanswered questions. (Please don't let lack of baby gear weigh in your decision. It's pretty easy to find friends who will lend their stuff and so many resale shops, etc. that have great stuff for cheap.)

Since I was unexpectecly pregnant twice at a young age, I have also had friends come to me in the same situation themselves to ask advise. They ended up having their babies and they are SO very happy today and it all worked out wonderfully.

God has a way of making sure it all works out. Either way, I hope that you will be very happy and wish your family the best in life.

Kind regards,

L. Miranti
The Woodlands, TX
____@____.com

Let me start off by telling you a little about myself so you can understand where I'm coming from with my advice. I am a homeschooling mom of five children, ages 1 (almost 2) through 11. I am married to my high school sweetheart for 18 plus years. And while I used to be pro-choice/abortion, I am now strongly and proudly pro-life.

With that being said, I understand the shock you are experiencing. I know it can be scary to consider having another, currently unknown, person added to the family. While my husband and I are open to the idea of another child being added to our family, I also know how it feels to want the certainty of knowing I am done with newborn mothering details. I also feel for you when you say you wonder what another child would take away from the three you already have. I have a nine year old daughter who was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 3 months of age, and we are continuing to fight it to this day. Nevertheless, we know that God is GOOD, and we know we are blessed and in His care.

Since no one else has said it directly, I'll come right out and plead with you to not end that child's life. God allows lots of things to come into our lives, and He will always provide what we need (although perhaps not always what we want). All children are a blessing from God, whether we know we want them or not. He will provide for you and your family, even if that just looks like cutting your budget or getting help from others. I have almost everything a baby would need, and you're welcome to borrow them as long as you need them. I'll even raise the baby if you want me to do so. But something tells me that once you get used to the idea of this child, you will be fine with welcoming him/her as a blessing to your family. Even if you're still afraid, and don't want to turn to God for help, the world will benefit from having your child in it. Carbon footprint notwithstanding, children/people are not the problem with the world. Can I guarantee you perfection? Can anyone? Will life be more difficult or could it be immeasurably better? No one but God knows, and it certainly seems like He wants the child to come into the world, since the baby is already here.

I'm not saying you can't limit the number of children you have if you want to, but you are now the mother of four children whether you want to be or not. Tubal ligation is an option for the future, but this baby is on the way. Even if you never experience regret, and from your comments it sounds like you would regret it, you would be ending your child's life if you have an abortion. It might not be the life you want, but it is the life God has given you for now. Life can be difficult under a variety of circumstances, but God is with us through them all, and you can rely on Him to provide what you need. Proverbs 3:5-6 says to trust in the Lord with all your heart and not to rely on your own understanding, but instead in all your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your paths. He loves you and He has given you yet another gift. Allow Him to bless you abundantly; try Him and see if He won't open the windows of Heaven to bless you and your family as you walk with Him.

I would welcome hearing from you again. I am praying for you and your entire family as you adjust to this new reality in your life. Please don't be offended by what I've said. I only want God's best for you and yours. Congratulations on your new house (and the new baby). If I can help you with anything, even if you just want to talk, just message me.

V.

In my opinion, I think you should really think about the consenquences of having an abortion. You will have to live with that the rest of your life and it will weigh heavy on your heart with regret.

If you can't afford another child, maybe consider putting up the child for adoption. We adopted our now 3 yr old son and we were blessed with him since he was 5 days old. It's not that I can't have children. It's that my husband and I decided that there are plenty of children in the world that need a good home and though we may not be able to adopt/afford a lot of children, if we can change the lives of 2-3 children, then so be it.

Abortion or Adoption...both will tear your heart, but with adoption you have the chance to bless someone with this child.

If you decide to keep the baby, I think you will be able to manage financially. Jeremiah 29:11

May God's peace and love surround you as you and your husband decide an outcome on this issue.

E.

i'm sure you will get enough preaching...i will just ask you this... now that you have your other 3 children, can you ever imagine having aborted them? you will feel the same after this child. there are always things you can do to alter your budget if you feel you are not financially ready - get rid of cable tv, cut down cell phone minutes, limit the times you eat out etc. i believe the every child is a gift from God and is it not our place to decide whether we are "ready" or which child we should "keep". please really consider your options. you may regret it later in life.

If you can afford 3 then you can afford 4. I'm sure you already have all the baby stuff you need and it doesn't cost that much more to feed another mouth. Diapers can get expensive, but there are assistant programs to help with that if you are having trouble making ends meet. You can also cut back in other areas to help. If you set your family in motion to accommodate another little one, then the Lord will provide. He will always take care of your needs and he is actually the one whom you need to be consulting with right now. Only the Lord will give you peace in your decision. Now is a great time for prayer.

Aside from what everyone says, it is ultimately you and your husband's decision and you have to be comfortable with it for the rest of your lives.

I disagree with Karen. Adoption should not be a last consideration! There are hundreds of couples out there that would love to have a child and have been unable to or that may have one child and are unable to have additional children. If this pregnancy is viable, please discuss with your hubby and consider adoption. You can make it open so that you can stay "connected" and know what is happening with the child through-out it's life or you can cut yourself off and leave a letter to be opened if the child wants to at or after their 18th birthday explaining the circumstances and that they have siblings. For your children, you can explain to them that you are carrying another mommy's baby because her tummy didn't work right (not sure of your kids ages) and be open with them about the baby going to someone else's home. This could be the greatest gift you ever gave a couple (and/or an only child)! Please consider this option.

Signed
Older sister of an adopted sibling

this is from a different perspective than you asked for, but we adopted our beautiful, talented,sweet, funny daughter from a couple with 2 kids that could not afford another. They believed in the life giving process of adoption . We were chosen by them and it has been the greatest gift and blessing for all of us. I would never tell you what is right for your family. But I would not discount adoption as an option. Many people are like us that have prayed and agonized over infertility and this was our only option to have a family. Our girl will be 7 yrs old on Thursday and I thank God everyday for her birth parents courageous choice. She knows she is adopted and we send photos to the birth family every year. please consider all of your options and remember that the child that may be developing right now is a person. God's blessings for you.

Pray about it FIRST, then follow what God wants you to do.

Hopefully there are no serious medical conditions (my Mother spotted while carrying my sister and they are both great). If no medical problems, you can consider yourself blessed with someone special. Life does anything but go as we map out. Don't over think the issue, a baby has begun to grow right under your heart. You can have your tubes tied or whatever after this unexpected miracle. Good luck.

if your child does go full term you could always give it up for adoption. there are plenty of families out there that are wanting babies. the abortion pill isnt ment to take later than 24 hrs of possible pregnancy (from what I understand ) it might do more damage than actually the effect you were wanting. its not the end of the world. things might be tight for your family. we can barly afford our son and we have a daughter on the way. i plan on either tubes or having hubby snipped. but there is always a chance even with that done that i could get pregnant. 1 in 1000 chance. i told my doctor that if its trying that hard then its ment to be. trusting in God that He has a plan and will provide is eaiser said than done. but thats what you must do. there are other options than abortion. good luck and God bless.

I don't see any remarks about questioning the doctor's test (maybe because I didn't look through all 26 previous posts!).

God bless you. You sound quite overwhelmed and frustrated and my heart goes out to you. I have three children and I believe that there is no way to calculate how many children you can "afford".

Still, I question any test that says you are two weeks pregnant. From what I've heard that is awfully soon to be so sure. It is possible the test is a false positive, but try your best to calm down. We all can only handle each day one at a time.

God bless you and your family!
D.

I would give the baby up for adoption. There are a lot of couples, who can't have children.

I don't know what to tell you to do, but I do know that it can be very very hard to forgive yourself when you get an abortion without being 100% sure it is the right thing to do. Good luck!

Wow, you have so many responses. I'm sorry you're going through this now. You got a lot of advice, but ultimately this is YOUR decision, yours and your husbands. You must do what the two of you think and feel is the best for your family...not what I would do or any of these other moms. Take a deep breath (or several) and give yourselves a little time to get to the root of your emotions and thoughts on this, then do what your hearts tell you.
I'll be thinking about you and add you to my prayers.

I would think it through and do what is best for you and your family. Don't worry about others religious beliefs because in the end those have no baring on your life and the decisions you make. Once you make your decision move forward and don't look back so be sure it's the right one. Good luck.

Evidently God wanted you to have 4 children, not 3. Put it all in his hands. If you say y'all can definitely afford 3 children, then cutting back just a little should make it no problem to afford 4 children.

When I was 8 years old, we had a garage where my parents sold every single piece of children's clothing and supplies she had for my brother and I. We used this money for spending money when we went to Disney World the first time a few weeks after the garage sale. Mom knew she didn't feel well while we were gone. Sure enough, we got back and she found out she was pregnant with my sister. My parents were both teachers. They planned to only have 2 children. God had other plans. Babies are a blessing. Accept it, embrace it, and be thankful that you are able to have a child. There are so many out there that cannot.

Hello-

I'm very sorry to hear of your difficult situation and I wish you the best possible outcome for you and your family.

I am very strongly pro-choice so my advice does not come from any hidden convictions or beliefs. Based on your own comment that you do not believe in abortion and your husband thinks the same way, I don't think you should even consider it. I think you would only feel guilty and full of regret in the future. I have a friend who also is very much pro-choice and had an abortion at a young age. Even without having any strong anti-abortion beliefs she still to this day wonders "what if?" and wishes that she had not had to make that decision.

Although my situation is completely different in that my husband and I did choose to try for baby number 3 rather than it being an unplanned pregnancy, throughout our discussion about baby #3 we talked about this child possibly taking away from the 2 we already had and how it would impact us financially. Our first child has Aspergers which requires weekly therapy sessions and our own time and attention to help him achieve his goals. We were very concerned about another baby taking away from him. In the end we made the decision to have another child and now that he is 2 years old and is so loved by his older brother and sister and of course Mom and Dad, we cannot imagine having made a different decision.

You sound like an extremely loving and wonderful family, although it will be difficult I have no doubt you all can find it in yourselves to welcome another child if it happens.

Of course one last thing to consider is adoption. If you and your husband feel that you cannot possibly provide for this child and the 3 that you have, you could take this as an opportunity to provide an amazing gift for another couple. This would be an equally excruciating decision but certainly it is another possibility.

Best of luck,
K.

I have a friend that had the same thing happen to her - on the Nuvaring. From her experience, I know that it is a struggle to adjust expectations when you weren't planning for any more children. It is a strain emotionally and financially, to be sure. However, I would think about the fact that this child is not an accident. God knew about him/her from the beginning of time, and has wonderful plans for his/her life. Of course it is your own decision what to do, but I would strongly encourage you to carry this precious baby to term. Even if you all absolutely cannot afford the new baby, there is someone out there who is praying fervently for a child, because she has not been able to have one. Abortion is never, never the answer. It will not ease your mental anguish, it will only make it greater, and you will have to live with it the rest of your life. You are in my prayers. Remember, God loves you and every one of your children.

one more response.....You've got plenty to read thru...and after reading your update, my prayers are with you. I hope everything turns out for the best. But I do have to share with you my feelings. As an older mom who only had one child...I would love another baby. I'm so envious of all the mommies out there who have more than one. I know I'm blessed to have my healthy boy but the joy of those babies is immeasurable. So many posters said you have been blessed...believe it. Good luck

My thoughts are that you should definitely keep the baby. Babies are blessings from God and even though you THINK you cannot afford it you will be able to!!! God will take care of you and bless you!!! Can you imagine not having any of the kids you have now? Well I am sure that you will feel the exact same way once your little miracle arrives. If you don't believe in abortions than it's not an option and the only other option is adoption. EVERYONE that I have ever met that has gotten an abortion has regreted it and it's affected them the rest of their life. Don't put yourself thru that. Good Luck and best wishes...I know that it's scary when things are unplanned...but you will get thru this and be stronger!!!