Legal Advice / Suggestions Needed

1. Start by contacting the folks at CCCS. If you completed your paperwork correctly, you listed the childcare amount in there and that will be taking into consideration.

2. In order for him to "legally" change the visitation he'd have to go through the courts. This means he'd have to serve you with the proper paperwork and both of you would have to attend the hearing for the modification. If you do not appear in court then he could very well get his way. If you appear in court you'll have a say in the matter. If you don't have a court ordered visitation schedule and custody ruling, you may want to beat him to the punch and file for one.

3. Hang in there. September will be here soon. Most men throw threats just to get you to back off. They have no intention of filing court papers and appearing in court. Most of them are afraid of the law. LOL. Try not to stress over it. You were married to him so you should know him well. Consider if he'll really do anything or if he's just blowing smoke?

Hi K.,
1. You can go down to the Family Law Facilitator's office in your county. The county's family law facilitator's office can help you file forms for whatever you need. You can also do a search on the web. There are many sites that give you tips on how to file your papers and what is important to you.
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/forms/
http://ezlegalfile.com/go.jsp?act=actShowHome
http://nolo.com/resource.cfm/catID/AC0903D2-C845-40E8-850...
Go to the bookstore or library and find books on child custody & visitation. You and your ex-husband NEED to go to mediation! Mediation is when the parents can actually compromise and set an agreement of where the child will go from day to day. You also need to figure out the custody agreement. Yes, I can only imagine how much you love your daughter- but remember: he is the child's father. Get all the information about this, so you don't go in to court without being informed. I sincerely wish you luck with this matter. I'm going through something similar right now. Let me know how it goes for you. I hope these links can help.
Take care!

I am a legal assistant. i do not work in the family law area (thankfully) but I do have some personal experience plus what I have picked up from attorneys. First, I have no suggestions on free or even affordable legal assistance with a family law matter, but I can tell you that if you guys are not in agreement re visitation and holiday schedules, you will be assigned to mediation. You can elect to meet with the mediator together or separately. The mediator will listen to both sides and try to help you two to agree on something. If you can't agree, the mediator will make a recommendation to the court. The court usually follows the mediators recommendation. Your husband didn't do himself any favors by not paying; the court will probably see that and make his pay back support for the months he decided it wasn't convenient for him to pay. Get him sister! If there's one thing that shouldn't be tolerated, it's a parent who doesn't think they have an obligation to their child!!!!!!

I suggest you contact your local "Legal Aid" group who can provide you with legal help for free or cheap.

When there are disagreements between the two of you it is best to have everything in writing. I don't think changes can be made without either (a) both you agreeing or (b) a judge ordering it to happen.

A bit of other advice - I know it can be difficult, but try really hard not to say bad things about the dad to your daughter. It will only make her feel worse. I know, I'm a child of divorce and divorced myself. My ex and I get along well, are respectful and it makes a world of difference to our children.

Best of luck and blessings.

I am wondering how in the world a judge signed off on your divorce without any custody or child support orders? You really should get some legal advice, but in my experience it is unlikely that your ex will get away with not contributing to daycare. He cannot "decide he will change visitation." He has the right to tell the judge what he wants, just as you have the right to tell the judge what you want, and why each of you feel that way. But in the end, the judge is the only one who can order a change the visitation arrangement. I would suggest contacting the Contra Costa Bar Association to ask for a referral to an attorney in your price range. Good luck.

CCC has a free legal advice service in Martinez. It is at the court house (I think). You should call ahead for hours and days of the week, show-up early and bring a list of questions so you get everything answered in one shot.

good luck

I am going through custody/support issues right now as well. I live in SF, but I went to the family law offices in the Court house (which is free) and they can give you all the papers you need to file for custody and support as well as provide a number to call for a free/low cost lawyer if you qualify.

The SF bar association is a lawyer referral service ###-###-#### and they might be able to provide lawyers in your county of provide a number for you to call.

I did not qualify for low or no cost lawyer and my daughter's father is not helping financially at all and I could not pay my bills w/o help from my family. So reach out to your family to see if they can loan you money just in case.

Good Luck - I know how you feel!

I have been to court far too many times I'm sorry to say, so I have years of experience. My case is in Alameda, but I would imagine it will be pretty much the same in Contra Costa.

More than likely he won't have the option not to pay for day care. Usually the daycare costs are split 50/50 then you'll get more child support on top of that (as well as a medical support order.) What they do is have you and he fill out financial declarations and they take those numbers and plug them into a formula called a "dissomaster." Then out pops the amount that is owed to you. You should be able to ask for it to be automatically deducted from his paycheck which saves everyone a lot of grief.

Since this is the first time going to court and there is a disagreement about visitation, you two may have to have a meeting with a court appointed mediator to work out what is fair. Most of the mediators I've come across are very helpful especially if you can keep your head about you. Go in with clear positive intention and don't let him get you riled up. Keep in mind this is ALL about what is best for your daughter, because that is how the mediator (and judge) see it.

The other possibility is that since this court date is only for child support, they may not allow him to even bring up visitation. He may have to file another motion separately if he wants to change visitation.

I highly recommend using Nolo Press's book on custody and visitation since it sounds like you don't have money for an attorney (and honestly, you probably don't need one.) It is very user friendly and will probably answer most of your big questions.

I would also recommend from personal experience that you talk with him / mediator about ways to work well as co-parents since it sounds like things are getting ugly which ultimately serves no one. There are some good websites for info on co-parenting tips and Contra Costa county may even have a co-parenting class through the Family Court Services Department.

Good Luck!!