Mid Life Crisis or Just Easily Derailed

I think when we feel things like that its simply called "perspective."
We can relate because we've been there.
And we can relate because we're going to be there.

At best, it reinforces the knowledge that we need to be present and enjoy the NOW.

I'm 53 and I've spent the last 4 years caring for family members who've been horribly ill. And during this time I've also seen neices & nephews and young co-workers getting married, buying houses, having babies, etc.

The thing is that we all go through different seasons in our lives. Some of us deal with sad and difficult situations when we're young - death of a parent or desertion, our own injury or illness, etc. It usually happens as we get older but the young are not immune. In the last 4 years my FIL was diagnosed with a horrible illness and was dead in 6 months, my MIL was very ill and has never recovered and now lives in a nursing home. My own mother has had heart valve replacement, eye cancer and ovarian cancer, was given 6 months to live (2 years ago) and now lives in a nursing home and is living through what is likely to be her final illness. My husband and MIL were in a horrible auto accident and my husband was temporarily paralyzed and eventually needed spinal surgery in his neck before he could recover and return to work, and my teenage daughter tried to take her life a coupld of times and has since been diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder.

WHEW!

I've sat in a few different hospital parking lots in my car crying and praying for God's blessing and grace, for strength and endurace, etc. He ALWAYS came through.

The bottom line is that life is difficult. We have these awesome moments - like the birth of a child, or the satisfaction of loving a good spouse, or getting that once in a lifetime vacation. But if you need those things to keep you going or to feel contentment then your life will be filled with emptiness and sadness since those moments are fleeting.

My husbnad and I now have a better marriage than we ever did before all of this trauma. We have a deeper love and security with eachother. We've been through deep valleys and high waters together and that's so much more satisfying than good sex.

A good life is not about the perfect house or job, or getting the cutest outfit for our 5th grader, or even a great soccer game or report card. Heck, with teenagers, I've learned that they are going to be the person they are, not the person I want them to be so I can be a lacrosse mom. And that's the way it's supposed to be. All those things are the icing on the cake. The cake itself is the people you love. Everything else doesn't really matter.

People of my mom's generation knew this becuase they grew up in the depression with very little. They were teens and young adults during WW2 and they went without.

We were made to love and be loved (perfect Valentine's day theme!) and that's all that really matters. When my kids were preschoolers my husband almost left our marriage and I was ready to be devastated. But I got on my knees and prayed and asked God to show me if He was real. And He did.

YOu will have your tough moments in life. You may alreayd have had some, but there will be more. But we live in the best country in the world, we have access to more than 2/3 of the rest of the world can even imagine. We are blessed.

"mid life crisis or just easily derailed" Neither-sounds like gratitude.

I can relate. I just know that yesterday, we were just starting out & the future was ahead of us. We dealt with infertility also & adopted after 10 years. My daughter turned 33 & my grandson is 7. Where did those years go? Oh yeah, now I remember. We were busy living them. We were living our life & building memories. There were ups & downs, but we made it through. My neighbor is moving in two weeks to be near her grandchildren. Enjoy your life & maybe you can be a part of the new, younger neighbors memories. After all, you have been there, done that. I hope we get good neighbors when ours move. Change can derail all of us. Don't be to h*** o* yourself, sometimes change is good.

I think on some level you are experiencing a loss, and you are watching life move one. It's very bittersweet.

I am now practically an empty nester and am feeling a little derailed. I'm surprised at the feeling of loss, even though I'm plenty busy. Talk about feeling like things are behind you....

I don't know if this will help put things in perspective, but I've been married for over 20 years - with DH for 25. I feel that with each year that passes, we grow closer. We get a little better at "us". We had some tough times in those early years. He had a chronic illness that hit him just before we got married. Those first 5 years were spent dealing with getting him diagnosed, treated and better. He was out of work for over 3 years. I was the bread winner and I was depressed and spent time in therapy. We were finally strapped and overwhelmed, but we made it through.

We waited a total of 8 years to start our family. We are so happy we went through this because it helped us strengthen our faith and bonded us. We're in our mid 40s now. All that stuff is behind us. DD is 13 and amazes me every day. These are the good years to us. I try to live in the moment and not worry so much about the future. I don't want to miss today. I'm not jealous of newly weds because I know those first few years can be HARD. Enjoy your life for what it is now - or at least try. If you have your health and are happy with your husband and family, you're doing better than 90% of people IMO.

Hmmmm. I suggest that you're over thinking this. Of course, you mourn the loss of your neighbors. And seeing the new young family reminds you that you've past that stage and you mourn that loss. You look forward from where you're at now and feel uncertain, even anxious. Your feelings are all a part of living and are so normal and to be expected. It sounds like the fact that you didn't expect to feel this way is what is causing you to feel derailed. If you could accept such feelings as a normal progression in life then they won't feel so unexpected and out of control.

This is not a midlife crisis because you are still living in a sane and productive way. A crisis is when you lose your way and do harmful things such as blowing your savings on a Mazzaratti or leave your spouse expecting someone younger to help you feel better.

We've had 2 different neighbors who came down with cancer and then had to declare bankruptcy due to medical bills and have their houses foreclosed.
Just got to love this health care system we have that allows this to happen so very frequently.
In other countries bankruptcy and losing your home due to medical bills is a rare thing.
You said your older neighbors were ready to down-size.
The MS diagnosis merely tipped the scales and set the time frame to moving out a little sooner than later.
I've known people who retired and moved to Florida.
They planned it that way - they build houses down there during their last year of working.
They were looking forward to a warmer climate, more time for golf, a home that needed less upkeep and even if their grown kids no longer lived near them - they sure come down to visit during school breaks.
You've just suddenly caught a glimpse of a situation that got you thinking that eventually it might be YOU that moves out someday and you never thought about it before.
When we bought our first house - we were newly weds and it was SO GOOD to leave the crappy apartment behind.
The house seemed HUGE and the area perfect!
Then during the course of 17 years we had our son and watched the county we lived in become paved over and built up.
Traffic was a nightmare.
A new shopping plaza went in and through the trees and between the houses we could SEE the neon sign right from our back yard.
When the opportunity came for my husbands job to transfer - we grabbed it and moved.
We rent out the old house (it's paid for - no mortgage on it) and will keep it until we can sell it for enough to wipe out the mortgage on our new house.
The housing values are slowly bouncing back and we should be able to do this in a few more years.
By the time we moved from the old house it seemed so small and cramped.
We just out grew it.
Maybe you'll live in your house through your old age and eventually pass away there - some people do.
My Mom lives in the one house she ever bought and has been there for over 40 years - she wants to live there until she dies - she never wants to leave.
Maybe you'll eventually come to a decision that it's time for you to move elsewhere - your needs change over time.
In the mean time just enjoy where you are in life for right now.