After reading the call M. mom post, I have to say I am saddened by reading some of the responders comments. (i'm not talking about that exact sittaution J. the comments in regards to the title)
Some people say they don’t want their kid to call another person mom even if they are divorced and they have a deserving stepparent
Another person says even if they die they don’t want their kid to ever use that title
All I can think of is how selfish!
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my way of thinking is completely crappy, but I couldn’t imagine thinking those things.
I chose divorce, my daughter did NOT! No matter if it was forced upon M. or not, she did not choose it!
And believe it or not my idealistic divorced childhood for her is to have two moms and two dads…not two divided homes that are half hers.
I hope that my ex and I pick spouses that earn and deserve the title of MOM and DAD, because I want her to have two complete families not to partial ones and to feel any less of a part of the family then future children. I want her to have the choice of what to call people…not M.
My daughter has asked to call my boyfriend dad. After speaking, her dad, my boyfriend and I all agreed…because we plan on getting married. I know you all are shuddering thinking how awful, you’re not even married, what if you break up…but honestly calling him dad on occasion will not make the loss any harder than if she calls him his name should we break up or divorce in the future. Afterall an important aunt, uncle, or grandparent, or even mom or dad, could die or move away and decide not to be a part of the child’s life…divorce happens and takes away aunts and uncles at times too, we still give them the titles they earn…we can not protect or guarantee a perfect life for our children but we can help them through tragedies and losses. But to M. to prevent them from bonding with someone at the mere chance of loss is a tragedy in itself!
Emmy asked for intelligent reasons for a then 5 year old in my opnion. She didn’t want to correct people at school since her bio dad never picks her up and also she didn’t want to feel bad when she accidentally called him it. Generally she calls him by name, but when out at public places she uses dad, because everyone around her assumes it and says it. She corrects him if he says “your dad’s house” and she says please say your other dads house because you’re my daddy too.
He has earned the title moreso than some biological dads in the last 2 years in my opinion. He picks her up from school, makes her favorite dinners, reads bedtime stories, disciplines her, cuddles with her, comfots her when a friend hurts her feelings, takes her to girl scouts, brushes her hair, and most importantly loves her like his own.
I HOPE one day that my daughter calls my ex’s girlfriend (eventually wife) mom and if it makes M. less of a mom for sharing the title SO BE IT!
So here’s my question.
Why can’t the title be earned by other people who act as mom or dad in their daily lives? People who earn this title and put their heart out on a limb loving a child that can be taken away J. as easily as the title?
Are their any other divorcees that hope their child has a second mom or dad eventually and wants to call them that?
Riley I agree if it was someone coming and going and not in it for the long run and not deserving of the title it would be diferent and not up to the child...thats a sad sittuation=( i want my daughter to call someone deserving of the title mom and so far his current girlfriend seems like a good candidate and the only one shes met (i have some issues with how things started but thats not anything serious), i would not be happy with it if she did even a 1/10th of what those crappy women have done
Jo I agree whole heartedly it's J. as bad to force a child to call the parent mom or dad! It should be up to the child.
Sunshine, thats a great question. i never thought about asking how people would feel if the reverse was turned down!
carrie, I respect your opinion, but i find it more disrespectful that some bio parents or step parents dont earn and deserve this title. it doesnt make someone less of a mom or dad to have the word used on another parent/step parent...children have multiple grandparents and the name itself never makes or breaks the relationship
oh and for those that say it would be diferent if there was resentment or my ex was a jerk. he cheated for the entire duration we were together from 14-26...and lied about several things. he recieved therapy and still has some major issues i dont agree with but he is a good dad. i have no hard feelings. i got my daughter out of it=)
I couldn't agree with you more. My wife's daughter (7) calls M. 'dad' from time to time and we keep on truckin'. There is no need to correct her, however she corrects herself sometimes.
It doesn't bother my wife or M.. I have heard my daughter (12) call her step-dad 'dad' before. Didn't bother M. one bit.
Kids of divorced parents could only be so lucky to have two sets of parents that love them.
When I married my husband 22+ years ago, I also "married" his two daughters. Later, I had 2 biological daughters. I get a little testy when people refer to my oldest 2 as "not really" daughters.
I don't care what anyone thinks. I am blessed with 4 daughters and they each call M. Mom. The fact that two were tweens when we became a family doesn't alter or affect my love for them (or theirs for M., for that matter). It wasn't always easy to make this family, but a family we are. Every feeling I have for my biokids I've also had for my other daughters: love, worry, frustration, pride, anxiousness, joy -- all of it.
There is more than one way to become a mother.
On the other side Most Mothers would find it insulting and a great form of disrespect,. .. I am Sorry But I do not agree . And I would never the my children Call a man that was not there father dad.. I find it Disrespectful......... :(
I actually am disappointed by your post. What right do you have to be "saddened" by the way other people do things such as this? It doesn't affect you in any way!
My sister and my brother have a dad and my dad is their step dad. They call my dad by his first name, but they adore him! It doesn't bother my dad and so it shouldn't bother you.
I wish people wouldn't make such a dramatic issue out of something that will obviously vary by family.
Names don't indicate bonding or love, actions do.
You are wonderful!
As a stepmom, I would have to say that love is not something that can be measured. A stepmom can love her stepchildren with all her heart. Would I die for my stepdaughter? Absolutely! It doesn't matter if I gave birth to her, she is a gift from God to M., and I intend to fulfill my side of the responsibilities. I am not out to replace her mother, but someone has to fulfill some her needs when she is at our house. So that's M..
I really believe that it's up to the CHILD what they want to call the grown-ups in their life. A title should not be forced, nor taken away.
I can imagine, that if a child wanted to call her stepmom "Mom" and then her bio mom said "no way, that's MY title!" Well, you've J. shown yourself to be selfish in the child's eyes. You aren't protecting your job or title, you're HURTING it in the eyes of the child. Congratulations, the child now thinks less of you.
I have never tried to take the title of "Mom," although my SD sometimes calls M. that whether for convenience (my mom and dad are here) or because she's truly feeling it. However, I do wear the Stepmom title with pride. I'm PROUD to be her stepmom, and proud she has two moms who love her and care for her. My only job is to make sure her needs are being met, and that she grows up to be a lovely young woman (and she's already on her way!) I really don't care what kind of a title she gives M..
However, I'm sensitive to the fact that her bio mom may be offended if she calls M. "mom." So she doesn't in front of her. It doesn't bother M.. I'm happy to step aside for her mom. And I do try to make sure she has a good relationship with her mom.
I think if everyone involved was less concerned about titles (as you say) and J. though of the child and what they need, everyone would be happier. You're right, the child did not choose the situation.
I also think that "Stepmom" is a perfectly good title. It's tarnished a little bit by the reputation of "Wicked Stepmother" but we know that not all stepmothers are wicked!
Also, how would you feel if you were a stepchild living in a house of bio children and your stepmom refused to call you her daughter because it was "reserved for the children that she herself had?" If the mom introduced you all the time as "These are my daughters, and this is my stepdaugher." And if you asked if you could be called a daughter and your stepmom said "No, that's reserved for MY bio daughters."
People would think that cruel, and very Cinderella. But it's okay to go the other way?
The people that cry my children will not call the step mom/dad are insecure! There is no way to sugar coat it. They would rather confuse and upset their child than deal with their insecurities.
It is a word! Nothing more. There are plenty of women who gave birth to children that I would find it insulting someone, anyone called them mom. There are other women who have never given birth that are more a mom than anyone I have met!
It is a title you earn, it is not given by right of being able to reproduce. If my ex every finds someone who loves my kids so much they call her mom then I will be happy for my kids! I am with you on this though I know it will not make M. less of a mom.
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Shouldn't we be more afraid that the steps will treat our children badly than love them?
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Some of the answers make M. wonder. I mean my kids would never call someone mom unless they truly loved them. Isn't that a good thing? My ex is a tool, if he finds a woman who makes them feel loved over there I will send her a freaking mother's day card myself!
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The thing is the kids should decide what they want to call the additional family. We should not make them feel bad about how they feel. This goes both ways, I can assure you nothing pisses M. off more than the step that cries how do I MAKE my stepkids call M. mom. You don't!
You've got a wonderful attitude about this, and I applaud your decision. Keep up the good work!
Bravo to you Mom! You are truly looking out for your child, and not wrapped up in the title. Great job!!
I think everyone is better off - the more people love them. to M., this is J. an extension of that!
Believe it or not, for some of us it really IS about the child(ren) and not our own egos.
My son had a step-mom - briefly - who tried to insert herself in the "mom" role right out of the gate.
I suspected, very early, that she wasn't going to be around long and as it turns out she wasn't. I'm glad that my son didn't get sucked into calling her "mom" (to please his dad) and then end up losing her quickly. It was chaotic enough as it was.
I don't have any problem with it for step-parents who have been on the scene forever, and who don't insist on it, and where the children are comfortable with it.
I guess my point is that this sort of thing is very contextual. Not every parent is opposed to it for selfish reasons.
It will be a cold day in hell before my children call some other woman mom. I'm married now, but if I were divorced? No way, no how. My oldest son's father is not in the picture. He's been married at least twice since then so technically my son has had two step mothers...if he were to spend any time with them, even if they were great women, he would not be calling them mom. My SD used to call her mother's husband (her step-dad) "dad" when she was younger and that was a huge mistake. Never again.
I guess at the end of the day, to each their own. Your arrangement would NOT fly in our family.
IMO, if either bio parent is in the picture and trying to fulfill his or her role, then that person is "mom" or "dad" and everyone else can be called something else.
I will freely admit that while I do admire your attitude on this, I J. personally could not get over it. I am Mom. The one and only. Call M. selfish, insecure, or whatever! I won't apologize or be shamed into feeling wrong about the powerful way that I feel about being Mom to my kids. Do I feel selfish about the fact that I am their mother and that no other woman could possibly ever love them as much as I do? - Sure am! Would I feel insecure about my child calling someone else by my special title by the kids that I love more than anything in the world? - Sure would! J. being honest!
I think the real answer to this question is very situational. There are J. so many scenarios that are unique to each family, and every family needs to do what is right for them. If my kids asked if they could call someone else mom, assuming they are old enough, I would explain to them that I would like to keep that special name all to myself because of how much I love being their Mom. Then I would suggest coming up with a new special name that is only for the other mom figure in their lives. For example, I love Diane B's response below and think Smom sounds real cute. But that is what I think would be right for my family and everyone needs to make that call for their own family.
Every situation is different. I would NOT like if my kids, when they were a lot younger called step mother mom. She is not their Mom I am. I am the one who mothered them as babies and toddlers when she came crashing into my whole life. For my situation NO WAY. I have corrected her a few times when she introduced my daughter as hers. No she is NOT your daughter she is my daughter. I know this women loves my children very much and did tons for them. But I am the Mom. She will never have that title.
But thats only my situation. Some titles such as Mom might fit in other relationships perfectly and everyone is ok with it.
I think it's wonderful that you are so welcoming of significant others in your daughter's life. Children are enriched by having more people who love them, and it's so important for parents and stepparents to honor the love and caring of each other. So many divorces are made so much worse by insecurities and competition, and from custody/visitation battles.
That said, I think it's one thing for a child to not bother to correct her friends about who is picking her up at school, or to make a mistake in calling someone the wrong name, and it's quite another to intentionally give two people the same name. While you seem very open to it right now, it may be that when it actually happens to YOU (and she calls another woman "Mom") it's going to sting a bit.
The other problem is that it simply gets confusing! A lot of families call one set of grandparents "Grandma and Grandpa" and the other set "Nana and Papa" for J. that reason. I have same-sex couple friends but their daughter does not call them both "Mom" - one was Mommy and one was Mama from the get-go. Same thing for same-gender male couples - one is Dad and one is Pop, or something similar. Otherwise it's impossible to manage, and it's unwieldy and confusing. So, yes, the child can say "That's my dad" or "my dad is here to pick M. up" but it's not the same as actually calling him "Dad" to his face - understand the difference? My family has a whole lot of Davids and Bobs, and it's a huge pain.
My stepkids called M. "Smom" (short for stepmom) which was very cute and I was honored. I felt "Mom" was a title their mother had earned and deserved to keep, and while the kids would sometimes say "Oh, my parents are here to pick M. up" (easier than "my father and my stepmother"), it actually got confusing because people would then say, "Oh, I thought your parents were divorced"!! When one of my stepkids was in the hospital, it got crazy with confusion because only the mom and dad could sign things and authorize things - it was confusing to the hospital staff. In any case, their mother couldn't handle it and eventually they went back to calling M. by my first name.
So, while it's great that you are so open to new people in your daughter's life, and you're wise to not correct her every time she calls your boyfriend "dad", and while it's great that her father is okay with it, I think, down the road, it will be easier if everyone has their own name. It has nothing to do with whether or not you and your boyfriend stay together or not - that's not my reasoning. Sometimes we try too hard to be equal and balanced, and it causes confusion.
Gd for you, go on... do what you feel good about. You do realize, none of us cares. We are J. wanting you to do what works best for you and your family.
No one in the world will ever be "mom" to M. but my mom.
She is my heart, she is an amazing woman. There is no reason for M. to have another mom..I call her mama... She is my one and only.
I completely adore my stepmother, but I call her by her first name.
She knows I adore her, love her respect her... But No One will ever be able to be called mom by M..
It should ultimately be up to the child what they want to call the special people in their lives. If a child wants to call their step parent mom or dad, they shouldn't be stopped or be made to feel bad about it. If a child wishes not to call a step parent mom or dad, they shouldn't be forced to. Like you said, no child asks to be put in this position, so parents should do whatever it takes to make it easier on the child, and put their own needs aside and do what is best for the child.
I love your post! My kids started calling my second husband Daddy right after we married and believe M. he EARNED that title!!!!
Depends on the situation though, his second wife only lasted a year.
I agree with 95% of what you are saying. However, I have to disagree with the 'dad' title being bestowed before the marriage is final. Yes, if you two were to break up it would be very h*** o* her. But adding "Dad" to the situation creates an extra psychological 'bond' of permanence, IMHO. This is why I am 110% opposed to single parents having the boyfriend/girlfriend live with them before they are married. I've known way too many kids get devastated over and over again my mom or dad inviting someone into the home only to break up with them down the road. The kids view the 'moving in' as a permanent thing - akin to marriage, and don't understand that these things don't always work out. And let's face it, though it is easy to divorce it's even easier to break up.
Sorry, but I J. can't get the words of my daughter's friend out of my head. After her mom's boyfriend dumped her and moved out last month, the girl said to M. "It's like losing a dad. Again." My heart bled for her.
If I ever got divorced, and my kids grew close enough to a step mom to want to call her mom I really wouldn't have a problem with it.
I call my MIL mom, and my FIL dad.
I expect my kids will do the same when they get married.
But again, that original question was asked by the girlfriend of a guy whose two little boys wanted to call her mom, and the boyfriend wasn't comfortable with it.
WAY different situation. It seemed pretty clear the guy was using her as a free babysitter (not a life mate) so why encourage those two innocent children to form such a bond with her?
I J. don't know. I commend you on your feelings. I am totally impressed with what you wrote because I think in this aspect you're a better person than I.
I think it would hurt M. if my kids had called another woman mom if my marriage ended. I am Mom. I was the one who wiped their eyes from tears, I'm the one who chased the boogie man away at night, I'm the one who spanked their bottoms when they wrote their name on the wall. I am the one who has loved them more than life itself and I'm the one who would die for them. I know it should be up to the kids and I totally get that but I guess I'm hung up on the title. Thankfully, I was never put in that position since I'm not divorced and I am mom, mommy and Mother!! =)
You are an amazing woman and I totally admire you.
ONE BIG HAPPY.....life would be so much easier if the adults behaved like mature adults.
A lack of security, self-esteem issues, & selfishness.....factor into this decision. & I hate how destructive it is to the child's peace of mind.
My Mom has 2 daughters + many other women she calls her daughters. My Sis & I applaud this! We love & embrace this sense of family & community.
We recently attended funerals for two of our childhood/neighborhood Dads. With each funeral, the daughters had always considered our Mom.....their 2nd Mom. Growing up, we all felt blessed with this additional support & love. With both funerals, the daughters fell into our Mom's arms & bawled. With both families, Mom was thanked & loved. & My Sis & I were so proud. & yes, at times, those daughters called her "Mom"....even in the presence of their own moms. A blessing by all involved. :)
& the same holds true for my Mom's extra grandkids. Thru the years, she's adopted many, many children.....& they all call her "Grandma". Her biological grandchildren consider this an Honor. We taught them well.
You have the right to do whatever you desire if the entire family (mom and dad) are in agreement. Sounds like you've made up your mind so not sure what you're looking for except for those to tell you why they think you're wrong. I can go down a long list of reasons that I'm sure you've already heard. You are in a very very small minority. Most are going to disagree with your opinion but you do what you think is best for your family. The outcome down the road may not be as peachy as you expect but you can only make decisions based on today. You J. sound very feisty about the topic as if it struck a nerve and by putting this out there you're only going to get a majority of negative feed back, so again, not sure what you're looking for. Do what you think is right knowing that you are going to come across many who do not agree down the road and some who are confused on who the father and mother of your child is, especially in school and in legal matters. J. be prepared.
K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
Actually in many families the grandparents have different names. My DS has grandma, grandpa and nana (paternal grandfather would have been pops had he been alive when DS was born). My sister's kids have grandma, grandpa, grammy and pap. In many families these are negotiated names - picked before the children are even verbal. I see nothing sad about this.
If I die, I hope my son gets another mom. If I don't - nope - he has one already.
It is tough having people with the same name. There were 3 Aidens in my son's preschool class - they are Aiden P, Aden S and Aiden Z. Otherwise the kids would have been confused all the time.
Well, we've got beating a dead horse down to a science.
Birth mother, step mother, adopted mother - all good and traditional ways of being called Mom.
I J. thought of another one - when you marry and your MIL says "J. call M. Mom".
I would send tons of flowers to you if I could! So well said. I've had similar thoughts for my own daughter. Unfortunately, that will not happen as my EH girlfriend (wth whom he has two children with but no ploans to marry) is way too insecure for that. She cannot stand the thought of him having any contact with M. but must bear it because we share a daughter. I have friends who do have this and they are a wonderfully happy family. Your daughter is blessed to have such a straight thinking mother.
People may come and go out of my children's lives, but one thing that will never, ever change is that I am their mother. No one else can claim that role in their lives no matter how much they love them. Therefore, I reserve all rights to be called "Mom". I personally think it's confusing for the child to call a step-parent or significant other "Mom" or "Dad", especially if the bio-parents are present. I couldn't even dream of calling my stepmother, "Mom", no matter how deserving anyone else thinks it is. It's completely disrespectful to my own mother.
Imagine having your kids try to tell their teacher "My dad is picking M. up at carpool. No, not that Dad, the other one." Weird.
My children don't call all their grandparents "Grandma or Grandpa." They all each have their own unique names, which makes it special. I could see a child calling a stepparent by a pet name that they share. I called my grandma "Moo", and it was our special thing. No one else called her that. Anyway, that's J. my opinion. You do what you want! Different strokes for different folks!
I agree. I'd want the titles to be earned by good people and it be completely up to the child but otherwise, I agree that it's hard enough on the children of divorce so if this makes it easier, the "adults" should put their egos aside.
This really sounds like a matter of very personal opinion. Maybe it is selfish or maybe not, but I don't think that either way is wrong. If you love the idea, then great for you and anybody in your life who takes that route.
I think that sometimes in very young children, it's important to the family dynamic that a distinction be made. Sometimes it's a boundary issue. I've known of little ones who use the same handle for multiple relatives and then become confused when they start learning about family relations.
Don't take it so personally that there are women in this world who feel such a way about their relationships with their children that they strive to keep it unique in name. I mean, I'm sure that they welcome love for their children from every angle, so why not let them have this word to themselves if it helps them to do their job that much better?
Sort of piggy backing on the school comment, also teach her to J. deal with misunderstandings. My SD quickly learned that the teacher meant no harm by referring to M. and saying, "take this over to your mom". SS once had someone meet us as his "parents" and later asked him how he was so tall when his mom was so short - she'd never met his biomom. Similar things happened with their now xSF. Take such comments in stride. Families like these are venn diagrams.
The flipside of not being "mom" is that I'm also trying to show people that stepparents can be loving and caring and not the evil people in movies and fairy tales. Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if people didn't go "Oh. She's J. the stepmom."
Well, I can tell you that my mom has divorced parents. She did not get along with either her step mom or her step dad. So they remained Paul and Lily.
However, when we were born my dad put his foot down and said that we were going to call them grandma and grandpa.
Let M. tell you, I'm glad that he did. My step grandmother has been more of a grandmother than my bio one.
J. my story here. I agree with you. I know it's so very hard and it stings the mom, but it's not about MOM it's about the child. If she has a loving parental figure and she decides on her own to call her mom, then so be it.
I do not think calling someone "mom" degrades bio mom or puts some sort of magic spell on a kid that makes her think that person has control of her either.
My SD refers to/calls her mom's husband as Dad. She has younger siblings and lives with them all full time. It only makes sense and makes her feel like a complete family. It was h*** o* my husband at first, but he gets it.
She introduces M. as her other Mom and refers to M. as Mom but I have always been Stephie to her, even at 17 that's what she calls M.. It's sweet. I like it and that's what she is comfortable with.
All 4 of us (the parents) have done our best to communicate and keep everything open and comfortable as we could for her and have allowed her to establish her own boundaries. It's about her and making sure she knows how much we all love her.
ETA: I must say that I LOVE Sherri G.'s response!!
I agree with you. Emmy is still pretty little right? I think correcting her will make her feel bad, like she shouldnt be that comfortable with your boyfriend.
Shoot, my kids always accidently call their teachers mom, or in my daughters case this year dad because he is a male.
I think it is pretty normal.
I am glad your b/f is comfortable with it too and doesnt correct her.
Of course I wouldnt force it, but if thats what she was comfortable with, I dont see why its a big deal.
I'm not divorced but I feel the same way! If my husband found someone who loved my kids and treated them right I'd have no issues!
IF I had a step mother worthy of it I think I would have called her "Mom" too and my mom would have been fine with it, come to think of it I think my dad would be as well. I have called my close friends' parents "Mom" and "Dad" and my friends pretty much ALL call my mom "Mom" and mean it when they say it. So, I can understand where you are coming from. I can say that it might hurt at first for M. should I be in your shoes but I can respect your outlook. My nephew chose to call his dads "Daddy Bob" (fake name) and "Daddy Mike" to keep them straight and both bio and step were fine with it.
I hope to be like you when I grow up. You are amazingly well adjusted! I admit, I am so not where you are--and will probably never be. Kudos girl!
Molly, you are so right! I remember in 3rd grade having a question and calling my teacher , 'mama', before asking the quesiton. I was so embarrassed. The teacher seemed so happy and said not to worry, it has happened before!
Wow! All I have to say is Preach it Sister! It's not my kids fault that I chose an awful spouse; it's not their fault that after counseling, etc. we could not work out our differences.........
Sure - probably the first time I heard the kids refer to another as 'mom' it would pull at my heart strings but I would be happy that they have a woman in their fathers life that cares enough and is a role model enough to make them happy and comfortable.
I J. wish our culture would come up with specific names for these relationships so that it is less confusing for people who have to deal with your dd, I would say less confusing for her as well but apparently she has no issues with who these people are to her.
I don't think Step dad has to mean anything awful, why wouldn't she J. call him that.
because you aren't married yet. ok then so sure Dad fits. i guess. why not. you know the guy down the street is pretty nice to my kids i guess i'll tell them to call him dad too, and ds teacher is pretty awesome he can be dad too, and the baseball coachthat gave my son a lift home from the game and gave him a pep talk would qualitfy too. because now the title dad means anyone that is nice. I belive that is why some people would like to preserve the title of mom or dad. and let step parents be step parents.
I like your attitude. Good for you.
Good for you. It's probably easier to accept this because YOU chose the divorce. When there is hostility, hatred, resentment, then that's when it becomes harder to hear those words from your child.
What if you despise the new step parent, how would you feel then?
Also I would bet that the majority of kids refer to the step parent as mom or dad when in a situation like at school, or other public places; it's J. easier and less embarrassing.
Also what happens if you and your significant other separate/divorce; how hard would that be on your child and the next man that comes into your life?
I think it's fine for kids to call a stepparent mom or dad. I actually think it's healthy, especially when all involved adults have a respectful relationship with each other.
I don't even think that you have to be married to "earn" that title, I know many people in long term committed relationships that have been together for longer than others are married.
I do believe however that for the sake of your kids's well being you should be in a relationship in which both parties agree that they are in it for the long haul (whether that means marriage or not) before you take on the role of stepparent. That does not only go for calling the stepparent mom or dad, but for any emotional involvement of the children with the prospective step parent.
I am a child of divorce and so are my friends. I only had one stepparent that my mom dated for 10+ years - when that went south she had the good sense of not bringing around any more casual partners. I know many people whose parents divorced and they grew up with 3,4,5 or more "moms" or "dads". Most of them do not speak kindly about the parent that brought one person after another home.
I hope everything works out for your family.
Good luck!
I second Sharri G. My oldest called my husband daddy before he adopted him. There was no reason not to. But it should be up to the kid and not forced on them.
Many people get the title Mom or Dad without biology being a factor. I didn't become a Mom by giving birth. I've earned it by being motherly. If I got divorced, I wouldn't want my daughters to have to pick sides in a situation that wasn't their choosing to begin with.
I suppose I'm a hypocrite, but here goes:
I adore my husband, and we are committed to being together for the rest of both our lives. That said, if I were to precede my husband in death, I would hate the idea of Kiddo calling anyone "mom" but M.. Selfish? Sure.
However, I would be dead. So, that's kind of a moot point. ;)
That said, I have two dads whom I call 'Dad' when speaking to them. I refer to them usually by their first names when speaking of them to others (besides their kids) because my husband would be confused as to which Dad I was referring to. I grew up calling my adoptive dad "Dad" and my bio dad (when I met him at 14) by his first name. And then that reversed for a while in my twenties and early thirties. However, over the past several years, it's been good to have 'that sort' of relationship with both men: the one whose DNA and so much more I inherited AND the one who raised M. up when I was little. Being able to call them both "Dad" offers my son a fuller family, and is indicative of how far we've all come.
Sorry, no definitive answer, but this is my take on it anyway.
couldn't agree more! Our kids need as many loving adults in their lives to guide them as they can have, and if they manage to have more than 1 Mom and Dad....... awesome! :)
