Is My Son OCD?

Updated on December 06, 2007
R.M. asks from Temecula, CA
13 answers

I have an almost 4 year old son that seems to "obsess" over certain things. One month its spiders, one month its the toilet flushing when he is near it, this month it is the vacuum. It is usually triggered by something I say, not meaning for it to be such a big deal. For instance, the vacuum obsession was triggered by me getting mad that he wasn't picking up his toys after me asking like three times so I said, "Well I need to vacuum and I guess your toys will all get sucked up then." Now I have created a monster. Even though I have since explained that I WONT suck up his toys, that I CANT possibly suck them up and even demonstrting that things and people are too big to get sucked up he is still freaked out about it. I know I shouldn't have said what I did but I just wanted him to pick up the darn toys! When I even walk towards the hall closet he says, "Are you not gonna vacuum?" and starts getting all stressed about it, pacing with a worried look on his face. Its to the point where I have to send him into the other room when I AM vacuuming because everytime I come within a foot from anything he starts freaking out. This is not the only instance, we found like 4 black widows outside so I told him to stay away from black spiders b/c they can make you sick and now will cry and scream when he sees any spider web or bug on the ground. I have tried so hard to ease his fear, explaining to him that most bugs will not hurt you, even letting bugs crawl on my own hand with a smile on my face (which KILLED me inside - I hate bugs) but he still flips out. He has also been scared to sit on the toilet (or be near it for that matter) when it flushes ever since seeing the movie Flushed Away like a year ago. Thank got it never affected his going potty on the toilet but he STILL asks me EVERY TIME if I am going to wait until he gets off the toilet to flush it. I don't know if this is just an age thing or what, I am mildly OCD myself and was a chronic worrier as a child and dealt with anxiety through my teen years. Surprisingly, it pretty much all went away after I had kids. I really don't want my children to become that way though. :(

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W.W.

answers from Sacramento on

He's probably ok, most kids start to develop fears around this age. If you are really worried take him to a child psychologist.

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M.C.

answers from Honolulu on

My little girl had some "wierd" reactions to things, too (and still does). I read this book "Raising you Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I found it to be quite enlightening. Maybe this will help you to work with your son to help him through some of his fears. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

R.,

Your son is not OCD he is just a very smart, curious little boy. My son would get on one subject and talk about it insistently. You may also be placing some of your fears into what he does, like the bugs. Also at 4 years of age they take EVERYTHING you say literally so make sure that when you tell him something that you are putting it on his level.

Hope this helps.

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I.D.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

You already had so many answers, so you probably already decided what to do. But I cannot resist and tell moms that are worried about some "mental problems" of their kids to pleeeeese do not believe ever that you kid needs any of those drugs they started giving these days.
Even if one day your son is "so bad" that teachers tell you he has ADDHD or whatever label they pick, please do not fall into that trap.
Kids of today can be as simple as kids of yesterday. WHen you and me were kids, no one ever dreamed of drugging us, and I thing despite all we are a good generation of moms.
But if you start to drug children because it has become the latest trend, the next generation of moms will be pretty scary.
Anyway, sorry, I had some friends with kids that have been completely disillusioned by kid drugs, so I am making it my "mission" to share my knowledge with other moms.
A useful site for this is:
www.cchr.org

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I.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My son freaks out about spiders (even spider webs) in the house and was starting to worry about them outside as well. When we find a spider in the house we have a "relocation" ceremony where I use a shot glass and magazine card(those annoying inserts) and march outside for the release. I reitterate each time that spiders and bugs are happier outside so we put them there when we find them "lost" in the house. When we're outside and he's worrying about a spider or bug I remind him that the outdoors is their home and we should not bother them in their home. So far so good. We did have the vacuum fear and my personal "favorite" was the baloon fear (it might pop) which kept us from enjoying parties or even throwing them. For the vacuum I let him play in another room and then he helps wrap the last of the cord and open the hall closet so it can "rest". And if I could marry a robot... it would be our Roomba! With 6mos of experience under our belts I can honestly say it's worth $300 to have the vacuuming done while we're at preschool, the park or running errands. I bought the scheduler version so it's preprogrammed to start vacuuming at a different time each day depending on our schedule of activities. And it has helped with the toy cleanup and getting us out the door "clean up and get your shoes and coat on so we're out having fun while Roomba does his job". All it takes is having Roomba start all of a sudden while you're trying to march out to the car and from then on you'd be amazed at the exit strategy. On the toilet flushing fear you can work that out at home if he wipes himself (or asks to be wiped) and washes his hands before coming out to ask you to do the flushing. In public restrooms the fear of the other toilets flushing is going to be a hard one... Dad can be responsible for urinal visits which are a lot less traumatic (hold him up under his armpits so he's up high enough). For the automatically flushing toilets put 3 squares of toilet paper over the "eye" and explain that until you say so the toilet will not flush. Over time my son got comfortable enough to take the toilet paper off himself because that meant he was giving the toilet "directions". You can put off the hand washing and replace it with baby wiping after leaving the bathroom if less flushing noise is preferred... then stay for one extra flush sound... then two... etc etc until you've moved from baby wipes outside the restroom to inside to actually using the sink to wash up. If you are strong (or your son is slight) you can always do what I do in public restrooms... play Superman. Take down his pants and underpants and then stand behind him with one arm wrapped around his chest under his arms and the other arm wrapped around his lower thighs in the opposite direction. Hoist him up to flying position and "away we go". You are responsible for aiming and the final "shake off" and you'd definitely want to practice a bit at home but if he's a superhero there's no way the flushing can "get him". We're still working on the balloon fear... he used to love getting balloons at the grocery store then he decided he didn't like the sound the helium tank made so I had to go get one w/o him... then he and Dad got a balloon at the mall and while walking back to the car it brushed against a lightpost and popped. He connected that to "Lightning McQueen popped a wheel" and the fear has stuck. For his little brother's 1st Bday we had all of 3 balloons and they had to be mylar so BigBro would be assured they wouldn't pop easily. Good luck on your son's string of anxieties... hopefully by the time they're in high school we'll all be laughing about the string of things they got stuck on and overcame.

Good Luck!
Stef:)

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E.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Your son doesn't sound OCD to me. Have you read the Highly Sensitive Child (by Aron, I believe). He sounds more like a highly sensitive child. There is a website at www.hsperson.com where you can take a test to see if your child fits the profile (or if you fit the profile for a highly sensitive person) and there are articles and helpful tips. When my 12 year old daughter was your son's age, I let her watch the Spice Girls movie and there was a man who came out of the toilet. After that she refused to use the toilet. It took awhile (I think she found an imaginary friend who made sure the toilet was safe), but she gradually used the toilet again. It is best when your child has fears to empathize with them. The world is a scary place when you are little. But you sound like a sensitive mom. (Don't feel guilty about the vacuum thing; we all say things like that when we get mad)

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N.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi R.,

I am a Mom to a 2 1/2 year old and a Clinical Psychologist and would like to offer some thoughts on your question. From what you have written it sounds like your son may have some anxiety issues happening. It is hard to categorize whether it is OCD or a more generalized anxiety just from the letter but I think you are right to be considering whether it is an issue and whether you should act on it. Anxiety can definitely have a hereditary component so the fact that you have had anxiety issues yourself in the past increases the likelihood that this is what he is dealing with also. The great news is that he has a Mom who is aware and ready to support him, and it sounds like you are doing some really great things like the way you showed him that bugs are okay etc. Young children can respond really well to therapeutic intervention for anxiety management so I would recommend seeking some professional support now. Most therapists (particularly those using Cognitive-Behavior Therapy) work with children in very fun and active ways so it would hopefully be a really positive experience for him. Further, working with a therapist on this would also allow you to be supported and be given the best tools and strategies for responding to his anxiety with him. A professional could also assess the OCD vs other anxiety question. Getting assistance now and really getting on top of this issue will set him up well for the future - and it would be great for him to have some "Fear Fighting" strategies under his belt before starting Grade school. All the best and I hope you have found this helpful.

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G.D.

answers from Modesto on

OCD is a sign of BACTERIA specially STREP!!!
Give some Probiotics,Cat's Claw and/or Caprylic Acid!!!
Just do not give antibiotics!!! because it will mess up his GUT!!! Love, G.. :0)

P.S. have your pediatrician check him for PANDAS!!!

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Dont freak out !! its just a stage that he will get over.
continue to ease is fears, remind him theres nothing to be afraid of.Have u asked him to vacuum?? He doesnt need to see a therapist. Thats way over reacting.

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C.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi R.,

I have a degree in Child Development & have worked with kids your sons age for years. I would say, have him see a specialist. It does sound a bit more extreme than your average childhood fears, and early intervention can help him learn to adapt to stressful situations easier & have a smoother time as he grows.

C. : )

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Most likely, no. Not right now. Right now he is going through the "normal" developmental fears and probably has a great imagination. He can't tell the difference between a black widow and a daddy long legs and he probably doesn't know the the vacuum isn't the abyss. If he were age nine, I would be saying something different. At this age, I wouldn't pathologize his actions, worries and very developmentally appropriate fears. It may be very difficult to do this as it is so hard seeing in our children what we don't particularly love about ourselves. (Goes for me too!)

Jen

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R.S.

answers from Sacramento on

my mom told me the same thing about the vacuum. it worked for me. i would run to pick up my toys the minute i saw the vacuum come out. you could have him tested to be sure?

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B.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Your son, while he is probably a lot like you AND probably feeds off of it when you are stressed, is most likely not OCD. It is totally normal for four year olds to become fanatical about things. You have to be extra careful about what you say- never exagerate anything, because he will totally take you literally. And don't use fear as a motivator, like with the spiders. Instead of telling him that they could make him sick, tell him that if he ever sees a spider to come find mom or dad and not touch it. That's all you have to say. Do your best not to tell him anything that will scare him. It will probably pass, though.

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