Just Keep Trying with No Luck

Updated on December 03, 2009
H.M. asks from Cuba, MO
23 answers

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the last year now with no luck. I really do not want to take any drugs to help, but I am getting desprite now. Does anyone have any suggestions or things that have worked for them? My husband is the father to two other children, so I don't think it is him. :( I would appreciate any ideas. Thank you!

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So What Happened?

Finally got lucky! :)

Featured Answers

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R.C.

answers from Wichita on

I know of 2 kinds of bodywork which could be helpful. Arvigo massage, also called Mayan abdominal massage, is recommended for any issues with the reproductive system (and lots of other stuff, too). Here's a site, with a directory that lists several practitioners in the KC/Lawrence area.
http://arvigomassage.com/
Polarity therapy has a protocol for feminine energy. This school in KC used to offer some classes, so they might be able to refer you to someone.
http://mtti.net/

The reason I would do either or both of these before taking medical fertility treatments is that these are both very relaxing and wonderful and most likely have only beneficial side effects, as opposed to the medical route, which is the opposite. Plus, though bodywork might seem expensive, it's nothing compared to fertility treatments. Holistic approaches are always worth trying first.

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V.S.

answers from Kansas City on

So sorry for the pain you've experienced. Would love to help you and know many woman who'd suffered through years of infertility who then were able to get pregnant healthfully after usually 2 months. You'll have to e-mail me if you would like more info so that it does not appear that i am "advertising" something here on the site. I'll e-mail you back as soon as I can and we can chat whenever it's convenient for you too if you'd like.
Blessings,
V.

More Answers

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

you don't mention how old you are, but i'll just respond to the fact that you've been trying a year. yes, it's difficult, yes, it's frustrating...but don't get stressed out about it yet! i bet you have many childbearing years left (hope that doesn't sound too old fashioned lol) and stressing out about it will do nothing but make it harder to get pregnant! i have a friend that tried for three years, and eventually it happened. the more you stress the harder it will be, that's a medical fact, not my opinion! just take a deep breath, have faith that it will happen when it's meant to, and by all means, enjoy the trying! don't forget about that, it's supposed to be fun :)

2 moms found this helpful
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L.B.

answers from St. Joseph on

You've gotten some pretty good ideas so far so I'm going to suggest one that seems off the wall. Quit trying. Take the pressure off yourselves and go on a vacation like a cruise or to a warm beach and pretend to be honeymooners again (why not do a last minute deal as a Christmas present to yourselves??). I've heard MORE people who gave up and went on a vacation getting pregnant than any other type! (NO JOKE & here's another story: I even worked with a lady who went through all the treatments, finally broke down and adopted 2 boys out of Russia and 9 mos later found out she was pregnant with her first biological child!)

I really feel that the stress and the pressure that you have put yourselves under may have a deterimental effect that is counterproductive to what you want.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Phoenix on

My husband and I had the same problem all but that I was one with children and he had none. We got advice from our family and one thing that they said that we did do was don't have sex so often, do other things you know like have a night for four play, another night of just making out, a night for just cuddling. We did that for about 2 months and then within a 3 months of not having sex so much we found out we were pregnant. When I say no sex it means no orgasms at all. If he is "stroking his meat" every night he could just need to let his swimmers wait a bit to build up and make them stronger to get to your egg.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.K.

answers from St. Louis on

I feel your pain. It is so stressful to be actively trying and then get your period. Each month it's disappointment. We tried for a year and a half. We even went to a fertility doctor and I had to give myself injections in the stomach. We did this for 2 cycles with no luck. So decided to try on our own. It finally worked for us with an ovulation kit. The very first kit I bought--I got pregnant that month! Good luck! Hopefully we'll hear back from you with pregnancy questions! ;)

1 mom found this helpful
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M.K.

answers from Houston on

try going on the atkins diet - a diet high in fat and low in carbs is very good if you have mild pcos which could be stopping you conceiving - it worked for me

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S.T.

answers from Fayetteville on

Try Red Clover from a health store and also Red Clover Tea.
I know 3 people who have gotten pregnant after 2-3 months with this. Good Luck.

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J.E.

answers from St. Louis on

If you are over 35 dont waste any more time! You need to call Dr. Peter Ahlering at the Sher Institute of Reproductive Medicine, ###-###-####. He's fabulous and you will become pregnant. If you are in your 20s you could take an ovulation kit for a while but if in your 30s you need to check your hormone levels, egg counts, etc all of which Dr. Ahlering can do. Good luck.

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K.B.

answers from Wichita on

Good Morning Hopefully, Relax dear heart. Don't put so much pressure on yourself or your hubby. When I went off Birth control pills(which I had been on for maybe a year and a half before marriage and 2 yrs after to regulate and control the heavy bleeding and cramps) it took awhile again to get my cycles regulated. So I never knew when I was ovulating. I did the temp thing for several months and Man that was a hassle. It puts alot of pressure on both of you. It became more like a chore then a time of intimacy or closeness. So I said Forget it, if I don't get preggers fine, if not this month maybe next or whenever. But I stopped thinking about it constantly. Just let it happen if it was going to.

We were married in May 71, I was 19 and in Oct 74 Drew was born. I was 23, 27 months later Travis joined us, I was 25.

My suggestion Hope, Is relax and let it happen naturally don't stress it, don't put pressure on yourself or husband to git-er-done!! I don't think there is anything worse between a couple trying to conceive then to be put on the spot to perform. It's not romantic, tender, or passionate, it's became a duty. OH MY I read the other responses and about fell out of my chair on one of them. I was laughing so hard hubby asked what was up.. Then he started laughing also.. I remember once when I was doing the Temp thing and after I swung around and plopped my feet up on the headboard. Hubby asked what I was doing? I said Helping the swimmers go north. He said well your upside down aren't they heading south?? Was to funny and I didn't do it again...lol

Best of everything to you Hope, it will happen just relax and love your family and hubby, plus yourself.
God Bless K. Nana of 5

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C.M.

answers from Springfield on

Have you tried charting? This will give you a better idea of when you are ovulating and when to "focus your efforts." Fertilityfriend.com has some wonderful charting software that you can use free online for 90 days, a message board where you can talk to others who are trying to conceive, and information to educate you about the whole process of charting and trying to conceive.I would also suggest talking to your ob to see what he/she suggests, especially if you are 30 or older. There are lots of things they can do besides medication. We tried for 13 months for our baby girl (7 months old today!) And we had issues conceiving my son as well ( I had a large uterine fibroid) so I am all too familiar with how stressful the trying-to-conceive process can be. Good luck!

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K.F.

answers from St. Louis on

Okay this is coming from someone that took almost a year to get pregnant with my first. STOP TRYING!!!!! STOP STRESSING!!! I got pregnant with my daughter the only month I didn't try cause I didn't want to have a December baby. I know it's hard to do and you think about it all the time but stressing is only causing you not to get pregnant. And this time I got off the birth control and didn't want to get pregnant for like 4 months but since it took us so long last time I decided to get off the pill early and I got pregnant the 2nd month. So just stop thinking about it and just have lots of sex.
My prays our with you....good luck.

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L.W.

answers from Kansas City on

Have you tried the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor? It lets you know when you are ovulating. Also, I have several friends who have had wonderful outcomes after meeting with Natural Family Planning specialists who help you discover exactly how to read your body's signs.

Good luck to you!

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R.J.

answers from St. Louis on

When it was taking us awhile to conceive our second child, we went and saw Abby Deckard (www.nststlouis.com) and we had her do body work on both of us when it was about a few days before I thought I would ovulate and then again on the day I thought I'd be most fertile. The body work probably helped both of us to relax and 9 months later we had a little boy. Good luck!

R. J

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K.H.

answers from Kansas City on

HI. Like so many of the others who replied I also know how you are feeling. I recommend reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It's a fantastic book for women and is very educational. I can honestly say that book helped us to conceive 2 of our 3 kids. I learned so many things about fertility and about women in general. So give it a read and see what you think. And best of luck to you and your husband.

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

I know person after person who adopted finally and then was pregnant the next month almost. One like this is in our family so maybe it is relaxing or just not trying so hard or whatever it is it seems to be showing that after the other baby is adopted something happens. I would try not to 'try' and just see what happens and I will add the person I am referring to who adopted, they tried doctors, pills, tests, etc. Nothing until they quit trying and adopted and didn't even have the adopted child yet and she got pregnant. They didn't get the adopted child in their arms until their baby was already born due to country issues. So whatever it is it happens. They never found out what the problem was. I know of others like this, many others. So enjoy your step children and see what happens without stress.

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T.C.

answers from Kansas City on

HI,

I just wanted to say that my advice is quit trying. I have a couple of friends that tried for years to get pregnant and finally they just said they were going to quit trying and just let whatever happen, happen and they were both pregnant within that year. So, my advice is quit trying for awhile and let nature take it's course. You may just be so stressed and worried about it that it's just not happening. I wish you the best of luck!!!

T. Cogan
Work At Home United
Your Life, Your Dreams, Your Business!
Website: www.allgood4life.com
E-mail: ____@____.com
Phone: ###-###-####

"Nothing is difficult to those who have the will." --Dutch Poet's Society

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J.B.

answers from St. Louis on

You've received such great advice, but I didn't notice that many women commented on your diet. What we put into our bodies affects us sooo much! Here's an article I read awhile back about boosting fertility by diet and exercise:

"8 steps to increase fertility

1. Maintain a healthy weight (and lose weight, if you’re overweight).

2. Avoid trans fat. Trans fat is typically found in stick margarine, fried foods and hydrogenated oil.

3. Stop eating excessive sugar and refined carbohydrates.

4. Consume more protein from vegetables rather than from animals. Good sources of vegetable protein include beans (all types) and lentils.

5. Eat fiber-rich foods. Best sources of fiber include vegetables, fruit and whole grains.

6. Consider taking a standard multivitamin.

7. Exercise every day for at least 30 minutes.

8. Consume one daily serving of full-fat dairy (i.e., 1 cup whole milk, full-fat yogurt, or 1-2 ounces cheese). That’s because a recent report showed full-fat dairy may help increase fertility in women more so than low-fat/nonfat dairy. That said, full-fat dairy is loaded with calories and saturated fat, thus I recommend you make only ONE of your daily servings full fat.

Bottom line: Lose weight if you’re overweight, make smart food choices and exercise regularly — these lifestyle factors may help you become more fertile if you’re experiencing problems with ovulation."

You can read more about the study online at msnbc.com, but this was the most important part!

I also took evening primrose oil in addition to my women's multivitamin that had Dong Quai in it when we were trying to conceive (it took us 8 months the second time). Both are supposed to be good at boosting women's reproductive health. Both herbal supplements are available at most drug stores and are fairly inexpensive.

Wish you the best!

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J.T.

answers from St. Louis on

I'd mention it to your OB. There are ways to increase your chances of getting pregnant w/o using fertility drugs. Also, there could be something medically wrong that needs to be addressed.

Anyway, it can't hurt to talk to your doctor.

Hang in there, infertility can be rough.

J.

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J.T.

answers from St. Louis on

I don't agree with "stop trying". I would first get tested to see if there is something wrong that needs fixed. It may be something simple that just needs laproscopic surgery, sometimes even just the HSG test will clear out a blocked tube. I have friends that have had their issue fixed and was then able to get pregnant without actual fertility treatment (e.g chlomid, shots, etc). Anther thing I know that has worked for friends was accupuncture. It took us 3 years to get our little miracle so I know how frustating and saddening it can be. Good luck!

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K.G.

answers from Kansas City on

Have you tried Acupuncture? I've read a lot of articles about this and it seems to have a high success rate. It's natural and non-invasive. I see a chiro (Gullege Chiropractic in Overland Park) that use a microcurrent system (no needles). I haven't been treated for infertility, however I've had success treating other conditions. Good Luck!

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M.K.

answers from St. Louis on

My ob told me right after we got married to come see him when we were ready to get pregnant. He advised to have intercourse every other day beginning the day after your period ends for that cycle. After intercourse, elevate your hips for 20 minutes to allow gravity to work. He also said that boxers are the way to go for men, heat does not help at all. The following cycle, you wait to have intercourse until two days after your cycle ends and continue every other day. You just switch what day you begin every cycle until it works. He also said that most women have the best chance of getting pregnant in the morning before ever getting out of bed on the day you ovulate. So you can monitor that too if you like. For me it always worked the day before I ovulated. 7 planned pregnancies later and advice to several close friends who were having troubles has made me a believer. Good Luck!

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C.D.

answers from St. Louis on

Do a google search for "cough syrup conceive"...it's believed that cough syrup with Guaifenesin only can thin cervical mucous to make it easier for the swimmers. Also, when we were trying for our first, I was propping a pillow under my hips etc but then realized that since my doc told me I have a tilted uterus that might be counterproductive...I've read you should lay on your stomach, maybe with a pillow under your legs afterwards for a while...maybe you can call your docs office and find out if you have a tilted uterus. I know how frustrating it is every month. Hang in there.

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