Losing Things at School

I mark the stuff that's important to us with a permanent marker and phone number. Young kids lose stuff easily and are not focused on keeping track of things. I buy mostly second hand clothes due to this. I send older clothes and hand me down's to school so that way if it gets lost it's not a big deal.

I think a lot of people go through this with their kids so don't feel like you're alone!

We had the same issue with school, and also because my SD went to her mom's as well so we always had to look in 3 different places and things hardly ever showed up.

We spent a lot of time training her on putting her things IN her bag. It's something that starts at home with good routines and lots of reminders.

Then we did the "ugly & plain clothes" trick. Because we spent $50 on a winter jacket and she wore it in on a friday it was cool in the morning and warm in the afternoon so she left it at school. The next day it was very chilly again and it was the weekend and she had no winter jacket! This was after she had already lost 2 lunchboxes (we made her brown bag it after that) countless gloves, a sweatshirt and her socks (how do you lose your socks at school???)

So I headed to the thrift store and I got her the ugliest jacket I could find for $5. It was bright yellow and green LOL! It was clean and warm though. I made her wear it all weekend AND to school on Monday. She showed up Monday afternoon with her old jacket and the ugly one.

The ugly jacket sat in the closet all winter as a reminder that if she forgot her jacket, she would have to wear the ugly one.

I did the same thing with some of her other things. She lost her leotard so I went to Walmart and got her a plain, cheap one.

She now knows that I will buy her ONE or TWO of the things she needs, and if she loses it then she will be stuck with Ugly or Plain. I'm very good at finding Ugly and Plain!

This also worked when she kept forgetting the nice clothes we bought for her at her mom's house. She'd wear something over there, then she'd lose it at her mom's house (her mom was disorganized) and pretty soon she didn't have any nice pants or shirts. So I sent her to her mom's in cheap, plain clothes. Plain tee shirts, plain sweat pants from Walmart.

This way I know she's going to have what she needs (like a jacket) but it doesn't have to be cute once she loses what we got her!

It worked for us! Good luck!

(I have threatened her on occasion with a Dora backpack if she loses the one she has! LOL! I wouldn't really do that, but it's a funny reminder her to her to remember her stuff!)

We've had this a little but I just love Cheerful M's idea of "Ugly & Plain." This would torture my daughter and surely motivate her to bring her things home. I'll have to remember it :)

This is one of those things that happens to every young child and parent. There isn't much you can do until she reaches an age where loosing her stuff sucks.

Somethings you buy more then one of, as others suggested things like sweatshirts, coats, gloves should be bought as cheaply as possible. If you are lucky you won't have to replace them, if you are unlucky the pocket book won't hurt as much.

I hate lunch boxes, they are always lost, so brown paper bags are smarter. Also sending in disposable silverware and everything in baggies.

Now when mine got older, usually around 4th grade, they had to work off the cost of replacements. A one time thing was no big deal, but anything after that they had to earn. There were a few cold days here and there, but those created natural consequences for loosing things.

She'll get it, eventually, but 6 is still a very flighty age.

Both of my daughters lose coats and hoodies all the time and it drives me bonkers!! I feel your frustration. I am a big fan of natural consequences. The natural consequence of losing your lunchbox is that you now have to brown bag your lunch. And you won't be getting a new one til next year. It's really hard to implement but it will work. Same thing with coats/hoodies. I told my now 14 yo that I would no longer buy her a hoodie and that she would have to buy her own. She had to wear hand me downs for a few years but by the time she got to middle school she realized that she needed to take care of her belongings or she would have to wear whatever we had or could get at a thrift store. She now has probably 8 hoodies (she plays sports and has bought one from each league and school she's played for). She hasn't lost a hoodie in years (knock on wood!). My 10 yo is still working on taking better care of her coats. We have lost more coats over the years than I care to imagine!

Wow! You are harsh. She is only 6, and she has so much to remember in school. My son is like your daughter, always have been. We often wonder what planet he is on. His first camp experience he lost I don't know how many swim suits, underwear, shirts, etc. Last year in kindergarten he would come home without his backpack. His lunch bag had to be thrown away anyway because he couldn't remember where the trash can was and would just chuck the trash back into it. Luckily he has an older "mother hen" sister who looks out for him and retrieves a lot of his stuff. Yes, he has gotten better this year in first grade. Part of it is because the first time he forgot to bring home his papers I emailed his teacher and told her he had a problem with organization and to please help him. Your child is not the only one. If you look at the lost and found on any cold winter day, you will find countless winter jackets and wonder how these kids went home in the freezing cold without their coats. My advice= label everything, talk to the teacher, brown bag it, get the emails of those in her class so you can email parents if she forgets something and lighten up. Try to remember when you were 6 years old and trying to remember all these things about school. This is minor compared to the issues yet to come.

Oh, I was one of those. I lost all sorts of things. I drove my mother crazy. It didn't really help that I found 3/4 of those things again at the end of the year, when I FINALLY cleaned out my desk....

No, you can talk about carelessness, but your daughter may actually have to learn by experience instead. And experience, as they say, is the best teacher.

So don't talk too much about it any more, except to say, "What you lose cannot be replaced by Mommy and Daddy." (And not by Auntie or Grandpa, either.)

If she says, "We can go buy another one," use that not as a lecture opportunity but as a teaching opportunity. Next time you go to that store, take her along. Look at the lunch boxes; see how much they cost. Remember that, at six, she doesn't have a lot of money sense yet. "Ten dollars! Do you have ten dollars?" "No, Mama, but you do." "No, I don't. I have groceries to buy every week. When it comes to your having a lunch box or the family's having food, food wins. Can you earn ten dollars?" "What's that?" "You do jobs and I pay you for your work." "How can I work?" "I could give you jobs at home to do at twenty-five cents apiece. At that rate, you'll need to do forty jobs - actually closer to fifty, because you'll have to pay tax." "But you're my mommy - it's your job to buy me what I need." "I did buy you what you need. You lost what you need."

Don't lecture. Don't yell. Don't try to make her feel bad. You're not punishing her! You're showing her the way the world works. It works that way for you, too.

If she loses her sweatshirt, she can wear something else. If she loses her lunch box, she can use a brown paper bag. It's all right for you to help her look for something for five minutes, if *you* want to, but keeping track of and finding your daughter's things is her job, not yours. Even a six-year-old gets the idea eventually. (At least she's six and not fourteen. There's a lot for her to learn anyhow. If she can remember something before you leave the school parking lot, even though she has to run to the classroom and make you late, maybe you can give her a bit of grace. It's a step in the right direction.)

She won't be able to buy popsicles if she has to save money for a new sweatshirt, can she? That's real-world economics, first-grade level. (Popsicles cost a DOLLAR?)

It's VERY hard for a mother to do! We *want* our children to be happy. But sometimes the way they can learn the things that will make them happy in the long run... is for them to be a little unhappy now, and take the consequences of what they do. As the school year goes on, your girl will probably get the point and start doing a little better.

...That brings back a long-forgotten memory. When my children were growing up, the family clothes budget was next to nothing. We did a lot of thrift-store purchasing, shopping carefully. One year I saved megabucks on warm winter jackets for my two girls. How? Because two jackets just the right size had been left, unclaimed, at the dance school they attended. The director said, "It's been months and not one parent has even called. If your girls can wear them, they can have them." They were expensive jackets! I wonder if the parents of the original owners shelled out for fancy new ones to replace the fancy old ones.

Can you make her a checklist of all of the things she should take home with her? Sweatshirt, lunchbox, backpack, etc. That way, she can look at the list each day before she leaves school and make sure she has all her stuff.

I would also talk to her teacher and make sure that your daughter is following the school's policies on what to do with her things. My son just started kindergarten, and they eat their lunch, then put the lunchboxes outside their classroom door. They don't leave it on the tables while they play and hope to remember them for later.

As for the sweatshirt, make a rule that she if she takes it off while in the classroom, it goes straight into her backpack. She cannot take it off if she's not able to put it in her backpack right away. If she's outside, she needs to tie it around her waist until she gets back to the room, then put it in her backpack. Otherwise, tell her she can't take it off while outside.

Maybe her teacher can help with it for awhile until she figures out how to do it on her own.

This has nothing to do with her aunt - I don't think it's genetic!

I realize she's a little young for a list, but can you make a little card that attaches to her backpack with a picture of each item? She can use the card as a 'checklist'. Also put her name in black sharpie on everything so it's obvious to the new family that "inherits" her stuff that it's not something that was traded, it's a screw up. It may not be that evil kids are just taking her stuff - they may have similar things like a blue sweatshirt or a pink hat.

I do think expecting her to remember everything is maybe too much - but still, there should be a lost & found in the classroom and one on the recess playground where everything goes as soon as it's found. After 24 hours, it goes into the school-wide lost & found. At least that cuts the amount of stuff that's recently lost that then gets mixed in with older things.

I think having her rummage through the lost & found is a great idea, except that it tells her everyone loses things and it's no big deal. She's creating work, so she needs to work and not just expect you to do it for her. The "buy a new one" idea is tough to get through to little kids but it's time to start - even if you had the money to waste, it wouldn't be a good value to impart to her, right? So instead of saying "There's no money" say that "we don't waste things in this family".

Popsicles are treats for kids who do what their parents ask. So tell her you don't have time to look for the money and she doesn't have time to eat a popsicle because all the time needs to be spent on finding her sweatshirt.

I'd back off on the "running back in the classroom" and focus on what's lost for good.

Don't keep doing things until you're blue in the face - it doesn't work, it annoys you, and she turns a deaf ear. She needs consequences, sure and immediate. If she comes home without stuff, there's no TV and no play dates and no whatever she values. The time is spent finding the item or working to pay it off (but she's a little young for that right now). But there is no time with Mommy and no time with her friends.

Don't play up that the stuff has disappeared to other kids' homes - that leaves her as a victim and the others as perpetrators. I'd go back to having her walk all over the playground in search of her item, or digging systematically through the lost and found. Don't do it for her, but do make sure she learns to be systematic in her search (which box did she go through, what's left, etc.). You could also insist that she fold what she finds and stack it so that the next people can search more easily. Learning to take care of other people's things is a lot more annoying than taking care of your own things.

If you are consistent in this, you may have more success. Less talk, more action and consequences.

Good luck - I know this is incredibly frustrating and all you want to do is scream at her. I don't blame you!

I haven't dealt with this personally, because I homeschool, but I get your frustration and I would FLIP if that was me. I could not afford to even replace the lunchbox, let alone the sweatshirt.

My suggestion would be to bare bone it for awhile. Brown paper bag for lunch. Plastic grocery sack for a backpack. Ziploc for a pencil box. Sweater instead of light shirt and sweatshirt, so she CAN'T take it off without being naked, etc. And each time, reiterate that this is because you aren't taking care of your things.

We are HUGE about taking care of our things, because we cannot afford to replace them if they get lost or broken. If your child begins to understand that concept, she'll do better. :) Good luck.

At our daughters school, the Lost and Found Boxes, were huge.. and sometimes it could take weeks for things to show up, so do not give up on finding these items. Keep checking back..

Here the weather is very fickle.. Cold, cold in the morning and in the afternoon so hot you can wear shorts.. So the Lost jackets, sweatshirts, sweaters etc. pile up.

Not sure how you can get her to remember, except to send her without for a day or 2. If you honestly cannot afford to replace these items.. Maybe you could post fliers on the playground asking if anyone accidentally picked up the wrong sweatshirt to please send it to the school office ASAP.. Your child is cold.

Like Justamom, I also buy most of my boys clothes second hand, so that if they lose them it is no big deal. I also buy extras of all the things they typically lose (sweatshirts, spring/fall jackets, snowpants, winter jackets). If I shop at Goodwill I can get a winter jacket for $5. I must buy 2 dozen pairs of gloves and mittens each winter, and most of those I buy at the Dallar Store! I label their stuff, and sometimes we get it back and sometimes we don't. Sometimes the stuff turns up six months later. My kids are seven and ten, and they have been losing stuff for years. In the beginning it really bothered me, but I had to learn not to let it bother me.

I love the "ugly and plain" idea! It wouldn't work the same with boys though.