Mom May Need Other Living Arrangements

My grandmother lived at Morningside Meadows, and it was wonderful. She had her own apartment with someone who cleaned and helped her as needed. She could cook for herself, or go to the dining room to eat. She could also drive herself or go places in their van. Their website is http://www.morningsidemin.org/. Good luck.

If she is that high functioning still, maybe you should sell her car and use the money to hire her a driver/escort when she needs it? She may have a few more months or years before she needs to go into an assisted living place. That would also give you more time to research what she has $wise and what she can afford and where you can get the most for it. Good luck.

Call up some in your area. Make an appointment to meet with the director, or whoever. Take her with you so that she gets the tour as well. The director should be able to answer all your questions. Take notes to discuss later. Is it a one room apt or does it have a living area, kitchenette, etc. Things that may matter to her but not discussed on location. My grandmother visited several and the one she chose was a very nice one.

It doesn't sound to me like she needs assisted living ( Which is very expensive BTW). perhaps all she needs is for a caregiver to come in daily, or a few times a week. they help with cooking, cleaning, running them to DR. or shopping or wherever they want to go. and they do it for $10-$12 an hour usually in 4 hour intervals. You can find private individuals, or go to a service. the services are more like $12 because they pay and need their cut from their service providers. An individual usually charges $10 and hour, plus gas if they are carting your mom around. Look into that first before putting her in care she may not need , as they will eat up her savings in no time at all! Best of luck, S.

just start googling!! there are several senior assisted apartments. and most have staff that will come and help out with whatever she needs. and she does not need a doctor's referral. just open the phone book and just start calling places and go to see them, talk with the director. just like looking for another apartment.

If she is not ready to leave her home into an assisted living program, there are in home care providers available. I''m not sure what here insurance may cover but there are programs that send someone to assist with housework, adult living skills (bathing, dressing, etc) and doing shopping for her. Good luck.

I am fortunate in that my parents are still healthy enough to not have needed this yet.
I have a good friend that just had to do this for her dad. They love the place----but it is in Dallas.

I CAN tell you that the key to her search involved her siblings as well. She went to Dallas and looked at many places, narrowed it down to 6 choices based on insurance, "feel" of the place, the cleanliness & staff....
then she called her siblings. Told them she had 6 possible assisted living places for Dad and in the next 2 weeks, we need to look at them together.
She was smart in not wanting anyone to get upset or angry later on. So they all toured and decided together with their father.

From the info you have provided it does not sound like an assisted living facility is appropriate for your mom. Try looking for a retirement community instead. Retirement communities have activities scheduled daily and a van/bus to drive the residents. They provide cleaning services and typically have an onsite work out room and beauty salon. Good luck with your search.

I like the idea of having someone come in and help her with the cooking and driving and letting her stay in her own home if that would work. I would first make an appointment with her doctor and sit down and talk to him about your concerns and what is happening outside of his office. I am sure he will then be able to give you advise as well plus OK anything needed to get her the assistance. If you want independent living there are many places and some are just way expensive but you can look them up in the yellow pages and pick out a few and go visit them to see the facility and what they have to offer. They do have someone there to walk you through everything and explain to you what the cost is, what insurance or medicare will cover etc. We had to do this with my mother years ago and I will tell you we pulled her out of 2 living facilities and finally she loved the 3rd one and stayed there until her death. She was so happy there and everyone was so friendly and the grounds were just beautiful. My mother was at Chandler which is off of French, Woodlawn area behind the church. A wonderful place. They do have some apartments and then rooms where they can share with another compatible woman. My mother ended up wanted to share a room and her roommate was her best friend. She also liked going to the cafeteria and sitting with everyone for breakfast, lunch and dinner unless we came and took her out. There was more interaction and she made many life long friends. Good Luck to you. It is so hard to do and to find the right fit for your mother but you will find it. Please do listen to her though if for some reason she isn't happy and find out why.

We are going through this right now with my Mom. My dad decided to get caregivers to come to their house. He wants to keep her home as long as possible. My SIL also has caregivers for her mom. Its cheaper than assisted living and it keeps them in their house. You might want to meet with a financial planner and see how to set everything up for your mom. Good luck! This is not an easy time. Be sure to find support for yourself as well.

First all if she owns a home it is time to transfer it to her children 5 yrs before she needs a nursing home. I know you are talking about assisted living, but the next step is a nursing home. You should talk with some of your friends that have gone through this. Also, ask another surgeon about the surgery.

Anyway, the state will take her home and sell it to pay for a nursing home, so now is the time to get rid of her assetts.

We are fixing to do the same thing, including the cash. It will still be their money but in the name of one of the grown children. This could be a tough thing for her to do but it does need to be done, because the state (medicare)does go back 5 yrs, it used to be 3 yrs., so better be safe than sorry later. Assisted living it does not matter she will pay for the care out of her own pocket.

Make sure to disable her car, like the other poster suggested. We had to disable our grandfathers car, then when he had a mechanic come out, my MIL met him outside and instructed him to disable it. Your mom is putting herself and the public in danger every time she drives.. The only Doctor that will tell her she cannot drive is her ophthalmologist. The others will never say "you cannot drive". They will use words like, "I suggest...", "It is suggested.." To an elderly person, they will see that as there is some wiggle room to drive if in a pinch.

I am sure your mother has lots of choices in San Antonio. Sounds like she would do great in a assisted living community. She would have her own apartment or condo. They will provide transportation to the grocery store or large stores. She could prepare her own meals, but they will also offer some meals..

She is going to do great.

Most counties have a senior services office, kind of like child protective services. You might check and see if there's a social worker or someone like that you can talk to for help with your options.

Hi R D,

I know just the place in SA and I think it has exactly what you are looking for for your mom. I went through this with my MIL about 5 years ago or so. You need to go to The Towers. It is at the end of Harry Wurzbach right before the new entrance of Ft. Sam Houston, near the golf course/officer's club. The Towers is wonderful because your mom would have her own "apartment" and there is housekeeping once a week. There are scheduled activities if she wants to participate. There is a dining room or a smaller take out lunch area. It is a high rise complex so I don't know if your mom has issues with being in high places. The staff are friendly, it is safe. They have shuttles that take the residents to different places i.e. the commissary for grocery shopping, SAS shoe factory and different places like that. VIA bus I believe is going to start making stops at the front entrance as well. We liked it too because The Towers takes care of maintenance and that was one thing my MIL was tired of doing as far as calling a repair person to come and fix something. Also there is an assisted care facility attached to the main Towers building, if your mom should need more assistance with her daily activities. For all of us this has been the best place for her. She even thanks us for moving her out of her house of 20 plus years. One drawback will be paring down furniture and belongings that your mom might have. Unless the sky is the limit financially, your mom may have to have an apartment that is smaller than her current living arrangement.
There is the Forum too which is on the other side of 410 near Perrin-Beitel but it is too much like independent living to me and we didn't feel it was safe enough. But check your options you might like it better.
If you have other questions feel free to email me through Mamasource.
Good luck,
H.

The first thing is to check with the places there in town where you would want her. GO AND SEE THEM.......
See the rooms etc. Then talk with them and find out how they would be able to do the expenses and what they would be.
I live in Corpus Christi, and the one where my mother is has all of these things. You will need to do some homework by looking around and asking questions but it sounds like it is time to do that. Good luck.

Hi R D,
Kudos to you and your mom for recognizing its time for a change. Since she is willing, begin immediately to search out a place to move her. You and DH look around, choose one, then show her that one. It can be overwhelming to make a choice of 10 places with health restraints. You are fortunate that she is social and has the spirit to adapt to something new. Relinquishing driving is a huge issue. Assisted living places generally have everything you could want on site or a transportation to dr's etc. as well as outings. In the elder care support group I attend, they suggest saying "Move" rather than "Put" into a new facility. That allows the person their dignity rather than powerless.
Sorry I cannot give suggestions you requested as my dad was not able to make decisions for himself and we had to choose for him. Plus, I do not live near San Antonio so know no resources there. You will "know" the best place when you visit because you would feel comfortable there yourself. HTH

I work for an elder law attorney and this is something that we help with regularly. You may want to enlist a geriatric care manager. This is someone that will come visit your mother, find out her wants/needs, resource/assets, income limits, personality to help determine the best placement. There may also be avenues with the VA to get more assistance financially. Does she live in San Antonio? There is an attorney there by the name of Patti Sitchler ###-###-#### that may be of great help in navigating the maze of her options.

Independence Hill in Stone Oak is a great spot. The Towers is also lovely, it is just FAR!

Treat looking for assisted living like looking for a daycare. Question everything. Go at an unscheduled time to check things are the same as when appointments are scheduled. Ask about staff turnover. Talk to other residence.

When you find a place and move you MIL in DO NOT SEND ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT LOST OR STOLEN!! Things get misplaced. She will not remember where she puts things. It sucks getting old. My Uncle buys all my grandma's night gowns at Good Will because they get lost in the laundry regularly.

Sorry I don't have places to check out.

You got some good tips on finding independent living for your mom. It is however expensive.
I am writing to address the diabetes. The best thing for her is walking and walking and walking or swimming. In this heat it would be difficult for her to do it outside. If you can drop her at the mall and time how far she can walk (or how long) and then her goal is to increase it every week. This helps her develop insulin receptors which help her to use her insulin more efficiently. I would think that major abdominal surgery might be difficult with diabetes but not ophthalmic. You might want to get another opinion on that. Of couse, she mnay not be a candidate for other reasons.

As a member of the driving publicI beg you to please disable the car.

K.

Hi,
We are going through a simular transition. I contacted "A place for Mom" on the internet. Very helpful site that gets back in touch with you they suggest living sites that are best suited for your Mother. I took a tour of an Independent Living facility and it was great in many ways. The social interactions, on site health care assistance, meals, transportation. Of course it does carry disadvantages also, but the trade off is what you have to start looking at for the safety of your Mother and others. You may want to look on the computer and search for independent living sites in the San Antonio area and take a tour of several before you take your Mother. I will take a leap and ask if she has gotten her business in order also, while she is out driving and doing her "living" things, she is at risk of being in an accident or causing one and her assets are at risk. If you are the only responsible adult child you should sit with her and discuss having business matters decided before an incident. Contact an attorney that specializes in Estate planning. You may have a church member that you could give you a referecnes.
Good luck I know it is a hard time doing all of this but for the good of all concerned someone has to make some difficult choices

Not sure about the assisted living, but as far as the weight goes she may be suffering from adrenal fatigue. First she needs to get on an alkaline diet to support the adrenal glands (google it; there's lot of info out there), then Drenamin. If she's a danger to herself and others, take away her car keys!