I Have a Few Questions

I haven't read all the answers and I can't help with your first 2 questions. But your last question is my situation I have been through. I had my son Oct 2004. At 18 weeks we were told he had a blockage in his uretha (his & yours possibly - was a blocked valve). I was told the same thing - would probably die soon after birth if he made it that long. I went for a 2nd opinion. The specialist I saw said there was issues but since he had amniotic fluid then he was urinating somehow. Sometimes they can get it out at the belly button (not sure how that works). If he had amniotic fluid, his lungs were developing since that is how they breathe. I ended up seeing the doctor every week and had sono's every week. He was delivered by C-section at 37 weeks - spent 1 week in NICU. Went home on antibiotics until surgery could be done at 3mos to repair the valve. Oh - and I did see the pediatric urologist prior to delivery (8 months) and he already knew about my case and he examined my son within a couple of hours of birth. My son is now a healthy 6 year old. Still has some issues with his bladder and still sees the urologist and nephrologist. But he is alive. My suggestions to you:
1) Get a 2nd opinion with a obstetrical specialist - BTW - how far along are you ?
2) Ask for a referral to a pediatric urologist to see now. Take your sonograms
3) Pray
There are many levels with this issue. Sometimes it is so severe that the baby dies but there are times they do not. The doctors have to prepare you for the worst but hope for the best. I told my story in order to give you hope and let you know sometimes it is not as bad as it seems. There is so much that I can't put in here. If you want to PM me, feel free to do so. I am more than happy to answer questions, tell you more details about my son, who we have used and what I have learned.

For the first question find a MOPS in your area, that is Mothers of Pre schoolers, they are awesome.
Second a water table can be done inside or outside with relatively little mess and can be a ton of sensory fun, no need for expensive gizmos and doo dads, simply a large mixing bowl or small plastic tote and spoons and measuring cups and maybe a funnel, you can add bubbles, or ice cubes or even food coloring to liven it up, but my kids get just as much a kick out of plain old water.
For the third question all I can offer is sympathy and prayers. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you, I would contact the hospital and ask questions, also they may have a grief counselor on hand to talk to you as well.

Hi Tia,
Prayers and hugs about the last question. I wouldn't know where to go with that. I am hoping that the first response I read on here is the correct one, and that your baby ends up being healthy, and that the doctors were just giving you the worst case senario in order to prepare you for the worst - - should it happen. It says you are in the Northwest Houston area? I live in that area too. I am a member of a MOPs group in Northwest Houston. If you want more information, PM me, and I'll get you set up. It's $55 a semester, but the kids get to go to their own groups while you enjoy child-free time with other moms - - much cheaper than day care.

Updated

Hi Tia,
Prayers and hugs about the last question. I wouldn't know where to go with that. I am hoping that the first response I read on here is the correct one, and that your baby ends up being healthy, and that the doctors were just giving you the worst case senario in order to prepare you for the worst - - should it happen. It says you are in the Northwest Houston area? I live in that area too. I am a member of a MOPs group in Northwest Houston. If you want more information, PM me, and I'll get you set up. It's $55 a semester, but the kids get to go to their own groups while you enjoy child-free time with other moms - - much cheaper than day care.

I am so sorry to here about your baby. Look into klein funeral home. I hear they do a great job with famalies with the loss of a baby.
Also, try a mops group. It is for people with preachool age children. Some churches host mops groups.

Sorry I don't live in the area but I know near me that there are lots of different moms groups. At my library there are community newspapers geared towards parents which has calendars of different group events for moms & kids (most of them are free). I would just try whatever moms groups you find and you don't have to stay in them if they're not working for you. At the library and bookstores like Barnes and Noble are storytimes. Even though the storytimes are geared towards particular age group I've brought my other aged kids to them too...so for the preschool storytime I've brought my 1 1/2 year old...it can be challenging for the one year to cooperate but I usually bring a sippy and even a snack.

At home, I kind of put together a very loose schedule of the day. Mine goes like this...Breakfast, get dressed, go outside (even if it's for 15/20 min, crafts/coloring/table work, lunch, naptime, free play(kids play whatever they want), play outside, watch tv while I start dinner. This schedule isn't set in stone, but typically if I let them play for 30 minutes by themselves when I get something done, then after that I try to interact with them. Try to think of things that are harder for your older child that can be made easier for the younger. (For example-I had my older child make an American flag on 4th-For the older I let them draw, cut, glue, the stripes and stars with construction paper but for my younger one, I just cut up some stars, stripes and let them just put it on the piece of paper). If you're making something with clay...have something harder for the older like a bowl or animal and just let the younger do whatever with the clay/playdo. I take the junk mail and let them play with that, they can play mail, use it in crafts. I also let them play picnic, kitchen or store with all of the pots, pans, cans, boxes of food in the kitchen, and have a set of plastic plates in a drawer they can get to. Kids love to play dressup with my old shoes, clothes, purses, etc. I also put the music on, especially kids music, and let them dance, I put a small nerf hoop to play basketball.

I am so sorry to hear about your baby and will pray for you all. I'm not sure who to contact though.

N., wow...I am so sorry about your baby.

Any funeral home in your area can help you make the arrangements you'd like done....from a private service to a full viewing type thing. Many may opt for a private cremation and keeping the ashes at home.

Also, I did want to mention (because we had a news anchor in the same situation - that's how I heard of this) but there are end-life photographers that could possibly capture some very poignant and treasured shots of you and your baby before death occurs or slightly thereafter. I hope you don't see this as insensitive--but I don't think many people know about this and I just wanted to mention it in case it's something you'd be interested in doing.

Oh--MOPS has groups all over..have you looked into that?

I can speak to #3. First, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I would definitely get the opinion of a perinatal specialist or high risk pregnancy specialist. As others have said, most funeral homes are incredibly sensitive about these situations, but am not sure of what they charge. If you are sure that your baby isn't going to make it past a day or two, you could actually go to the funeral home and make many of the decisions and arrangements in advance.

There is an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep that provides free photography of the baby in those first hours, even if it isn't born alive. I've seen some AMAZING photos of babies who were deformed, starting to decay, and other things we would think we wouldn't want pictures of, but there are done so sensitively and discretely, that they are beautiful. Their website is www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org. You first contact a coordinator and then they work with you on getting a photographer.

I don't know when you are due, but I am a doula and would be more than happy to provide support services to you when the time comes.

Know that my prayers are with you.

1. Try Yahooo Groups. They have lots of mommy groups in all areas

2. Go to the library. It's free and cool. They might even have some programs you can join.

3. I have no advice to you - so sorry about your situation. Be sure to speak in length about your situation to your OB. He will have many answers for you.