Mom and Husband Don't like Each Other

i don't really have any advice, because I have a similar prob. my parents and his parents cant' stand each other and wont even be in the same room with each other. it sucks, but i try not to worry about it becasue it just stresses me out.
when i'm not getting along with mom-in-law i just stay away a lot. i do my shopping, go to the gym, etc.
my sympathies...

Did your Mom need to be told to "shut up"? Was she the one who was out of line in the first place? It sounds like it from your post. I had a Mom like that...and everything was all about her. If this is the case, apologize to your poor husband immediately. Your Mother will get over it until the next event she has scheduled. You don't have to "keep the peace" for your Mom's bad behavior, you are not a child anymore. It is healthy to set limits, especially in your home. Raise your expectations for proper behavior from your Mom too and everyone will be happier in the end.

L., I am so sorry to hear about your devastating situation. You indeed are in the middle of a very difficult spot. But this is where you need to make a firm decision and stick to it. Yes you dearly love you mom and yes you dearly love your husband both of which you should. You have a duty as a wife to be the help-meet of you husband. You also have the duty of honoring your parents. When you and your husband married you agreed to become one, to cleave to you husband and he to you. Whatever the circumstance that brought you together you have the ultimate duty of keeping the peace in your home and the best and (it may not seem it now) easiest way to do so is to lay it on you husband. Okay, that may not sound right at first but let me explain. Your husband is responsible for your family he is the one ultimately responsible for your support, your safety and security in life, not only for you but your children. So ultimately this is not YOUR problem this is your husbands. But how can you get him to take responsibility? Well it really depends on your husband and this is where you come in you know him best. If you truly want to play the role you were designed to play best, then you need to lay it in his hands.
Think about this carefully. Go to your husband and discuss with him your situation of being stuck in the middle and how you are very uncomfortable with it. Now that he knows how you feel about it explain to him that you are at your whit’s end in this situation and decided that you are just going to trust your husband to handle it for you as he is responsible for your emotional protection as well (and he is). This will accomplish several things - not overnight mind you. It will take true commitment on your part (stick to your guns if you want to see this really work) What do you have to loose? Your already loosing your mind!
What this will accomplish is
1. He will now have a job, responsibility. Men like this even if they do not admit it.
2. He will be in control. Men LOVE this, and they will admit that.
3. He will eventually if not immediately feel that sense of control and therefore conduct himself differently.
Here is what happens when issues or events arise about your mom consult with your husband first, since he is your other half and you have "given him" this responsibility, Tell him what's up and that you would like to "do" or "participate" with this issue or event but that you are not up for any conflicts so what is HIS advice. Should you do it or not? Then DO whatever it is that he says even if it sounds ridiculous to you. Your husband may be testing you to see if you are for real. JUST DO IT! or don't as the case may be. After a few times of consulting with him over every instance with your mom he will see you are honest and will start to change and possibly learn to bite his tongue as he will not be subjecting himself to a defensive situation with her since he will be the one that decided to put himself there. If he is constantly around her because you made it so he is always on the defensive and "ready to snap" back at her.
Now, as for your mom you must honor her, you can accomplish this, but you must do it on your own for awhile. It's not honor if you are constantly bringing around another person who does not honor her ie. you husband. Explain to her that you love her and do not want to provoke any conflict but that you would love to do things with her just the two of you. So for now until your husband gains his confidence around her by your empowering him and allowing him to control the contact for now, you will have to go it alone on the mom & daughter relationship.
Like I said this is NOT easy and it takes a great deal of control on your part. But you will see results and changes in everyone around you if you can control you emotions for a bit.
This will be healthier for everyone involved (your little one/s) and you will be setting the best example possible for your child/ren.
You can completely control this situation by letting go of it. As women we are built this way and it's what we do best.
Please let me know how it works for you if you choose this route.
Blessings,
K.

You got some good advice already but I just wanted to add that this is more common than you think. My mother and husband do not get along AND my mother and his mother do not get along. We have been together for 16 years and it simply is what it is. I do not get in the middle of any of it. They are each important and loved and that is the best I can do. As far as therapy goes, if you're having difficulty with talking to either your hubby or your mom, consider it.
Good luck!

I have been with my husband for almost 20 years. My mother has issues with his mother. I have just decided to let them figure it out. We have been married for almost 11 years and family get togethers used to be difficult and awkward. Just recently, they have started to talk, have conversations and overall not just ignore each other.

You need to remember - they have the problem with each other. Do not take that problem and let it become your problem. Some people just do not like each other AND THAT IS OKAY! You can't let it affect your relationship with your husband. If your marriage ain't working - NOTHING is working - not your happiness with your children, not your relationship with your mom, NOTHING. I believe that everything revolves around your marriage. Talk to both of them - let them know that you are not going to be the go between, that you love them both but this is their problem. (Family parties - invite your mother - it is up to her if she wants to see your family.) Then sit back and unload that burden - give it back to the rightful owners.

L. ~
First of all, your husband should have never told her to "shut up"! (That is such an ugly phrase to say to anyone.) If that is the first time, I can only tell you it will happen again. I don't blame your mom for leaving early this morning, I certainly wouldn't want to stay where I wasn't welcome. As for you being crazy, no. But he's the one who needs therapy (of course that probably won't happen). He needs to apologize to your mom, no matter who's fault it is.

Hi L.,
As a wife and marriage therapist, my advice is to back up your husband as much as you can. Barring any cultural issues that would make not choosing your mom first almost impossible, or a scenario where he was *clearly* at fault, the best thing you can do for your marriage (and your children) is to make it clear that you and your husband are a 'unit', and not to be tampered with. Your mom may not like it at first, but you are an adult now and your future is with your husband, while your past is with her. Yes, I've been there, and let me tell you-- after years of feeling caught in the middle, once I made it clear to all my family that my husband was number one in my world, things smoothed out amazingly.
As for therapy, it couldn't hurt. Or check out the book '7 Principles of Making Marriage Work' by J. Gottman.
Best of luck!

My son-in-law and I do not get along. He is abusive toward my daughter which is why I don't like him and never have. He used to be physically abusive until she had him arrested so now he is extremely verbally abusive. I don't want to be around that. It's a long story and very involved but my daughter and I have not seen each other in 4 years and we live 7 miles apart. I know that she was in the middle when I lived there after coming back to Sacramento and it was not fair to her. I try to get along with everyone but find it very difficult to get along with him because he is verbally abusive also to me.

I don't know what the beef is between your mom and husband, but nothing is worth losing your daughter or your mom over it. Your mom was around long before your husband. Maybe it will take your husband biting his tongue or not being around your mom a lot when she is there. Maybe you need to sit down and just talk it out. I wish you the best.

Without the specifics of the fight, it's hard to give advice. From experience, after 12 years, I have learned it is important to "stand by your man". The marriage relationship should trump the parent one. If there is something he is doing that is crossing the line of being a "jerk", then I would talk to him and let him know how that makes you feel. Sometimes, a sit down talk, along with some practical suggestions (without nagging) of how to talk to her may also help. Hope it gets better.

Mother-daughter relationships are complex and emotional. We are each looking for approval from the other. We are very sensitive to percieved criticism from each other. I think it is difficult for men to understand this relationship and some of them want to "fix" it. It sounds like it would have been better for you if he would have been supportive of you in a way that wouldn't have alienated your Mom. What might this have looked like? I think maybe you need to be really specific with your husband about what you need from him in terms of your relationship with your Mom. I am not clear on why they don't like each other. I would suggest not complaining to him about your Mom or to your Mom about him,as they might be judging each other based on the information you provide. I can understand how upsetting this must be for you.

Hi L.,

I do have experience with this but unfortunately it is with my husbands mother and I. I don't mean to side with your husband and its hard to give a response without knowing what the tiff was about. I will say though that due to continual actions and comments my mother in law has made during my pregnancy, at the delivery of our daughter and every time she comes to stay -it is very difficult for me to just keep the peace. Everyone has a breaking point and some parents just push those boundaries.

Ultimately your husband and your son come first. I know that I resent my husband because he doesn't have the mindset to reign his mom in or or basically call her out on anything. You and your husband are partners and you need to have each others back. I would personally talk to your mom and maybe explain what things she does that push your husband's buttons. Sometimes Grandma's think they know everything and have a hard time keeping things to themselves.

When my in-laws come to town I pretty much use that time to go have some me time. My relationship with my mother in-law has definately changed- but I also feel like she is coming around and realizing that she needs to have respect for me as her son's wife and her grandaughters mother.

I am never rude to them - I am just not as overly accomodating as I have been in the past. I hope this helps.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this issue, and especially that it was so bad that your Mom felt she had to leave. My husband and Mom don't like each other either. For a long time, I kept taking it out on my husband, blaming him for not trying hard enough, getting mad at him if my mom made some critical remark about him, that kind of thing. I don't know what your loved ones fought about, but I think that even a feeble apology is a good start. My husband and Mom never apologized (It's not in my mom's nature to admit she was wrong) and I figured out that she really doesn't like anyone or anything that anyone else does in a way different from her own. Once I figured out that it really wasn't my husband's fault and that he was indeed trying, he and I stopped fighting about my mom (and frankly, decided to stay married because the arguing was that bad sometimes). Now that we have children, I take them to visit Grandma without Daddy (except holidays), and my Mom will come visit once in a while while my husband is at work.

I hope my story helps a little bit. I guess my advice is to look at the situation: why was the fight so escalated? Is/ was one of them egging the other on? Do they feed off each other? Hopefully if you can see the real situation, you can at least come to peace with it, and maybe even try to help each of them see the other's point of view if they are open to talking about it. Be careful not to push it if they aren't (I think someone already mentioned that they are adults and need to deal with it). Remember that they both love you!! It is not fair that you and your son are "in the middle," but I hope it helps you to know you aren't alone. Good luck.

Unfortunately, this is one problem I will probably never have to deal with because both my husband's parents are deceased and my father is deceased also leaving only my mother. I don't believe there will ever be a time when my husband tells my mother to shut up or any other such disrespectful thing as we both (my husband and myself) know how fragile and precious time with our parents is. Talk to your husband and let him know that even though you agree with his position, he should not speak that way to your mother. In dealing with my mother, we have learned to just shake off and not worry about things she may say that are unkind, hurtful, etc. And yes, she does say lots of those things. but we both treasure the fact that we still have her and there are NO WORDS big or bold enough to ever make us say unkind things to her. One thing to always keep in mind is that words, once out there, cannot be sucked back in. Once they're said, they're said and there is no going back. I try to always keep that in mind in dealing that my mother and my husband does likewise.

This is a problem between your husband and your mother not with you. I know this impacts your life in a big way but let's start with, what are they arguing about? Have they always been at odds? Doesn't she approve of him? What atarted it and why?

Please respond in the private file and I will be happy to help you. I have been there and worked hard to make it work out. Some things worked, some things didn't.

Blessings -
B.

Boy do I know how you feel but mine is more complicated but I think that the same thing applies. My hubby and my mom get along (mostly) and they keep the peace since my mother is living weith us due to a handicap. However, in the beginning of our marriage, my husbands side of the family was crazy. In order to "keep the peace", I had two baby showers, two first birthday parties, etc. Just because my husbands mom couldn't get along with his stepmom. There have also been times when my hubby (and his brother) have not gotten along with their mother. And times when I didn't eiter. However, for the sake of the kids, I have tried to maintain some assemblence of peace. Anyway, by the time I was pregnant with my son, I had had it. No more two parties. I basically said to everyone, be an adult for a couple hours and be civil. This party is for your grandchild, neice, etc. I only had two people show to my baby shower but by the time of his first birthday, well, I had a house full of people.

You have to be strong and I know it is hard to be the peacekeeper. If you have been together for 10 years and theyhave just now had this fight, then try to determine what is behind it. Since I have no idea what it was about, I can't be too specific. If it was something that just came up, try to present each side and come to a compromise...remind them to be the adults so that no one misses out on spending time with the kids. If it is something that has been brewing for years, then you'll have to be creative and try the old, "Agree to disagree" saying. BAsically, for me, it came down to my husband and my kids are my family and my parents had to let me make my own decisions and parent my way. I let them know that I wanted them to respect my decisions. (Trust me, there were issues with my hubby and mom too.) I understand. I love my parents but this is where and how I have made my life and I have to live it. Barring no other problems between you and your husband, you should be able to let the hurt subside and some to a compromise between them. Start off conversations with "I know your feelings are hurt" or something like that and try to get them to get past the emotions and get to what is really bugging them - that is the only way you are going to understand what the true issue is and how to avoid it. Trust me there are certain hot button topics that we do NOT discuss around my mother just to keep the peace. A compromise.

One post states: "husbands come and go" ... only if you want them to come and go and I assume you don't, especially if you have a child! Without details and unless you have an unreasonable or abusive husband, I tend to fall into the camp of supporting your husband on this.

Your mother was a guest in your house. In that regard, she shouldn't be arguing with her hosts, even if they are family. I can't imagine my mother coming into my house and engaging in an argument with my husband... and she is no shrinking violet, let me tell you. Does your mom generally have a tendency to overstep? Make lots of "helpful" suggestions that one might take as criticism? This could drive a spouse crazy. Perhaps you are used to her behavior and your husband's reaction is an indication that something needs to change.

I'm not in your situation but we have a similar one in my family that may help you.

I have 2 sisters. One is married and one is not. The one who is not has a lot of problems. Since I have been married, I've noticed that my husband (and my sister's husband too) has been able to make me and my married sister aware of behavior by my unmarried sister that is really unacceptable, but it has been going on so long that the whole family has gotten used to accomodating it. Now that we have families of our own, my married sister and I have become more aware of things that we allowed the unmarried one to do. Why? because now her unacceptable behavior is impacting not just us but also our husbands and children. So we am working to set limits with her that, hopefully, will also benefit her, as well as our families.

I hope this helps.

It sounds like your mother egged him on to the point of just not being able to take it anymore. You have to stand by your husband. Tell both of them that they don't have to like each other but do have to treat each other with respect and act like adults for the sake of the children.

Hi L.....You sound almost like me, only I don't have an extended family. I've been married for 25 years, and my husband and mother have never gotten along well. They both like to cook, and if the festivities take place in my home, they butt heads in the kitchen. Many a holiday has been ruined. Feels terrible being caught in the middle, doesn't it?
I have 3 kids that all adore their gramma. I just hope you have better luck getting your husband to stay civil to her when she visits than I did with mine. I never really blamed my mother for not getting along, because my husband has always had an attitude problem, to begin with. Good Luck, CJ

This is such a difficult situation! It's difficult when the situation is basically out of your control, which this one is. It depends on your husband and your mother putting their differences aside for the good of the family. It's quite possible to have a good relationship after a serious spat, but it takes time and good will gestures on the part of both parties. I would say, start working with your husband. Explain the importance of a positive relationship and that it isn't helpful to voice disagreements, especially to let things get so out of control that you tell your mother-in-law to shut up! Ask your husband what he is willing to do to heal the rift between himself and your mom. He may have some excellent ideas. The most important thing is to have this conversation when you and your husband are feeling resourceful and positive about each other. Having a discussion while you're still angry would be detrimental to the possibility of working out a good solution to the problem. Best wishes.

Hi L.,

I think it's very common... my husband's family drive me absolutely crazy and I find myself biting my tongue whenever we have to spend time with them. However, for the sake of my husband and as a role model for my kids I keep my lip zipped. I'm sure they feel the tension some, but I try really hard to allow them ( the kids and my husband) to enjoy the time with his family without showing how crazy I feel.

In my opinion, your husband and your mom should do the same for you and your child. As much as they differ neither of them are perfect and we all have to compromise (in most situations) so that other people aren't impacted by our negativity. I don't think it's ever ok for anyone to tell their mother or someone else's mother to shut-up, no matter what the situation.... it's very disrespectful.

You didn't mention what it was about your Mom that bothers your husband, so I can't tell if his frustration with her is justified. In our case I have stopped talking to my husband about what makes me nuts about his family. He knows that they drive me crazy and there are things that he also wishes that they would do differently. But at the end of the day people are who they are and most of the time you can't change it. it is upsetting to him that get so frustrated by them and there is nothing he can do to change it... so he does understand and is supportive of me. And nothing they do warrants us cutting off contact from us or the kids. They are just different people in a different world... If they were more open I would talk to them about what bothers me, but that's not the case with us.

My advice to you and your family is to let your husband know how you feel and that you feel caught in the middle before it gets to the point that it causes big problems between the two of you. Try to spend time with your Mom when it can just be you and your son so the three of you can get that quality time that kids should have. And let your mom know where your husband is coming from if his frustration toward her is justified at all. Maybe each hearing the other one's perspective will help them be a little more tolerant of each other.

Good luck!

Hi L.,

Do you know about the Landmark Forum? It's not cheap, but this could really help you with your resentment and creating peace in your family despite the differences and opinions.
I read bad stuff about it, but I did it and don't know one person who did it without getting something very important for themself out of it. It has helped me a lot with the conflicts with my step daughter for example.
You can check out the website: www. landmarkeducation.com.
Good luck!

I don't have this problem. My parents love my hubby and my in-laws love me. Plus my mil passed away before hubby and I got married.

Without knowing more about what the argument was about and who actually started it ...I'd just stay out of it. Make it clear to both that you love them both and they'll have to figure out a way to at the very least be civil to each other. But you will NOT mediate between them AND you won't tolerate them putting each other down to you.

They are adults ... they should be able to work it out.

I used to have issues with my mother and husband also. They would argue and fight and it was horrible. I decided that it was unacceptable for my mother to be anything but nice to my husband in his home. We cut my mom off. We wouldn't let her come over or even come visit the kids. This went on for a few months. She finally realized that she needed to be nice to my husband in HIS home. It was hard to cut my mom off, but my husband should feel like the king of his castle and I would never take my mothers side over his. My mother is extremely respectful to all of us now and would never even think to try and pick a fight or act like she didn't like my husband. I used to feel bad about hurting her feelings but I got over that and she changed.

Don't resent your husband for irritating your mom. Your mom needs to realize he is the man of your house and she needs to grow up and act like an adult. Stand by your man, not your mom.

Hi L.!

First off, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Having the two most important people in your life argue.....would not be easy to deal with.

I believe they both love you, and are "willing" to be around eachother, just to make you happy :o) But you have to be careful not to take advantage of that until they can find a better understanding for eachother. And....this may never happen. But the more you're "sensitive" to any plans of being together, the better hope you have for "blending" your mother in the new mix.

Question....Why did you invite her to stay at your home for more than one night? I mean, you know they don't like eachother, and that would cause alot of tension between the two of them. I bet your husband is hurt, because you "over-look" how he feels.

You're right about having alot to deal with in a blended family, so I'm sure you find some "comfort" when your mother is around.....I can understand that, and totally support it. However, unfortunately, if you want to maintain BOTH relationships, then you have to "choose" better terms.

Let things "settle" for a few days. Then, I would call your mom and apologize for trying to "push" the situation too long. Tell her you knew better, but you just wish they could get along and hoped that it would finally happen this past weekend.

Your place is with your husband now, but you don't want to lose your mom as a friend. I know that I try to NEVER talk negative about my husband to my mom....I believe this saves alot of issues.

Good Luck, L..

:o) N.

Keep your Mother happy. Moms are here forever,husband come and go! Open up your communication skills with your husband.I know you stated been with him 10 years. Remeber why you love him,open the communication,so that he doesn't feel in push out.
Talk to your mom, ask her to write down things she hates about your husband. Also what she likes about your husband. Then sit down with your mom talk them over with her with a open mind.Lot of times we are blind to the negative issues of our husbands because we love them. Let her know how much you love her. Yes, Moms need to hear it to.
Do the same thing with your husband. Then meet in between,you have to work on it. Without telling them what your doing. That way your mom knows you want her in your life, your husband will think you have his best interest at heart. Everyone happy. Peace and harmarny,with a little work,you to will have piece.
A little about me:
I am 53 years old. Almos married 36 years. Four boys 35,33,my 18 year old going to the Army, and my 10 year old.
I never really open comminication with my ex. He left me for a 35 Year old ????? But I know they desever one other because of my life with him, and she thinks she has a prize!!!! I hope this helps you.

I've been through this before.
First, don't let mom simmer at home too long. She needs to remain feeling "special" (she's special because she's your mother and the grandmother of your children).
Second, hubby is not going to want to drag this out for very long so you will have to be very careful how you handle things.
Remind yourself of the events of that day that caused your husband to lose his temper and become disrespectful to an elder. There must have already been something bothering him that allowed him to make such a bad judgement call (most likely something that doesnt even have anything to do with your mother).
When talking to your mom and to your husband, refer to the incident as "a lapse of good judgement".
Time will fix this as long as you can make Mom understand the events that led up to your husbands impatience on that particular day.
Remind yourself and your mom that men are still often like boys, no matter how old they are, and if he wasn't getting his "way" about something his first response was to lash out and do something childish because usually it works for getting attention. He did get attention, that's for sure, allbeit a negative outcome. I'm quite certain he's sorry for it but probably doesnt know what to say to soothe two womens anger at this point.
It may be out of character for him, but maybe an "I'm sorry card" from Hallmark could be all it will take for him to say the right words to put this unfortunate incident behind you and smooth the road out for future visits that wont be uncomfortable.
It's a known fact that men dont like motherinlaws staying over anyway, it sort of breeches the privacy of their cave.
How long had your mom already been there? I'm sure she was your focus of attention, and seriously, hubby just started feeling neglected.
I'm sure woman to woman, you should be able to smooth things over with your mother. Not so much by making excuses for your husbands "childish" behavior, but just by talking to her about how men are childish and you are sorry she had to see that and that you are disappointed in him and that he is disappointed in himself. Would he tell his own mom to shutup? He may not have been raised to have the respect for mother figures. If he was tho, he shouldnt have any problem understanding how he has hurt her feelings and realize that a real appology is necessary.
I'm quite certain that there were events that led up to his angry response towards her. Figure out what that was, and then go from there. You are your mothers daughter, and I'm sure you can fix the damage.
My husband and I dont like overnighters at our place, no matter who it is, so we always get them a nice motel close to the area, solves a lot of problems that way.
Good Luck.

Hi L.,

You are in a tough situation as you love your mother and husband. If I were in your shoes I would not get in the middle. When your mother comes to visit let your husband know she is coming and you will be spending time with her in a hotel with the children. Use the hotel as a safe place so no one feels ackward. If he says anything about it just let him know you do not want the children or yourself to be in the middle of any arguements. If your mother asks tell her the same. If mom and husband make up after that then go from there. Do not get mad, just find solutions. You will stay healthier that way.

Good luck.

N. Marie

Hi L.,

First, consider that you cannot change people, you can only change how you react to them. Another guideline, no third parties. Talk with each individually. Start with "I feel" and "I want" - otherwise, "I" statements and not "You" statements. Sometimes a good respectful emotional discussion (respectful agruement) is much better than keeping the peace. What do you need out of your relationship with your mother? Express your feeling! Has keeping the peace really worked? Sounds like a breaksown in trust with mother. It starts with you. You may need to have some solo time with mom. Things will cool off. Problems are often magnified when others must guess or assume the unspoken needs. best, C.

Hi L.,

I understand where you are coming from. No love has been lost between my mother and husband. They both are stubborn and won't forgive one another for a fight they had in 2006 while I was on vacation with a friend.

I am guessing your mother does not live close by and that is why she stayed at your house.

My advice to you is to either visit your mother with your little boy or the next time your mom visits find a nice hotel for her to stay, as close by as possible. (If you are able to pay for the hotel stay, extend your mother the offer.)

My mother lives close by and I can visit her any time along with my children, but I do have a girlfriend my husband isn't fond of and I schedule her and her family to come for a visit when he is gone on a fishing trip.

I hope with all my heart both your husband and mother are not as stubborn as mine and one can be the better person and extend the olive branch. It really stinks being stuck in the middle. Good luck to you!

Sincerely,
V.

L., L., L.,

I can not stand my daughters husband of 3 years. Everytime I think he is taking one step forward, he takes two steps backwards. She chose him to be her husband and there is nothing I can do about it but be by her side whenever she needs me. I can not stand his mom either but I hold my tongue. But there is times my daughter will come to me and say mom that was rude or they don't know you very well and they way you say things can be miscontrued. All the time I am thinking in my head is whose fault is it that they don't know me. I did not know she was even dating him, she was going over their house to visit the daughter and I did not know she even liked him because he is not good looking at all. I have no idea what my daughter sees in him. Anyways, I am the only person they trust to watch their daughter, so I bite my tongue. I don't want it to be awkard in the room. I don't have any conversations with him except for hi and bye and when they drop the baby off, I ask questions that I need to know while I am watching her. He is not a good converaationalist so it is hard to understand him sometimes so I have to listen really hard to what he is saying. We are taking a big trip to Disneyworld in a couple of months and his mother is coming along. So we will see.

You might ask why I don't like him. I don't like quitters. He quit high school for a stupid, stupid reason and he had only 3 months left. He has been telling me for the past 4 years that he is going to get his GED or a high school diploma well I am still waiting and there is no sign of him getting it soon. I found out that since he started dating my daughter, that his mom wanted him to get my daughter pregnant so she can have another grandchild, she already had 4 what does she need with another one. My daughter was not going to have sex with him until there was a committment on his part. Well he proposed, I told my daughter to make sure that they were both protected. She was he was not, she was pregnant when she got married.

I am at the point were I can tolerate him, but I don't like him. Your mom should learn how to tolerate your husband and if she has anything to say, she should say it through you and not to him directly because whenever I ask my son-in-law a question or ask him to do something he comes out with a smart remark and I want to deck him. When that happens, I just ignore his comment and go about my business. Your mom needs to learn to bite her tongue. I am disappointed in the choice my daughter made for a husband and it is possible your mother thinks the same way I do and that is why she is not getting along well with him.

It has been 10 years for you and I don't see it getting any better and that is something you will need to live with you just have to figure out how to pick your battles and keep them apart even when she is staying in your house. When I am at my daugthers house, I only go three places, living room, bathroom and outside. If he is in the living room, I ignore him and that way we don't get into trouble. To me he is not worth me wasting my breath.

Take care.

I can relate. It took my mom and husband a long time before they could finally get along. The first big arguement they had was when mom came out to be with me when my daughter was due. The argued and fought so much that I now tell them that they are why my daughter was 2 weeks late. She didn't want to come out and be in the middle of all the arguing. You may need to do a little investigating on both sides to find out what the real reason they are fighting. In my case my mom was upset because in her eyes my husband took me away (we moved from Oklahoma to California after we got married). My husband didn't want to share. My husband was with someone before me for 2 years and they had a child together. They seperated when she was pregnant and he missed out on all of his daughter's firsts. He didn't get to be there for her birth, first smile, first step or anything. With our daughter he didn't want to miss anything and didn't want to share anything. After explaining to each of them the otheres side, they slowly got over it. I would not call them best friends, but they are always polite to one another and have developed a fairly good relationship. I let them know that I wanted both of them in mine and my kids lives and if they wanted to be there they needed to work it out. They are a lot better now. It does help that we don't live in the same state, so they are bettter able to handle things when my mom comes out for a week. It took a few years for tehm to get over that first big fight but now we can all laugh about it.
It will work out you just have to give it time and let them both know that you love them and they need to get along. If I were you I would make sure that they know that NO fighting is allowed in front of your son. Good luck.

Good morning L., I know it may seem impossible right now and I don't know the reason for the argument and the things that were said but I do know that time heals and very much doubt that anything your husband says will keep Grandma away from your son in the long term. With as little emotion as possible (you may want to wait a few days to visit this subject) let both your husband and mom (seperately) know how much you love them and respect the differences they shared with each other but tell them how important it is for you to have the two adults you love most in the world get along and hope that the two of them will find resolution and move on because you are not willing to do holidays seperately etc. And then I would let them resolve the issue. Let it go because you cannot control what they do and you will just drive yourself crazy if you try (this may sound like I know exactly what needs to be done...been there, continue to go through and believe, time and children heal lots).
Very best,
N.

Why did the 2 fight to begin with? Where were you when it happened? Seeing as you know the both of them and the temperaments involved, how have you, in the past, been able to fix individual arguments with them? Not knowing what the fight was about is challenging to give good advice. While it was not necessary for your husband to say "shut up" to your mom, or to anyone for that matter, there had to have been a reason why it escalated to that. No one person will ever be able to please everybody at the same time, but you shouldn't put yourself in the middle and make yourself miserable in the process. They're both adults and should behave as such! As for your mom and your son's relationship, it will only suffer if she lets it! Your son, at his age, doesn't have any control over anything at the moment. Your mom will just have to "suck it up" and do things for and with her grandson, not for or with your husband. However, if your husband is a smart man (;-p), he will fix this and move forward from there. Give them a little bit of time so that they can both calm down. Ask them both, separately, what happened so that you can figure out how to help with mending the fence. They will always have this to be upset about, but that's between them. They both want to keep the relationship they have w/ you and your son, so I'm hopeful that they will get their acts together. Stressing over an uncoltrollable situation will do nothing for your nerves or your relationships with them. Good Luck!