I Want Another Baby; Husband Does Not

I can relate my partner is 13 years older then me I know how you feel about wanting to have another we discussed it and aren't going to have anymore. You need to look at his side of it he would be starting all over and when the child is 18 he will be 66 so it is hard for him to imagine having another. On the other hand you are younger and want more then one so it is hard. If you guys discussed this before you were married and you excepted it then, you need to except it and move on. I know it is hard when there is that age difference between you try talking again and tell him how you feel if he still doesn't want anymore then you will have to except it. Good luck

Whatever the decision, how will you feel in 10 years? Which decision will you regret most? What is the best thing for YOUR son?

Hey J.- My name is M., I am 26 years old... and my husband is 50 ( Yes I typed FIFTY!!!) He has a total of 4 that arent my kids, and together we have 1 living. I want one more and he would rather not have any more. We have discussed it more than once, his arguement is that he is older and we cant afford anymore, my arguement is that I am still young and my biological clock is ringing loud and clear... He understands my side and I agree with some of his arguement (the getting older part).. My pregnancies are considered high-risk AND they are C-section, time off work is inevitable,so financially it wil be hard at first but after going back, it will be ok. If you are willing to work, maybe you can help your husband see your side of the story, then maybe he will agree to 'Just one more'...Good Luck

Hi J..
First I want to say that my and my husbands age are the same like yours. My husband is almost 18 years older than me.
We have 5 year old son and my husband wants one more child.
I wish we had one more earlier.I am still thinking and can't decide if we should have one more or not.

Maybe you can talk nicely to your husband that if he has 2 of his own and you want to have one more so it could be equal.

My husbans parents helped some with his college. My husband went to college and worked and payed for school himself. Parents helped just little bit.

So we are hoping that our son would do the same. I hope he would work , pay for the college and we would help with the money if we see he tries hard. We hope this way kids appreciate money and school.

If support for college is the only on ebstacle from having one more child then maybe you can rethink about it.Maybe you can start saving now little bit every month and when they reach college age it should be nice help to start school.

I trully hope your husband will change your mind.
2 -3 years difference between siblings is just perfect.
Now I regret we did not have child earlier.

Good luck.
Beth

Where do I start? I was a child in the military and moved around a lot, I did have a brother and sister but they are like 6 and 7 years younger than I am. So I really didn't have anyone to play with and be close to other than friends and as soon as I got close we would move again. Now you did say that you guys will be moving. When do you think that you will move back to OK? Depending on when you do that you could just let him make friends and if they become close there is no reason why they still can't be friends and still talk on the phone and maybe for spring breaks hang out some. I would say respect your husband wishes since he does have other children and just go with it. Remember when his other children have kids there will be a lot more children running around. The 23 year old might even find someone in the next couple years get married and have kids. I hope some of this helps. If you do need someone to talk to just write and I will do my best to help. I am an adult now and I would not change anything about the way I grew up I have the most best friends that I could have. Things will work out.

I honestly think that weather or not you two agree or disagree about having another baby is something you should seek help with. However, I will also admit to being biased about counseling since I have a degree in counseling. Also, I do question weather or not being able to afford to put the children through college is a valid reason not to have children. I have four children and I don't plan on paying for their college degrees, I paid for my own and so did my parents and my siblings. I plan on making all of my children put half of their money in the bank once they start working. All of our children are three years apart in age and I just feel that they can all work to earn a car and save money for college and then they will have more appreciation for what they have. I do not know if this is of any help at all or not, but my final words are I would seek help. A Pastor or a counselor would probably be very helpful. I also understand wanting to abide by your husband's wishes, I just hope you don't regret not speaking to your husband about the subject.
Good luck,
S. R

wow, quite a delimma. i would think you both want to eventually be on the same page with this.

my husband and i have his kids and our kids (total of 4 living with us - 2 teens and 2 toddlers)

we are still in grad and law school, so we decided it was ours and the children's best interest not to have anymore. We need to get through our own schooling and by the time we do that, we will have to put 2 kids through and after they're done, we will have 2 more to put through.

as you can see, we will be broke forever! lol

i want them to actually have a better chance at living a better life than we did. neither of our parents help with tuition or even pushed me to get through school or encouraged him to go to school. Now we are making up for lost time. otherwise, we would already have careers and would be in a better position to raise and rear our children. In the end, i hope they do not have to worry as much about finances as we have. if that means we take the grunt of the expense, we will do it.

so many parents are into this 'making the kids responsible and independent' that they are not able to support them as they should. my mom says she supports me, but it is only how, when, and to what extent she sees fit - this doesn't really help because there are always strings attached and my plans are definitely not the same as hers (for very valid reasons that i do not want to and should not have to tell her about). if you want the best for your children, then let them actually live and make decisions and give them the help they ask for without changing their options because you are unwilling to help them or worry so much about your situation that you jeopardize theirs.

it is difficult to make these types of decisions, i know. but you both have very valid reasons for having and not having children. counseling might help bring out the underlying concerns about each. There are probably more concerns than those on the surface that each one of you need to see.

As i understand you would like a playmate for your child, if you decide not to have anymore, there are things you can do to eliminate the 'only child' syndrome.
once you become friends with people who have other children, he will probably gravitate to some as you did your cousins, etc.

Other children, hopefully ones you enjoy to be around as well, will become like brothers and sisters to him as long as you get together with them enough.

also, joining a church or other organization typically provides more stability with the relationships you and he builds.

good luck,
B.

Is that his ONLY reason. He should really take into consiideration that there are many people who get through college with out the support of their parents. I think it is totally understandable that you want more children, he should take the age difference into consideration, as it sounds you are. Sit down and really talk to him about how important it is to you.
I have met so many people, past the age of childbearing, that regret not having more.
Good Luck to your family!
C.

I agree that having a sibling to grow up with is very important. Family will always be there! You made a sacrifice by moving away from your comfort zone and family. I suggest just continue talking. If he isn't from a large extended family that spends time together he just doesn't understand. (my husband didn't)

J.,

If you can, seek counseling together. Treasure the child you do have. Join a playgroup. Understand that just because you are close with siblings/cousins, does not guarantee that ALL siblings and cousins remain close after growing up; in fact, there is no promise they will even be friends. If you go back to work full time, what is the sense in having another child and paying someone else to raise it?

Sounds like, from here, you are a wonderful person with a terrific husband and a great life. It's OK to just have one precious child.

Be well, and know that life will unfold as it should.

K.

I really understand how you feel I have five wonderful children and married. But if this was discussed prior to marriage then you may not win this one. God bless you and keep tryin' positively.

it sounds like the two of you should attend counseling *especially* if you had talked about this prior to marrying. his reasons for not wanting another child seem self serving and financially motivated. yours seem humanly motivated. counseling is *important*! you might not believe it now, but you *will* resent him if you do not have another child. (i know this from experience.) your wants and needs are just as important as his in this relationship.

I completely understand your situation, as I am in the same position. The most important decision to make is, "what will it do to my marriage if I get pregnant without my husbands agreement". What I mean by this, many women will lie about birth control or force their husband to take responsibility for birth control.

You may also want to remind your husband of the 1) responsibilties, financial and otherwise, an only child has taking care of their aging parent 2) sharing and learning how to get along with others 24 hours a day 3)learning how to fight, admit it we all had arguments with our siblings and we were or can be taught how to fight without violence and bad names.4)Your child may or may not be close to his older half brothers, does he want your child to be alone?

If you are going to fight this, make sure your arguments are sound and logical. Men understand logic.

Best of luck!!!

I think that you should remind your husband that it's not all about money and that there are many, many people who go to college without the financial support of their parents, and that in many ways this can be ver beneficial. This is also true for many of the expenses that a teenager incurs while in high school. When I was growing up I payed for everything...my car, gas, insurance, spending money, etc. I also earned grades that put me on the honor roll. This can be done. I will probably try to help out a little more than my parents did because I will be able to (hopefully), but I will also make them responsible for their much of their own extra expenses.