Introducing a New Baby

My baby boy was 19 months when his little sister was born. For months before she was born we read a really sweet book called "I'm a big brother" by Ronne Randall and we read "The Baby Sister" by Tomie DePaola. What I liked about the second book was that it was really positive. A lot of new baby books focus on the negative and at that age kids are like sponges.
To be honest, in the beginning it was rough. Whenever I held the baby he wanted to be held too. Sometimes they were both crying and I was like, "HELP!" But in a few months everything worked out and now they love each other very much and even play together.

Good luck!

My two children are 20 months apart. When my daughter (E.) was in my belly, we did explain to my son (Stephen) that a baby was inside. Once we brought E. home, we made sure that Stephen did not feel that all the attention was on her. Actually we gave him more attention and put him in charge of getting the diapers or burp clothes or anything he could do to help. My daughter was born at 34 weeks (6 weeks early), so she was in the NICU for 10 days. During that time, I learned a lot from the nurses and staff. They told me to give more attention to the first child because they are cognizant of what is going on. The infant is just an infant, she will only need to be fed, change diaper, and sleep. When she is sleeping, then spend quality time with the first one. If you need more time with the second child for whatever reason, make sure that there is someone who is in charge of the first child and interacting with them. For the first month after I brought E. home, I had someone over everyday to occupy Stephen's time so that I could focus on breastfeeding E.. With her prematurity, she had some apnea and could not take a bottle. I was very nervous with her and wanted to give her all (I mean, most) of my attention in the beginning. She is thriving now and amazing! The main point is that Stephen never felt threatened by her. I always put him in charge of something. And when she would cry, I would explain to him why I thought she was crying and what we could do to soothe her i.e. feed her or change her diaper, etc. Stephen is a very caring boy, so it has been nice seeing him be the big brother. My daughter (who is 19 months now) simply adores him.

Oh, let me mention that I sent Stephen to a daycare that our neighbor was running out of her home. He didn't really love it there, but I needed to focus on E.. After about six weeks, I took him out and was okay with having the two of them at home with me. E. out grew her apnea by then. Shortly after that, when Stephen was 2 years and 4 months I sent him to a pre-school from 9am-11:30am three days a week. He needed the social interaction. This year, Stephen is 3 and we sent him to a great nearby Montessori school where he is thriving. E. is still with me at home and we have a great time.

I wish you a safe and healthy delivery for baby #2! Did you have a vaginal birth the first time around? Well, if so, the second time around is SO SO much quicker! My first delivery was textbook with the mucous plug coming out 2 days before the water breaking and etc. But with my daughter, the water never broke but I did have regular contractions. My husband didn't believe me when I said she is coming because it was so early. He even had a golf tournament scheduled in CA the week after she came. He was trying to get in as much golf as possible before baby #2. He went anyway (that's for a whole other story.)

Your transition to having two will be fun. Each of you can take care of one of them. Just make sure that your husband steps up to the plate.

Talk to you soon! Do you know what you are having? Both of ours were a surprise.

Hi E., Does the hospital your going to have a siblings tour? The hospital I used had us take a tour of the nursery and see the room that mommy was staying in and I did this when I was a few days away from my due date. We also purchased a baby doll for my son so he could take care of his own baby when mommy took care of her new baby. Also check the local library for some books to read to him about a new baby in the family. I think it really helped he never had any jealousy for his baby sister. Hope this helps.
K.

Hi E.,
Congratulations! I don't have any direct advice to give as I have only little one so far, but I wanted to share with you that the hospital where I delivered had a free "birthday party" program. It was an evening session held once a month at the hospital for children who were expecting the arrival of a little brother or sister. They had cake and balloons, but most importantly they helped the children (and their parents) understand what to expect. You might inquire at your hospital to see if they have a similar program.

As one who had three babies; a 2 year old, 1 year old
and newborn, let me tell you. At 15 months, they just
take it in stride. Just make sure when you are feeding
the baby he has something to occupy him. I found this
was the biggest issue. When I fed one, the other had to
have a bottle sitting next to me. That ended in about
two weeks. I think my kids thought everytime I left the
house, a baby came back with me. When I had my fourth,
three years later, they all just loved the new baby.
Don't think you will have any problems. He will poke
and say baby and go one with his life. Good luck.
I loved having my babies close. Now they are all very,
very close at ages 32, 31, 30 and 27. Glad I did it
that way and I think you will be too.

My daughter was 16 months when my son was born and she was wonderful from the second we brought him home. We spent the pregnancy talking about him by name, so that she would hear his name and talk about him with us. We had his room set up and she would play in his room and his crib and see all his clothes and things. We'd tell her that this is his room and his crib, etc. We let her pick out a couple things for his room, so that she was part of the process of getting ready. When he was born, she picked out a puppy at the gift shop for when her Gramma brought her up to the room to meet her brother. She put it right on top of him in the bassinett. At the hospital, she was unsure about the whole thing, mostly I think because the hospital is not a comfortable environment for her. By the time we brought him home the next morning, she loved him and wanted to help bring him things to make him happy and warm. She wanted to give him hugs and kisses and hold him. He's 9 months now and I don't think she remembers when he wasn't here. They can't get enough of each other.

Congratulations, E.! And Happy Thanksgiving!

Our children are 16 months apart (our 1st 2)...there wasn't a whole lot we did to prepare our daughter for the new arrival, because she was just a baby herself...I did buy her a baby doll and a receiving blanket so it was familiar to her.

One thing I would suggest is that you aren't holding the new baby the first time your children meet...whether it's in the hospital or at home...also, you could buy a little stuffed animal for him to give to his new sibling...or, better yet...buy your son a gift from the new baby...

Lindsay, even at 16 months, LOVED to hold Joey, so we let her whenever she asked...obviously with tons of supervision! She was "mommy's super-duper big girl helper" and fetched diapers for me, and blankets, even when we didn't need them, it kept her busy and involved...she loved to throw the diapers in the trash can, too!

Also, whenever the new baby is sleeping, even though you'll be tired, play lots with him and reassure him he's still your baby as well...

It's great having kids so close together! Lots of work, but worth it to see their lifelong bond form...best wishes to you!

J.

Mykids are 15 mos apart and like someone else said, we talked about the baby by name so he wasntt an "alien" when he came home. My daughter came to see us in the hospital and couldn't care less. She was actually more interested in the rest of the babies:) Since they are so close in age I know she does not remember a time without her baby brother. We did the whole doll thing, but again, she was like "whatever". As long as she got her attention, she was fine.

When I was in the hospital, I was worried that she might miss me and her dad, but she was so spoiled ROTTEN (lol) by Grandma, Grandpa and her Aunt Jenny that I was upset because she DIDN'T miss me!!!! lol. Now they are the best of friends at 2 and 3. They all adjust so fast and it all works out. Congrats to you and yours!!!!!

My first two children are 15 months apart.
When we brought our second son home from the hospital -- we also brought home a fun Little Tykes ride-on car.

Then we announced "Look at your new baby brother and look what he bought for you!"

Bribery, yes... but smooth sailing!

Good luck!
I'm sure they'll be the best of friends!

L.

Hi E., Congratulations and good wishes. You should not have too much trouble with a 16 month old, although there is always a personality issue. My first 3 were very close, 13 mos. and then 15 months. No problems. They were all babies together. When 4 and 5 came along (16 months apart) the older one was jealous but that was him. They now get along great. There are nice books about a new baby in the family. I also had a doll for my child to have his own baby. Let your son know how happy you will be to have him help as a big brother. Try to accent the positive and not too much "you can't touch or do to the baby" You will need to be around to observe. I am sure all will be well. Grandma Mary

You really don't need to do anything since he's so young. My 2nd baby was born when the first was 20 months, and the 3rd came along when the 2nd was 23 months and neither really understood fully what was happening until the baby came home, and then they were both madly in love with their new baby (we called it "their baby" or "their brother/sister" to help with the transitions). We also had great family/friends who thoughtfully sent small gifts for the older children along with the baby gift - it was less about celebrating us getting a new baby and more about them becoming big brothers. We read a lot of books - our library helped tremendously to choose appropriate books. On the way to the hospital to meet "Will's baby brother", Will and my husband stopped to buy the baby a gift, and when we all got home from the hospital there was s gift waiting for Will from the baby. For our 3rd, we had the boys paint pictures and framed them for the baby and put them in her room for when she came out/home.
Good luck to you! 17 months apart will be really challenging for the 1st year and get easier with every milestone (smiling, sitting, walking, etc), but it is so wonderful to watch them become best friends (and someday they'll also keep each other busy). (my kids are now 3-1/2, 2 and 2 months).

Hi E.,
Congratulations on your pregnancy! With a baby under 1 1/2 years, there is no way to prepare him ahead of time. You can talk about the baby plenty - and should - but he does not have the language and reasoning skills to understand that a tiny newborn baby is coming to live in his house. Most kids, even preschoolers, don't understand what a newborn baby is, and are surprised that it doesn't do anything because usually they've seen older babies, who are sitting up, rolling a ball, clapping hands, etc.
If you are giving birth in a hospital or birth center, most older siblings are brought by daddy or grandparent to visit mom and meet their new brother or sister. This is a good idea, and should be done at a time where you can send the other visitors away. Tempting as it might be for them to stay around and watch the introduction, it doesn't help your child to understand that the family unit has changed and is now mommy, daddy, himself and baby. It also helps if the baby comes with a present for big sibling. When I gave birth to my 2nd baby (at home), I made sure that when his 4 year old sister came home to meet him the next morning, there was a photo of her in his cosleeper, to show how important she was to the baby
When you come home, there's not much more you can do. The baby is there. Your son will get the idea. He may ask when baby is leaving, you may need to reinforce that baby is staying forever and one day will be a bigger boy like him. However, keep in mind how very young your son is - don't let other people treat him as if he is expected to be a big boy now that you have a baby. At 1 1/2, he is a baby and shouldn't have different expectations than a 1 1/2 year old who has no baby sibling.
Don't stress over not being able to make him understand. At this age, they are very accepting and if his routine can stay as close to normal as possible, it will be a good thing for him during the transition.
Good luck and enjoy being a mom of two!