Marriage After Children?

I have wondered that myself. From a couple that I know that just got married after 10 years of being together, I asked them. They said that in the beginning of their relationship they never had an interest in marriage. They felt the were married already in their hearts and didn't see a reason for a marriage certificate. Well time passed, they had kids and then realized there is much more to marriage than just the paper and decided it was time to make the commitment in front of all their friends and family. They want to profess their love and what marriage means to them. So, they got married.

You're asking "why"? My answer would be ... Why not?

The reasons are their own and could be anywhere from they finally have the money for the wedding they wanted to medical/health issues to tax breaks to just cause they could.

But congrats to them :)

My Uncle finally married his girlfriend after child number three because the third child was a boy and (his words) he didn't want the boy to be a bastard.
Seeing as she had her first at 16 and her first also had her first at 16, my Aunt became a grandmother at 32.
After child number 8 was 14 they divorced.

Personally I find it tacky when people.have a big wedding after they already have a child together. I feel at that point, you should be investing in a home or college fund for.your child. If people are getting married after that long, my guess is its something to do with insurance, not sure why they would have a big wedding though... In my mind its kind of like having multiple baby showers.

Maybe the kids asked them to. Or maybe they realized it would make life a lot easier.

If you are not married, you are not "next of kin" as in authorized to make health care/medical directives. Also, you won't qualify to receive social security from his/her account if you're not married. Also, health insurance. In order for one to carry the other on insurance, you have to be married.

There are a lot of reasons. These are just a few.

My aunt recently married her boyfriend of 30 years. They did it at the courthouse in jeans and a tshirt...definitely no fancy wedding. My aunt has always wanted to be married, he just wasn't too interested in making things official. He was married before and thought the divorce was a huge hassle and financial strain. So they lived together. Then he had a health scare. It was bad and very touch and go for a bit. He decided to marry my aunt for a few reasons. Most important, he wanted to affirm their relationship, give my aunt what she wanted. He didn't want to die and have her think "we should have..." or "what if". Then there were the legal issues. Apparently, my aunt was having some difficulty being an advocate for "her old man" since they weren't legally married. So "her old man" became her husband. It only took 30 years.

They do it for the health insurance. <3

I think it's so nice when people choose to make their relationship official. It shows committment and is nice for the kids to have their parents married. Plus, it's good for insurance and other important life decisions. What I don't get is when they have been together for a long time, have kid (s) and they do they over the top wedding. If they have the money then go for it but many times they don't. I think the money could be better used elsewhere and sometimes it's not in the best taste.

I got married when DS was 1. We have been together 28 years (23 at the time) and own a house and business together. It was just easier to deal with the logistics of child care, will, healthcare etc to be married. We did not have a big wedding - just went to our rabbi and then out to dinner. Called our parents the next day. And - people have stopped asking when we were getting married :)

My son and I still have different last names. Not a big issue. I also see no reason at all why parents 'should' be married. Committed yes, married, not so much.

I don't know why either.
But, I went to a wedding this past summer for some friends of ours. They have two girls, 15 and 12, and have been together for 18 years....just never married.
I don't know why they waited so long, but I know that the wedding was beautiful and the tears and vows were just as heartfelt as someone that is "just starting out".
L.

I'm glad you asked and I think it's all about the benefits, whetherr it's health, or social security, or taxes, etc.

I know a lot of people that don't get married when their kids are young so they get every thing for free (not that I agree with this...just an observation). They get free insurance, WIC, some food stamps, free lunches, free school activities...etc. if they keep getting rewarded by the system there is very little incentive to do it the traditional way (like we did).

Its impossible to say or give one reason. Im sure each couple has their own reasons.
That is not what I wanted for my family, but as far as other people, it just doesnt seem like my business.
I dont feel like anyone should justify their life to me.

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This will not be a popular answer, but the question should be "why get married before having children?" You can make a commitment, which includes having kids, OR NOT! Your choice...Unless it is for insurance... I get that. Either make the "commitment" or don't. No judgment if you don't make that commitment by the way. But don't pretend to make it AFTER the biggest commitment of all --- children.

My friend and her now husband were together for 20 years, living together for 17 of those and just got married last year after 3 kids together. They had thought about it previously for reasons of health insurance but never felt the need. They did it after she survived cancer. That experience made them realize that they had been taking one another for granted all these years and finally felt the need to make it official.

I think that for what ever reason finacial stability at this point or someone else had a big wedding and now they want one too-- That it all comes down to wanting a party.

I dont' think much of it has to do with their commitment or wanting to do right by their kids or anything noble at all.

Just time to be in the limelight and have a shindig.

but then i had my marriage and then my children so what do i know.

Sometimes some people take advantage of being a single mom (or dad) so they can get certain benefits and once they don't use them anymore they get married. I have gone to several weddings where they had a number of children and some other accomplishments under their belts. Not saying that is always the case, just some...

My husband and I have been together almost 9 years but married for 2. And have a 6 year old and a 8 month old. We did have a tradional wedding. Our son was my husbands best man:) I don't think it's anyone's business why someone choses to marry when they do or after however many kids. For us it had nothing to do with money or insurance. We knew we would be together and spend our lives together.

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My husband and I have been together almost 9 years but married for 2. And have a 6 year old and a 8 month old. We did have a tradional wedding. Our son was my husbands best man:) I don't think it's anyone's business why someone choses to marry when they do or after however many kids. For us it had nothing to do with money or insurance. We knew we would be together and spend our lives together.

My mother-in-law and step-father-in-law got married a month after I did. They'd been together 20 years and had two children together, in addition to my husband and his older sister, who had different fathers. Their reason for getting married? Their daughter kept asking why they weren't. They were in love and very committed to each other, but their children kept having to explain that mommy and daddy weren't married, and they had a different last name than their mom.

After they were married, they were more in love than ever. They couldn't keep their hands to themselves; they smiled more; and even during the service itself, they were both so caught up in it that they had eyes for no one else. Even 11 years later, they still act the same way.

Why did Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell decide to get married after living together for years, and their children were adults?

I guess no one really knows or understands why someone does what they do other than the people themselves. I would say maybe for medical or other insurance reasons, for legal reasons (being able to have a say-so in all matters, including medical/life or death situations, and not having the boyfriend/girlfriend fight, or who actually has a say-so), or because after living together for so many years, they're come to realize they really do love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, knowing full well that, married, they have all the rights and priviledges that go with it.

Perhaps they just never got around to it, and now they want the big party and celebration. Go for it, I say. Celebrate away! A little more love shared with friends and family can only be a good thing.

I get the living together, Troy and I lived together for a year and a half before we got married. I also get the one child, perhaps an oops. It is just like you, when for all intent and purpose they are a family, planning more kids and such, it doesn't make a darn bit of sense. Not the living together so much as, why after all that time marry?

A couple of our closest friends got married when their son was 8. They did not have a big wedding. They were planning a move to a new city, buying a house, and getting a fresh start, so it seemed like a good time to do it. They were also tired of having to explain why mom and son had different last names.

Possibly because they want to celebrate their family and commitment with each other by making it legal and binding, and to receive tax/medical benefits? I can imagine their may be social pressure from the older kids too, I bet they were really excited to be involved in mom and dad's wedding. I mean, people who did have weddings have vow renewal ceremonies, so why not this?

I know in my case -- marrying my long time bf after nearly 10 years together next week in Jamaica -- we were unable to afford it and there's been a lot of ups and downs financially and loss of parents made it hard to want to have a wedding. My kids are from my previous marraige so I also was a bit gun shy although I personally feel 10 years is a LONG time to wait! ;)