What should I do about my neighbors?
From the day we moved in they've been causing us trouble. They're two older ladies, who constantly try to instigate some kind of argument with me. They catch me taking the trash, or leaving my house or will even leave notes on my door. It started because they left a couch in my garage when I moved in, and when I asked them if they wanted us to move it to their garage they denied it being theirs and slammed the door on me. I called the landlord who agreed it was their couch, but asked me to schedule a special trash pick up to have it removed. I did, and the landlord reimbursed me. Thenthey accused me of giving away their couch, keying their car, stealing phone books off their porch, that my son cries too much and it keeps them up and so many other crazy things. I usually ignore them or if it's about the couch, tell them to contact the landlord. I have social anxiety and want to avoid confrontation. I just don't know what to do, I wish we could move, but dont want to break the lease. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? I'm open to any suggestions.
*Clarification: We do have the same landlord, but aren't in a complex. I have went to my landlord about them, and she's let them know I'm uncomfortable, but they then came to me and claimed I was immature and going behind their backs and so on. I literally do not talk to them anymore. But they have no problem standing there while I'm buckling my son up or carrying groceries. I've talked to my mom and she suggested maybe they are on some kind of illicit drug. I have no idea.
Record every incident- write it down.
If they leave you any notes - save them as evidence.
Then get a restraining order.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/206084-how-to-get-a-res...
Ditto the people below.
And DOCUMENT everything. Times/dates/what was said or done, and take photos when possible.
As proof and evidence.
They are a bunch of crazies!
Whenever you are approached by them, pull out your phone and start video recording. They'll demand to know what you're doing. Tell them, "I'm tired of you and your sister harrassing me. I'm compiling evidence to take to the police station so I can file a harrassment complaint."
It won't take long until they leave you alone. And if they don't....file that complaint and keep filing complaints until your landlord asks them to leave or you have enough evidence to file a restraining order.
You don't have to confront them....just be willing to record their antics.
Best of luck!
C. Lee
I THINK YOU LIVE BY MY OLD NEIGHBORS!!!!! (kidding)
I lived next door to an old woman, and her best friend lived behind her, across the ally. I had a really big yard, to which the landlord let the ladies plant a garden in, since he was the past tenant. The day we moved in, I went to the back with my husbands mother, to look at this garden. The lady across the alley came over, and started to drop hints, that the landlord let her have a garden there. Well it was my house, and his mother gardens, so....
This started an old lady war. They would cross through my back yard at night and stand in my drive way. I locked the gate, so the neighbor took HER fence down, so they could continue doing this. She would come over to talk to me about our grass (always mowed) it was non stop!
Finally I spoke with the landlord, and the police. I explained that I was being harassed. They went to her house and spoke to her about staying off of my property, (which is also yours, even if you are renting, until your lease is up) And that was that. She started to move a few months later.
Sometimes older women are the equivalent to a simple young girl, but only a little entitled. I believe my neighbor felt she had a right to all things because she was the neighborhood veteran. But it just wasn't. You may not be aggressive, and that is okay, I'm sure that makes you twice as sweet. But it will also make you the perfect door mat. So see if someone will write you up an official letter of 'if this behavior continues actions will be taken' letter. Make it legal and professional. Make sure your landlord has a copy, and go over it with him. Do not be afraid to call the non-emergency number if she is on your porch, to have her removed. This way you have documentation recorded via the state, that she is a problem. She will scare away. Right now this is just a case of bullying. If you engage, what ever she gets from this she gets.
Good luck. I am sorry you are dealing with such nonsense.
If your landlord knows them, you can ask the landlord to talk to them. If you are being harassed every time you leave your front door, then I'd gather all the notes, etc. and call the police non-emergency line. Tell them you have a problem with the neighbors and a social anxiety and need some advice on the situation. They should be able to tell you if there's anything they can do or what next steps you should take. If you are at the point of moving because of them, you can also discuss a deal on breaking the lease (sometimes they'll let you with circumstances or they'll let you find someone to take over the lease) with the landlord.
You can also have a prepared response to them. "I have nothing to discuss with you. You are harassing me and I will report you if you do not stop." Say nothing more. Do not argue with them. Write these run ins down and DO report them.
They may be bullies or they may also be in the initial stages of dementia. My friend's grandmom accused people of stealing, of never calling, and she did things like stalk families in the neighborhood before she was diagnosed.
Either way, you deserve not to be harassed.
ETA: So what if they think you went behind their backs. Do it again. You do not deserve to be harassed every time you bring in a load of groceries or buckle in your son. If they do not stop bothering you, then either report them or tell your landlord you are moving because of the other tenants and know your tenant rights in such a situation (your county can tell you if you can break a lease and get your deposit under those circumstances). Even if you don't respond, they are there and they are intimidating you.
If I read this right, you and they have the same landlord -- is that correct? It's not completely clear in the post. But if you have the same landlord, you're right to refer them to him when they have complaints. Does the landlord seem to "get" that they are full of baseless complaints? In other words -- when you bring them up to him does he seem to sympathize with an "oh, you know how THEY are" attitude? If so that is good for you; he knows they are a pain -- but don't expect him to side entirely with you, either; they are paying him rent he wants just as you are. Still, I'd make it known to him that they approach you outside constantly, leave notes, etc.so you have a third party who is aware of these things.
I would keep all their notes in a file. If they call on the phone, keep a pad by the phone and note the date, time, what was said, etc. If they knock on the door excessively, put up a camera by the door (if you can't afford a real camera system, you can buy realistic fake ones--no evidence there but they can deter some folks from knocking). If they approach you in the yard or driveway, that's tougher, but always be noncommittal -- do not agree to anything, do not deny anything, do not get defensive, get away as soon as you can -- and always be "on the way out the door" to somewhere urgent so if they try to detain you you can say, "I have to leave for an appointment right now."
It sounds like there are no real grounds for you to complain to police here, or to complain to the landlord beyond "They're a pain," but your social anxiety makes this worse for you. Are you getting any therapy for it? If you are getting therapy or counseling, ask your therapist/counselor to do some role-playing with your, or to help you "script" a response to use when they approach you, so you feel more confident when they come up to you.
One final thought: You mention that they are older. It may be that they're just not nice folks but it also could be that one or both of them has health issues that make them touchy. One possible characteristic of early stages of dementias is paranoia and a feeling that people are doing bad things, or that there are people in the house, or that people are stealing things from you etc. Some medications can cause similar feelings in the elderly. I'm not saying this to get them off the hook -- not at all. But it's possible that they are focusing this negative attention on you not because they're out to get you but because they (or one of them) is losing the thread mentally, and things that would be shrugged off by others, like missing phone books or a small scratch on the car, become big deals to them. Not an excuse, but a possible explanation. Trying not to engage them may be the best course, but do talk to a professional about how you as someone with social anxiety can handle this better.
You are really nice. If they were doing this to me, when I saw them coming I would say in a VERY loud voice: "Leave me alone. I have nothing further to say to you. If you need to tell me something you can write it in a letter and mail it to me".
The others are right about documenting though. A simple list of dates/times/events could really help out in the event they are the over the top kind of crazy that likes to call police and sue people and stuff.
update:
Ooooh, I really like Christy Lee's answer!!!!
Document everything. Every interaction you have with them. Then take it to the landlord.
ADD: If you have a recorder on your phone it woudn't hurt to have it ready to press record when you go outside. I know it's a pain but then you have recorded conversations of what the exchange between ya'll is.
Yep, start with your landlord in writing. Let him know about your anxiety and reluctance to live by these women. You have been very patient. He doesn't want you to move. He should be on the spot helping you. They are crazy. Tell everybody and document every occurrence. Phone him with details.
"If you don't stop harassing me, I'm going to report it to the police. Harassment is illegal."
EDIT: Oh, I see Christy Lee had the same idea. Document every single time they do it, on paper, and if your phone video records then do that too. But what they're doing is illegal.
May I also suggest putting up a NO TRESSPASSING SIGN. This way if they show up at your door and the sign clearly states NO TRESSPASSING you have the right to call the police.
Well, in your position, a Navy Seal would have social anxiety-nothing like being attacked every time you put one toe out the door. My advice is to document everything they say and do-including dates, conversations, phone calls, accusations, written notes, idle threats, etc; so that if you ever go to court, they will look like the guilty lunatics that they are. If you can reconstruct everything that has already occurred, that would be great. Have you tried baking them a pie? Good luck, I'm sure this can't be easy!
Do what the others have said. Record all instances, and if your phone has a camera, start it when they get going. You don't mention if this is a home or a complex. If it is a complex, ask the landlord if there is another unit open and see if you can switch to that unit to get away from these people. That way, you're not breaking the lease but you'd be changing your circumstances.
They are old and cranky...I say just IGNORE them and do not engage them!
Ignore them and document anything they do.
If you can't overcome your "social anxiety", you are probably just as much of a "pain" as your neighbors. If someone puts something in your carport that does not belong to you...call the cops and put the ball in your neighbors court. If you are unable to do this, then stop complaining. Report them to the police anytime they do something that is out of order.
