Need Advice for Child with Learning Disability

What you describe is what my 3(almost4) year old daughter does. i have no idea about her learning disability but what you are tell us is normal. Also I would get a second opinion. After a diagnosis is made it is hard change it. Good Luck!!!

Wow. This sounds just like my 3.5 yr old son. Although, I personally don't think he has a learning disability. I think he just willfully chooses to disobey. We have also had to deal with the same issue of playing with toys in the middle of the night. Because he often will not appropriately count his numbers or say his alphabet with me, I sometimes wonder if he could have a learning disability, but then I'll overhear him spout them off when no one is watching. We are always in a power struggle, as he seeks full control of his life. It is incredibly exhausting, but I have found great ideas from books like Taming the Spirited Child. I'm have a couple of other books I'm getting ready to read about parenting explosive children. I also feel like preschool has helped as well. Good luck! I can certainly sympathize with what you're going through, and it's no fun when you have another little one to look after.

Hi T.!
Wow, it's like I was reading about my own son! I ALWAYS knew he was behind, since he was a baby. He always hit his milestones late...still within "normal" ranges, but at the tail of of those ranges. He didn't even sit up until he was close to 10 month, didn't stand until over a year old, no walking until almost 14 monhts, not stringing more then 2 words together by 2, etc. His almost 4 1/2 now, and his speech is FINALLY starting to get better, though the CLARITY of his speech is still not the best. My Ped has never labeld him as "leaning disbaled" and has never really been that alarmed. Everyone told me he was fine and to just let him learn on his own. FINALLY, about 6 months ago, the teachers at his new daycare/preschool said something to me, that he was a bit delayed and not keeping up with the rest of his peers. FINALLY, someone validated what I had been feeling all along! At their recommendation, I had him evaulated with our school district's Assessment team for pre-school. After many meetings and them oberserving him, he finally qualified for the special pre-school you mentioned you daughter is going to. He JUST started about a month ago, and I'm already seeing improvemnt.
I think you are doing everything right, and are maybe just being a bit too h*** o* yourself. I know I was. Just go with what her teachers are recommending, and give her some time, she's still pretty young. I know it's frustrating, I've been there too, but it will come in time. I was actually pretty comforted to see that my son is pretty "light" compared to some of the other kids in his class. He also has some sensory issues, (bad at haircuts, no tags in his shirts, etc) but even those are starting to get easier. Some of the other kids in his class are way more severe. My heart goes out to them, but it also make me feel better that my son is closer to "normal" then the other boys in his class. Your daughter sounds very much like my son, and I think just given a bit more time and her pre-schooling, she wil be on par with her peers sooner then you think.
Be easy on yourselves, don't stress about it becuase I firmly believe they pick up on our stress on these types of issues, and it could have a negative effect. Let her be 3, and just ask her teachers for more guidance on what you can do at home. ;-)
Best wishes!
A.

My first question would be "who did the screening and placed the label?" and did they give you any practical information on how to handle different situatuons with her.
My son is 17 and has Asperger's syndrome (high-functioning autism). He was screened at the age of 4 during a school district Childfind program and had many of the same issues as your daughter (imoaried language development, poor comprehension, impaired socialization).
Our next step was to see a clinical psychologist. He has been very helpful because he gave of the clinical diagnosis (which many times is different than what the school's perception is). We did go to a pediatric MD who specializes in assessment of children to see if there are any physical problems causing the behaviors. None were found.
The psychologist has been the most helpful. While he would see Michael intermittently, most of his sessions were with me to help me navigate through the school system, make recommendations for services, etc...
The hardest thing I have ever had to do is advocate for services for my son. It is a constant battle as many school systems want to put all children in a box and treat them the same. My son is doing well. He is a Junior in High School, participates in the Concert Choir and is in a Sports Med program offered through the school. His goal is to be a certified sports trainer when he graduates. It is still questionable as to whether he will ever be completely independent but he is doing better than I ever thought he would (my first thought when he was diagnosed was "I'm way too tired to deal with this for the rest of my life!"-I had a new baby at home as well).
Good luck. This will be an amazing journey for you.
K.

Hi T.,

I am a reading tutor who works with children with processing issues, and I am a special ed preschool teacher, so it sounds like your daughter now attends a preschool like the one I teach in, and in order to do this, she has been evaluated by a team of specialists who work for your county special education district (to reply to one of the responders). This is great, because special education at the preschool level is a very proactive way to work on delays in development before they become big issues later on during the school years. In my classroom, we rely on visual schedules for kids who have processing issues - hearing audio information but having a glitch when turning that audio info into an action. Use a visual schedule, such as pictures velcroed to a strip of poster board, to show her what her day, or even her bedtime routine, looks like. Real or stick-figure pictures will both work and can be set up to show, for example, that first comes brushing teeth, then putting on pj's, then a story, etc. Pair her visual schedule with verbal prompts ("First we brush our teeth, and next we put on our pj's) so that she can practice processing the info on her own. Visual schedules work wonders for anything, to what we do in the grocery store, to getting out the door in the morning, so you might use them all around the house. Be prepared to teach your daughter to use some sort of multisensory strategy throughout her childhood, be it making To Do lists or using maps or notes when doing upper level English assignments, and also be prepared to be her advocate to use multiple learning tools in school. Teachers may have to provide her with written instructions as well as those they give verbally during class. In my opinion, ALL kids need these! All of us need to mix multisensory strategies to get through our day, and very few people I know can remember phone numbers or directions to a new cafe without writing them down or using visualizations to remember important pieces of info. If you need anything else, please let me know! I would be happy to be your sounding board and information resource.

T., dear heart--- I PROMISE you are more than a good Mom- you are exceptional- AND you need to be kinder to yourself. It is NEVER possible to teach a 3 year old ( or a 4, 5 - 10 --- any age) to always do what is right. Do you have any good, kind friends who make errors in judgement? Eat too much? Exersize too little?? Spend too much???? Make bad choices of any kind??? Right- we all do - we are human. What you will do is what you HAVE done--- ''' staying in bed and not playing is the right thing''' She KNOWS that - and year by year she will develope better self-discipline skills. Now, a question -- is it really wrong for her to quietly get a toy or book and sit on her bed with it???????? Really??? Don't many of us have a book by our bed in case we have trouble sleeping?? She is quietly, and calmly working through some of the issues of the day. Sounds absolutely perfect to me.

Is her school a public school? You do know, right --- that all public elementary schools ( or rather the district you live in) provide free programs for children with a diagnosed disability. I am a retired, special ed, preschool teacher ( OH MY GOD I miss my little guys!!!!). I worked for Northshore Schools program ( called Sorenson Early Childhood Center) for 20 years - and so many of my guys are exactly like you describe your treasure -- and because of the work that we did with them at SECC- they were able to go on to regular Kindergarden programs and soar like the Eagles they were. Is it possible that between the birth of a baby and the diagnosis you have- that she feels ''''not quite it'''??? -- Be sure she knows that YOU know she is just perfect --- she has to work harder to learn some things--- we all do --- if I had to master book-keeping -- I would never have graduated from HIGH SCHOOL much less received a Masters' degree--

Blessings,
J.

hi T., i am a mother of five children all grown up. they are now making me a grandmother and greatgrandmother. ilove all my children.just a suggestion for you.when i was very young my mother would put me to bed and then read me a storyor sing to me untill i went to sleep. she also gave me my favorite doll or teddybear to sleep with.i always fell asleep that way. it takes a lot of patience to raise children but if you take time to play with them or color pictures with them then they are happy.to help her learn get a simple book and let her rad with you and point out what the objects are and have her say them to you. she will learn faster. i hopes this helps.maybe i said too much.anyway good luck .a loving mom and grandma.

I am going to answer as a teacher of young children.

If she hurts herself, for example, go back to the place that she hurt, tell her that she hurt herself because she ...... Have her say I hurt myself because.....

Do this again and again for any of the things that she does not remember and you can find comprehension for.

About getting out of bed. I would remove all but one toy. Give her a choice of one soft bear (or such) toy to take to bed. Tell her the rule (to stay in bed) and shut the door. If she falls a sleep of the floor so be it. That is a part of her age at this point. She might throw a temper tantrum, so be prepared.

I don't think discipline will be very effective for her because she can't remember it.

As she gets older (5) rewards of stars or such will work much better.

The thing to do is to plan with your husband the rules you want to keep her safe, and your house quiet. Then decide how you are going to do it. Stick to this plan for at least a month, even if it seems she is going to go ballistic and you just can't stand it. Stay calm through out the entire thing.

I once locked myself in the bathroom to get away from my temper tantrum throwing daughter because she was following from room to room.

This is hard, but it can be done. Fine support groups nearby. Volunteer in your daughter's class.

Three yr olds tend to mimic what they are told. It's a tactic, a tool, a means of expression. The language delays are more of a concern then the behaviors, as the behavior is more than likely tied to her 5 mo old sibling. She is getting the attention that once was all hers. She's having to share. Getting up to play with toys, quietly during the night is far better than crying out loud for your attention. Is she sharing her room with the new baby? If you let her play with her toys, quietly, at night, does she go back to sleep eventually? What time of night are we talking about? Sleep is not an on command occurance, she needs to be tired or relaxed enough for it to happen. Her sleeping patterns and needs are not the same as the baby's so there will be a big difference there. Take advantage of the baby sleeping at different times and lengths to give her the attention that she still needs.
Has she been diagnosed by a speech pathologist as having speech delays and disabilities? If so, then I strongly suggest that you avail yourself of the services at Kids Speak, formerly known as the Scottish Rite Center for Childhood Language Disorders. They're in various cities around the state (Seattle on Capitol Hill, Spokane, Yakima). Their services are free. They are miracle workers. Our son had very few language skills/words at 18 months, and by 3 yrs of age he said his first words. He graduated from the Center at age 4.5 yrs. It was as if he was injected with a phonograph needle, you couldn't keep him quiet and he could tell you all of this information, feelings, stories that had been bottled up for years. His speech delays were part of a bigger problem, dyspraxia, which is a delay in fine and gross motor skills. There are other problems that go along with that, such as disorganization, but we worked thru that as well. Today is a college jr at WWU, fluent in French and learning Arabic with a 3.86 GPA when he graduated from BCC this past December. Yes, I'm proud, but there is hope and help out there for your daughter. She's growing up and it's hard sometimes for parents and adults to adjust to her changing wants and needs, especially when she has trouble communicating those things. Kids, siblings, can be and often are different as night and day. Their ages accentuate that, so we as parents have to be flexible at all times, adapting to their physical, mental and emotional needs. Things will level out for you around the time they are 5 and 8, once they start school, but until then..... And even when they get to that age, give them their one on one time with one of you. It works. Enjoy!!!

Hi T.,
I don't have time at this second to read all your post, but he is what helps my daughter, who has autism. Visual's for anything you can help. Social stories are a huge help too. I will add more later, but my little one is grabbing at the pc like crazy!!

T.,

Your daughter sounds like my son now, and two years ago when he was 3 1/2. My in-laws, pediatrician, and hubby were all pushing me to get my son into speech therapy. Like you we'd ask him why he was naughty and the usual answer was: because I'm not supposed to.

When he was 3 1/2 his little sister was born and I took him out of child care and kept him home with me. There we worked on his babble to get him saying the words the right way. There was almost immediate improvement as soon as the three of us were home together.

He is now almost 5 1/2, and still doesn't always do what he's supposed to, and cannot always tell us why he did the naughty thing, especially when he knows it's wrong. But, he is getting better, and I'm seeing more and more maturity from him, age appropriate.

I don't think your daughter has a learning disability, she's just not hit a milestone that many of her peers have hit. She'll get there.

Be consistent. Be patient. Be persistent. It will come.
Melissa

I don't have much time to write. But I want to say we enrolled our daughter in state preschool after having her evaluated for (basically after our 1.5 year old son started counting higher and saying more colors we decided to have her get tested). She has been in preschool now since January (she is 4 in May) and she is amazingly better! Turns out she knew most of what I taught her just wouldn't share the info! Her teachers really helped her to open up and now she is great! Totally worth the time. It has nothing to do with how I parent it is just her learning style! The school has a list of goals for her we meet frequently to go over the goals and how she is doing.

Hi, I am a gramma of a 3yr old with special needs. I also work with people with learning disabilities (over 10 yrs now).
Repetition helps some people (and children) to finally move the information from short term into their long term memory.
Watch of signs of AD/HD (google this and learn all you can of the signs). What does caffeine do to your daughter? If it calms her down -chances are it will also help her concentrate. If her mind is racing from one new thought to another.. it would be hard for her to store your instructions for very long in her memory.
Some people have trouble with working memory ( the part of our memory that helps us remember instructions and get through our day).
You might try the reward system for when she does remember or have an evening that she does NOT get up and play.
Does she turn her light on? If so, you can duck tape it off (that what my daughter does for my grandson so he won't get up and play). Is there a bright night light in her room? If so, you might want to get a dim one. Or, you can put her toys in a big tub with a lid and out of sight at night-maybe on a shelf in the closet. (out of sight out of mind) She might be a visual learner and not so much of an auditory (hearing) learner.
Many people have trouble processing (storing in the brain) what they hear, but can process what they see and do alot better.
We humans process information coming "in" through all of our senses, process the information in the brain and then process information going "out" through speaking, singing, writing, doing, moving, etc. In any one or all three of those processing areas, there can be a "glitch" or short circuit in the processing.
Mention your concerns to your doctor. When your little one is a little older some tests can be run to measure her ability to take in and retain verbal instruction or cues. But, again... repetition is one of the keys to learning- be patient & kind and trust your instincts.
If she is really distracted in her thoughts or by what is going on around her.. any information coming at her will be competing for retention space in her head.
Don't be worried, but be cautious and attentive as you watch her through out the day. Maybe take some notes down from your observations. They will come in handy when talking to your doctor.
Disability Counseling Gramma with Special Needs grandson....

Hi T.
I'm short on time so here's the best quick answer now. One of the major discipline rules I ask parents to use is; tell or show your child what you want them to do/what they can do instead of the opposite. this programs children and parents on positive empowerment, responsibility, control, etc instead of the opposite. Use the childs learning styles to communicate. There are 4 major learning styles visual, hands on, reading/writing, verbal. Assess which ones are dominant in your child and when she uses each of them when engaged in an activity. If she is visual, draw or cut out a picture of what you want her to do, hands on, let her practice what she needs to do, reading/writing draft a set of rules with her, say them together, write them and post them in a highly visible place, then you can just point when she needs reminding or redirection. role model the behavior, show her a peer who can behaves appropriately. I'm not implying your not just suggesting. When she can't explain to you why or how ask her if she can SHOW you. there's more I'd like to share but I have to go. you can respond with any questions. A little about me, divorced mom of 2 adult children male and female, 2 degrees one in Early childhood development BA interdisciplinary Child development/family studies, extensive experience Day Care owner/ educator k-12 for public schools, and more. take care
T.

Wow T....I feel like you were writing MY story! HAHAHA

My son did is actually 7 and still does these same things. Personally, it sounds to me like she is pretty close to her age with some possible need for speech and occupational therapy to help move her forward a little. One thing I have learned with my son is not to be to anxious about the diagnosis'. First and foremost...deal with the issue at hand. There are a TON of resources that you can use to get the services you need. She is obviously too young to be in the "school system" but every county has a Early Childhood Development program...I belive here in Oregon it is "Early Intervention and Early Childhood Special Education". This program is run by the counties and is typically free. It will get her up to age 5 at which point, if deemed necessary she will get an IEP through the school system. If you go to google and search for your county plus "Early Childhood Special Education" you ought to find the contact information.

Also, don't be so h*** o* yourself. I just had my first parent-teacher conference for my son...and I went in holding my breath hoping it wasn't "TOO" terrible...and much to mine and my husband's surprise...he is doing great acedemically. They are smarter than they give off...and I am sure she is understanding things better than she presents to you.

With the toys at night...you might try what we did...every toy he took out at night to play with was taken away for a couple of days and put in a place where he could see it, but not play with it. He definitely started to understand the idea that if I play with a toy at night...it gets taken away. At one point he had absolutely no toys in his room at all (that was a fun time). It is difficult and exhausting sometimes...but when isn't parenting, right!? We have to draw a VERY hard line with my son because he simply doesn't get the standard slight nuances that typical parenting can use. He is stubborn and bullheaded...not unintelligent...we just have to be more stubborn than him in most cases and then we see the full scale of his intelligence.

Don't give up...she will get there. In the meantime...use all resources available to you to give her the support she needs...and ultimately, the support you need.

*HUGS* If you want some more info, just drop me a line...happy to send any info I have your way!

Hi T.,

You have some really good advice and information already. The only thing I would add to look into is to have your daughter tested for any deficiencies that might be causing any learning disability that might be there. For example, if she's low in iron, that can cause learning disabilities. Since it's her speech that seems to be the part that she's having a hard time with, you may want to have her hearing checked (if you haven't done so already).

I highly recommend taking her to a Naturopath doctor (if you don’t' already), if even just to get some input that you would likely not get at her normal pediatrician.

When I started taking my family to a Naturopath about 3 years ago, I finally started getting the care and information that I'd been hoping to get from a doctor my whole life. I still see western medicine (allopathic) doctors for specialized care, but I wouldn't trade my Naturopath doctor as my general practitioner for any allopathic doctor.

I know a lot of people are weary of Naturopath's because they're unknown to most people, and people don't think they can do all the same things (like vaccinations, etc.) and labeled as tree hugger doctors or something ridiculous, but it's all so not the case.

Your profile says you live in Redmond, OR. I'm not sure if that's a mistake or not, but in case it's really Redmond, WA instead, I would highly recommend my Naturopath (though I know many people that recommend there as well if you want to put up another posting to find one a little closer to you.) Here's my Naturopath's info:

Kathleen Allen ND
Mother & Child Natural Medicine
Woodinville Wellness Center
16818 140th Avenue NE
Woodinville, WA 98072
###-###-####
www.motherchildmedicine.com

To note additionally, I too have many of the same issues you describe with your daughter as far as comprehension and any kind of abstract thoughts. I realize that it can be hard to grasp the idea that they can't understand certain things as you do (I struggle with this myself sometimes too); though their brains are still so new and inexperienced in life and social understanding. Discipline and consistency are definitely key to helping any child this age, but our expectation level should still be in line with their age.

I wish you the best of luck with your daughter whatever you decide to do!

I can't advise much on the LD issue, but some of this is just being 3. My daughter is 3.5 and I think she does comprehend a lot of what we are telling her is right and wrong, but she's flexing her independence by making other choices from time to time. I know from personal experience that it's extremely frustrating. As for the toys in bed thing....my daughter sometimes has more toys and books in her bed than room! giving her a book or two or a doll to take to bed will probably keep her in bed a lot easier.

I'm not sure which school district you are in, but as said in the previous post, Northshore has a great program. Bethel also has a "head start" preschool program for kids that might need the extra help. I believe in preschool for two years, I think it gives the kiddos a real leg up going into kindergarten, but obiviously, that is a family choice - Good Luck!!

Hi T.,
I worked with preschool children who experienced learning differences for 12 years. One technique that I had was to make a schedule of the day; using velcro and picture cue cards; for her to follow and when she has done a task to take down the card. Also having picture cue cards that represent the night time routine. She may understand or may not about the no toys; some children have issues making the connection. They can repeat what you say, but not always understand the complete meaning. That is why it is good, for any three year old, to have a visual reminder to go along with the spoken words.

The abstract concepts of how and why are hard for three year olds to grasp. One thing you could try is that the example of her hurting herself playing; you could ask her to show you where she got hurt, and walk her over to the area she got hurt. You could also talk to the teacher about how they are addressing these at school and for some techniques to use in the home.

Hope some of this is helpful!

I think its' what I call a "You, Me, and I" problem.

She has a hard time relating to the difference. "For example you can say to her: "I need you to go to bed". Shorten up the steps of things and I think it will help. Instead of why did YOU do that say "Did you do this?" Associate with her and the thing she did..not the other way around..kids will always disassociate if they are uncomfortable or unsure..and end up confusing themselves. So..
Don't ask why..it doesn't matter. If she's not supposed to be out of bed..then it's because mommy said she's not supposed to be out of bed and her not being in bed is not excusable..unless she has a need like potty, or something.

Kids don't get why for a long time...my kids are in the top of their classes and both of them have a hard time with why. They are six and nine years old. No answer she gives for why she does something naughty is going to be good enough to excuse it...so don't. Deal with the behavior..not the why. It's not a learning disability..its a normal developmental stage. Not many kids can articulate why very well, and if they can, very cool, but if they can't..they get it eventually usually. Just be concrete. Why is not a concept that a three year old normally understands..and imagine if they did..we'd never hear the end of it...and it's part of the innocence of childhood. Why is she playing with her toys at night? Because she likes playing with her toys..and it's her that doesn't understand why you won't let her right now..she's not sleepy. Does she have a "lovey" toy for night time? Maybe get lovey toy a friend..that's what we did with our youngest..she adopted a tiny toy puppy that is leased to her toy elephant that she sleeps with. Good Luck!

T.-
I've tried to sit down and respond a couple of times... kids keep trying to get my attention... Ah, the life of a mother... haha.

My 12 year old sixth-grade daughter is DDNOS (Developmentally Delayed, Not Otherwise Specified) and was "diagnosed" before her first birthday. We are waiting for an evaluation, finally, from Children's to see if she has a disorder on the Autism Spectrum... there are many, including DDNOS.

We have been waiting for 9 months now and have a minimum of 6 more months to wait. We finally asked for -- and yes, sometimes you have to push for it -- an evaluation because she is getting to a point in her life that she needs support that a lot of Autism diagnosed kids get... behavioral therapies and the like. She does not qualify for them without a more specific diagnosis. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to "pidgeon hole" or "label" my daughter, I'd rather she be able to live her life like most of the population without major learning disabilities, but I want to get her qualified for as much help as possible because I/we cannot do this without the help. I have even had her seen by a psychiatrist when she was about 4.5 because of rage related issues and was told that as her then 1.5 year old brother matured, so would she... Ummm... NO! We still deal with frustration rages and many, many other behaviors that are "related".

This is very familiar behavior to us, even now. She has difficulty with understanding and communicating spoken and written word, though it is much harder for her to communicate out than it is for her to comprehend. Also, writing is much harder for her. On a recent IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) evaluation, her scores were Reading: 4th grade level, Writing: 2.2 grade level, Verbal Comprehension: 6.1 and Vocabulary: 6.7. On an adaptive living assesment, where the normal range is a score between 85-115, her average scores rest around 55, meaning that she is not capable of caring for herself on the level that most 6th graders can/do. Sadly, I'm not sure she will be able to live on her own when she becomes an adult unless something "clicks" with her and she begins to care for herself better in the next few years.

It is great that you have an early assesment of your daughter and it also doesn't hurt to get a second or even a third opinion. As a matter of fact, I think that you need to work with your pediatrician and any necessary specialists to give your child the best care possible, which it sounds like you're doing. Great job!

Some of the behavior issues you've described are in the "typical" range for her age, but I can understand the added frustration that a diagnosed LD can thrust on you. Here she is, giving you the same behavior over and over, even though she repeats your instructions back to you. She still may not be comprehending what it is that you are telling her just because she repeats back the sounds you are making. It may just be habit for her now.

Is it possible for you to put her toys in a rolling bin/cart? This way at bed time, you can remove them from her room (thus removing the stimulus that may be causing her to "forget" your instructions) or even have her take them out of her room at the end of the day. It will help her understand that she cannot have them and that it's time for her to sleep, not play.

Also, instead of asking her why she did something, which she may not know how to answer, just correct the behavior. It doesn't matter "why" she disobeyed or did something she shouldn't have done... she did it, plain and simple.

It might also help if instead of asking her how, say, "Show Mommy/Daddy what happened. Did you pinch your finger in the drawer?" (Or whatever) She may not be able to get whole thoughts out, but if you help her with whatever it is that you need to know, she should be able to give you yes/no answers, even if it is by nodding and shaking her head. Granted, it's not a good idea to enable her to not speak or not try to communicate, but with correction and trying to find out why she's hurt, it's ok.

Try to get her to answer "What's going to happen next?" or "Why do you think he/she did that?" or those types of questions when you are doing something low stress like reading a book. The less stress she has when thinking about it, the more willing/able she may be to answer the question. It will give her pracice with answering those types of questions. If you want, still ask those questions... except maybe the why she did something wrong... to start and if she can't answer, then move on to the "Show Mommy". Also, instead of asking the who, what, when, where, how and why's in question form, maybe say "Please tell Mommy..." You will be surprised how just modifying your language to her may help her communicate back to you. And try to remember that the more frustrated you become, the harder it will be for her to communicate with you.

Try to keep a calm, low stress environment. My daughter still goes into the fetal position if I raise my voice even a little and she will flinch as if I'm going to hit her if I raise my voice to...ummm... call for her brothers when I'm downstairs and they are upstairs. I don't hit my kids so this is a very hard behavior for me to understand. I'm told it's probably because of the sound/pitch of my voice: it might be painful for her to hear. I'm working on it, but my advice is to not get into the habit of yelling, rather lower and calm you voice as you find your anger/frustration rising. When I remember to do this it really helps.

I hope this gives you some help with how to deal with the immediate need of discipline and effectivly being able to communicate with your daughter. It would have been nice if I had advice from other moms when my daughter was little. One more thing: it may never change completely, but it will get better. You will have bad (and I mean very bad) days and then you will have days when your daughter makes you swell with pride: Just this weekend, my daughter took part in her first Solo and Ensemble with an adjudicator and did pretty well. She has a beautiful voice and I was very proud. And this morning, with her doing a lot of screaming, she refused to get dressed and eat breakfast before school, so she went to school in the sweats she slept in with her hair a mess and a mini-bagel in her mouth... the start of a bad day. Hopefully the structure of school will help her refocus today. LOL. I have to laugh at what a roller coaster our life is!

Good luck and keep us informed as to how she's doing. I'll be praying for you! God bless.

T.,

If you children are identified with diabilities, look in to the Little Red School House for ages 0-3 and your school district to additional help. My son was in the same spot, but since he is 3, I decided to wait. He has at least 2 schools years before offically becoming a kindergarden. If you child qualifies for the preschool therapy session, it will be free to you. From what I understand speech therapy is expensive.

G.

A LOT of this is age appropriate. Therefore, my big guess is that one of your real frustrations is trying to figure out what's age appropriate and what's LD. I could be totally off base and you've got that aspect down but that was the first thing that struck me.

I'm going to be brief (haha! no truth in advertising), or as brief as I can be. As someone who is ADHD, I pretty much split my time growing up between being with kids who are profoundly gifted/Advanced Placement & with groups of kids who are LD in one area or another (from Dyslexia to Downs). My parents struggled with me enormously, & I strongly recommend not to. I've noticed that parents of children who are classified in one way or another (From ADHD - Xenophobia) tend to be in one of two groups: Those who struggle & those who roll with. The parents and children who "roll with" have always generally seemed to be MUCH happier and more productive. Probably the best way to learn how to roll with it, is to be as educated (and therefore relaxed) as possible.

Therefore, my very next very strong piece of advice is to buy or to check out these two books:

Developing Person through the lifespan, Berger
http://www.amazon.com/Developing-Person-Through-Life-Span...

Exploring Lifespan Development
http://www.amazon.com/Exploring-Lifespan-Development-MyDe...

Yes, they're books on the same topic. But they come at things from a slightly different perspective. It's worth it. If you get them from the local college you can even sell them back. Or you can hang onto them for reference later. :) AKA what I'm notorious for. That and using textbooks as boosterseats/doorstops/& insulation.

And lastly: :) :***

Young children can tend to be very literal. You've probably noticed this. For example; It's usually a bad idea to ask them "what" they're doing. Invariably the response tends to be a bit of a shocked-saucer-eyed look, with the reply "I don't know." following it. Which makes sense. It had seemed OBVIOUS to the child "that I was drawing with lipstick on the couch. But if MUM doesn't know what I'm doing, maybe I'm NOT. I mean, she's asking me what I'm doing...that means she doesn't know...and she not only knows everything...she can SEE me. So what AM I doing? If it's not drawing with lipstick, what is it? WHAT IS IT???"

A friend of my sister's was babysitting a four year old while her mum had a doctors appointment. She went upstairs and stopped dead. There was the little girl, in the bathroom, with the electric shaver...and a now half bald cocker spaniel. She took a few deep breaths and came in and sat down on the floor next to the girl and the now nearly hairless dog, and plunged in;

"Honey, why are you shaving the dog?"

The little girl looked up very seriously and said,"Doggie has chemo."

Come to find, she felt that the "dog" felt guilty because doggie didn't want mummy to be lonely, being the only one without hair in the house.

The mum, on returning from her chemotherapy appointment, broke down in tears...but dad hadn't heard the story...and upon seeing the "punker" spaniel confronted his daughter wanting to know, the obvious...and she couldn't tell him. He asked her gently, & kindly, and she had no answer for him. Later when he heard the story, he prompted her with the phrase "So you didn't want mummy to be the only one without hair, huh, sweetheart?"...and he got the whole story.

While children can drive us up the wall with not having an answer or being able to recall something that just happened, sometimes the memory is just filed in a place they don't quite know how to retrieve without help. Breathe. You're doing great.

Dear T., I feel like I'm going through a very similar situation regarding our 3 yr old daughter, her learning development & discipline. So, no advice from me, just THANKS for asking--these are great comments!

My son couldn't tell the different between how/what until he was well over 4. I don't think he has a learning disability at all. He's 5 now and knows all or more information of kids his own age. He did start to talk a little bit late (first word at 2), so I always assumed that language just wasn't his strong suit (he's very spacial)..

If you put your child in a program for kids with learning disabilities she will be tracked that way her whole life. They've done studies to show that whatever a child is labeled in kindergarten is over how they perform until college. It sounds like your daughter is within a normal relm to me, so I would strongly consider this track.

Good luck!