Is It So Terrible to Want a Little Privacy After Giving Birth?

no you are not be unreasonable and i would tell each and everyone of them that i meant what i said! and if they can't understand that.....OH WELL??!!!

I hear you!! I am due with my second very soon and the only ones that will be there is going to be me and my husband.... PERIOD! He agrees though, thankfully! No you are not being unreasonable!

I am sooooooo like you, even worse! I did not want anyone coming in at all. I wanted peace and quiet. I made my husband wait also until the baby was born and I had my private time to just breath! I am with you all the way.

Just go crazy in the delivery room. The doctors and nurses will follow your wishes even if your husband does not. If you flip your lid they'll hustle him and everyone else out to keep the process smooth. That's what I had to do. I had an emergency c-section and people were crawling all over my recovery room and the flow of people was never ending. I was getting pissed that I didn't have a moment to myself. I tried to tell them I was tired and wanted to rest. People weren't listening to me so I just let loose and started screeching GET OUT GET OUT I WANT YOU OUT GET OUT! THIS ISN'T A WAKE! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Nothing like a crazy postpartum woman to make people scatter like cockroaches when the lights turn on. They all forgave me later explaining my behavior away as "just all the stress". Whatever they need to tell themselves to feel better. The reality is they were clods who weren't taking my feelings into consideration when they decided to visit for six hour stretches and make camp in my recovery room.

If your husband won't listen to you then screw him. You are the one giving birth and you get to decide how it's going to happen. It's your vagina, not an exhibit at a museum. It's great that he's proud but he can be proud from the waiting room.

If you want privacy after the delivery tell your doctor and the nurses what you want and since YOU are their patient, not your husband, your wishes will be followed. Stand up for yourself. Your husband can lick his wounds after his brand new child is in his arms.

When I had my daughter, my nurse gave me a "code word". She told me that if I needed to be left alone for a little while I should ask for a green popscicle. That would be her cue to get everyone out of the room. That way she was the bad guy and not me. She was a wonderful nurse! You might try something like that if you can get your nurse alone for a few minutes. Good luck and congrats. on your new baby.

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You are the patient at the hospital. No one including your husband can decide who comes in your room. Check in and tell the nurses you want no visitors for said amount of time. Your husband can give updates to his hearts content but you decide who you see and when. Tell him to get with the program or he can stay home too. You are NOT being unreasonable.. Frankly, if you want to wait until you come home for visitors, that is your perogative. I guess you should be happy they don't want to be in the delivery room :)

You are being very reasonable. I wonder why your husband and family won't honor your wishes. Doesn't matter if they think it's reasonable or not. What happened to respect for the wished of the person who you love?

For me, this would be a very important issue. I'd find a way to resolve this with my husband right away. If he does this with other wishes of yours, I'd seek counseling.

He can keep family members updated as often as he wishes but he needs to respect your request that he keep them out of your room and that he be with you as much as you want. You are the person giving birth. When he gives birth, he gets to call the shots. LOL

You might ask him how he'd feel if he had major surgery and you invited your family in to visit while he's recovering. If he hasn't had surgery he probably won't understand. Perhaps there has been another event in his life that you could compare with this situation.

I'm still feeling blown away. He loves you. Right? You have gone thru a pregnancy so that he can have a child. Why won't he respect you and your wishes?

You can tell your nurses and the nurses station to not allow visitors. It's been my experience that they will honor your wishes. When my daughter was in labor, her dad arrived and asked to be shown her room. The nurse asked my daughter, first, if this was OK. She said yes, but asked that he wait outside. He came down the hall and I went outside to meet him. He immediately asked how she was doing and said he understood waiting outside. I have warm feelings still about his understanding response.

I also suggest that you talk with family members now, before you're on the way to the hospital about your wishes. Be diplomatic and without complaining about last time and I would think that they would agree to not come into the room. They may want to be at the hospital to support your husband and that seems appropriate to me unless their presence keeps him from supporting you. His priority should be you and your needs and wishes.

No you are not being unreasonable...stick to your guns!

There is no reason hubby can not call and tell the family what is happening...but he should also tell them that he will call them WHEN they can come up and meet the new baby! Very reasonable request!

All 3 of my deliveries were similar to yours about people being there right after and as soon as we got home and they were all exhausting! If I had to do it over again, I would do it this way FOR SURE!

NO -I MANDATED that no one would be in the delivery room or calling me or coming into any room before I gave the go-ahead with both of my births. As I see it, I'm the one giving birth and everyone else can stick it if they don't like it! I allowed our parents to come in and see the baby each time around 30 minutes or so after he was born, but the thought of our mothers swirling around while I was in labor or being there the minute I gave birth was not something I was willing to deal with. They didn't necessarily like it, but they got over it!

Not at all! I was very lucky in that the nurses at our hospital made a point of telling us that visitors were up to me, and they would be the bad guys for us. You might try talking to the nurse ahead of time and tell her your wishes. Hopefully she/he will be more of an advocate than the last one. You might get a pretty good idea fairly quickly. If you feel like your nurse will be unhelpful, ask to speak to the nursing supervisor. Make someone listen.

Not unreasonable at all. I'm surprised the hospital hasn't thrown out that many people. Was your last birth before the H1N1 rules were in place, because they might have a much harder time mobbing you now as they did before. Inform your Dr and hospital of your wishes (they should listen to you even if your husband forgets). And hire a doula and have her run crowd control in the hospital and afterward at home.

You are not being unreasonable AT ALL. Having a baby isn't like getting an email or something... emotions aside, is a physically exhausting experience and people should be supportive of your needs, not push you to meet THEIR needs.

Your husband really needs to respect your wishes on this and I encourage you to talk to him about this until he gets it, but try not to argue, you don't want to be mad at him during your delivery.

That said, ultimately, YOU will be a patient in the hospital, NOT HIM. If you don't want visitors, tell the nurses that when you check in. If you need to pull a nurse aside out of earshot of your husband, then do that. When the throngs of family arrive, they'll just be told that you're not taking visitors quite yet, and they are welcome to wait in the reception area until you're ready.

Hope this helps,
T.

My heart goes out to you - my 1st baby was such a similar experience to what you described (going too fast, doctor not showing up, getting sick after) but my husband kept having to leave me to update our families in the waiting room. They just wouldn't stop pestering the nurses! Your doctor and the nurses can only do so much, even if they are on board with supporting this decision. If your family is pacing the halls waiting on you, the nurses might not be able to stop them from tracking you down, short of throwing them out of the hospital altogether. You have to get your husband on the same page with you. My husband wants to call his parents when we leave for the hospital, because they live 2 hours away, but I am dead set against it - I've begged, bribed, and I'm not about threats! There is always the problem of needing someone to watch the older child while you are in labor, but if you have a friend or neighbor that you trust, your family doesn't need to be brought in at all. Best of luck - and please let us know how it works out for you! You deserve some bonding time with this baby.

No you are not being unreasonable. We had the same wishes and fortunately, they were respected by our families. Our families both showed up to the hospital almost the same time I was admitted (I think they wanted to be there just in case we changed our minds lol), but they waited patiently in the lobby until we were ready. And we decided we were ready right before I was moved to recovery. If it were me and my husband was planning to go against my wishes, I would simply tell the nurses you don't want any visitors until you are in recovery. They will be the "bad guy" for you, so you don't have to be in the middle of some family drama.

You are not being unreasonable. This is precious bonding time!

Most hospitals will only allow who the patient wants in the room. When you check in, explain to the staff in the hospital that right after the birth you only want to allow dad and brothers and ask the hospital to have the rest of the crew waiting in the waiting room until you are ready.

My sister felt the same way to the point that she did not let anyone know she was in labor or had had the baby. Though I don't think this is the way to go either, (our mother was in a panic because my sister wouldn't answer the phone and kept calling me to see if I knew where she was. I had just had a baby myself 3 weeks earlier and I did not want to field those calls), I think using the hospital to filter who gets in is a better idea.

When I had my daughter 3 weeks earlier, my mother sat in the waiting room far past the point she needed too. But my husband and I wanted our time not to mention I was throwing up, so we made the hospital keep her at bay. At the same time, she felt included because she was at the hospital and did not know we held her up. With my sister's baby, my mom was angry because she felt that my sister did not trust her by not sharing she was in labor.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope you get the chance to enjoy this precious time with your new little one.

Good luck!

Wow--you are a lot stronger than me. I did not want anybody around me for atleast a day. I did call everybody, but did not want anybody at the hospital until I could atleast shower. I dont blame you for being upset. Maybe your baby will be a middle of the night baby and everybody will be too tired to make such an immediate visit :-)

I think your wish to spend some alone time with your new baby is wonderful.

Personally, if I felt so strongly about not having immediate visitors, I'd PERSONALLY contact them and tell them so. Tell them that your husband plans to call them throughout the birth process to keep them updated, but that you'd like a little bit of time (and be specific - 30 minutes, 2 hours, whatever) to be alone with your baby, and to recuperate after the delivery. I'd make it clear that you will not be accepting visitors before that time. No reason to leave this up to your husband. Take the bull by the horns, be proactive, and tell them yourself. That way, no one will be shocked or offended when they show up, because your husband contacted them, and they are denied access by hospital staff. I definitely think having the hospital personnel on board and aware of your wishes is important for back-up, but I wouldn't rely on them to deliver the news that they can't see you or the baby until you consent. I'd let them know that up front so they know what to expect. And let your husband know that you've told them about your expectations.

Best wishes for a peaceful delivery!!!

I am really surprised your hospital allows that many people in there at all. Tell your doctor who is allowed in and who is not ahead of time. Hospital staff should be able to ensure your privacy when you are not able to. My nurses all assured me that only people I said were welcome would be allowed in to the birth center. Do you have any hospital alternatives? Mine has a birth center where you labor, deliver, and recover in the same room. I was very fortunate I guess that only people I had already invited were there at all. I think it is fine for your husband to update his family by phone as long as that does not mean they are invited to the hospital. Honestly, most people are content to meet a newborn at home after the mom and baby are discharged unless very specifically invited my mom and dad to the hospital. I'd feel awful if I came and was not really wanted, so you should make sure they know not to come. If you are nursing, you also want some time to feed the baby immediately after birth, and it is always much easier to do that with some privacy.

you're kinder than i would be - i would have run all those folks out of my room! i made it clear from the time i was pregnant with my first child that my hospital room was NOT a gathering place or a party. all women are different and have different wants/needs, but for ME personally, i didn't want ANY visitors other than my husband, my mother, and our older kids(with our second and third children). all of our family is out of town, and while my pushy MIL was passive/aggressive and whiney/pouty about not being invited for the births, etc. - i just figure that's one of very few times in life where what I want is what mattered most. in the first couple days, i was trying to get my newborns settled with breastfeeding and just recovering from labor and delivery. i really don't need an audience to look at my boobs, nor do i want to akwardly strain to cover myself up - geez, it's hard enough to nurse a newborn without trying to be modest about it! all my friends knew about how i felt, i was upfront from the beginning, i just don't like hospital visitors period - if i'm sick enough to be in the hospital, i prob don't want 20 ppl gathered around gawking at me. idk, i'm just a private person and never wanted to feel the need to entertain. i had one friend that i was afraid was going to insist on visiting me - so i kept her thinking i was being induced on a friday even though it got changed to thursday at the last minute - so by the time she texted friday afternoon to see how we were, we were already home from the hospital - i just told her it was a last minute change and didn't have time to let anyone know. people are much less likely to invade your home, so we really didn't announce it until we were home. i just like a couple weeks to get my bearings :) stick to your guns, and i hope your hubby will support you without you having to get all worked up about it. when he's the one with the obliterated genitals, he can decide who gets to come and gawk!

you're not being unreasonable at all. With my second one he was a c-section so I saw him 2 hours later, as soon as my son was brought into the room everyone came. they expected me to just hand the baby over to them. I wasn't happy at all and asked everyone to leave. It just wasn't right my stepsister didn't talk to me for like a week because I didn't let anyone hold him. Hello i've carried this baby for 9 months and you better beleive that I am going to hold him as much as i want when I first see him. So with number 3 I told my husband I don't want any one around. Not even my mom or his dad. I want to be able to get into my room and have my first night alone with the baby and husband. You are absolutely in your right to have as much privacy as you want. I would take his phone away from him. But that's just me. By the way you are allowed to tell the nurses and security guards no visitors for the first night or day or first 5 hours. Depending on where you live or what hospital standards you have you should be able to request that.

No, you're not being unreasonable. I told my boyfriend that I wanted a few hours rest after our baby was born before any visitors came. I broke the news to my family and they basically laughed and said, "Well we aren't really coming to see you anyway." Luckily, at the hospital I will be delivering at the nurses have no problem telling family to go home until I say that they are welcome. I told my family that the nurses simply won't allow them in the room until I want them to be in there so they might as well wait for me to call them and tell them that they can come.

So you wanting a 30 minute break is not unreasonable.

I don't think it's terrible at all. You are the one who is carrying this child. Discuss this with your Dr. and the pediatrician who will be taking care of your child. Have a "family" get-together and tell them explicitly what is going to happen. PERIOD. They may be in the waiting room the entire time during your labor/delivery/recovery if they wish but YOU will not have ANYONE (except perhaps you would want your husband to go & get your other children after you catch your breath and greet & bond a while with your newest addition) for at least 2 hours, during which time they can leave the hospital or go & grab something to eat in the cafeteria. That this is the way it will happen, and you expect them to accept your wishes so that you do not have to worry the rest of your pregnancy and during labor. You will let the staff now (IN WRITING - BRING THE LETTER WITH YOU! Plus, give a copy to the Dr. who is going to deliver & the hospital PRIOR to your delivery....You are always allowed to "tour" where you will give birth. Talk to the nurses on hand at the time and express your wishes, how terrible the last birth was, etc....one of them will surely be on duty (put a picture of yourself on the top of the letter - copied) but be sure & bring the letter and have the nurse TAPE it to the door. This is law. Hippa and all that. Explain to your husband that, in fact, if he is going to cause more stress by not agreeing with you, after discussing this with the family NO CELL PHONE will be allowed in the labor/delivery room. He will be allowed to go out & inform family/friends of you or he can have the nurse update as needed. PERIOD. During labor you do not want him mentioning anything that anyone says about "wishing" they were in there. Keep it to himself. He is only to supply you with their encouragement. You need his support, because no matter it is you & your body who will be bringing this baby into the world. When you first get to the hospital, discuss with the nurse your plan for birth, that when you want to be checked, you want to be checked. Period. If she doesn't agree, get the head-nurse on duty and have nurses changed. Then. Tell them, nothing personal but your last birth was a nightmare and that you almost missed the opportunity to have an epidural b/c of the nurse, that your husband felt it was OK to have everyone & their mother in there, and that no matter what he says, it will ONLY be the TWO of you. Period. But, I would surely have the family get together, and do pizzas Period. No fuss, no muss. This is a family meeting and have copies of your labor/delivery plan and then recovery, where it will be ONLY you, your new child and your husband, and then your husband may bring in your other children (when you feel the moment - and they will leave-when you say)....the baby needs to sleep, give mommy a kiss. love you. bye....Others may come in when you feel like it, it may be hours, you may want to sleep. Let them know your wishes, that there will be no cell phone in the labor/delivery/recovery room. The nurses can keep them up-to-date, and they will have the opportunity to take a break after the delivery because you will have your time. They will understand, your husband will not be put on the spot, and you will have the delivery you want. Make certain to tell the nurse, who will be your labor nurse, that you will be checked when you want. Period. Put on a sad smile.....You are the orchestrator of this show afterall......Have a great birth! Plus, a healthy happy new little addition to your family...Early congratulations. (do discuss this every time w/your Dr. and have copies for all other dr.'s in the practice, make certain the dr. understands - and agrees)

You should take time alone! Although it happens probably every second around the world, giving birth is an amazing experience. Think about it, you bring a new human being to life! You and your husband should cherish every moment of that, and if that is impossible with a lot of family and friends around than avoid it. There will be much more time for your family to be with the baby. Times when you are well rested and familiar with your own child - or times when you are exhausted and actually could use their help. Good luck, and congratulations!!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. The hospital I delivered in was very strict about the number of visitors in my room. While I was being induced, my mom and my husband were the ONLY people in my room. My dad came in for a short time, but he didn't handle seeing me in pain well and had to leave.
My induction didn't go well, and I ended up having a c-section. My son made it back upstairs well before I did, as I had some complications. My family and friends that were present got to see my son as he was wheeled off the elevator and through the nursery window and my husband was able to go in the nursery with him and hold him.
Once I got back upstairs, my husband, parents, in-laws, and my grandparents were all in my room but I was in such a medication haze I don't really remember being aggrivated by them. I was the first (other than my hubby) to hold my son, and it wasn't long before most of the family left. My hubby stayed 4 days at the hospital with me and my mom came to stay with me the day after we came home. It was such a treat to come home just to our house without anyone else.

I, too, had a difficult first delivery and many visitors right away when I least wanted them. My in-laws were sitting in the waiting area the entire 12 hours I was in labor. Nice support, I guess, but it stressed me out because I knew they were just waiting to get in. With my second, my parents watched my first when we went to the hospital, but my husband was adamant about notifying his parents when we went, not afterwards like I wanted. When we got to the hospital, I sent my husband on an ice-chip errand (or something) and told the nurses that under NO circumstances was ANYONE else allowed in my room until I was ready. They said they deal with pushy family all the time and were wonderful about giving excuses that didn't involve me at all. Hospital policy, and stuff. Either that, or you can have his parents be in charge of your older son at home. Then they'd be involved and updated, but there's no chance they would be waiting for and "in"! Do whatever you need to do to have a less stressful environment. You can even talk to everyone soon and tell them that you'll need to nurse/clean up/etc before you have visitors..... Good luck!

Um the nurses at hospital went by my wishes. One time when I went in with pre-term labor they asked him to leave while doing a transvaginal ultrasound. I didn't want him to see that so they took care of my wishes 100%. The ob floor also limits the hours and number of visitors at a time. Which at first seemed draconian to me, now I think it is heaven

No I don't think its unreasonable. I never had a birth plan with my first son and never thought about how it would be with family coming to the hospital. My in-laws were in my room from the time visiting hours started until it ended. My own parents did not stay like that. I was in the hospital 3 days and anytime anyone came to visit me my in-laws were already there holding the baby. SIL even brought her boyfriend at the time and she gave him my baby. he had to go to the bathroom and stayed in there forever while I was lying in bed tring to hold it and wondering why he was in my room. I love my mil but the hole visiting hours she sat there trying her best to hold on to the baby. Finally I blew up and my blood pressure got extremely high and I stated to feel sick. I was kept in the hospital a day longer for observations.
when I got home my MIL was there. I remember lying in bed with my baby. It was dark in the room and she pulled up a chair right to the side of my bed put her purse down beside it and just sat there (there was no light on in the room). It was only until after she got the baby did she leave the room. I just let her take him so she would leave my room and I could get some sleep. This was six years and 2 months ago and when I think of it today I still get angry and bitter.
So, if you don't want anyone in your room stand your ground and be blunt if you have too because you will regret it in the end.

Oh wow. I know I'm coming to this question late, but I have to lend my voice to all the others who are saying it is not at all unreasonable to want some peace and privacy during and after delivery. Hosting guests, even well-meaning and respectful guests, is exhausting. You need to be able to concentrate and focus and maintain your (relative) calm during labor, and you need to recover and bond with your newest family member after!

My family was really good about it, we told our parents and siblings when we went to the hospital. My sister came and waited patiently in the waiting area until a few hours after the birth, and no one else showed up until specifically invited. Of course at that point they all fought over who got to hold the baby, had resentment over who got invited and who didn't, etc. which was incredibly stressful right after the most emotionally and physically grueling thing I'd ever done. So it seems you can never escape the drama.

But your husband should be backing YOU up on this. You have a really difficult job to do! His one and only job is to look out for you and the new baby. If that means telling his family to go wait for a few hours (or days), then that's his job.

Talk to the hospital - they might be able to help you control the situation!

You are not being unreasonable. I don't want big groups of family OR strangers, so I'm just staying home where I can get the safe, unhindered birth I want with just a few people I love there.

I'd take his phone! Seriously. Take it while he's in the bathroom or something. Put it away and tell him that the birth process is NOT ABUT HIM and HIS WANTS. He can call when it's over and you're ready for visitors.

Tell your families your expectations NOW. Tell them that last time was a little rough and you want some recovery time before they come. They should not come until you call, they should not listen to him if he gets the phone and calls them.

Tell the nurses you don't want visitors. They will totally keep everyone out until you're ready - that includes your husband if he won't give it up :)

I think you are entitled to as much time as you want!!! My first experience was awful. An emergency c-section (under general anesthesia), awoke to find my 2 hour old infant and a room full of 15 people, including my husbands divorced parents and their new spouses one whom I had met 1 time in my life.

The second time around, I told my parents the date of my scheduled c-section, they we're watching the older child, so they had to know. No one else knew. The day before I went in, I emailed my MIL to tell her I was going in and asked that she not visit until one of us called her. It was WONDERFUL! I delivered, nursed, and bonded for an hour before anyone joined us in the room! I wouldn't have had it any other way!

I get the theory behind "filing a birth plan" but when the crazy chaos of labor and birth are actually happening...Well, it is about as effective as...well a piece of useless paper.

So go ahead and describe how you want things to go down. Tell your OB and tell the nurses. But send your story via email to family and close friends...And your husband. I like how you gave background in your post about the trauma of the birth. That is a good way to set the stage for people. But go on to describe specific things that a new mom needs to do while in labor and the hours/days following birth. You will be nursing which is private bonding time and can sometimes be an awkward first attempt for baby. The baby themselves will be whisked around getting cleaning up, shots, ped check up. You will be dealing with IVs, bloody gore below (not pretty but I am sure you can find a way to explain it more delicately), showering, periodic checks down below by nurses, etc. If your family has the details right in front of them why would they CHOOSE to visit at such an inopportune time?

IMO -- Request a few hours...Not just 30 minutes. You can always call them earlier if your are ready.

I am so sorry to hear that. I had my first five weeks ago and everything I wanted in my birth plan was not honored. I think giving birth is such an intense experience that to have your wants/needs ignored is awful. The first few hours with your little one are priceless. You were not unreasonable in anything you wanted. I personally don't think visitors should not even be allowed (unless in the birthing room with you) until the mother is able to breastfeed the little one and he/she is latching on well. To be bombarded by visitors after childbirth, in my opinion, is rude. It's an exciting time for everyone, but family/friends need to respect motherhood. It can be a stressful time for the mother...I know I was watching everyone pass my newborn around and I was sad because I hadn't had a lot of time with him yet. But we, the new mom's, are supposed to keep our mouths shut and allow everyone else to handle him/her. You are physically exhausted, sore and bleeding in many different areas, elated, hungry...I could go on...

But then again, if you want the visitors right away it is entirely up to you.

There seems to be a consensus that you are not being at all unreasonable and count me in on that as well. In fact, I think it's so important to have private time. A young neighbor couple modeled it beautifully. I don't know what happened in the hospital, but I think everyone respected their wishes, however they handled it in there. Upon returning home they requested privacy for about the first 10 days. Her parents are local and came by, but not the 'onslaught' of well-meaning friends. There is so much to adjust to not to mention needing sleep! Everyone will have plenty of time thereafter to enjoy the newcomer. Glad your hubby is on board with you. - And take all the time you need and want. Best to you!!!! : - )

You are not being unreasonable. Stand up for what you want.

At the birth of my daughter only two family members were with me, my mother and my husband. It was perfect for me. I had a C-section so they got to hold Naomi before I could, but that was fine by me.

As for calling and keeping people updated is fine, in fact my husband got fussed at for not being minute to minute with his family during everything. As long as he's only calling them and adding that they aren't being invited over, just updated, all should be fine. If you want put your foot down and tell him no one is to come over until you and the baby are home. Multitudes of people shouldn't be around a new born anyway. If you have to call a family meeting before you due date then do it. lay down the law.They will all be called and updated but no one is to come over until you are ready.

Talk to your husband, he's supposed to be your partner. Tell him why you want it this way, why you need it this way.

Good luck and Congratulations.

Your hubby should honor your wishes even if you aren't on the same page. Since he has told you up front that he is not going to, you can tell your doctor and nursing staff and they can/will keep others away...they may show up but they won't let them in.

I have a son that is 15 years older than my daughter. I had everyone at the hospital too but they knew that the first one through the door when I was ready was to be my son without everyone else. They honored that but I had told my nurse too.

We were fortunate enough to go into labor 10 days early late at night. Most of our family weren't in town and those that were in town were in bed! We did make the mistake of calling our contact person on the way to the hospital. Our contact passed along the message to family and then all of those family members proceeded to call us at the hospital. I was not happy because my labor went very quickly, lots of intense contractions and my husband kept having to answer the phone while I really needed him to support me. If we do have another child, I will not call anyone until after baby is born and has nursed the first time. That way we will have time to chat on the phone and we will be prepared for guests.

Nope, that's how I was. And I made it VERY clear to my husband that if people were showing up, I would make sure HE couldn't walk for a couple weeks. lol thankfully he listened, and only like his brother and my sister, an aunt, and my step-mom came.

You should make it very clear to your husband that these are your wishes and if he can't respect them then he will be lumped in with all the others - on the you-don't-find-out-i'm-in-labor-until-it-is-over list!! :)

NOT AT ALL - I can understand your situation and they SHOULD honor your wishes and give you some time to get adjusted with hubby as a new family member, not greet you at the door. At least get settled in and then later in the evening or next day start pouring over. I would be annoyed too if I almost had a traumatic experience of maybe not even having a child and then not getting a chance to simmer over that and be grateful....All I can say is that despite the family rush, one way to look at it is that you will have many moments to hold your baby and reflect, and if you act a certain way, when you do need them to help chip in, they are going to have a chip on their shoulder, so be wise how you handle that situation and see if you can convince your hubby to be on your side some more.

Babies are supposed to bond with mommy period. Do not let them influence your decision- it is your decision who is in the delivery room and who comes in after. Tell your husband exactly what you want and need. Let your nurse and doctor know exactly what you need. Have your husband advocate for you or if you are interested, get a doula and have her advocate for your care-- You need special one one one bonding time with your baby. It is not the time to be entertaining visitors much less handing off your newborn to all of the family. I strongly suggest you put this in your birth plan and if anyone doesn't like it, too bad! It's you who has to do all the work- you get to choose who and when comes to see you after.

When I had my second, we didn't have anyone except my parents visit us until I was home and settled. My parents came for a few minutes with my first child--he was staying with them while I delivered. But I wouldn't want it any other way- you have to do what you have to do. Good luck to you and stay strong!! I totally understand your first experience- we made sure the second time around that it didn't happen again.

Take care,

Molly

Of course you are not being unreasonable!
It is time to make it clear to your husband and doctor that NO ONE is to be permitted in to see you until the time that YOU specify!
Put it in writing so that you can make it clear to the hospital staff what your wishes are AND that they are NOT to be counter-manded by anyone, including your husband!
You might want to send a short note to the relatives in question, kindly stating that they will be given updates, but that you need some rest and bonding time, and that they will be informed of the time when you are feeling up to having visitors.
It might be wise to give the hospital a heads up about this well before your last few weeks, and reminding them by bringing your request in writing....be sure you keep copies.
This is the time to be ASSERTIVE...for your own sake, and that of your baby!

A very wise mama once told me the secret for a happy birthing experience. She said my husband and I could each choose one person to be our "support." I choose my husband and my husband chose my best friend (his, too, but I knew her first <wink>). We asked all friends and family to respect our privacy for the labor & delivery AND the first week at home. The wise mama said this was so 1) we could recuperate and 2) so we would learn to depend on each other as we learned to care for the new baby.

This worked beautifully for my first son. With my second son, we had my grandparents down to spend the week to care for my oldest. What a disaster. If I could go back and do it all again, I would've done exactly the same thing I did with my first son...asked for the week of privacy so the three of us--my husband, my son and me--could learn to function with the new baby.

Short answer: no, you're not being unreasonable. At all. Long answer with advice: ask everyone to respect a week of privacy. You're hubby can send out pictures via email, Facebook or whatever. After that first week, they can CALL before dropping by for a short visit. When you're back up to snuff, maybe your hubby could host a BBQ/potluck for everyone to oooh and aaaah over the new baby.

Oh! Another thought...perhaps your hospital has some obscure rule or protocol forbidding non-essential persons in the labor/delivery room. My hospital had such a rule, to be used at the discretion of the mother (NOT the father). Our hospital was only too willing to play enforcer, since happy, unstressed moms are easier to deal with! Food for thought...

Good luck.

No, you ar not being unreasonable; both sides of the family should give you whatever space you require (what worked for them is not you). My suggestion would be to go over your husband's head so to speak-- talk directly to your in-laws and parents, siblings and tell them exactly what you need and ask them to abide by it. Tell them not to rush to the hospital but to give you the time you need to recover in private and clean up a bit-- all the moms should be on the same page with you at least in understanding even if they don't agree. You are doing all the work here. And you are right you need that space; I was blessed by parents who were content to wait for the phone call that everyone was safe and healthy and they came to visit the next morning (it also helped that this was grandchild number seven for them). Be firm, but kind, stand your ground.

Most definintely, YOU are the patient! And, husband or not, the hospital, nurses and doctor all have to answer to you or a medical review and Federal law if they don't. You are there for your and your baby's heath and safety. If your aggitated, or down right angry because too many people are around or calling/popping in, that creates unnecessary stress during the labor and delivery. Your emotional state can delay or complicate the delivery. If you are as calm and relaxed as possible, the delivery will go much more smoothly especially if there are complications. My first was induced and it was almost 13 hrs from the time the ptocin was administered til she was born. Because the cord was around her neck 3 times, she was blue, but breathing on her own. I know if the nurses had been at all worried, she would have been taken to where she would've received whatever more intensive care she might have needed. I got to hold my daughter and make our first attempt at nursing. She didn't leave the room until after that, and I was ready for food and rest. She is entering 6th grade next week and has so far been an honor roll student since kindergarten. The nurses asked at both my children's births after making sure the room was empty of family, including their daddy (as we weren't married), who I wanted in the room and when, aside from the hospital visitor restrictions. My mother and the babies' father were in the room with me as support for both births. Everyone else was in the hall during my daughter's birth, my best friend and my neice (peeking through the door that was ajar, lol. At first, they had a full length mirror so that I could see, but when the doc realized that my daughter was in stress due to the cord, she blocked my view with her elbow, which, being who I am, pissed me off royally. But, she didn't back down so I didn't get to see my daughter born. The doc tried using a vacuum, but had to go to forceps to pull my baby out enough to unwind the cord. She had an abrasion on her left cheek from it. She also developed "blood pools" in two places on her head from the vacuum, nothing serious. During my son's birth, the doctor barely made it as I waited almost too long to go in. My then almost 4yr old daughter and her teen half-brother were in the waiting room. Good luck with the family and your husband. God be with you and your child.

That is not to much to ask for!!!!!!!! I agree with you by wanting at least 30 minutes to settle in, come on you just gave birth!
Stick to your plan and when you are ready for family to come in, tell them it is ok. Don't be afraid of what ''family'' will say..............your the mom!!!!
Good luck!!!

Coming to this question a bit late but I just wanted to share my experience. I had an unexpected emergency c-section after 36 hours of epidural-free labor. It was not fun, and to top if off, as I was being wheeled back from the operating room, I learned that our baby was having difficulty breathing and was in the NICU with an infection of some sort. I barely had time to process the fact that I had just had an emergency c-section, and that no, I was not going to hold my baby close to my skin in those first few moments after birth, when suddenly in walks a coworker with balloons in hand, all smiles, wishing me congratulations. I was floored...how she even knew I had just delivered I'll never know...I desperately wanted my privacy, and was humiliated and essentially forced to tell my "story" as it was abundantly clear that something was wrong. I think my husband had posted on Facebook that we had a girl (which I'll make sure does not happen next time)...and then my coworker just showed up. In my opinion, birth is an incredibly private experience and I would never, ever, ever invade the privacy of a couple because of my own excitement or need to see either mom or baby. My feeling is that my husband and I (and G-d) created this baby, I nurtured the baby for 40 long weeks...and I have every right to request how I want the minutes and hours post-delivery to be filled.

Hang in there and good luck!

You are not being unreasonable. I don't believe in labor updates. When I had my kids, we didn't announce that I was in labor, we didn't invite people (even with my 2nd when I had a home birth) and my husband's role was to support me (I had unmedicated labors so I did need active coaching and support).
Tell the nurses in no uncertain terms that no one is to enter your room. While I don't believe that birth should be a medically managed event, the fact is that you have chosen a hospital birth and you are considered a medical patient. Your husband is not the co-patient, he is not a patient at all and he actually has no say about people coming in! Be sure that the staff knows, verbally and in writing, that you dont' want visitors and people are not free to come and go. Be firm with your husband as well, this is not about his family, you are giving birth to a baby. I could not imagine having people with me right after. I wasn't thrilled when my MIL insisted she wanted to come to the hospital with her husband when my first baby was 5 hours old!

I don't think that's unreasonable at all. I wanted NOBODY at the hospital until they were invited. In fact, I told family that I would call them and let them know when they could come WHEN I GOT HOME (actually turned out great that I laid down the law beforehand because I had an awful c-section and wouldn't have been able to deal with family).

Anyway, I told family that if they did show up at the hospital (which they all threatened to do) that it would be the one and only time they saw my son. I was the mother and if they didn't respect my wishes, they would not be in my child's life. He wouldn't need that kind of influence.

My threats worked, lol.

Also, from what I've heard, the nurses/security will keep people away if you say "No visitors."

Good luck!

Personally I would also request that only close family and friends come while still in the hospital. And when you are ready for them. Babies have weak immune systems and it is hard to give birth, we are usually ready to deliver weeks before the baby is ready to come. I would tell everyone else to come after getting home, or host a small come meet the baby event after everything is calm and you are feeling better. Good luck!

Stick to your guns momma. Let your nurse know what you want as well. I know you got a crappy nurse last time but most labor and delivery nurses (I speak from experience) are very caring and concerned for the momma. If you don't want any one in there she will make sure no one is in there.

You can AlWAYS ask for a new nurse as well. But hopefully you will get a good one from the get go.

You are being very sensible and not at all unreasonable! You should have at least a few hours of peace to bond, rest, eat, clean up or whatever. Tell your extended family firmly in advance you do not want anyone at the hospital during labor or until whatever time you decide (I'd tell them the next day). My babies were both unplanned c-sections and got whisked off to the NIUC (at another hospital) after birth. The only up[side of this was no one saw the baby unless a parent was with them and I got to rest in the hospital. You need to really rest in the hospital with the second or later baby as you will have another child to deal with at home. You may want to tell your family you would really appreciate help in other ways. I would suggest to them preparing a meal for your freezer, taking your older child for a few hours or on a short outing, coming in to tidy up and restock groceries before you come back from the hospital (or occasionally in the first few weeks home). It really helps to ask for the help you need in relatively simple specific terms.

I am about to give birth to my 8th baby and we feel the same way. Luckily my husband is on the same page as me! We have them at home and most times do not call anyone until hours later! We make it very clear they are not to come until we say so! I so need the time alone with baby and with having 7 other girls we need that time to bond! We are having our first boy, so this time is going to be even more special! I think parents need that time to bond with that child, no matter how many you have! I get so upset with people when they don't respect wishes! They truly do not understand how tiring it is giving birth! You will have so much time to show that child off, take those first moments and make the most of them! People need to respect your wishes!

No you are not unreasonable. After my daughter had her son the recovery room turned into a circus. I understand the excitement but after you have your baby you need some time alone. Even after she was in her room it was not any better. Family members bringing in crying children to see the baby. I could tell my daughter and husband were not pleased. I stayed out of the way but was it like a hotel lobby. So my daughter asked if it was rude to tell people to leave. I discussed the situation with her nurse and she told everyone to leave. Mom, Dad and baby needed rest. I thanked her nurse on the way out.

I'm going to be the devils advocate here. My husbands brother had a child that was delivered with complications and said that if his dad was not there he doesn't know what he would have done. Your husband is there to support you and your husband may need some support also because lets face it you are to busy to do much. That being said I agree totally you need time to rest and entertaining and following a conversation is more than you need. My inlaws got to hold my baby much longer than I did before she was wisked off to the nursery. One more thing, you are the patient the nurses have to go with what you say in reguards to visitors.

so sorry for tha unfortunate experience! I don't think you're being unreasonable at ALL! Your/husband's family should understand that you need to bond with your baby first. The first few moments of bonding I think are very important. I am surprised your hospital allowed that many visitors in the recovery room. Mine only allowed 2 visitors in the delivery & recovery room at a time. I would tell the nurses at your hospital to keep the traffic out of your room. As patient advocates, the hospital staff/nurses should respect your wishes & keep them out for you even if your husband doesn't! Ask them to put a sign on the door that reads "stop and check with nurse before entering room," or something like it. I know I've certainly "kicked" family members outta of my patients rooms, if the patient asked me to, that way the patient can get rest & recovery without making their family feel bad!

C. ~
I've been an OB nurse for 15 years and I've seen this alot. One of our biggest problems can be crowd control. I've seen the entire family come in with the patient in the middle of the night only for her to be sent home because she wasn't in labor, or for induction and they won't go home even when we tell them it won't be until the next day. I do love when patients don't call their families right away...and get their own time to bond. Where I work our unit is locked & everyone has to ring the buzzer to get in, so we can control who comes in or not.
Why does your husband feel he needs to tell everyone as soon as you go in? Just calling them afterwards still gives them plenty of time to get there and you get a chance alone with your husband and children. Deffinitely tell the staff you want no one allowed in.
As for the rest of your labor experience, I'm sorry you went through all that. Each place is different, and so is each staff. It is common to go fast all of a sudden and miss your epidural window, especially on baby #3. Make sure you prepare yourself mentally for possibly no medication, you just never know.
Hold your ground on the visitors! make this your experience, not theirs :)
good luck!
D.

I am late responding, but I just wanted to tell you that I allowed no visitors (not even my parents) at the hospital until the next day. With my second the only visitor I had throughout my whole stay was my FIL but that was so he could bring my first child with him since he was watching him. I intend to not have visitors again with this baby. I know it sounds rude, but I want to be able to cuddle my baby, learn to nurse him without people in the room, and I want to sleep. They can wait to see him another day or so until I get home and my family totally understands. All the nurses made comments to me like "wow your smart." They too just want to see mom sleep and rest.

Write a birth plan. Make several copies. Give one to the head nurse when you arrive to deliver. Good luck:)

I am with you 100% lady! I am wondering though if hubby feels very scared and out of control in this situation and this is a way for him to feel supported and not so alone. I hope you find a way to have that alone time and also have hubby deal with what ever his needs are.

I did not want anyone to come either! not only do you need a break but you need to bond!!! you can tell the dr. and staff not to let anyone in and they wont. You can tell plp that you will call them the second the baby comes and they can come visit you.....then delay the call till you are ready. Just let them know htat you dont want anyone roaming the halls while you are in labour bc you will feel pressured. you can also 'forget' to tell people that you are in labor bc 'it all happend so fast' (yeah even if it takes three days LOL). they will get over it really they will and honestly how you feel and how the baby is is more imp. than some hurt feelings. they can come in later when you are ready and when they see that beaufiful baby they wil be fine. congrats!

You are not being unreasonable at all. I refused to allow anyone except for my husband in the hospital room for an entire hour after my son was born. My husband didn't even leave the room to tell anyone about the birth until 1.5 hours after he was delivered. The only time family visited our hospital room prior to the birth was after I had received my epidural, and it was for 30 minutes to say hello and wish my husband and I luck. I politely told extended family before going into labor that this was an intimate experience for MY FAMILY (being myself, my husband, and our new baby), and I wanted the first hour to be a bonding experience for us. Those memories will stay with my husband and I for the rest of our lives. It's not unreasonable to want to be with your child alone. I would be very firm on this issue, and inform the nurses of your decision. Regardless of them being family, no one can legally be allowed into your hospital room without your permission. I suggest not even informing the family until you have had plenty of time to bond and enjoy your precious new arrival. Best of luck!

I didn't have a hard delivery. It was by c-section. But, knowing I would be in pain... I requested NO VISITORS for the very first day. Everyone was shocked. But, I felt every right to be controlling of me experience. If your husband is reluctant to abide by your wishes I would make it clear to your doctor and your nurses. I bought them a tower of desserts, cookies, chocolates, etc beforehand.

I know I am coming in late, and I haven't read all the responses....

You are NOT being unreasonable!

Is there anyone in your family (or hubby's) who agrees with you? Can s/he help you inform the others? (and keep them away for awhile) Just a thought.....

Best wishes for a good birth!

K. Z.