I Want to Get Married - Advice

Hi C.:
You've received some great responses,but I thought I'd share My experience and thoughts with you.
I lived with A man for 22 years,before we married. I can laugh about it now,telling those who question why it took so long,That "Well.We just wanted to MAKE SURE we knew each other real well" lol.Only he and I knew the hidden reasons why.I'm going to be perfectly honest with you here.We both experienced tremendous heartbreak from previous relationships,It was because of this, We both were terified to give our WHOLE HEART to any one person again.All of our love evolved around those beautiful children we were blessed with from those marriages.Without going into debth, My sons lived with us most of those 22 years,and our relationship was often shakey.The boys appreciated the fact,that there was a male figure in their lives,as their biological father saw them once a year,for a week.While the boys liked my boyfriend for his bright, articulate ways and his somewhat witty sense of humor,they never really respected him.I didn't recognize the signs till later,when they were teens.But I failed them in a sense. They felt insecure,and experienced feelings of animosity toward him.They resented him for his taking the relationship with their mother so matter of fact.They questioned his sincerity,and true feelings towards me. In their words."If he truely "Loved you" "He would make You his wife".I never realized,that it was so vital for my sons to feel Their mothers heart was not being taken advantage of. They weren't looking for a (Daddy figure) They were over those feelings of animosity,and hurt,and had moved on. however it troubled them,that this man,whom I shared a bed with and cooked for was not willing to to make A commitment to me. It wasn't just him,I was comfortable not having to worry about another breakup another heartache.What we were doing,was denying to ourselves,that we had any intimate ties.That we could leave any time we wanted,and experience no regrets,or feelings of loss.Well. We were lieing to ourselves.We had fallen in love years before. It was as if we were pretending. To ourselves and each other,that if we didn't marry,neither of us would get hurt.Many of our breakups during those years,were because of fears we both had of each other leaving.The lack of security,and infidelties. We broke up for a year,got back together,and finally married 5 years ago.Our Grandchildren told us. "Its about time" Did it make a difference in our relationship? You bet it did. It allowed both of us to put past heartaches behind us,and admit to ourselves,and each other that we are and always have been "In Love" We both feel more secure making A commitment before God. We have every intention to give our Love,our relationship everything we've got.I guess the moral to this story is,You can deny yourself complete happiness,but then your heart will never feel whole again.I wish you love C..J. M.

Although you say you don't want to start your boyfriend in the direction of "happily unmarried", you've already done that! You share everything... a daughter, a house, a bank account, a bed. He has all the benefits of a family, without having to make any sort of formal, holy, or lawful commitment to you. I would tell him that your terms are unnegotiable... you get married or its over. And don't do the 2 years of engagement while you save for a huge wedding and reception thing. By doing things in this non-traditional, backward way (house and baby before marriage), you've pretty much forfeited all that. Just go down to the courthouse and get married... immediately. You can always have a modest reception/party afterward to celebrate the fact that you are finally doing things right. I hope it all works out for you... especially for your daughter's sake.

The bottom line is:
you should NOT have to 'worry' about talking about things like this, WITH him. Afterall, you have been together for 2 years AND have a child together.

AND when you both do talk about it "sometimes" it should not be "vague."

You should not have to feel "scared" that he does not want to marry one day... you deserve to KNOW, clearly, either way.

You should also make sure you cover yourself, in case of any situation. ie: what happens if one day he leaves? AND remember, that since you are "joint" account holders and your name is also on the various accounts...YOU will ALSO be responsible for any DEBT that HE fails to own up to or cannot pay. I would be VERY careful of what you "jointly" add your name to, in conjunction with him. What about your 'joint' bank accounts? Do you have your own bank account and savings? A woman no matter what, if left by a man... will be the one who becomes a "single parent." You need a financial reserve for yourself... an 'emergency fund' since you are the Mother of a child.

Now, you should NOT have to feel 'scared' of scaring him, by talking about all of these 'nuts and bolts' of a relationship. THIS IS important, it is crucial, it is VERY important.... you both share a child together... and you are Parents... if anything, you have to plan these things out and financial aspects and insurance aspects and mortgage aspects NOW. You have a baby! HE has to be 'grown up' enough about it ALL... to talk about it and deal with it. Clearly and succinctly. HE owes it to you AND HIS CHILD. He is not just a 'boyfriend.' He is a Parent... and you are his live-in PARTNER.

Really, this has to be talked about and determined. And you have to decide what is best for you... and what you can tolerate or not.

I have had friends/co-workers that were live-in's with their 'boyfriend' for 7+ years... and no marriage at the end. Just 'hopes.' Thankfully they did not have kids together. Or it would be more complicated. But in these cases, the women, in their heart-of-hearts DID want to get married. They had wished they 'knew' their boyfriends intentions WAY earlier so they did not waste their time.
On the other hand, some woman are fine just being together and there is nothing wrong with that, but in these cases BOTH partners are like minded about it... ie: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel etc. But we are not celebrities who have endless amounts of money to sustain themselves and hired help and power attorney's at hand.

YES... you should mention it to him... that you BOTH need to get this figured out. If he can't face up to it... then what else can he face up to and be responsible for????

All the best,
Susan

Hi C., I understand where you are coming from, the fact that your inlaws have been living together unmarried, has not been a good example for their son. Every woman who is in a relationship with a man have different reasons for wanting to get married. My husband and I lived together for a year before we got married, and during that time 3 of my friends who were not living with their boyfriend, got married, and 2 of them did not sleep with their boyfriend before they were married, well one of them made the commit, that some guys feel why marry the cow if the milks free, at the time I was in my early 20''s and wasn't really sure what that meant, so I asked my now husband what that meant, he said it means is the sex is free why get married, so I asked him if that was why we were not married he said no. I told my now husband that if i am good enough to sleep with why am I not good enough to marry? he told me not to get down because I see things happening for my friends that wasn't happening for me, so one year to the month that he moved in with me we got married, and we've been married for almost 28 years, In a non nagging way I would ask your boyfriend, if you are good enough to sleep with, why aren't you good enough to marry, men sometimes don't understand that it is a security issue for us, you can purchase the world together, but if you are not married and one walks what;s your's is your's and what's his is his, this is why I told daughter who is almost 20, until you have a wedding ring on your hand, don't let no man touch you, marriage means I love you, and I respect you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, living together for me means I'm just a long for the ride, that's me now, so I'm not judging you, or your situation, that's the way I personally would see it. Let him know that a comitment is important to you, what ever you do say, do it in a loving and respectful way. Here's a little piece of advice, if you and boyfriend haven't seen the movie Fireproof, rent it, even if you and he have the best relationship in the world watch this movie, I want to say a little something to you, I doubt very serriously that your mother in law is as happy, as she wants you all to believe she is, i'll tell you why, the whole year me and my husband lived together, everyday I wondered what do i do if he decides to leave, leagaly we had no ties, we had a good relationship, but no ties, no promises, I lived insecure almost everyday when we were not married, for your mother in law it mabe this is what she has accepted and is used to, you need to ask yourself if that is good enough for you, if he truly loves you, then bringing up marriage can't scare him away. This is my opinion. J. L.

Hi C.,
Well, I was in your difficult situation more than 7 years ago. My boyfriend, then (now husband) was very reluctant to get married. He basically said that I was "pressuring him" and it seemed that it would never happen. I was heartbroken, and didn't want my new daughter to go through the same pain I was going through. I didn't want her to think it was just "fine" to have a family and not be married, because it wasn't fine! I was in pain.
Anyways, to make a long story short, I decided it was too big of an issue for me alone, so I turned to God. Yes, after 15 or more years of excluding Him, and God was right there for me! I knew then what I must do. I had to pack up my & my daughter's things, along with two dogs and headed out of state-across the US to a wonderful female friends home. (I cried alot in the drive there, as I was so sad that my relationship didn't work out.) I did leave a note for my boyfriend that I didn't want to pressure him anymore about getting married, and if that's not what he wanted, I was so sorry it didn't work out. He ended up calling me at my friends house..."Do you REALLY want to get married?" Duh! Yes, I told him that I would not return to CA unless we were married. So, he ended up coming to KY where I was, married me and then we returned home in an RV.
It was an emotional, crazy way for it to all work out, I only know that the key element in our relationship working out, was that I surrendered to God. I then followed what I felt was His leading & direction, and it all worked out better than I ever could have imagined.
Looking back, (we just celebrated our 7th anniv.) I don't know if things could have been handled by talking through it better, or if my 'boyfriend/needed some kind of
realization of what it would be like without us.
I'll pray for you to seek the Lord, and that He'll guide you. I know how painful and frustrating it is.....
My advice: Ask God for the wisdom to best communicate how much it means for you and your boyfriend to get married. God truly DOES bless marriages, and it is such a saving grace to have Him included in the relationship!
Blessings to you, CH

He's probably thinking, "What we have is working, why change it," and, "I don't need a piece of paper," - you know, all those things people say when they're not getting married. He probably also fears being "obligated" to be with you - right now, he feels you're together by choice, but a married couple is together because they "have to" be.

What I would do is say, "If being married wouldn't change the way we're living or the way we feel about each other, what do you have against doing something that you know will make me happy?" Unless his partner specifically and clearly tells him so, a man usually assumes she's thinking the same thing he is. Making it clear that this is important to you is not "pressuring" him.

Ask what he DOESN't want. Maybe he doesn't want a huge celebration but would be fine spending a few minutes with just you and a justice of the peace. Maybe he's worried about what his parents will think. Maybe he thinks it will look "silly" to get married when you already share a home and a child. Maybe he's worried about the expense of a wedding reception. This is about both of you, so talk about what each of you needs and what each can do without. Maybe you can have a tiny, quiet ceremony and skip having a reception but take a honeymoon trip. Compromise means EACH PERSON gives up something - right now, you're the only one giving up your ideas or expectations. You should be able to make a plan that works for BOTH of you.

I think the question here is, why do you want to get married? It sounds like you have everything that a married couple has besides the title of wife. Pushing the subject of marriage will not take your relationship to a good place. I would let him know that it is somehting that you want very much without giving an ultimatium. You may bring this up by talking about what would happen to either of you if someone was to happen to the other. This way you are talking about the welfare of your daughter and you both, not marriage. OR - Is there anyone close to him that you can talk to about him & marriage? Maybe he is thinking that his mom and step dad have things right and that he wants what they have. Please do enjoy the lovely life that you two share, whether it is a life partner or as husband & wife. Try not to dwell on the whole marriage issue. As a woman going thru a divorce, I can tell you marriage is not all rainbows & butterflies! :) Being that things are so good, enjoy it!!!!!

Now would be a great time to find out what happens to you, your daughter and the property if something were to happen to your boyfriend. Are you secure in knowing at this point he can at anytime change the paperwork on the house deed as to who the benefactor of his portion would be? Think about you and your daughters future. There are alot of legalities that you don't want to find out after the fact. Since you are not married you are not privileged to any laws protecting you, therfore it is always going to be to his advantage not to get married. You say you are scared, were you not scared when you got pregnant and bought the house? It's time to step up to the plate and follow through being an adult and parent. Best Wishes.

Married folk have a lot of rights that unmarried folk do not have. Hospital visitation when one of you is sick, tax benefits, social security benefits, inheritance, insurance through the company (life insurance) etc. There are thousands (literally) of rights that "little piece of paper" give to you and to your child.

If he doesn't want to get married, fine. The two of you should draw up papers to make sure that both of you still have those rights, and especially so that your child will be protected.

So much good luck to you.

P.S. My husband's mother and her boyfriend dated for 10 years before he agreed to marriage. He finally did when he found out that his hated ex-wife would be eligible to share his Social Security, but the woman he loved would not be unless they married. Something to think about...

Marriage is more than a piece of paper...especially when children are involved. For sure bring it up to him...if you want to be married to him you should be able to express yourself without fear.

My dear, you have to be able to tell your significant other what you want and communicate or your relationship will suffer. You have a right to speak your mind, and if you do it openly and honestly, he should be willing to at least listen. You should never be scared to tell him anything. You have many years ahead of you together, and being straight with each other from the beginning will make you much stronger as a couple. You're a smart girl, and I bet you can tell him what you want without freaking him out. You may be making this bigger than it is, but you will never know unless you talk. I'm always amazed when two people can have a sexual relationship and bring a child into the world, but still be uncomfortable about talking. If you can be that intimate with him, talking should be a breeze! You can do it, and you both deserve to know exactly what the other wants. Good luck!

I agree with SH's response completely but did want to add that it is very important that you speak your truth with your boyfriend but do so in a way that is loving and supportive and not confrontational and emotional. Choose a time when he is relaxed, the two of you are enjoying yourselves and everything is pretty mellow, and calmly and casually let him know that you would like to be married sooner rather than later. Keep it light and loose but straightforward and the same time.

Guys are a very odd creature sometimes. They can get defensive very easily over the most idiotic issues, they enjoy the idea of marriage but can easily freak themselves out about the whole issue if it is the woman bringing up the subject and not them, and they can get very lazy if they are enjoying all of the benefits of marriage but don't really understand that what's good for them is not necessarily good for their girlfriend. So, I would urge you to be honest but really take care with what you are saying to him, how you are saying it and when you are saying it to him.

Congratulations on your baby girl and hoping that all works our well for you soon.

This is the man that you share a child with, a bank account and a house with and you are afraid to bring up something that is very important to you. I understand your trepidation, but if you can't discuss with him something that means a lot to you, then maybe he is not the one you should be marrying. What usually helps me is to think about the "worst case scenario". If you bring it up, what is the worst thing that could happen? He leaves you? He says no, he runs home to momma? Then think that through, if that was to happen, what would you do? This way, no matter what happens, you have already prepared for it. Good luck

I guess you need to make a choice. Maybe You should propse to him and see what happens.

The best advice I feel I can give you is just talk to him. I have so many friends who are so resentful and angry at their husbands/boyfriends because of things they have never told them and just expect them to do. Just when you guys are both in good moods tell him you have something important you want to talk to him about and tell him how you feel and get his ideas. Make him give you a date or if never. Then you must decide if that is what you want to live with and if you decide to then don't make him pay for it or make yourself miserable by always resenting him that is an aweful way for anyone to live. So if he is not giving you what you want you must decide to live with it and happily or walk away and be happy but always talk and ask for what you want and need if it is a wedding, help with the house or baby or maybe just a nap after all he is not a mind reader. Best of luck to you and your family.

Hi C.,
You could let him know that "someday" used to be ok with you, but now that you have a daughter, you don't want her to grow up thinking that "someday" is ok for her. Is "someday" good enough for his baby girl? Let him know that since you became a mom, your values have changed and you didn't see that coming. Maybe he can help you with that? Good luck. Congratulations on your little sweetheart baby.

Yes, bring it up. Send the baby to grandma and tell your boyfriend you need to talk (not ahead of time). That always scares men, but this is very important, so don't let him say he is too busy. (Have the baby be casually absent, [like with Grandma when he gets home from work one day] don't make a big production like you got a babysitter for a date or something. It is important that you not be interrupted.
Tell him you really respect him for the commitments he has made to you, like buying a house and having a child together. Then come right outwith it. * don't say "but", it negates everything you just said.) "I know we have talked about marriage, and we have not made any specific plans. I was wondering what your thinking was about this? (let him talk) .Because I see that your Mom has never married, yet you consider them "married", is that what you see for us?" Give him a chance to answer and really listen to what he says. Write it down, or at least a few notes, so you won't forget. Then tell him your position, that without the legal commitment, you don't consider it a marriage, and for your daughter's sake you would rather it be sooner than later. If he says, "I don't want to talk about it", or gets mad, or "isn't it enough that I blah blah blah (no, it isn't. The commitment is important.), tell him we can stop talking about it right now, but I would like for you to give it some thought and get back to me sometime this week." Then say, "since the baby is gone, let's go [out for coffee, to a movie, whatever the two of you consider fun]."
Since he comes from a family that has long term relationships "without benefit of clergy", what you fear is probably exactly what he has in mind for you, and you need to let him know that this is unacceptable to you. If I were Dr. Laura I would lecture you about why you didn't have this talk before the house, the baby and the sex, but I'm not, and I don't think that would be appropriate for this forum, but the point is now, if he never intends to marry you, you need to know that sooner rather than later. I suggested saying it the way I mentioned, because it will likely be very uncomfortable for him, and you need to allow him a way of escape from the surprise you sprung on him, while still pinning him down to a requirement to think about it at some point and let you know his thoughts. Good luck, I really feel for you.

You are right to be concerned. If something were to happen to you in an emergency, he is not legally responsible for you as you are not married. Due to the fact that he grew up in an environment where living together without benefit of marriage is okay, he does not feel as if it is needed, thus it is okay for him to have children without being married, share a house and bank account, etc. To him there is no benefit to being married, so he will be happy to keep things the way they are forever. I would seek counseling if I were you. I doubt he sees marriage as a priority and if you do, then it is not fair to you to continue on with him, hoping that one day he will marry you. You need to think of your daughter and yourself in this situation. Maybe you are happy now, but if your relationship has problems, you would not have a legal leg to stand on. Best of luck to you.

Regardless of the emotional aspect to this, marriage is a legal union and comes with rights and benefits. Now that you are a parent, please get legal advice on what you need to do to protect you and your daughter financially and otherwise if you are not going to be married to your boyfriend.

Congratuations on your new baby! How exciting. I would be honest. You want a commitment. If he is not willing to make it, why stay? I know its hard hear, but it is the truth. Bummer about his mom, he might think that it is normal? I would bring it up be open about what is in your heart, what your plans for the future are. What kind of relationship does not allow you to be open and honest? You should not be "afraid" to share how you feel. If you don't, you will be unhappily unmarried - and that will be the example you will set for your daughter, as his mom did him.
Maybe together you could set some engagement-marriage goals. You can come up with something that makes both of you comfortable. Good luck! Enjoy that beautiful baby!

You can try what my daughter in law did...my son was going away to do his residency (he's a doctor) and she just agreed to go with him and help (she's a nurse, so she was going to be the main breadwinner.) A few weeks prior, he told his sister that he had no intention of getting married. When he announced their engagement (they wanted the big wedding deal), my daughter asked why he decided to propose. He said, "she was willing to go with me, asked nothing in return, no promises, no guarantees...I figured if she trusted me that much, I could trust her."

I tihnk you should be very clear to him about your standards and expectations. Do this in a non-argumentative, but clear way. If he still ends up being "vague" and if you're still feeling concerned or scared, then you have all the answers you need. Just think...what would you do if your daughter were in the exact same situation and she was asking YOU for advice?

I think that if you want to get married you need to be honest with your boyfriend. If he really loves you then it is something you can work out so it makes both of you happy. I have been through this with my niece, she and her boyfriend had two boys together and kept saying they would get married in a few months, next summer, etc. Well that day never came because her boyfriend died at age 25 without them ever getting married and now she lost out on many things because they were not married, including claiming his body and having the funeral the way she/he would have wanted it. That was an extreme but you never know what the good Lord has in his plans. Good luck and the best to all of you.

Hi C.,
Sounds like you guys are on the same path as his parents. But, 2 years really isn't that long to be together before getting married. (I was with my husband 4 years before we got married, we have been married for almost 3 years)
But, if you feel very strongly about getting married, then you better present your case to your boyfriend in a strong way. You need to comunicate a little more and lay it out on the table. If you ask him when exactly he plans on proposing, and he give you an answer that you don't want to hear, then you better evaluate your relationship. Or just expect to never get married. I mean, if your good enough to have a baby with (was it planned?) then you should be good enough to marry.
Good luck to you!

I was with my boyfriend for almost 11 years before we got married. We too, had bought a house together. The cars were in each of our names and we had a joint checking/savings account. We even had our wills redone along with life insurance policies. I thought those were pretty huge commitments. However, when we finally officially "tied the knot" there was a shift. We both could feel the difference. Our commitment was FINAL and it felt great. It's hard to explain but there definitely IS a difference between marriage and non-marriage.

Your husband's parents aren't setting a very good example for him. My concern is for your little girl. You will be showing your little girl that it's OK not to get married and make a commitment and I personally don't think that's healthy for ANY child. I'd like to say things will last forever but you never know. Not getting married is like not having an insurance policy. You are not securing anything for you and your daughter should something go wrong say 10 years down the road. What protection do you have for alimony, child support, selling the house, etc.?

Tell your boyfriend how you strongly you feel about it and suggest to him that you go to the justice-of-the-peace. That way, there's no big "to do" which does scare a lot of men. You can always have a celebration reception at a later date. This is about making things right....not about a big wedding. If he's not willing to commit to marriage, then you may be in the wrong relationship.

Give him a week and then leave or kick him out. Sad, but true.....He doesn't respect you and you are tied to jerk.Sad,but true.
B. v. O.

Hi C.,

My heart goes out to you. What you have described does not sound like good news...

Listen--a man who is really into you WANTS to marry you and WANTS to be committed to you. In my twenties, I dated a man for several years who said he wanted to get married "someday." That was probably true, but he had no intention of marrying ME. Finally I had had enough and left him. After a nice long while, I met and married my husband--who did WANT to marry me, and let me know that relatively soon into our dating relationship. We then began working together toward that goal--buying the house and having the baby after we were married.

I am not judging you--I am wondering why you put the cart before the horse...I am sad for you that you already share a home and a bank account and a BABY with someone who is not really committed to you. That makes me nervous for you and your baby. Where is your security? In my opinion, there should be nothing you should be "afraid" to tell the man you want to be your husband. There is nothing I am afraid to tell mine. Your husband should be your ultimate support system--which does not mean you will always agree--but it should always mean that you are in each other's corner. Has your boyfriend ever said why he doesn't want to get married soon? Didn't you discuss that when you started dating??

I think that if you want to get married, then you should tell your boyfriend. If he doesn't, then I think it might be time to end the relationship or go to counseling. Do not be afraid to ask the question--wouldn't you rather know now that your boyfriend doesn't want to get married vs. years from now?? You shouldn't have to pressure or cajole someone into marrying you. You should be treasured and pursued and desired. You deserve that. Everyone does. It's too hard to be married without those feelings on both sides.

I said in the beginning of my response that perhaps this was not good news--but--look at it this way--perhaps it is! Take control of your future and your baby's future and state what you want and go get it. Do not wait for "some man" to make up his mind. No wonder he's been so lax about it if you are not clear about your needs. You'll never be happy if you are afraid to say what you want and do what it takes to make your dreams come true. Your daughter should see a man who adores her mother--you would not want to see her with someone who only sort-of commits to her, would you?

Take heart, C.. I will pray for you.
D.

Hi C.,
Boy you brought back some memories. When I met my husband, I was introduced by someone who basically said, "He likes you". I worked with him and swore I would not date anyone there. Well, I didn't even know he existed and didn't really care. Finally when I figured out who he was, I realized he had been coming over to my station and borrowing scissors, but never letting out that he may have interest. So, after I found out, I asked him what was going on the next time he came over to borrow scissors and he responded and then asked what I was doing over the weekend...that was it...I had to ask why he wanted to know and if he wanted to go do something. So we went on our first date and he was an absolute nervous wreck. The date ended and we said good night...that's all. After the second date, I decided I liked him and he came in for a moment and then was getting ready to leave. Well he was standing around the door and things got awkward and finally I just said...okay, good night and grabbed hold of him and gave him one big kiss. Thankfully he reciprocated. So now we are dating and my ex-boyfriend steps in and sends me the biggest most beautiful flower arrangement at work. Of course everyone saw it, including my then boyfriend and so now he won't speak to me. So again, I had to go after him and talk to him and I was lucky we just didn't bring up the flowers and got past it. So, were back on track and he tells me he loves me, but I wasn't quite ready for the such rapid fire, so it is my turn and I tell him (I don't know why), I have to go put gas in the car. Crushed again, he has that awkwardness about him, so I talk to him and tell him I love him. I did, but I wasn't quite ready to admit it at the time. Three months later, he tells me he is thinking of moving to Arizona and asked me what I thought. Well of course, I tell him that sounds wonderful and I am happy for him. We never discussed me going with him, moving, and nor did we ever clarify that, "What do you think of Arizona" was in reference to my thoughts. Well finally, he asked what would I think of getting married, not a real proposal I know, but that was it...I married him after dating him for 3 wonderful months and we have been married for 12 years.

So, I guess what I have to say to you is that you just never know what someone is thinking even if they don't come out and say it. You have to communicate and share thoughts, you have a little baby together and if it is what you want, than share with him. All he can say is no. Just think, I could have let my husband go to Arizona by himself because I wouldn't ask if he wanted me to go to. I know it is tuff, I am not one to make the first move, but sometimes you just have to get things moving.

Tell him how you feel. You don't have to pressure or nag him to tell him what is important to you. My experience is that keeping it to yourself just causes more problems. It sounds like you are "married" just haven't had a ceremony. Being vulnerable is uncomfortable, but adds to the richness of a long term relationship. You're in this together, marriage or not, you are parents. Be open with him, maybe he'll explain his feelings or fears.

Be happy.

C.,

I feel your pain. I went through this with my husband... I longed to be married when we were dating.. just drop hints. and also take him to dinner and talk to him about it.. be honest with him...

Although it took me a while, I convinced my now-husband. if they don't want to loose you then they eventually give in.

The waiting is what kills us women...

Good luck
C. B.

C.

i believe that if you tell him the right thing to do is get married because thats what god wants and believes that he will and if he doesnt im thinking its time to move on