Looking for Advice on Freedom Outside for My Son

I would say 6 is still too young. The other kids are 2 and 4 years older than him, which makes a big difference. I would still be around, escort him to the other houses with a time to pick him up, and not let him ride the bike out of range either. It's great you talk to him about safe behavior. Continue that and continue grooming him for being able to have more freedom, but wait until he's older to gradually work him into it. Just my 2 cents.

I also think 6 is too young to be outside by himself, especially in the front yard. Right now, my 7-year old can only be in the front if the older neighbor kids (whose parents I am very good friends with) are playing with them. The older kids range from ages 10-12. Even then, he has to be within ear shot if I yell out the door or tell me if he is going into someone else's yard. There are kids in my neighborhood that have been wandering around from house to house since they were 6 and it shocks me. I was at the park with my little one once and there were a group of kids ages 6-10 playing a game of pickup baseball at the ballfield. I watched a group of highschoolers take over the game using the young ones equipment and trying to make them shag balls and not let them bat. I walked over and chased the older kids away, but if I wasn't there, who knows what could of happened. Point is, you don't just have to worry about "stranger danger", you also have to worry about older "bullying" kids in the neighborhood. Better to be safe than sorry.

My kids are 9 and I still "hover" a bit and set rules about how far from the house they can go. I hate to say it but you never know when something can happen. I suggest you get to know the other moms, even dads. That way you can all watch out for the kids when they are together. If your son is at another house, his firends mom can watch out and make sure he gets across the street and safely in the door. I never let my kids go to the corner store alone. If you are in a quiet residential area, maybe letting your son ride around the block is okay if otehr people are around.

C.,

this is such a good question. I know what you mean about 'time standing still' when they are outside of your view.

I think you should follow your instincts, if it doesn't feel right to let him outside of your view, don't do it.

My daughter just turned 5 and the other girls on our cauldesac are all older - like 9, 10 etc.. I allow her to go out front and play as long as I can see her. This means looking out the window or walking out front every few minutes, but it means the world to her. I try to do things to get the kids to play in my yard or in my house so I don't have to look too far :-)

I do not let her out of my sight, but that's just me and she is still just 5. Overprotective? maybe but I don't care, I don't think we can protect our precious children too much.

Can you ride bikes along with your son and friends? - far enough away to let him feel some freedom, but close enough for your comfort?

best of luck to you.

W.

Truthfully I don't think 6 is old enough to play outside unsupervised. Maybe I am over-protective, but honestly I wouldn't be comfortable with this until maybe junior high age. I know you don't want to smother him, but safety is important. IMO I think I would want to know exactly what my 6 year old was doing all the time. He can at least stay in your line of sight. I would be sitting out front watching him if he was playing and he wouldn't be able to go around the block without an adult.

Hello C......I have 2 boys my oldest will be 9 in August and I have a 6 year old...they are aloud to ride their bikes up and down the street and they have friends where they are go inside their houses, but they are not aloud to go around the block. I checked the sex offenders list and I have found out we have sex offenders that lives a couple blocks from us so I dont trust that even though my kids know the stranger danger and my oldest is a black belt in TKD. I have a fear that they can be over powered by these men. So they have to tell me where they are at at all times and if they change locations they have to tell me and I check on them all the time. You have to set limits for your own son. Good Luck

Let me frame where I live before giving you my take on it. We have AT least 30 children of varying ages from 6 weeks to 14 years and they ALL play outside together unassisted, occasionally attended, frequently checking in with various parents and it is wonderful. I let my 3 year and 5 year old play outside with the pack ALL the time because I know that if there was a problem or a question, one of my kids or one of the neighbor kids has access to me or any other adult that is home. I do know where they are at all times and they've been trained to tell me if they are changing locations or want to do something inside a neighbor's house. I have taught my five year old how to cross the street safely (while I am watching) ONLY because the street I live on is very 1950s. I will say I am more relaxed than most about letting my kids come and go, but that is only because of the atmosphere on the street. How your children play on your street is determined by what the street is like, what the neighbors are like etc. If you are confident that your son or his buddies will come and tell you or some other caring adult in your neighborhood if there is an issue, then let him go (within reason). Six year olds can be very smart about situations if you let them have your confidence (within reason). I suspect that each time you let your son go and have little adventures (like the ride around the block, or a visit to the 8 year old's house to see if he'll play outside) and he comes back safely, your boundaries are already getting bigger in regards to his independance. Let him play with the big boys, I think that is the most natural thing for kids and the best thing in life. Who ever had friends your exact same age except for in school?

I have a 6 yr. old Son. He also has older friends across the street.

I allow him to go out by himself to see if they can play. but must come back home to tell me yes or no. I also alow him to play outside in their yard, but he need to come ask me if he can play somewhere else. Basically he needs to tell me when any destination plans change even if he is outside with his older sister, 10yrs. of age. He needs to be responsible for his own actions. I watch him on occation through the window crossing the street. If he doesnt look both ways. I go outside and tell him the rules of crossing the street and assist him across 10 times. so he gets the idea. It also depends on the area you live in. How good/bad is your block. The maturity of your son let alone the kids he plays with. Every child is diff. So take everyones words of opinion with the grain of salt. My daughter has always been so independant and mature above her ages ever since she was a baby. My son is more dependant and wants people attention and still doesnt make the best choices. I wish you luck , raising children is the most emotionally stressful adventure i have yet to endure. I get overwhelmed with fear on many occations. howevere i feel they need to learn life skills that we did when we were children. i would rather them learn it with me within yelling reach than when they are to far away.

Good Luck
K.

Hi C.. My opinion would be 6 is to young to be outside by himself unless the 10 yr old boy knew he was in charge on watching him. I would have to talk to the older boy and his mother otherwise they may take off and leave your son alone. However it is a huge responsibility to put on a child also. As far as riding around the lock, No I would not let my 6 yr year old go around the block, There are to many crazy people out there and he is to young. I think maybe 8 or 9 would be more trustworthy. I have done daycare for many mnay years and I don't know a single 6yr old I thought was old enough to that. If I did decide to let them play outside once in awhile to give them a little more independence I would certainly be looking out the living room window at all times and they would have to stay in my sight. Go with your gut feeling C., I always thought that was the best judge. Maybe you could invite the neighborhood boys over into your yard to play and let him play out there alone. He would feel independence, you would feel better and he would be safer. Try inviting friends his own age over from school also. Older kids might teach him things you don't want him to do. Good Luck

Every parent is different so take this response in the spirit it is meant- just an opinion. I do not know any 8 yr olds that are mature enough to watch an almost 6 yr old, particularly to ride around a block on a bike. While an 8 yr old can certainly show some signs of maturity and wiser decision making, caution, etc., than a 6 yr old, there are just too many other skills/competencies, and so on that an 8 yr old does not possess that would cause me concern.

All kids are different. What I allowed for my oldest (now 10 1/2), I did differently for my middle son (now almost 9). I felt fine letting my oldest ride his bike up and down our street (not busy, no sidewalk) by the time he was 7 or 8, but I still won't let my middle son do that yet. You have to use your judgment to know how much freedom to allow. Again, my older son could play safely in the unfenced front yard by age 5 with an adult watching out the window, for short periods of time. He knew not to leave the yard or run in the street or whatever. All that being said, riding a bike around the block at age 6, even with an older child, might be pushing it a bit. You should go with him and observe how he behaves without you prompting him--does he stop at all cross streets? DOes he watch for cars backing out of driveways? He should be old enough to know that he cannot rely on someone else to watch these things for him but always check for himself. Once you are sure of that, then letting him go for short rides on his own would be OK. I do always insist my kids tell me where they are going before leaving our yard.

I think a little freedom is good, but keeping the leash tight is always a good idea, especially when you're dealing with older boys as his friends.

When your daughter grows older, you'll want to keep things about the same for her, so think about what you would feel comfortable with her doing at that age as well.

I think there's a big difference between 6 and 8 and 10 years old and your son is probably so excited that these kids are showing him attention and want to play, but you need to keep him coming back home and letting you know that you're the boss. Having him tell you whenever he's going somewhere new, like into someone's house or around the block. Giving him a watch and telling him when the big hand is on the 12, he needs to come back and check in, things like that.

I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old, so it's only a matter of time before I'm dealing with the same thing.

Good luck!

Do you know the parents and get along with the parents of the 8 and 10 year olds. If you feel comfortable with them, do you feel comfortable with their children as well? That is a big age difference as far as knowledge goes. We have the same situation as you do but our neighbors are very kind and understand that my son is a couple of years younger than their older son. We (their mom and I) have spoke of the age difference and what my son could learn from her older son. She has had conversations with her sons about passing information on to my son and other little kids. So for me the problem isn't difficult because we, the parents, had a good understanding of the age difference and they were willing to speak to their children about that. Some people don't really care about what their children pass to other children.

As far as letting your son ride around the block, it depends if you feel comfortable with your neighborhood, the other children and your own son's ability to handle independence and is good at evaluating risk. If you aren't ready for him to ride then put your foot down and say no.

As my kids have gotten older I am happy that I had a "tight grip on their leashes" early on because they are now just starting to see the world through older eyes. My hope is to have them grasp common sense concepts at a younger age so they can determine for themselves sooner rather than later what is right and wrong for them and for the world around them. Basically don't be afraid to say no when everyone else is doing it, because your son isn't everyone else. He is yours.

Enjoy the age, don't let him grow up too fast.

I feel the same way you do. The other kids on the block are always out everywhere without parents and I wont even let my 7 year old in the front without me unless she stays right by the house. Now a days it is better to be safe then sorry. You cant trust anyone. I remember as a child riding around the block and going to parks without parents and now all I worry about is kidnappers and sex offenders. It is sick that we have to live like this but if you listen to the news thats all you here. If you want to give him a little freedom, as sad as this sounds, I would check that website that shows anyone convicted of a crime in your area. I would rather be over protetctive than have my daughter taken from me. I know it is sad but its the truth.

At 6 years, I would keep him in my sight, unless he is with a responsible, older 10 year old, very nearby, for short times. As long as you trust the other child and the child knows to keep an eye on your son, I would feel comfortable. My son is 10 years and is very responsible with the 3 and 5 year old kids next door when they are out. Regarding, bike ride - I think a ride around the block, with a friend, gives him some independence and teaches him that freedom comes with responsibility when he obeys the rules. I tell my kids to ride on the sidewalk or street, opposite traffic - unless it's a one way street. It makes it harder for a car to stop them. (Yes, it's hard to watch them peddle away!) My children are 10 (son) and 13 years (daughter). We have lots of kids in the neighborhood. If they move from house to house, they MUST call. If I EVER have to look for them, they are grounded one hour for each minute! (10 minutes is a whole DAY and it has, luckily never gotten to that point.) Also, on our block, my children know specifically who I trust my children to go to should they ever have a problem. You are not being overprotective - you are just laying the groundwork for your child to keep him safe and to instill the rules. Great question to ask!

Occasional play with an 8 year old seems o.k. The 10 year old could be problems. He will teach your little guy things the older kids learn and could lead to a more mixed bag of problems.

I don't think you are overprotective at all. You're doing way better than I would or than my mom did. I was never allowed to go around the block on my bike even when I was 10y/o and as for going into other kids houses you could forget it. I had to have special permission to do that. My mom is an incest survivor so she was really protective of me and I'm glad. I wouldn't even give him as much freedom as he now has if it were me so stick to your guns and do what you think is right. No 6 y/o boy has the maturity to make the best decisions for himself or his safety. He doesn't have to like the rules, he just has to follow them! Best to you-Katie

You will never be too overprotective!!! You are their mom...if you don't watch over them and keep them safe, who will?? (not that no one will, but who will watch over them and keep them safe the way you want to!???) I was the same way and still am w/ my kids on them riding their bikes, where they can go and for how long. My husband says I need to loosen up...I say as long as they are w/ me, they will be safe and unhurt!!! LOL...I can try to keep them unhurt, but who am I kidding, I can't wrap em in bubble wrap and make em wear a helmet! Good luck and do what you think it right for your neighborhood and w/ your neighbors and remember that he is still only 6!!!

Hi C.,
He's to young to be outside by himself. Continue to hover until he is at least 8.