Kindergarten Issues

I'm sorry for my very blunt comments but...
I think that you and your daughter learned to double-check that the homework is done and in the folder now so it probably won't happen again. I think the teacher is right. Too many parents blame the teacher for things these days. I know it's just kindergarten but I think it's good to teach your kids responsibility as early as possible. Your daughter didn't get punished...she just didn't get a reward. It's not the end of the world. You shouldn't let your daughter see you cry over this. It's not the worst thing in the world.

I am shocked that you are a teacher and are responding this way to another teacher the FIRST week of school. Give her the benefit of the doubt before you start bashing her policies and deciding not to abide by them. How would you like it if a parent questioned you the first week?? I was a kindergarten teacher for many years and although it may seem strict to start your policy right away--she is only trying to get them into the habit of doing homework to set the foundation for later years. I gave homework Mon-Thurs and gave a sticker for their chart each time it was brought in on time. It is all a matter of perspective. I don't see it as a punishment when you don't bring in your homework. I see it as the children who remembered get a prize or reward!! It's the whole glass full/glass empty.

A small prize is NOT worth crying all night about. The more you cry and get upset your child will feel this. Do you want her to feel your negative vibes about her school? Be positive and remember next time. Children bounce back easily-- if she otherwise is caring and a good teacher I wouldn't even think about pulling her out.

i am going to give you my honest opinion.

My daughter also started kinder but in a Magnet school. She does not have homework yet but I don't think they should have homework on the first week of school, thats rediculous!
Now is the policy just in her class? If so thats dumb! If your daughter likes the class i think you should reconsider only because it's the beggining of the year and that may be one of the least big problems we all( mothers and children) will come across! I would wait it out for now and if ur kid really likes it, im sure it will get better.

Maybe the teacher wants to teach the kids responsability and understanding..thats the only thing i can come up with..even if it is the parents mistake.

I'm curious what was the reward? i think if its something really good it will teach the kids that doing homework and turning it in is rewarding but then again who is funding for the reward? thats a question to ask!!! And geez another thing we have to look at is if the kids are going to expect a treat at home too!!!

Good luck

S.

my daughter just started 1st grade, she also had homework and loved it and i was not used to it and checking to make sure it was all done on time . it took me about 2-3 weeks to come in a routine and all was fine. I am 26 and when i was in kindergarden all i remeber was play, nap and more play. school has changed and they have to work a little, but i agree with it because at a young age it teaches responsability. I am sorta confused as to why you don't agree with the teacher, unless she is downright mean she is just trying to get them to learn to do things or they won't get a prize. Just like us as parents, I teach my daughter to pick up her toys, make sure her room is cleaned (to the ability of a 6 year old) and if she doesn't then she does not get a treat, movie, computer time. To me thats the same thing the teacher is teaching the children. Now as a parent in your shoes last year, like I said it took us a couple of weeks but if you do not want your daughter to feel left out or sad you need to tryb even harder (and i know it's difficult) to make sure stuff is done on time and returned so she can get that prize. in return she will want to do her work every night, so she can be rewarded the next day. i am not trying to be mean, but especially you being a teacher what are your rules/rewards your children do not get thier homework done in a timely manner? I have no idea what school district you are in but thats how all the teachers are around our area, they reward the children when they do the right thing. I hope all goes well for you, and your daughter.

Dear B.,
I am in complete agreement with you. I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through this. I would be livid if this happened to my son (who just started his first year of preschool). Reading this really struck nerves with me. Teachers are suppose to motivate and get kids excited about school, not put them in a situation where they will have a bad experience and have a negative effect on them, ESPECIALLY at a such a young age. Something like this can ruin a child's positive view of school. This is taking the "no tolerance" policy too far. Preschool and kindergarten is suppose to be a joyful, fun and positive educating experience for kids. I understand that teachers and parents would like to start their kids knowledge of the importance of homework at a young age, but to do it in this manner is cruel, embarrassing (for the child) and can cause emotional heartache. What if the child has forgetful parents where homework is not done or not turned in? The child is the one who suffers. Or in your case, one busy day/evening and homework is forgotten in the kitchen. Just today I forgot to include the order form and payment for my son's Scholastic book order, which I left under my organizer (his first order, and he picked out his own books)- Amongst the other dozen forms I had to hand in today, this one slipped (and I am organizational freak!)I'm going to try and hand it in tomorrow in hopes it's not too late. My son is really looking forward to his order. Things like this can and will happen, but punishing a child like that will only cause harm (emotional and psychological).

Is this school in the city? Private or Public? I would like to see how other parents handle this issue or what the outcome is when brought up at the parent meeting.

Hugs for both you and your little girl.

Barbara.

This is a tough one. The thought of your daughter's hurt feelings is heartbreaking, however the teacher followed through on a policy and you can't blame her for that.

I'm not a teacher and my only child just started pre-school, so I'm not sure that such a strict 'responsibility lesson' is appropriate for that age.

What I do know however, is that we can only control what goes on at home. As a parent, I would advise you to stay positive about school and back up the teacher (despite your feelings). The hard reality is that your daughter will have many teachers throughout her education, some good, some bad, and so you need to stay positive and supportive so that your daughter does not come to have issues with authority and learn to rebel early on. She's cooperating, she wants to go back to school, she likes her teacher, sounds like an amazing little girl.

It's normal to be sad when you see your child hurt.

With that said, I have to tell you that Kindergarten isn't just playtime anymore. It's hard work! When I went to kindergarten we took naps and had story time. That's it. Today, the kids in kindergarten are READING and writing! Times have changed, and we need to change with them. As a teacher, I think you could understand that too:)

The best advice I can give is to learn from this experience and move on. "Homework" is not unusual for kindergarteners. You might want to have a private meeting with the teacher and let her know that you if this should happen again, that you don't want her embarrassing your child over it. Kids are motivated by rewards and the teachers policies don't sound out of line to me at all.

Explain to your daughter that you are both responsible for what happened, but I wouldn't coddle her too much about it. Provide her support and try to reinvigorate her spirit, but honestly, the incident isn't worth pulling your daughter out of school over.

Good luck to you!

Honestly-I am completed shocked on how some of these ladies reponded to you!!!! Some of the reponses are rude, cruel and totally uncalled for. While you are a teacher and a mom holding both jobs down can be tough as we all should know! Forgetting homework expecially in Kindergarten (God knows kids dont get to kids anymore)that your child was made to feel bad in front of the rest of the class. I also would be upset about it. Dont let one of the other posters bully you! Belive me I would be feeling the same way you do. It is only motherly instistict that you responded the way that you did.

Hi B.,

I can surely understand your feelings regarding what happened to your daughter. As Moms we all feel the need to defend our children like mama lions;-)

However, you need to be aware that the role of kindergarten has changed drastically in the past 10 years. I taught kindergarten from 1994-2000 and at the beginning of that time it was "An introduction to school" It had all the warm fuzzy feelings that you feel are lacking in your daughters class. By the end of my teaching experience the standards had changed. By the end of kindergarten children are expected to be reading; they are expected to be able to handle the responsibility of homework; and they are supposed to beable to sit for long periods of time doing "desk work". For better or for worse teachers MUST get the majority of their students to these points. It is possible that the teacher is just trying to assure "success" for your daughter in today's school climate.

These policies are one of the reasons I am considering homeschooling my girls.

Good Luck,
J.

First, I can't believe how many people responded, and negatively at that! I'm certainly no expert, but for the teacher to punish your daughter for your mistake was entirely too harsh. And to do it in front of all her classmates was doubly harsh. This is just another reason I am considering home schooling. It sounds like you and your daughter are recovering from this. Too bad it happened in the first place. Good Luck! J., single working mom to Sydney 2.5

B.:

As a teacher myself I would strongly recommend not bringing up these issues at open house. The intended purpose of open house is to learn the curriculum and classroom philosophy. I would try to meet with your daughter's teacher ASAP to discuss exactly what went on and try to come to an understanding together. As a mom and teacher who has experienced several issues with my own son, I was often very quick to leave schools/daycares when things got rough for the two of us. However, I didn't want to teach him that when things are hard or don't go your way you leave. Many a night I have spent crying over things that have happened both in the classroom and out.

If you don't come to a resolution with the teacher then see the principal and see what you can both come up with. From what it sounds like you are at a private school and often times they are not as accommodating. Perhaps, it could be worked out that upon returning the work today Grace could receive a treat. I think it is good that Grace would like to return and is willing to stick it out. I often times tell my son a story of when something like what he is experiencing happened to me and that can also foster understanding. Expressing understanding to your daughter's feelings is key.

Hope you have some luck!

I think this should be a learning experience for both you and your daughter. Hopefully, you learned to be more careful with your daughters homework. What happened may not seem fair, but you knew the consequences ahead of time. By explaining the situation to your daughter, she will learn the even Mom can make mistakes. She will also learn how to fix and prevent them from happening again. What will taking her out of the school teach her? What if you don't agree with the policies of the next teacher?

I agree that you feel guilty for causing this to happen to her. I would too. Take it as a learning experience and move on.

I do believe your daughter's teacher is trying to use positive reinforcement for children who complete their homework in a timely matter, however I do not think this should be done in front of all of the other children. My daughters teacher also rewards the children for doing thier homework in a timely matter, however she/or her assistant puts the reward in the children's backpacks while the children are doing another activity. When my daughter finds the treat in her backpack she knows exactly what it was for, and when she doesn't find a treat she knows why that is as well. This way the positive reinforcment is still in tact, however when she or I do forget her homework she is not made to feel bad in front of her class mates.
I don't believe pulling your daughter out of the school would be a good decision. I think you can use this opportunity to show your daughter how to deal with situations you feel are unfair by calmly talking about the problem, evaluating the pros and cons and trying to come up with a solution everyone can live with.
Good luck!

I can't believe you are looking at the teacher as being mean and reinforcing that in your daughters eyes. The teacher is mearly standing by her rules. I would think as a mother and a teacher you could see that. The teacher let you and your daughter know the rules and the consequences, you should not be surprised at all. It is always hard to stick to your guns. If the teacher didn't follow through, she would have no credibility at all. Just like a parent who doesn't follow through. I think she is trying to teach them responsibility. I don't think any child is too young to learn that lesson. I think it is great that your daughter wants to go back even though she had a bad day. That says volumes about your daughter - in a good way, you don't have a quiter! I bet she will never forget her homework again. Good luck with everything!

My daughter also just finished her last week of Kindergarten and she too receives homework on a WEEKLY basis. We are give a packet of 2 worksheets and a letter explaining what they are doing that week that is due on Friday. I think that is completely.

In terms of a reward maybe a weekly reward for the children would be a better idea, as that allows for a "catch up" day for those that were ill, absent or forgot their homework.

One thing that did get stressed during the parent/student first day of kindergartner is that it IS important for the kindergartners to be responsible for their homework and I thought at first that was a bit much, but I honestly believe that it is helping in ways that I never saw possible with my daughter.

I think that taking your daughter out of the scool would be a horrible way to deal with the situation unless all other venues are explored first (talking to teacher, talking to principal, attmpting to try her ways) as we don't want to teach our children that quitting or running from our problems is an appropriate answer.

Punishing a child in kindergarten because homework is late is just wrong. I learned how to paste in kindergarten. Last year my daughter learned about planets, how to read, add and subtract. Wow, times have changed.

I don't think that the teacher was right to exclude your daughter. I can only imagine what she felt like. Not only feeling bad, she probably did not want her new friends to think bad about her.

I was so lucky with my dauthers kindergarten teacher. She was very open, friendly and understood everyone had different situations.

A child this age should not be punished for homework. Several times my daughter turned her homework in late and she was never punished. The teacher felt bad that she did not have it when the other kids turned it in. (her dad and I are divorced, he never did her homework with her when he had her. I was the only one who sat down to do homework with her. I am very gratefull that the teacher is understanding of our situation)

I would definately talk to the teacher. If you don't get what you want from her, go to the principle.

Is there another kindergarten class she can go to? She will still be in the same school with the friends she already made.

We sent our daughter to our local park district. They have a private kindergarten that is outstanding!! She learned more there than she would of in a public school.

As a teacher I am amazed that you are reacting this way. I'm sorry, but as a parent YOU are responsible for making sure your dd does her homework & returns it to school. My feeling is your outrage has much more to do with your own guilt for leaving her work at home than the teachers policy. I'm sorry your dd didn't get a reward, but she didn't return the work. It's not as if she was ostracized for the day. I'm sure after this experience you won't forget homework again.
Kindergarten is not preschool. It is the building block for first grade and beyond. Giving a small trinket for returning homework now will help the child realize that homework is important. Although, she is a child she has responsibilities. Responsibilites that are just beginning now, but will get much more complex in the years to come.
Unfortunately, too many parents do not think of the work in kindergarten as important so they blow it off. Kindergarten has changed. It is not an extension of preschool. This is the time to learn these lessons. When a trinket is involved, not a letter grade per day. I realize you did the work, but because it wasn't returned the teacher didn't know that. I suggest when homework is completed it immediately goes back into the backpack.
I have always done this with my children after a few crying incidents of my own for forgetting one thing or another. I now sign all papers and put them right back in the backpack. When my dd finishes her homework she knows it goes right in there.
I highly doubt this teacher is going to change her homework policy, as it is a perfectly reasonable one. I don't think she is cold-hearted at all. My dd is now 14 and we have lived in 3 different towns over the years. Nearly every teacher she has had since kindergarten has given little rewards for completing various tasks. There have been many times over the years that my dd didn't get a sticker or a jolly rancher. She lived, and is an excellent student for it.
Unless you feel that your dd completing her homework and returning it to school will be on ongoing problem I don't see what the issue is.

WOW! I, too, am a teacher and I cried when I read this. I cannot believe the cold advice of some parents, I think you did the right thing. Obviously these people have no understanding of child development and should take some courses.
The policy is inappropriate,in its ENTIRETY! You have done the right thing and I applaude you! I suppose if your daughter wants to stay then go ahead, as it is not a great example to run from problems. However, if this is a sign of things to come and you run into more issues I would consider another school. I would contact the PTA or parent advisory committee also, it couldn't hurt to have them in your court.
Best of luck,
H.

As a teacher, I'm sure you are faced with choices about students who do not comply with the rules and regulations and have a predetermined method for addressing them. Sometimes, it is not easy to know where to back off a little bit and where to stand one's ground. I can certainly understand why the teacher felt the need to follow through on her own rules although I think the rules may be too stringent for a Kindergarten class. Nevertheless, that is an issue to address with the Principal and/or school board. It seems extremely harsh especially for the very first assignment (Most teachers will give students time to adjust to the new school year).

The issue at hand is how does your daughter feel about this and can she positively adjust to the classroom after this incident. If so, there is no harm in allowing her to continue there and see how things progress. Above all, how your daughter processes this will be based on how well she feels heard and understood. It sounds like she is ready to jump back in there and try again. She may feel just as awkward going to a new school and having to explain why she did not start at the beginning of the year. You can always transfer her later, if necessary.

Dear B.,

It sounds like you have handled it. I just wanted to share a similar experience. Last year, when my daughter started kinder., I didn't have the proper shoes for her on gym day. I thought I did but had read the description incorrectly. The teacher sent home this awful note saying that my child's grade would be marked down each time she was unprepared. It was only the first week and I had failed my daughter in doing my part and she was not allowed to participate in gym that day so she felt bad too. It was hard coming from a private pre-school where the teachers and staff were very understanding and always looking for ways to provide positive reinforcement for the children. There was a totally different tone in the public school environement. I cried too and felt sad and angry at the same time.

I considered pulling her briefly but realized that ultimately that was just my anger reacting to a situation that I could fix.

I wrote the teacher a note saying that it was my mistake and that it didn't seem fair especially considering it was the 2nd day of school to punish my daughter for a mistake she took no part in at all. I did move on, of course we had the correct shoes for the next time and she had a great year.

I guess the teachers have to have strict standards for compliance. Not all parents are like us and so invested and interested in their children so the teachers need to draw a hard line.

I hope you end up staying and having a great year. My biggest concern with pulling a child because of a conflict like this is the message it might send to your child. You of course want them to learn that mistakes happen and we work them out and move on...

I also don't believe a parent can ever be faulted for being an advocate for their child. You just have to tread a little lightly in the way you approach the teacher/princinpal etc. These are the folks that will spend countless hours molding your child while in school. A positive working relationship between you and them will go a long way. When I have issues to bring to the school I try to keep in mind that we all have the same common goal (or at least should).

Hope this helps a little. Good Luck!

I can't believe that teacher. I agree with you 200%. There is no way that your little girl should have went thtough that. I think you should consider changing her school, because you are off to a bad start already. Or maybe talk to the principal and see how they handle it. If the principal acts like they do not care then you know what kind of school you are in and may want to chenge it before she gets complete use to the school. What school is this? Please let me know by emailing me at ____@____.com. I am so sorry for your Baby. I am sure she was already nervous about going and to have the teacher do this, OUTRAGOUS!!!!!!! Please let me know how the situtation turns out. Good luck.