My Daughter Wants to Play with Boys?

It's her personality. It's not a problem. Girl play can be HEAVILY rule based, and if that's not her thing, that's fine. She may just want to PLAY already and not have a bunch of "prep" to do it.

PLEASE let her play with whoever. Boy does not equal aggressive. Aggressive boys are aggressive. Aggressive girls are aggressive. She'll find the kids she likes to play with and they'll play.

Relax.

I played primarily with boys up until I started 3rd grade. They were more fun and less whiny, what's wrong with that? I wasn't even really a tomboy, I just liked running around and playing tag at recess and most of the kids who did that happened to be boys.

I long found men/boys to be less drama than the girls, and they were often more interested in the same things than I was. I wouldn't worry. Do they treat her nicely? Does she like to play with cars and superheros and dirt? Why are you "so worried"? She has friends. She is 5. Don't over think it.

Oh my god! she will get cooties!

I believe this is caused by wanting to be friends with a boy. Both my girls had friends that were boys, my younger daughter plays mostly with boys because they are not afraid to go in the creek and climb trees

My best friend from kindergarten through middle school was a boy. Nothing sexual, just friends. What I liked about him is that he was not dramatic at all like many of the girls I played with.

Many little girls play with boys. There is nothing wrong with that. It's actually quite healthy for children to have a diverse group of friends. It's one of the ways we build healthy relationships and good self esteem.

What is it exactly that bothers you about your daughter playing with boys?

Your daughter wants to play with a kid. What genitals that kid has has no relevance to playing when they are kids. Boys don't always want to play aggressive or tough or anything else. They just want to play.
Gender stereotypes are bad and wrong.
Let her make friends with whoever she likes spending time with. Simple.

Daughter: "Mommy, I want to play with the boys."

Me: "Okay, go play with them. Have fun."

I'm not sure what the dilemma is here.

I'm at a North American sales meeting right now...65 men and three of us women!! I went a month without meeting a female client or coworker. Very male dominated.

My daughter is 21 and has always had girlfriends but preferred hanging with the guys for their love of sports and lack of drama. Obviously not like this all the time but for her it works.

Boys are less dramatic even at 5.

My best friend in K and 1st was a boy. I was a tomboy and he was the only boy in a house full of older sisters .

While many girls at this age are only interested in girl things and playing with girls, not all girls care. That's not a bad thing.

It might be helpful to know what your concerns are, but without knowing them I would have to say relax. It's ok for her to play with boys, whether they are rough and tumble or not.

I preferred playing with boys as a child and I was not rough and tumble. I would rather climb trees and catch bugs than play dolls and do crafts. I was more interested in dinosaurs than dresses. I loved animals and nature and liked to get dirty. I was also very shy and to me boys were less intimidating. I wouldn't worry.

Let her play with boys.

I see no reason to worry. At 5 kid's are unaware of sexual issues and are pretty much asexual. I suggest that she's found friends who happen to be boys. She'll make friends that are girls when she meets girls that she enjoys to have around.

i'm trying to figure out why playing with boys would be a problem. i didn't like the way most girls played either.
khairete
S.

And what is so bad if she has boys who are friends?

She's 5 for goodness sakes. Let her develop and make friends her way.

My daughter played with boys all the time. Her best friends in High school were guys. She had girlfriends but not really in school. The girls she was friends with were girls who also worked on farms and rode horses. At 39 years old these girls are still her friends and they all work in the horse world. These girls were drama free. She still has many guy friends. So nothing wrong with letting your daughter maneuver thru friendships whether it be boys or girls.

My middle son preferred to play with girls at that age. Not all boys play rough. If she's made some friends who play nicely with her and they play games that she enjoys, it does not matter if they are boys are girls.

Unless you belong to a religion that will segregate her from all unrelated males at puberty, potentially leaving her without friends, I do not see why this is of concern.

My suggestion? Let it be.

good luck,
e

p.s. Welcome to Mamapedia.

Welcome to mamapedia, V.!!

And the problem with this is what?

She needs to develop social skills and friendships...it's OKAY to have boy friends and girl friends.

Why are you worried? Do you think these boys are going to do something to her? No. I don't think so. She'll learn different forms of playing, she'll learn sharing, caring, etc. doesn't matter if the friend is a boy or a girl.

This kind of made me laugh when I read it (just for a few seconds) because all the little girls wanted to play with my boys. BUT... my boys were too rough! They played like boys and the little girls just couldn't hang with it. Then the girls would get upset because my boys weren't going to be corralled into doing what the girls wanted. They seemed to be like little mommies who would say "Now we're going to do this" and my boys didn't really listen. They were still running around or doing their own thing. The girls would sometimes let my boys chase them, and then get upset that the boys were doing it. I would ask the girls "Why did you say yes to the chase game?" When they'd say "Because the boys wanted to play it", I'd ask "Why are you upset with them now, after telling them yes and running with them?" and they'd say "I don't like it." Then I'd say, "Why didn't you stop running, sit down and tell them you don't like the game anymore?" They'd say "I don't know!"

So yes, I'd watch carefully when the little girls came over. I knew it wouldn't last a long time. Inside the house was easier, but yard play? Sigh...

If your daughter can "hang" with the boys at this age, more power to her. You SHOULD still have playdates with girls, but don't have 3 girls together. That never works well...

I'm still trying to figure out why this is a problem. Simply teach her how to gracefully exit a play situation if it's too rough for her ( a skill worth having whether she's playing with boys or girl). In my family, my son is the shy/sensitive one. A lot of little boys are. My daughter is the rough and tumble wild child. A lot of little girls are. It's about personality, not gender. Please allow her to play with the kids whose playing style fits well with her own.

No big deal. Contrary to what everyone thinks, boy does not equal rough and tumble play all the time. My son and his best friend rarely if ever play that way. My daughter has a couple of friends who are boys. I don't remember them ever being rough. My daughter doesn't like princesses, ponies, or unicorns. When she was 5, it was all girls in her after school daycare group and most of them did like those things. She got tired of always playing the way the other girls wanted to play. So now she doesn't choose to play with kids who do like those things. She and her best friend would much rather build Star Wars Legos, play with dragons, and do science experiments. She chooses to play with other kids with similar interests. Doesn't matter if they are boys or girls. Likewise, my 5 year old son has some friends who are girls. They have similar interests so they are friends. I think both of my kids are better off for having friends of both genders.

Why in the world are you worried? So many little girls feel programmed to play with dolls and kitchen sets, and maybe your daughter wants to play with Legos and cars. Don't assume that boys play rough and that it's a bad thing even if they do. Maybe she's already noticed that the boys have much more freedom to do what they want, with no one telling them to be little ladies. Being shy isn't a problem - and besides, a shy kid can do just as well or badly with girls as with boys.

What's going on?, you ask? Maybe the particular group of girls is bossy or petty or chatty or too submissive. Maybe she just likes the group of boys in her particular class. Who knows? I think you should be more than content that she has some kids she wants to play with, and leave it alone. I honestly don't see that you need to do a thing, analyze a thing, or worry one second more.

If you're going to be upset about all her friendships, you're going to have a very long decade-plus as her mom! Unless and until some kid is really giving her a hard time, let her be friends with whomever she wants. We do way too much sex stereotyping of our kids - in clothes, toys, reading material, movie choices, sports and so on.

My second daughter was in pre-k so around 4 and was playing football at recess with the boys. Had a teacher conference and the teacher was telling me about how she's shy and didn't seem to talk alot etc. Then she started laughing about how one day at recess she was the ONLY girl running with the football playing football with the boys. Now she's 7 1/2 years old and play with girls or boys or whoever is near.lol.

I don't think anything is going on. My daughter played mostly with girls in K and this year in 1st plays mostly with the boys. Just role with it.

She's just gravitating towards the kids she has things in common with. It's perfectly fine for her to play with boys. I don't think it's a precurser to being "boy crazy" or inappropriate with boys when she is older. Just tell her it's fun to have all different kinds of friends and let her play away.

My daughter had a friend from babyhood that became her best friend. They are 10 now and know each other very well. Same thing with a third friend they've played with since babyhood. My daughter has made a few friends (now in 5th) but I can definitely see what your daughter means by "I don't like the way the girls play."

Some girls are pushy and bossy.
Some girls just want to chase boys (I witnessed this in preschool.)

One girl in 1st grade completely tried to dominate my daughter. At one point she slapped my DD across the face.

So.... your daughter is basically saying "look, I just want to play."

She's probably apprehensive about standing up for herself to someone who is bossy. So it's easier to just play with a boy who isn't like that. A boy who just wants to dig in the sand and climb things.

If you would like her to make more female friends.... the best thing I ever did (by accident) was I made a girlfriend and our kids became friends. Since her kids are sane as are mine, they have played together for the past 10 years. I really love the way they all know each other and how far to go, how to recognize when the other is upset, how to step back, how to talk things out, etc...

So... get to know the other kids in the class and see if you can set up playdates. I wouldn't worry about this yet. Ask her what is going on with the other girls (what she doesn't like) and maybe you can role play (practice conflict resolution) for anything that might come up.

I don't see the problem.

She's a kid. Let her play with whomever she wants to play.
I didn't like "girl play" when I was a kid. Dolls and dress-up held no interest for me. I wanted to climb trees and throw balls.

Not all boys are rough and aggressive. In fact, I'm mildly insulted, being the mom of three boys, that another mom would discriminate against them just because of their gender. There's no need to prevent her from playing with boys, judge the kid by his character not his gender.

What's the problem, exactly? She's 5 and wants to play with other kids. I've never limited my child to gender on who she can play with.

I was like that when I was her age. I think it is a personality thing. I tend to like outdoors/camping/sports etc. so it was a natural fit as most boys are like that as well. I don't see a problem, I would just make sure it's supervised play.

she's 5. let her play with whomever she's finds interesting. she may even learn something she otherwise wouldn't if unilaterally and randomly restricted like that. apologies for the tone but i have a boy and he's wonderful and gentle and would be a great friend to anyone, irrespective of gender.