Well, I've tried this twice and lost it each time, so I'll try this time and if it goes, it goes. (Maybe I'm trying to say too much)
Yes, it sounds harsh and it seems like you are punishing your husband. Maybe punish is not the right word....maybe penalize or teaching him a lesson (i.e. English Dictionary: make somebody understand something) by 'letting him know what i go through when he is working.'
opinions & feedback: I'm sorry, T., but I feel that his complaint is valid.
Please consider the following:
- how many moms would trade places with you in a minute to have a husband who worked 40+ hours a week so they could stay home with their new baby.
- how many moms get little or NO help from their husbands.
- how many moms have to go back to work & leave their newborn with someone else.
What I glean is: your husband works 40+ hours a week-I'm assuming it is a 4-day work week, 10 hrs a day (since he's off 3 days); So, after his 40+ hr work week, 'he takes completely over with her: Feeds her, bathes her, changes her, plays with her, washes and prepares her bottles...everything for 3 days' (72 hours), since 'After all, that is my life day & night for the rest of the four days of the week.' So, he has 72 hours responsibility to your 96, correct? ....PLUS his 40+ hours at work -(PLUS his 1 1/2 hour every morning when he gets home.)
T., you don't say what you do during the 3 days you 'hand the baby off to him' except that: 'Dont get me wrong, i dont just dump the baby on him & leave & ignore my daughter for three days, i am there too with him just in case he needs help & i do hold my daughter & occaisionally change her or feed her during this time.'
It appears to me that YOU actually have more 'down time' than HE does.
I'm confused about the no shower/no meal thing. Most babies at 7 weeks sleep the majority of the time unless they have colic or something. I do not understand why you would not have time for a shower and a meal. I mean, yes, it's a 24/7 responsiblity, but your baby is not going to be awake/up/demanding your attention the whole time!
Yes, you may have to get up once or twice a night to feed/change her. This is NOT a permanent situation. Before long, Hope will be sleeping through the night. You will STILL have the same situation of keeping her quiet so your husband can sleep during the day.
May I suggest that when you're up at 3 in the morning feeding Hope and getting her back to sleep, instead of feeling resentment for your husband, gaze upon the face of your precious little girl & remember the love that made her & thank God for her father & his dedication to you & to your daughter. Sleep when she sleeps.
I'm no psychologist, T., but I think you have a lot of things going on here. You've had 5 MAJOR issues recently: birth of your baby, moving into new apartment, husband going back to work after paternity leave, father/sister diagnosed with cancer & great grandmother's death. Any single one of those things would be a lot to handle in just a few months and you've had them all.
I'm feeling that you're overwhelmed with all of it & probably depressed. Some of the main symptoms of depression are: feeling overwhelmed with life, resentment, anger, change in eating/ sleeping habits, change in hygiene. We usually take out our frustrations on those closest to us. Obviously you can't blame/resent Hope, so hubby is next in line. Just try to remember that it's NOT HIS FAULT. He's doing the best he can.
I'm wondering if, on his 3 days off, you guys could share the responsibilities - not just the baby, but the cooking, running the vacuum, etc.
Better yet, why don't you plan an outing. Get a sitter or leave Hope with a friend/relative (a lot of churches have a 'mother's day out' drop-in program. Have a nice lunch/dinner, go to a movie, go look at antiques - whatever you like to do together. Take a nap together. Take Hope to the park. Put her in the stroller & go for a walk in the evening & watch the sunset.
I'm concerned that your "A little about me" statement is going to go from "SAHM, happily married, mother to 7 week old baby girl! First and only!" to "FTW Single mom with beautiful baby girl"
Don't let that happen. Don't let resentment build in your heart toward your husband. Please - talk to each other. Spend some time together. Share concerns and frustrations. Be tender with each other. He's experiencing all of these things too - because he loves YOU. So, what hurts/bothers you, hurts & bothers him too. If he didn't care, he wouldn't be there. Oh, and try to remember at 3 in the mroning when you're resenting HIM .... that he's probably at work, exhausted, wishing he could be home with you & Hope.
Good luck!
Prayers!
Been there/done that! (Single FTWM is HARD - you don't want to go there!!!)