My 3 1/2 Year Old Son Laughs at Time Outs...... Need Help!!!!

It sounds like you have done a lot of reading, but if you haven't read a book called "How to Listen so Kids will Talk and how to Talk so Kids will Listen" by Farber and Mazlish, then you should give it a try. It talks a lot about how traditional discipline (like timeouts, for example) don't work, but it tells you why they don't work and what to do instead. It really changed my whole outlook about child-rearing altogether and I found the techniques worked right away with my 2.5yo daughter.
This is a tough situation and I wish you a lot of luck!

Try positive reinforcement first. Instead of waiting until he strikes again, take a little time to talk to him and show him how neat it is that baby sister is walking...maybe even talk about how you used to love to watch him walk (pull out the photo album) and then mime with him what you used to do with him. Then demonstrate the caring behavior you want him to show (first with him...and then later with sister). Finally have him show you the caring way he walks with his sister and be high on the praise.

He likely thinks it is funny and doesn't understand how it makes his sister feel.

My first response would have been to start taking away facorite activities (sorry honey, no BigBigWorld today becuase you can't be nice to sister) but that might ilicit more undersireable behavor due to resentment.Have you tried naughty spot (a consistant chair or mat) and have you tried the corner/wall?

He likely laughs through the time out because he is getting attention (even if it is negative). He may feel he doesn't get enough attention so gets it any way he can find it. Maybe he needs some "special" time that is just with him and each parent. I know the day is busy, but maybe daddy can give him 15 minutes and maybe mommy can give him another 15 minutes out of their day for just his time.

Children are not just bad and aggressive - there are reasons. Figure out why he is behaving in this manner, and address those issues.

I've always found that with my child (now 9 3/4) when she misbehaves, I address the underlying cause and poof! no more problems. I ask her why she's angry, etc. and then we talk through the issues (even when she was 2 1/2).

I have never used time outs (I don't believe in them). My take on your situation is that your son needs 1) more active play time with children his age; 2) help in understanding his role as a big brother (he gets to be her teacher!); and 3) special one on one time with both parents.

Perhaps special time where you read books together about the role of the big brother?
Timing and regulating blood sugar could also be an issue.

I have 2 almost-4 year olds. My advise is to not let him know it gets to you. Just quietly, firmly put him into time out. If he gets out of time out, put him right back in - you may have to do this 30 times, but he'll get the message. If he laughs, so what? Just walk away. Also, definitely make him apologize to his sister EVERY TIME and explain why what he's doing isn't nice. And I know it's hard, but don't overreact when he hurts his sister - he probably loves "getting a rise out of you" (so to speak). It's great fun to watch mommy and daddy get mad.
Alternatively, maybe time outs aren't the best "teaching punishment" for him. Some kids respond to putting their favorite toy in time out instead; Or to taking away that toy for a day. Find a punishment that works for him - but whatever you do, don't give him attention while he's in time out or in another punishment phase - that'll only encourage the behavior. And make sure he has his own stuff that he can call his own that his sister can't get into. That's gives him some sense of ownership and control.

I am a stay-at home mom of 4 boys and one girl. Two very helpful books by Dr. James Dobson are Bringing Up Boys (totally gave me so much insight into how boys are wired and think), and The New Strong-Willed Child. After reading these you will feel like you have some wonderful tools to use. Now don't get me wrong...on a weekly basis I feel like I'm going to go crazy with my kids! But that is when I make sure to get some alone time in or out of the house at a minimum once a week.

Hi J.
When my youngest started walking my 2year old suddenly did the same thing. In my mind looking back, I think since the baby now could walk she was supposed to be able to do all he could do and be more of a playmate now. When it was happening it was more than frustrating, but just remember a soft answer goes further than automatic punishments. Try focusing and giving HUGE praise over good behavior. I know I feel quite silly when I do this but its amazing to see how my kids suddenly try to do more good just to get the happy response. Or maybe try having him earn a date with mom or dad by having good behavior. I know some people are against reward systems, but I say if punishments aren't working, keep trying new things until you find what does! Good Luck

Sounds really hard. I have a 3 and a half year old girl and a 6 month old baby. What I have learned so far is

-even though my friend and I joke that it's all about "bribes" and "threats", it works and you can keep a sense of humor about it.
-use immediate negative consequences or "threats" of them. Use things he cares about and that are reasonable (if you trip your sister one more time I am canceling your play-date today or I'll have to put away your toy... Always, by the time I start walking to the phone to cancel the play-date due to her lack of cooperation, she consents)
-Use immediate positive rewards that he cares about. Ex: when he is nice to his sister you really celebrate and give him attention. "If you share one toy nicely with your sister today we can go for a walk to the beach."
-Be consistent
-Only choose "threats" and "bribes" that you are willing and able to follow through on, so think before you speak
-Lower your tone of voice, mean it, and follow through, without being scary, or course, or condemning him as a person. That is, say "We're not going to the playground until you clean up your mess" (natural consequence of his behavior).
-Get down to his level, give him a hug, look him in the eyes calmly, use humor, laugh at yourself, chase him around for fun to release tension, but follow through when you say that he can't have or do something.
GOOD LUCK!It can be exhausting. Make sure to take the kids out of the house a lot for social interactions for you, too, so your not isolated and can keep getting support from other moms..

Maybe find something he likes or enjoys doing , besides food, and take that away when he grabs sister, for how ever long you think you need to. Tell him it's absolutly unexceptable to hurt people. Make sure to give her attention first when he grabs her and make a big fuss about her. Also see if he needs to ingage in more gross motor activity. Set something up that he can pull down. Then tell him, "When you feel like pulling sister, you may pull this down instead. We don't pull people's bodies down, it hurts them." then if he does use the pull down toy, praise him big time! especially if you notice he made a choice between sister and toy.
I hope this helps,I think staying home with the kids is the hardest job on the planet!
54 year old Mom of a 7 year old girl, (and a preschool teacher)
H.

Check his favorite TV shows, is one wrestling?
Is he jealous of his little sister
watch the foods he eats first thing in the morning, some foods make some children aggressive

How about changing to a reward system? What does he respond to positively, special time with daddy, outing, whatever it has to be something for him and make it a big deal. First, identify when the behavior is at it's worst, when you aren't giving him attention, on the phone, tired, hungry etc... and reduce those instances. You know he understands you, so have a short talk with him about the undesirable behavior. Then introduce a reward chart, sticker or jar system and reward him for good behavior. Have a short discussion about the rules and expectations you have. You may need to remind him frequently at first, but never use it to threaten. (you won't get...)

This system worked great for us, good luck. vic

PS If you still need a few T/Os, let him laugh at it, at his age it's more for him to have time away from the behavior than to be upset by it and it gives you a moment to compose yourself.

A lot of kids laugh at time out or during times of being disciplined cuz they see how it angers their parents. I think the other mom's suggstion of loss of privledges or a favored toy is a good idea. And it should be immediate so he gets the correlation. The aggression towards his sister is concerning. Definately needs to be nipped in the bud. Along w/the immediate punishment for hurting his sister, I suggest you also praise him whenever he's being nice & gentle w/his sister. Every time he's done something nice, lavish him w/praise, let him know how happy you are he's being nice to her, what a good big brother he is & so on. We've found that praising the positive has such a big effect on our boys. It's easy to get in a negative, punitive cycle & end up feeling like you're being mean all the time so praisiing the positive helps alleviate some of that. It might also help to find time for just the 2 of you do to something cuz I'm sure he's feeling left out. Every time our younger son hit a big physical milestone & was being given atttention for it, then our older son would start acting out so I'd make sure to carve out time for the 2 of us alone. Maybe you could start a reward chart for him giving him stars or stickers for every time he's nice to her that will go towards a special reward like maybe an outing for just you 2 or he & his dad. Good luck & hope this helps!

Hello J. S. Time out does not always help with my daughter(5)either... although making her face the wall with her forhead touching while sitting indian fashion on the carpeted floor helped tremendously with the "fidget factor". What is more effective for us is a two step approach. 1) Warning of what will be taken away if this happens again - such as a book/s at bedtime, dessert, a favorite toy. 2) Take it away and stick to your guns. If she cries, she often does for a while, I say that I am sorry too but she knew what would happen and she made a choice to do it anyway. I feel good about this method because it teaches her about consequences for her actions. It has cut down tremendously on "repeat" offenses and gives her set boundaries. Good Luck!

Hi, first remember to try to remain calm... I know it's hard we have a 4yr old with no impulse control and will act out by hitting, pinching, and so on. We have a wonderful child psychologist who is helping us find ways to not only teach him but help him. He has a wonderful preschool teacher who is also very involved. And I am taking a parenting class. It is a work in progress, and yes we have many days where I have to count to ten because If I start to lose control it only feeds the fire. But usually when a child is acting out it's because they don't know how to get what they want. And they are frustrated. So I would recommened looking into a parenting class not just for help but support. And looking into having your child see a psychologist. Because when a parent can admit they need a little help It shows they are a great parent.

My son could care less about time-outs too.
We started taking away whatever toy or priveledge he cared about most. It had to be immediate after whatever behavior was unacceptable - so that he correlated the loss with the behavior we wanted to stop. If it continued to happen, he would loose it for longer periods of time, and other times have to earn it back.
hope this helps!
Errin

Hi J.,

Sounds like he needs one on one time with mommy and daddy. My encouragment to you is to have big brother time. Share with him how to help and not feel left out with his little sister. Also he might just consider her his playmate and not relize he's doing anything wrong by being so ruff. Blessings~

You must sit him down on a chair with out showing emotions... not angry or eveen scold him...
and do not talk or look at him till time out is over... he laughs to bother you... show him you are not bothered... go on with your life so he can see he cannot afect you, and it has to hit him he is the only one that is in trouble!!! When you go back to him before getting him up... with a calm voice ask him why he was punnished... and if he still has attitude then leave him there a little longer then go back to him and ask again... until he calmly tels you why he was punnished and ask him to say he is sorry ,,, hug and kiss him and give him the attention he so badly wants but only when he acts and behaves good!!! That way he will learn that he won't get attention while acting bad... Kids will take any kind of attention Good or bad!!! Do not feed the bad kind...Love, G.. :0)

It sounds like he's looking for attention. Kids will do things for attention, even if it's negative attention. I would make sure that he is getting plenty of positive attention and special time/trips with mom or dad without the baby. If he is feeling good about his relationship with you, then I doubt he will need to do this to his sister. I would focus more on the heart of the problem rather than the discipline. I have girls and they tend to respond well with explanations and clear disapproval, but I know that all kids are different. Still I have never used time outs. Most people I know that use time outs over use it & their kids just keep doing things that keep putting them in time outs. Maybe you could take away his favorite toy, instead--put teddy in time out for a day or two.
Also, I would redirect him in positive activities & get him some friends that he can rough and tumble with, as well. Maybe he needs to run around some more. Good luck, I know boys are very different from girls, so I don't know if this will help or not.

hi i am 32 and we have a five year old boy. your son laughing is an ernest indication it is time to change punishments! every child reacts differently to disipline however every child has some privelege or toy ect.., that he would rather not live w/out... this is hard for a lot of parents in the beginning -when you do take action and lay down the new law, enforcing said rule w/ loss of aBSOLUTE fav. toy/book/privelege ect..,stating clearly what behavior is unacceptable, in time your child understands that the choice lies w/THEM and that YOU are not taking somthing away but rather there behavior dictates the privelge recieved or w/held... as they develop the "concept" of right/wrong & or not hurting another ect.., will follow. good luck. J. LJ