Internet, Cell Phone and Kids..... How Do You Deal?

So sad that the world has given kids these gadgets. The 70's were so much easier....With that being said, there has to be rules !

Gadgets get to be used after hw and chores.
Let them have them from 7 -9 pm. *****Then, the other important thing is that they go on the kitchen table for the NIGHT.

When my kid was 16---I would look at the phone bet 1 and 2 am. All her friends were under the covers texting. The parents would always wonder why the kids were tired and grades weren't so hot.

My child put the phone on the table (M - F) at 9pm, otherwise, it was mine for 48 hrs. It worked like a charm. It worked the BEST when I got tested. I got to have the phone for 48 hrs. It never happened again.

The thing the kids try to use----I need it for my homework ! Then, they end up texting !

We are the parents and we make the rules ! If it were up to the kids, they be texting, etc....all night long!

Eye doctors and hand doctors---even physical therapists are seeing patients younger and younger ! When I was at physical theraphy this past summer, an 11 yr old boy was being worked on because he sat in a recliner (slouched) texting and his neck and back were already taking a toll.....

Take the phones away, and when they are done with homework and chores they can have them back.

I went to a friend's house and she had a "phone check in" basket by the door. The kids (12 and 13) had to check their phones in after school and got them back after dinner, as long as homework and chores were done. She said she just picks up the basket and places it on top of the fridge until then.

It seemed simple but it also worked great for her!

Try pulling the plug.
Screen time is not a right.
It's a privilege.
They constantly earn privileges with good behavior - good grades and chores completed.
If they didn't earn their screen time then they get none.
It makes things very simple.

Our oldest is 11 so we don't have any phones yet but do have plenty of electronics. On a regular (no activities) school day, our rule is that the kids get 45 minutes after school for a snack, to relax, whatever. Then homework time starts and there is nothing but homework (except dinner if they don't finish before dinner) until homework is done.

I know many people set a specific time limit for "screen time". My kids are very active and typically choose to be outside during free time whenever possible so I haven't felt the need to set a specific time limit. If I feel they have had too much one day I just tell them no more screens for the rest of the day.

We also have a mandatory half hour of reading before bed. At this age they have reading as part of homework everyday and with that plus before bed reading, I feel they get a decent amount of free reading as well. My 2 oldest have found several series that they love and will often choose to read rather than use electronics/watch tv.

My kids don't have cell phones and won't until they are able to pay for them, but they do have lots of other electronics. We practice "delayed gratification". Electronics are used only after we have done our homework and chores.

They don't have phone privileges yet because we can't afford to add them to our calling plan. They do have our old cell phones and play games on them a lot. They play on them anywhere there is a wifi signal. We do NOT pay anything for them to have internet/data on the old cell phones. They download music, videos, games, and more all free.

They can be on the computer or the cells or watching TV after chores are done. I enjoy watching TV and it's almost always on. They have TV's to watch but they are set to designated channels. Her TV has a few older tween shows allowed but his is all cartoons I've approved. I don't make them watch educational TV either. He watches Spongebob to his hearts content. I don't care. She watches her tween shows but I don't let her watch shows that deal with who this one or that one should date or anything like that. There are shows she absolutely is not allowed to watch such as Shake It Up. The one episode we watched together showed the girls, age 13, sneaking out to go to a party. It was a misunderstanding but they took risks and showed the kids something they hadn't thought of yet. So it's nixed.

I let them be on the computer too. It's right in front of everyone in the house. All our computers are in the living room. That way we can see and hear everything they are doing.

I think that our society has changed and it's really not a big deal for kids to be using electronics. If they get their chores done they can be on the rest of the evening. Period.

They get tired of being on them on their own and put them down so they can go outside or pick up a book or come sit down beside me and talk.

I also have the most powerful leverage I can imagine if they don't do everything I want. The boy got in trouble for something and he was grounded from my old cell for half an hour. He sat down beside me and didn't move for that half hour. Then he got up and went and did what I'd asked him to do.

I would get them very very limited data plans or none at all or a pay as you go phone that will stop allowing calls except for emergencies. I also like the idea of turning off the service during certain hours, but I think that needs to come with a discussion about what is going on. Frankly, at 11, my SD was not responsible at all with her phone. My own DD will not get a phone that young and when she does, it will be in my possession at night and charged in my room. I had not as much control over the sks' phone use (not our dime) but if anything, be it a video game or computer time, was keeping them from doing well, they lost that option. So if their grades are bad and/or you think they need to pitch in, hold the phones (literally) til their "needs" are done before they can do what they "want" - be on the phone. Kids won't automagically jump in on things like chores. They have to be directed and shown. If kids just automatically did the things people want them to do, then we'd all be lizards and hatched from eggs.

who carries your cell phone?? If it's Verizon? There is a parental control you can use to shut their phones off...limit their time on their phones, etc.

Maybe instead of suggesting what you want done? TELL THEM what needs to be done and have consequences for not following through???

Do NOT try and be their friend, be their parent and tell them to PUT THEIR PHONES DOWN AND TURN THEM OFF...it's really that simple. So what if they get mad?? YOU ARE THE PARENT...

Set up rules.
Set up to-do lists and what they are responsible for. At 11 and 16 BOTH should be able to set the table and help prepare dinner.
They should be able to do their own laundry.
They should be able to run a vacuum cleaner and clean up after themselves.

Education is priority - it's their JOB to get good grades and succeed in school. Phones and internet are low on totem pole.

Quite honestly, I don't deal very well with this. We're struggling. However, with my 7th grader, I am encouraged that we found something that works. We turn phone service and Wi-Fi access off for certain times during the school week for a couple of hours. Once my DD spends those hours doing homework (or reading if she claims she doesn't have any), we turn the service back on. It worked really well one night last week after dinner. We simply went to our Verizon Account (with family base plan) and turned off service between 6:30-9:00. Then we went to our home Wi-Fi and did the same thing. This works so, so, so much better than us physically "taking" the phone from her. I don't know why. It just does. She actually did homework, and felt good when it was done that she had her phone service back on to text her friends before going to bed. We tried letting her do homework and have her phone at the same time, but it didn't work at all. She just doesn't have the will power to stop messing with the phone and focus on homework. My 15 year old is a little better at this, but she has other challenges.

Editing to add: Turning off the Wi-Fi doesn't inconvenience us at all because we can turn of access to individual phones or laptops while the others stay on. We also have internet home phone service and it is unaffected when we block Wi-Fi to our kids computers or cells. So though it may not work for everyone's home set up, it is possible. It's not much different in theory. Our kids don't have earn their physical devices through responsibilities, they have to "earn" the service. If they mess around and get nothing done, it remains off until homework/chores are done.

It's bitter sweet. My daughter would much rather hang out with friends, but the kids on our street don't come outside. They must be inside their homes playing on their electronics.

Anyway, it keeps her busy when she is not playing sports. In our home, our daughter always has an outdoor activity, whether it be hockey, figure skating, or tennis. If she has downtime for too long, my husband will take her for a drop in class somewhere.

So she is on the computer watching youtube cartoons or playing some mochi monster thing in the morning after she is dressed for school and sometimes in the evening. Otherwise, she is busy with homework or sports.

If you pay for the phones and the service, you get to make the decisions about usage. Period.

Most cell phone providers have parental control settings (times when phones can be used, limits, etc). If you don't know how to do this, or if your kids' phones don't have this feature, you should talk to your provider or switch.

You might try something more concrete than just thinking about this. I love written contracts that are signed by all. Establish some rules (no phones after 10 pm, or 8 pm or whenever, and at that time they go in a designated safe place out of the the kid's room), no texting or calling during the school day except for a crisis (and you can check online to see their usage), etc. And state what grades or school performance is acceptable. Don't insist on perfection, but determine what your girls are capable of, realistically, such as Bs and above plus no tardy notices, for example.

Create a job chart. Get everyone involved in this, and make the rule that no compliance with the chores means no phones. Vague things like "showing interest" and "being involved more" will leave everyone wondering about what the standards are. Saying "Ann, you are responsible for unloading the dishwasher every morning before school" or "Jeanne, your chore is to vacuum and sweep the floors every Saturday morning", or when to feed the dog, etc. Specific standards and organization lead to better compliance. If the chores aren't done, the phones are confiscated. You can put the phones in your husband's car when he goes to work and that way there's no way your girls can get to them until those chores are done. My husband once had the Xbox controllers locked in his desk at work for a week after my kids had a particularly bad week with school and chores and attitudes.

well, turning off the wifi would work, i guess, but it would inconvenience you and wouldn't actually teach your kids anything about appropriate usage of electronics.
i much prefer ms. may's idea of a phone basket. into the basket as soon as they get home, and they can 'earn' the right to take 'em out after they've done their chores and schoolwork.
khairete
S.

Not sure if someone mentioned this already, but turning off the WiFi won't work because your kids surely need it to get their homework done. My 13-year-old views all her assignments on the school's online assignments system every day and has to go online to complete and submit many of her assignments in nearly every class. In geometry she must watch online videos of the teacher's lectures every day. So just turning off WiFi isn't an answer, unless your kids are in a pretty archaic school where nothing is done online.

I agree with your taking possession of the phones yourself for certain periods, whether via a phone basket (love that idea) or something else. Be sure to do it with advance notice the first time; have a family meeting (include your husband or significant other and be sure he backs you 100 percent and will do the phone-taking duty if you are not around) and set out the rules.

At the same meeting, have a chore chart ready for all the family -- not just the kids but you and your SO as well, so the kids see that all of you have roles to play. Connect the use of their personal phones to their performance of chores if you want, or don't -- that's up to you -- but ensure that you are consistent, whatever you do. If they fuss that they must have a "payment" for chores, explain that there are chores that must be done to keep a household functioning, and the reward for doing those is a functioning household.

Also, if your kids' computers are in their rooms, and you think they are going online to sites for reasons other than schoolwork during schoolwork times, then move the computers to a very public area like the kitchen or living room. The kids will fuss and fume but you have to stick to this; consider whether they can earn back the right to have computers elsewhere IF they prove they can get work done and not drag out homework time by going onto non-schoolwork web sites.

The other way to cut phone usage is to make their phones into PHONES and not Internet devices. If the kids are really rude or resistant about limiting their phone use, I would then turn their smartphones into mere phones and halt their abilities to surf or text or get on Instagram or other things, assuming that's what they're mostly doing. Again, they might be able to earn that back. I wouldn't go this route, though, unless they are really unpleasantly resistant. Don't threaten it unless you really will do it to their phones. But yeah, I for one would do it if warranted.

Our family uses phones to make calls, and that's it. No surfing (and no, we don't have smartphones). Our middle schooler does not have a phone at all because we consider phones to be for needed communication, not for surfing or taking photos or checking in with friends -- she uses plain old e-mail on a computer for that and doesn't need a phone to reach us since she's either at school or at places like activities where we're nearby and there are phones she can use.

You are the one who pays the phone and internet bills. Therefore, you are the one who gets to say when and for how long they are allowed to use said phone ans internet.
When you feel they have had enough time, tell them to turn it off.