Mommy Stress

I can relate to how you feel about being young and being a mother, but I hate to tell you this and you probably don't want to hear this...but now is the time where you have to practice acceptance. Because, now these children are here, and unless you want to give them up for adoption, they are not going anywhere. So what I had to do was accept the fact that it is no longer all about me anymore. I had to accept the fact that I had these children and they needed me. So what I had to do was make the most out of watching my babies grow up because they do grow up fast.... The next thing you know the babies will be off to school and you're wondering where in the hell did the time go!...Trust in this...as long as you are still breathing there is going to be fun time for you, but right now it's time to grow up and be mommy for a little while.

I could have totally written that myself! I got pg with baby #1 while I was in college. Baby #2 arrived this past Oct. I've been wanting so badly to go back to school or work - just for some adult interaction. Sorry I don't have any suggestions, just sympathies. Email me if you like - ____@____.com

Hello there! Well, Im in some what of the same postion as you. I have a 16 month old and 4 1/2 month old. When I found out i was pregnant with my second, i freaked, and felt like you. And when I had him, I didnt think I could do it, and sometimes I think that I have no life. But my life is really with them. I think of it like this,that they are going to be close, and be bestfriends. That im not going to have one out of diapers, and then in 2-3 years have to do it all over again, im going to have them out of diapers close by. Also, everything from my first is still fresh in my memory so i dont forget how to handle it or freak. If you need someone to talk to, or even to give you a break, email me ____@____.com.

Dear M.,
I dealt with some similar feelings while pregnant with and after the birth of my second child. My husband and I had not planned to have kids so soon after getting married but life happens that way sometimes. I got pregnant with our first at the same time that I was starting my nursing career and it threw a big kink in our plans. From then on, I felt as if my life wasn't "mine" anymore. I would encourage you to talk with your doctor about the possibility of post-partum depression, esp. since you have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks in the past. I would also encourage you to talk with a counselor about your feelings. Usually those feelings will eventually go away, but having someone to talk to, and help from your doctor, if needed, can help you handle this turbulent time better and get through it faster. Right now your hormones are still trying to adjust to your body no longer being pregnant, so that tends to make emotions harder to control also. If you are taking any form of birth control hormones, those could also be contributing to the feelings of anger and stress. I took the Depo Prevara shot after the birth of my second child for the first nine months of his life and I was a wreck. The hormones in it made me feel as if I was angry at the world and it was miserable until we figured that out and I quit taking it. Hormones can affect different people in different ways, so that is also something to talk to your doctor about.

And if you just need to vent and get those feelings out, call a friend or get on this board or email me, (____@____.com), anything to let it out in healthy ways so that you won't run the risk of letting it build up to the point of taking it out on your kids in the future. When anger builds up it gets harder to control. So be good to yourself and take some time just for you so that it doesn't build up. New moms tend to think that it is selfish to do nice things for themselves or take time out for their needs, but if mommy doesn't take care of herself, it actually ends up affecting the whole family in a negative way. Moms need nurturing too!

Blessings,
T. Walker
www.MomRN.com

Hi I had my first child at 19, then one at 20, and another at 23 and I had our baby when I was 29. I understand what you are feeling. It can be so hard exspecially when most of your friends are still single and probably don't have kids yet. I even felt issolated from most of our family. I am sure most people thought why are they having more kids!!! The thing is I love kids. And I always wanted to have four kids. We really weren't planning on starting our family when we were so young, but sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Just try to get a little time to yourself. Even if it is just a bubblebath with your favorite authors newest book or taking a walk. Even doing the grocery shopping by yourself can be a blessing. Another thing I would suggest, and this is probably the hardest, don't neglect your marriage. It is so easy for us as mothers to try and be the perfect mom that we forget we are a wife also. Now that my oldest two can watch the younger two we can go out once in a while, but for years we would have date night at our house after the kids went to bed. Just a quite dinner with the two of you or snuggling up on the sofa together as you watch a movie together with a bowl of popcorn or even playing a board game will help you reconnect. Lastly, enjoy your little ones; before you know it you will looking at them wondering where your babies went and how did the time go by so fast.

You can e-mail me anytime you feel like talking. Best of luck to you and your new family.

S.

Well, I am the same age as you, but I only have a 3 year old. I don't get to do those partying things anymore, but I am not saddened by it. Very few of my friends have kids and those that do had them recently. I recommend that you find other moms out there that you can spend some time with. Maybe you can find a buddy and you can watch her kids once a month while they go out and vice versa. Find moms that want to play date. y'all can swicth off houses and meet once a week or every other week. I would make a set schedule so that it doesn't keep getting postponed. If you know that it will be 1:00 every Monday then you will know not to make plans. Also, find moms that want a moms day out. You can meet at each other's homes and play games while the husbands watch the kids or they can even be there with you in the other room.

I would definately do something to get some sanity. If not you will end up regretting having them. My mom had me right out of highschool. She partied all of the time and always had a good time. Then, she got pregnant and it all changed. She was ashamed that she didn't know who my father was so she quit hanging out with everyone. She has treated me differently my entire life. She never calls. She just doesn't care. Now, that I have my own she does the same to her. She doesn't call to check up...nothing. When I do talk to her she is very hateful and rude.

Bottomline...you don't want to be like this. I know you love your babies. But if you don't make a set time for some alone time, hubby time, friend time and so on...it might get worse. I will be praying for you. Yes, it's hard, but I know you can do it!

Much Love and Best Wishes,

M.

I've noticed a lot of the responses you're getting refer to "partying"; to me it just sounded like you wanted to go back to school and at least be around adults every so often, so I'm going from that perspective.
I too am 23 yrs old; I too have an 18 month old daughter; I too got pregnant with her while I was in college; I too have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks in the past. I was a single mom until I met the love of my life about 10 months ago and he openly took on the "daddy" role. I had already had to skip out of college going on two years at that point. However, he encouraged me to go back to school. He is also a student, in grad school, but we make ends meet whichever way we can. I have a part time job and am a full time student. Although my boyfriend helps out with whatever he can, if I want to stay in school and finish I had to file for state aid. If it weren't for my boyfriend and state financial assistance I would not be able to be in school. I hope you have a loving man that will encourage you to go back to school and things will work out. I am a very proud person and it was very humbling to have to get aid through the state, but as I said, I wanted to finally finish school and I'm doing what I HAVE to do to ensure that I do. I just wanted to let you know that it can be done:) And I am extremely happy!!! I don't know if you're the same way but I enjoy being busy with something to do and I love to learn so I found a way to do it while still being able to enjoy my family. However, my time at school and at work is my time to be around other adults and I actually am home by 3 or 4 in the afternoon so I'm not away from my daughter full days. Good luck and please feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you have further questions as we have similar situations (except for the second child:)

Take care,
A.

I'm not in the exact same situation that you are but its close. When I was 23 my daughter was 2 and my husband of 4 years was hurt in a fight. His neck was broke and he became a quadriplegics. I thought my life was over. I had dreams of going back to school and having another child. We would go out to parties and have fun but that all changed. I would stay stressed 24/7. I hated my life. I had a 2 year old and a 220lbs baby I didn't know what to do. I was always yelling and I hated to go home. It finally came down to accepting the way things were or having a nervous break down. I chose to accept things and make the best of them. Your life my not turn out the way you dreamed it would but you can still be happy. I changed a lot of things I use to do and the way I do them. Yes we don't go out as much (but we still go out) and I still haven't went back to school (but I'm working on it) and there is no chance of us ever having another baby but my life isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I have a great daughter and a loving husband. They both sacrificed everything they knew so that we could move to a place where I don't have to worry about working anymore and so I don't have as much stress. So I may not have gotten the exact life I was dreaming of but that is what life is all about you just make the best of it. I hope this helps. If you need to talk you can email me at ____@____.com.

J.

First of all, don't feel alone. We all feel that way, but remember who had who, and that they didn't ask to be born. It's no one's fault, just the way it is. Ah reality sinks in. I would say, what works for me, is to have even but 10-20 minutes in a hot bath, bubbles, the candles, music if you've got a portable boombox. Most hubbies, and or family members or friends would be willing to help you out with that one!!! Learn to ask and find a support system. Find time for you and your hubby, and/or babydaddy. Even if you are exhausted after the kids go to bed, (even if they don't stay there for long,) have a romantic interlude. Doesn't have to end up in sex, but that's always nice. I've learned not to let my kids rule me, that's hard when they are newbies, but letting your little one cry in his crib while you are taking a mommy timeout is usually best for everyone, including the kids. A monitor, and you're set. The bathroom has become my unexpected utopian escape. Remember that daddy helped bring your beautiful angelmonsters into this world too, and he definitely should give you the breaks you deserve when necessary, (no matter who works and who stays home, or not, if this is even an issue!) MOMMY STRESS IS NORMAL, feelings of inadequacy, resentment, all PERFECTLY NORMAL. But, don't ever lose you, know what I mean? Make time for yourself, grab your peacetime, even if it's five minutes in the middle of temper tantrum city, and poopytime. Sometimes it's all you've got. And did I mention leaving the house to hang with friends with kids (close to your kids' ages is always nice) is always a nice refuge.
It's always good to commiserate with friends. Good luck, and don't sweat the small stuff. And you're life isn't over, this is the best part, even though you may not feel that way. They grow up so quick!!! Especially out of the baby part, that was always my favorite. It's when that independent streak comes out that's always the hard part, cuz when it starts it doesn't stop!
N.

First off I want to say that eveyone has given you some really good advice. I am 26 and my kids are almost 3 and almost 5. I am a single mom and know how much stress you are under. Noone can tell you how to become happy in your life. I know that there are days when I still become angry and upset and it isn't as much towards my kids as it is towards myself. I am still going to school and not working. I can't even support them on my own. My parents are helping me out. I am beginning to feel better knowing that I am getting close to graduating and that I will be doing more to help them. I feel like a bad mom too sometimes because I do get angry with them. If you can go back to school and get some of things done that you want to do. Have your husband or someone else watch your kids while you go have lunch with a friend or go shopping. You need to take some time for yourself. I know that has helped me a lot. I really hope that between all the advice you have gotten you can find something to help you.

J.

I keep reminding myself of all of the wonderful things my husband and I will do once the kids are out of the house in 17 years...we'll be young enough to enjoy the freedom, and old enough to appreciate it (mother of 3 at 25 also)

I can say that I totally know what you're going through. I have two boys one is 18 months and the other is 2 months. I am also 23. I feel the same way. I can sit here some days and think about how other people my age are going out to the clubs and partying and drinking and having fun and i'm stuck at home taking care of two babies. The only thing that perks me up about the whole situation is that I get a babysitter at least once a week and I go out to dinner, a movie anything to get me out of the house. I'm not really sure what advice to give you but I just want you to know you're not alone! But whatever you do don't feel like a bad mom the feelings are natural because you're a young mom.

Sweetie, I was 28 when I got pregnant, I have only one child, and I am a single mother. I have felt exactly the same. It comes with the territory sometimes. My siter was in her 30s when she had her 2, and she feels the same way. Being a mom means there is ALWAYS this little being that CONSTANTLY wants or needs something. You have to be sure to make time to be alone as well as with your husband. Its not easy, but some churches do a parents night out, and even the Lighthouse Gym...
You also need to explain to your husband, and both of you need to find a hobby or a "passion" outside of family life and be active with it...My dad had sailing...my mom had shopping - which only works if you have the money for it...lol and I know I don't! I kickbox at the gym 2 nights a week. With your anxiety and all, you might look into natural supplements or talk to your doctor about a mild antidepressant- which are perfectly fine to take, especially after a new baby...
If you need anyhting, e-mail me @ ____@____.com.

M.,
I know it's hard when you're young and things happen unexpectadly...my husband and I were married when I was 22 and were living in a large city, had plans to travel for 10 years and have this exciting life. I found I was pregnant less than a year after we were married (also on the pill). It was hard to accept, because it wasn't what I had planned. I felt like I had bigger dreams in my early 20's then being a wife and mom (as bad as that sounds). I can tell you, like others have posted, that those feelings are totally normal. The grass is always greener, but at the same time there are lots of older women who have looked for years for a husband and kids, and regret the choices they have made. With time you will probably feel lucky when you look at your life...that's how I feel now. The advice about taking time for yourself, talking to friends, asking for help, etc. is all good advice. If you focus on the benefits of having kids young and close together, and look at the bigger picture, you'll probably feel a lot better about yourself! Just think, you'll be a young mom, and only in your early 40's when your kids are out of school! That's a definite plus! You may even decide with time that you want more kids, and have the time to do that. Try to stay positive and focus on what you have instead of want you don't. That's what helps me when I get down. Hope this helps~

I am the mother of 10 and well life isn't always easy, but there is a way to overcome stress. Don't forget to take for yourself and for adult time. You have to take care of "you" first to keep an even balance. That doesn't mean to ignore your little ones, but to find at least 30 minutes a day to call yours. A bubble bath, taking time to shop without the little ones, sometimes just time with a girlfriend without the kids can help. I had put my life on hold for along time, but now I take time for me. I am happier and enjoy all my children. They grow up before you know it. Take time to laugh...a smile is priceless. My oldest, who has left college and is extremely self sufficient still loves to come home to see his mom. I know times can get tough, don't forget to take time for you.

Trust me I know all to well how you feel and I know you feel horrible about saying it, but it is true but don't look at it as being cheated out of your life, look at it as starting a new life a different one with a different meaning for you. As parents our lives are always put on the back burner and our children's lives come first. Remember first and foremost this is not your children's fault they are here and you have to make it the best you can for them. I had 2 babies under the age of one at one time so I know exactly where you are coming from and I was only 19-20 at the time so I felt the same way. You are not a horrible mom you just have to accept that this is your life now and you need to make the best of it for everyone involved. If you would like to keep in contact with me please feel free to do so, seems as if we could share storied and problems!!

S.

Hi M.,
No one understands your situation better than I do.
One month before my 18th birthday I got married. I was also four months pregnant. Five months after my daughter was born I became pregnant with my son. I was also working a full-time job on the evening shift. I am now 34 yrs old with five children and I have been married for 16 years. It wasn't and still isn't easy. I'm always making comments about how my youth was robbed except now it is more in a joking way.
When I became pregnant with baby #3 my husband and I sat down and talked about what was most important to us. And we realized that it wasn't anything material but rather to raise our children in a happy environment. So we made some sacrifices and I quit working. That helped a lot with my own personal stress. It also allowed us to do more as a family because now we were only working around his schedule.
And no matter what your family situation is you and your husband HAVE TO HAVE "DATE NIGHT". The greatest gift you can give your children is a happy marriage. Don't ever feel guilty with leaving your children with a sitter. Trust me, they will be much happier and secure children when they see their parents happy together.

It sounds like you might have a touch of Post Partum Depression. Although alot of these feelings are normal, off and on, you seem to be really upset. I did this to when my youngest was first born. I got so mad at my kids, started having anxiety attacks, I just really didn't want to take care of them because I thought I had been cheated. My doc got me on an anti-depressant and I felt better in just about a week.

You are your kids world right at this age. They need their mom more than they will ever need anything else at this age. Look at it like your are going to be able to re-live childhood again, through your kids. You can still have a life and have fun, you just have to have fun being a mom. They will grow up and be less dependant, and you will regain a sense of your own life, but you will also miss out some very special moments if your not carefull.

Good luck to you, I can tell you love them very much or you wouldn't be worried about the way you feel. Talk to your dr. and we are always here if you need to talk.

STOP U ARE NOT A BAD PAREN FOR FEELING LIKE THIS!!i can relate to your situation... i am 22yrs old and my children are almost 5 and 6 i felt like i was missing out on alot ... BUT missing out on what you think you are missing out on is worse than missing out on what your missing out on when your'e distracted on missing out.... and what i mean is dont worry about what your missing out on but focus on what your going to be apart of!!! i got pregnant at 16 married at 17and me and my husband have been married for 6 yearrs now.. when i first had my children i felt as if i was missing out on everything there was to miss out on and there was alot of anger!!! but gradually i grew out of it or... had a different p.o.v life is what you mak of it.. and me myself i made it great.... i am terrribly sorry you feel the way you do. i too have beeen there felt that and i hope everything goes well for you in he future.. if you feel like it send me a message sometime i am always looking for friends to talk with..

i lnow the feeling just remeber this is only temporarily this is making you more of a women and really make you good at any job but rember its not over when the kids start school you can go back too think of it as a much needed vacation and try to love every minute of it because before you know it you and them will be in school. Your job now is building a bond that will last a lifetime.

Hi my name is vanessia i am 25 with 4 chidren. I know how it feels to frak out. then you freak out bc u feel like a bad mom. the best thing u can do is try to find a little help. have somebody come over and msybe watch them while u take a bath or go to the store or even go out with friends. and eventually it all gets better.

need someone to talk to u can email me at ____@____.com,com

hi im K. and i too can relate to what you are going through. i am a single parent of 2 boys 15, and 9 they keep me going. i am the baby of 4 girls and am alone so it seems unless someone needs me. I have found that even if I can just go outside and work in the yard for a minute that it helps. I know yours are younger, but it is getting a little warmer. you could always get a double stroller and put them in there on a nice day and go for a walk it helps to clear your thoughts. Being a parent is a life changing experience, i have ben a mom since i was barely 18. I don't regret it.I can't imagine my life without my kids they keep me hoppin.I have also had the anxiety and depression faze. it's not fun but i had to keep telling myself that i have 2 wonderful boys that i am responsible for and their well being. also i talked to my dr and got a little help to help me along when i couldnt keep the anxiety and panic attacks at bay. if you would like to talk sometime just email me sometimes just talking to someone gos a long way also. best of luck,K.

Hi M.! Well, you know I have to say it would be a good idea to seek God on this one. He has a plan for your life and it looks like your body is rejecting it. To be at peace you would best benefit by aligning your will with His. Even if you are not a believer, it might be time to reconsider. Life moves pretty fast, and in my opinion I was going nowhere until I became a mom. I am 35 and have a 2 year old daughter. I am also single. When I think about the things I have done or could of done, my mind always comes to the same conclusion, and that is IF I had done this or that or whatever I would be doing it alone, or just for myself. For some reason that puts me in the right place and I realize I am much happier sharing my life with someone. And who could be better than my own kid. You are upset by your own feelings, and if you don't mind me saying, that's good! It means you care, you have a heart, and I know your kids will benefit from your love. I was never able to take any time for myself after the baby, but maybe you need a little time to yourself for some serious thinking. But it's not really that serious, this is what life is all about and before you know it they will be grown. I would seek someone experienced that you trust to give you some insight like your own mother or a pastor or even a therapist. You care M. so you'll get there, you can do what I do and blame it on hormones! The grass is the same color over there as it is over here.

ya know everyone mother goes through those feelings at one time or another...then when you go to their rooms to watch them sleep you think...OMG HOW COULD I EVEN THINK THAT...LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE HERE!!

then when you have money problems or you have something else that happens "bad" those feelings come rushing back again...that "if i had only"..

this doesn't help...but there are so many woman that want to have children that can't and you have been given a wonderful gift...so my advise

find something that makes you happy...something that you like to do...bowling, playing piano, creating a blog, write a book about your experiences and the difficulties...just find something that you can do...you're a mom full time...but even mom has to have her time before she goes totally insane...and you deserve at least 1 hour everyday...

its not entirely impossible for you to go back to school...do you have a support system? (friends, parents, grandparents) you need to have a support system in place for your sanity...

i too have anxiety and panic attacks...i take medicine for that...AS I NEED IT or PRN...IT HELPS!!!

GOOD LUCK!!

M., since you mention that you have previously suffered form anxiety issues, and it has only been a few months since the birth of your second child, I would seriously have a discussion with your doctor about Postpartum. You may just be having a hard time adjusting, but it could be something more serious and deeper then that. You owe it to yourself and your kids to make sure.

my name is P. and i am almost 40 years old and i have 3 kids 2 are grown and 1 is still in elementry school and i worry everyday about my kids and i have been a stay at home mom for quite some time now because when i worked my daughter was molested and my son was scared every day by mean cruel people, they put on scary mask and scared him and locked him in rooms with bugs etc. and has always been very scared of bugs and so am i and i wont put my youngest 1 through all that horrible stuff i even volunteer at the school and stay all day with him cause i dont want anything in the world to happen to him like my other children had to go thruogh and if i had it to do all over again i would never leave none of my children........children are my life and i help the school all i can, we dont live in a great neighbor hood so the children here are mostly abused and i feel bad for them and will do anything for them........good luck with yours and love them as much as you can and always please listen to them cause little ones do no lie

You're anxiety and panic attacks are probably still with you and have found a new way to express themselves by making you feel isolated and without purpose.

I'm the same way. For 9 years I lived without my only child and when I became pregnant again I was overwhelmed with worry and regret about the last 9 years. I felt guilty about everything that I was able to do with the baby that I couldn't have done with the older son because of our financial situation. When I finally carried my third child to term I was totally overwhelmed with a lack of identity. My only reason for being was to care for the 3 men in my life at the time.

I do what I can't to find joy in the little things and not get overwhelmed in the challenges and sacrifices. Most of the time it's just finances that keep me from doing things for myself so I do free things like skip the laundry and chores for the day and watch romance movies or check out books on tape or cd from the library. One night a week I have a night alone. I go to my room to watch Ghost Whisperer without having to be responsible for the kids. Of course having a very supportive husband who shares in all the household responsibilities as well as caring for the kids is key. If you don't have that then it's hard to find joy in anything. I know cause I divorced my older son's dad because of it.

You know, I have just started feeling the same way. I am 25 with two kids! My oldest is starting kindergarten this coming school year. I had my daughter in the summer of 05. After I had her I quit my job of 5 years in the corporate world and now I do the home day care thing and got to school at night. It was a HUGE change. I've lost a lot of my friends due to the fact that we are just in different stages of our lives. My little sister just turned 18 and is always out doing all the fun stuff I did for a very short amount of time. I will admit I am jealous and I'm starting to feel like I missed a HUGE part of my life. I love my kids and my husband very much, but while I'm stuck putting the kids to bed at night my husband is at the bar 3-4 nights a week.

All thought I don't have much of an answer for your question I just want to let you know there is someone in the same boat as you. I just try to stay poitive and know that I am a young mom that has the energy to keep up with her kids. Not only that but, when my kids become adults I will be around to see them raise a family of their own.

"The Scripture says, No man who believes in Him [who adheres to,
relies on, and trusts in Him] will [ever] be put to shame or be
disappointed." Romans 10:11

After all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up,
leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you
to want only the best for yourselves, THAT is the source of your
problems and stress.

"Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most
cases, it's just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we
drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you
consciously went for the best cups and then began eyeing each other's
cups."

"Now consider this: Life is the coffee . . . and the jobs, houses,
cars, things, money and position in society are the cups. They are just
tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not
define nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by
concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has
provided us. God brews the coffee, not the cups . . . enjoy your
coffee."

"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect; It means you've
decided to see beyond the imperfections."
Live in peace and peace will live in you.

M.,
I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. I just had my first baby on July 18, 2006. I have been having a hard time with things myself and I am finally admitting to myself and my husband that I am stuggling with depression. It is very hard for me to admit and deal with. I agree with alot of women who say you need to find a mommy club or playgroup. I am currently looking for that in the Joplin area. I honestly think this would help. I think it would be good to try and find friends that are going thru the same things you are. I will pray for you. I hope things get better. Just make sure to show your children you love them. I am sure things will work out for you it will just take time and work. Good luck to you.

You are a good mom, you recognize that things are not right for you now...and that means you are thinking about your children!!! I agree that you have probably got some post partum, I noticed that with each child I had my depression deepened, please talk to your doctor!
Sounds like it is time for you to figure out how to get what you want without feeling guilty about it!! Go back to school!!! There are grants available and assistance available for daycare if that is what is holding you back. Use that time the kids are in daycare to go to school, study, do your errands and chores, and treat yourself. You are IMPORTANT!! You should never feel guilty about going after what you want. After 2 failed marriages, I have learned the only important lesson to be learned....NEVER SETTLE!!! You do deserve to follow your dreams. There are ways to go about it without feeling like you are neglecting your duties as a wife and mother...because in addition to that you are a person with hopes and dreams that need to be fulfilled. Your family will realize that when you are feeling better and happy, the whole family will reap the benefits of you being happy!! I have lots of suggestions for you, just not sure what you are wanting to do, so feel free to message me!! Good Luck, I know you can do it!!

Hi M.,
I'm a 24 year old mother of 2 boys, they were 21 months apart. My husband and I planned it that way to have them grow up together and we would be able to enjoy doing things together. Boy, were we crazy! Most people think 2 kids is twice the work of one, not true! It is 10 times the work since they are working together to drive you crazy and they go different directions when you try to leave the house! My husband was working a lot and I was left home a lot alone with the kids. I got really depressed due to the isolation, etc. We live in the country where there aren't "mom's groups" etc. and all decent babysitters are full, so I couldn't work. My family doesn't live nearby either.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is this: You will have to suffer through the next few years until the kids are old enough to behave when in public. My kids are 3 and almost 2. My older one doesn't require constant attention and the 2 year old is less difficult than my older son, so we go more places. Try making the Playplace a regular trip, go to the park, the library(when they are older), a kids museum. Anywhere! You have got to get out and be around other people your age! Your friends will get you through, all of my friends are still single and partying it up, I had NOONE to help me out or even spend time with.

Things will get better, just do your best to keep your patience, appreciate the smiles, and think about how great it will be when they start school and its your turn to do what YOU want!

If you need to chat, feel free to message me.

L. =)

M.,

I felt the exact same way when I became pregnant. I had decided to take a semester off college to get married. Then, right around the time of our wedding, I got pregnant. I felt the exact same way you do.

Maybe your personal life is on a little bit of a hold right now. However, you'll soon realize that taking care of your children is a really wonderful life. Also, once they get a little older and enter school (if you don't homeschool like I do), you'll be able to finish your degree (if you haven't already through correspondence & online courses; look into it - it's a great thing to do during naptime) and work part-time someplace... If you even are interested in doing something like that when that time comes around.

I know it's more difficult, but it's possible. ARound the time my daughter started school, I started returning to school myself - and I homeschool! So it is possible. We just have to learn to take the blessings - even when they come as an unexpected (and maybe a little unwanted) surprises. Remember, it is a blessing...

M.,
I am 36 and my children are now 17,15, and 12. I had my oldest when I was 19 years old. I have had many of the same feeling you described. YOu are not alone. I love my kids and I am thankful for them however one of the things I did not do when they were younger was take time for myself and eventually it got to me and I became severly depressed and having axiety attacks. This was not good for me or them. As there was a time when I became suicidal. Thank God I got help and am now able to enjoy my life, my kids, my hubby and everything around me. Take time for yourself, find other moms to talk to and hang out with. Although you have children and you are still young does not mean your life is over. I had 3 kids and my youngest was a baby when I went to college. My best friend is in college now and she has 3 kids. one in Middle School and 2 in ELementary. So your life is not over just rearranged. It is how we look at things that affect us. You can determine the outcome by your own actions. We all get frustrated at our kids and our lives but those are the times you need to step back and take a break. One of the things I have learned through my experience is that you MUST take time for yourself and take care of your self if you are going to be there to take care of your kids. I had to learn that the hard way. Good Luck and hang in there. T.

I had my daughter unexpectedly at 20 years old. She's 8 now. None of my friends/family started having kids until just a few months ago. I felt totally alone in being a mom all this time. I did finally get my associates degree with a ton of support from family-mainly babysitting for me. It was hard but i knew i had to do it for myself and i made it happen. I am just now beginning to have a life of my own. i wish i had taken the initiative years ago. My girlfriend and i get together every 2nd Friday of the month. we just go out to eat and i get my "adult" time. I'm going to take a class that local schools offer (like Continuing- or Community-Education), maybe yoga or meditation. they are not very expensive. Like someone else said, find some kind of self-enrichment classes for yourself. I've even seen some that are for parents, and they discuss a different topic each week regarding parenting, discipline, etc. some may offer free childcare or simultaneous youth classes as well. Call your local Community college and see what they offer in non-credit courses if you want something just for fun.
BTW, i always wished i could have had my kids close together but it was always so scary. we are planning on trying to conceive our 2nd in a few months. my daughter will be at least 9 years older than her sibling :( we are going to have to start all over again. That's a whole other stress.
Enjoy your babies while you can. they do grow up fast. i miss the "smallness" and adorable sounds of the really little ones. Good luck.

i've felt like how ur feeln. i'm a single mother of 3. ages 3-5-7. my life is my kids. i love them dearly . but yes at times i get stress. thinkn i now have no life. but when u think bout it they r our lives. u just need a fall back plan. u need 2 have some "me" time. ask grandparents & family 4 "sitter" help. tell "daddy" he needs 2 start havn daddy time wit the kids.u may want 2 check n 2 play groups n ur area. (they're a big help)go back 2 work.( a job can b a getaway) u may not never have it like u did b4 but u can keep some of it. as time passes u'll get n2 it. & ur not a terrible mommy just stressed wit 2 babies under age of 2. :)

I've been there and done that and believe it or not, life does go on. It's hard, but like my mother told me, you could have protected yourself and planned on when to have the next one. Children are a gift and they are your first priority now. Call a relative on the weekday and ask them if they'd babysit the weekend so you can go get some j oy back. I'm sure they'll understand. Don't be so h*** o* yourself and take advantage of their sleep time.
____@____.com

I see you have a lot of responses here and I don't have the time to read them all so please forgive me if I am repeating advice already given.

I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 19, she is now 5 and I also have a 1 year old son. Oh yeah, and I also just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again. So I also have felt like I didn't get a chance to do the things for myself that I wanted and especially with my husband like we should and it started causing problems in our marriage. This is what we did and this is my advice to you...We found a baby sitter and started USING HER!!!(it's even better if you can find someone with kids and just watch each others kids that way you don't have to pay) We hadn't done anything together without kids in so long and it really helps me appreciate my home life so much more. I don't know if this is the advice you were looking for but trust me it will help! Every mommy(and daddy) needs that time apart, and that way we can be better parents so don't let it make you feel guilty because you are not only doing it for yourself you are doing it for them! Many blessings to you and your family!!

I AM 35 YRS OLD MOTHER OF 5 CHILDREN. EVERY ONE OF THEM WAS NOT PLANNED. I HAD MY FIRST WHEN I WAS SEVETEEN, AND HAD MY 5 ONE MARCH OF LAST YEAR.LIFE IS FULL OF ALL KINDS OF CHANGES, BUT NEVER THINK THAT BY YOU HAVING YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATED.YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH LIFE THAT IS THE BEST FUTURE ANYONE COULD ASK FOR.
MOM OF 5

Don't try to take on the world by yourself. I would suggest talking to your doctor about these feelings, especially since you have a history of anxiety and panic attacks. If you are feeling overwhelmed all of the time, you may have postpartum depression. Your doctor can help you come up with some solutions to fit your individual needs. Sometimes it just helps to talk to other people, but antidepressants can help a lot as well. You should not have to feel this way! Try to take a little time for yourself each week as well. I know, easier said than done. But if you can get someone to watch the kids while you do something for yourself, such as get in a walk or workout, have your nails done, or just eat a hot meal in peace, it can do wonders for how you feel!

Take care of yourself! Good luck and keep us posted!

I can certainly relate I was 20 and in college when my 1st was born so I quit school to take care of her and get a job, my second came 2yrs later. I decided to put my life on hold and concentrate on them. Now that they are both in school I have gone back to college to finally finish. It is very helpful to find a great sitter so you can still go out and be around people your own age, I found that most of the MOPS and playgroups were full of moms much older than me so it was hard to relate. Also I suffered from depression because of puttig my life on hold and found that exercise and medicine helped, I also tried to make sure that I got out of the house alot both with my kids and without my kids. It will get better! Maybe talk to your Dr. and see if they think you are maybe suffering from some mild depression. Good Luck!!

Ok. I don't want this to come off as harsh. We are all entitled to our feelings...
Imagine that you wanted a child more than anything in the world. Imagine trying month after month and coming up empty handed. Imagine invasive medical procedures. Imagine after 4 years of all this finally being sucessful, then it being taken away- 5 times.
Imagine after 8 years and sucessful having a lc that in your next pg you lose a twin, but you go on to have another healthy baby.
You have just lived the last 11 years of my life. There are many more women out there who try month after month to have babies, but still don't have them.
Consider yourself lucky that you have not have to live that hell.
Being a mom is absolutely overwhelming at times. You could be one of the women who have tubes that are scared beyond hope and your only option to have a child is with a procedure that costs over 10,000. And those are the lucky ones. Many women have gone through this only to lose their babies late in pg, or in stillbirth, or to SIDS.
This is many womens tough reality. Be greateful for your babies.Love them and hug them. There are many women out there who would love to have their own.

I'm there with you! I have 3 kids 3 and under and I'm 25! I have good days and bad days. What do you feel like you're missing out on?...Partying?...Hanging out with friends?...Career? I try to think of it like this...in your children's eyes, you are the greatest superhero (next to dad) there ever will be. You are their world! What is more important in your life than that?

I really miss the things I could do before I had my babies but I also look forward to the things that only a mother can share with her kids too.It IS a tough thing to go through especially when you are young, but you just have to look to the future and remember that they need a happy, healthy mommy.

I struggle A LOT! And I yell more than I should. I wish there was something I could do to keep myself from flying off the handle sometimes...but I pray to God every night and ask for forgiveness for what I've said that day and ask for strength to get me through the next day.

I can truly say that I was never angry that I had a child but the depression that came on afterwards wasn't that great. I've never felt cheated out on my life. A child is a great responsibility and also a life changing experience. What did you miss out on? Parties? College? You can still go to college and finish your degree, that's what I did. My hubby is very supportive and we've gone through a lot but never once have I thought I was cheated out of life because our daughter became our new life and that brought on new experiences like dirty diapers, first teeth, first words, first steps.

Perhaps maybe you should find a support group or get involved with like Mommy day's out type of things. My daughter is in school (11yrs old) and I have just been able to stay at home. It'll work out.

I'm 29 and I have a 3 year old. I've felt the same way. But I must say that I felt like something was missing before I found my husband and we made our beautiful daughter. I tell myself that she was meant to be even though I had decided that I never wanted kids.
Having a kid is a test of selflessness. And it's good for you. I'm sure you know the legacy of your children will far out live the legacy that any of us can accomplish in life. Life is the little things. The little things engulf the bulk part of our lives and that's where we need to find our joy. I had been in a rut for a long time, feeling like I sold out "to the man." But grand, momentary accomplishments don't matter right now. Sometimes making sure the house is clean doesn't even matter. She matters and my husband matters. The fun and freedom of being childless is fleeting. Sure, you can go out and party all night or take trips if you have the money and not have to answer to anyone. I know it's not much consulation, but I had time on my own and I didn't appreciate it. That's not to say I don't miss it at times. But there was no one to go home and share dinner with. THere was no one snoring in the bed next to me. There was no one to help fill the mundane moments of my life and left to my own devices, I was prone to depression and anxiety. I have a sweet, curious, intense sponge of a daughter who needs my help guiding her in this strange, weird world. I remember being 3. I remember the awe I had, the confusion, the cool wall on my feet as I ran my feet over it during naptime. The dust specks floating in the sunlight. The little things. And that's what your kids are here for... to teach you to remember the little things.
Don't hold yourself to impossible ideals. I've had this child in my life for more than 3 years and I'm just now learning how to play with her. Somedays it's still hard, there is never perfection. But you just have to learn to forgive yourself, because the extra energy you have from letting go of your guilt for not being the perfect mom will give you the energy to get down there and play and enjoy your kids. And forgive your kids for wanting to be. They're little once. They'll need you less and less. So enjoy it while you can.

I was 16 when I got married and 17 when my daughter was born ( no I was not preg. when I got married)I know that was young maybe to young, sometimes I wished I'd been a little older, but I wouldn't trade 1 minute of it. I was so proud of her I always wanted to show her off. I know every person and every child is different and things are tougher for some than others. You should be thankful that God gave you 2 beautiful babies and you are young enough to enjoy them. There are many women out there who love to be in your shoes. But I also understand how stressful it can be it's not always a bed of roses. As they get a little older it will get better.

I had my first 3 children at 18, 20 and 23. They were and are the best thing that ever happened to me. My life was ALL about them ALL the time. Every major decision I made in my life was about what was best for them. I never resented it. In fact, I was and am completely grateful to be a mom. My 4th daughter came a long after we thought we were done. There has not been one day that I have not thanked God for letting me do it again.

What you need is a little tough love.

This is NOT some sort of thing that just happened to you. You chose to have sex. You chose to have children. This is also not just normal stress that comes with having children. Those babies deserve to be loved and cherished! How would you feel if something happened to them? I venture to say you would be devasted. It's all in how you look at it.

Maybe you need to talk to a counselor. Those children did not make this choice to be born! They don't deserve to be looked at as some sort of burden. That's how my father saw my brother and I. It's hurtful and frankly I have NEVER had a good relationship with my dad. Now he's dying a miserable lonely old man. Is that what you want?

You need to stop and think about how you would feel if you were infertile! You have been given a wonderful opportunity to nurture those prescious children. So just do it and be happy about it.

Suzi

Hi M.!
It looks like you're getting a lot of great advice from women who have been or are in the same situation...now how about some words of wisdom from someone who is quite the opposite!

I had my first baby at 34 and my second at 36. I had a miscarriage 3 months ago at 38 with what was to be our 3rd and last child. Now my husband feels like we are "too old" to be having anymore and wants to stop. I am not ready to give up and I am crushed that I may never have any more children.

So...I am in quite the opposite position you are. Where you are having regrets about having children so soon, I'm having regrets that I waited so long to have them. (it really wasn't my choice; it took me 31 years to meet Mr. Right!). So...I HAD all those years of "fun and freedom" before I had children. And you know what? It means nothing now! I would have rather given that up and started my family sooner.

The fun and freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be. Being a mom is the best gift ever, and you are so young that you'll STILL be young when your kids are grown. I think when you're my age, you'll be GLAD you had them when you did! Best wishes to you and your family.

M.,
It is true that having a baby changes everything. I waited til I was 34 to have my first because I wanted to do other things while I was young and fresh. Boy, I now wish I wouldve started at your age!! Kids are such a blessing, they really are! Dont forget to savor every every minute as you go, because they truly do grow up so fast! My kids are 3 and 5, and I already wish I could turn back the clock and see those precious little infants once more! Kids worship the ground you walk on, so please dont be too h*** o* them. It is amazing what they remember, and also how they bring their experiences into the people that they become. Dont miss out on anything that is important to you. Do what you can to further your own growth. These kids were not put in your life to anger you, or to cheat you of anything. Quite the contrary. These little beings that you have helped make are right now learning and growing in your love. You are still so young and I know it is frustrating, but know that you really are not giving up your life, it has just changed. Try to find the true pleasure that these kids will give you over and over. Whatever your other dreams are, continue to strive for them, even though it might be harder now. Take classes. Skydive if ya get the chance, or whatever. Those kids will appreciate your efforts with your own personal goals when they are older, and it will show them what they can do with themselves even when the going gets tough.
I was the most impatient person, and one that wanted to do what I wanted when I wanted before kids. I had the hardest time when my first was born. My mom said to me, "Try not to miss a minute with them, it's not something that will ever come again the same way." And she was right. Love them and enjoy them along the way. Life is definately a journey, not a destination.
Best of Luck!
L.

This is your life! It's a very blessed life may I add. So many people try and try to have their own children and some never do. I had my first daughter when I was 20 and my second when she was 20 months old. I have suffered from depression and anxiety, even before I had children but I do not regret having my children. There will never be a job more important than loving and shaping another human being into the person they will become. So PLEASE remember what affect it will have on your children when you have feelings of regret and resentment. Also you will never be loved or looked up by anyone else more than your children will love and look up to you. I now have three children and realize everyday that I would only be missing out WITHOUT them. Please try to take a different outlook on what it means to be a mother and realize anything else you wanted to do is just postponed not canceled. You'll just have the best company to do those things with later on, your husband and children and you'll still be young! If you don't quit worrying about what else your missing out on you'll miss out on your children. Maybe more children aren't the best idea until you've worked these feelings out. It is not your daughter or sons fault that you feel cheated please don't punish them.
May God bless you and your children,
A.

As a former PPD sufferer I urge you to call your doctor as soon as possible. I was 28 when I had my daughter certainly not a youngster. She was very planned and wanted. I remember standing in the shower crying really feeling that I had ruined my life by having her. And there was no way to change it. I felt those same angry feelings. I told my doctor and got on an anti-depressant. I took it for about four months and was fine. It wasn't a magic pill but I was able to enjoy my child. It will get better!

M.

Hey M.,

First of all, know that you are not alone or the only mom who has these feelings. I am 26 and had my first son just after I turned 21. It wasn't planned either. I used to really struggle with how I hadn't finished college and feelings of inadequacy. But somehow I've learned to accept and love the role I'm in with my kids. I am doing something really important and though some of my plans are delayed for a little while, eventually I'll finish school and do the other things I want to do. I know what you're feeling and don't feel guilty about those feelings. Maybe you could try in a few more months to go back to school a few days a week. This would get you out of the house and allow you to have adult contact which you definately need and to feel that you are reaching goals you have for yourself. This is just a season of your life which always changing so don't feel hopeless. One more thing, whenever your feeling your temperature rising at one of your little ones, take one of their little feet or hands and just look at it. Think of how precious they are and how they're only this small for a short time. This always works for me.
Take care,
E. T.

you have a lot of good input...
The best thing I can say is....this is normal. It is normal to be stressed and want your own life. But it will get better....I promise. Just keep talking to people (that will help...A LOT!!) and try to find some time for yourself...even if it is just once a week. Do a class (like art, dance, crafts, ect) once a week that is just for you....and don't feel guility about it...if you are happier you will be a better mom and wife. I do that. I volunteer at a hospital once a week...I take my dog in as a therapy dog. It is a nice break....Just me and the dog and I get to connect and help with the patients. It feels good to help people AND be away from the baby!!! Sometimes you just need a break. It took me a long time to not feel guilty about dropping the baby off at my parents for an evening so I could just sit around and loof.
I have a friend that had their 1st baby really young (i think they were like 20), and him and his wife have stuck it out and have been married for 12 years. He talks about how hard it was...but now he says everything is SO wonderful....
Hang in there.....
Us moms will be here for you.....we have to stick together....

I think I have felt the way you have feel several times.I have 3 daughters.I don't feel that way anymore.Maybe you have PPD and need to seek help.I wish you all the best of luck.Babies are god sent.And remember they didn't ask to be brought here.