Need Advice from Moms at the "Hang Out Houses"

When neighborhood kids are at my house I make it clear that they will follow my rules. They have the same rules as my own kids and if they decide not to follow them, I will ask the kids to leave. If the kids are too rough or playing dangerously I'll tell them not to stop and why (telling a child why they cannot do something is very wise when dealing with other people's kids....and the kids seem to respect the rule when they understand it).

Basically, it's "Follow the rules or leave."

My first question is why is a 2 1/2 year old hanging outside with a bunch of older kids. 10 year old kids should not be interested in playing even in a group with a 2 1/2 year old and 5 year old. That is just weird. So from that point alone, send them home.

I stepped in if blood was visible.

We're the hangout house too. Last summer, I caught the neighbor boy (house across the street and one house over) on the roof of his porch with a motorcycle helmet on and pillows tied to his rump. He was attempting to jump off the porch. My daughter was watching him from the grass below.

"David ... I'm not your mom or anything, but I don't think that's a smart idea". I shouted across the road from my front porch.

I would helicopter for a while at least until the kids know they've got to play safe if they are in your area. Play safe or go home.

I was writing out an answer about having house rules, and expanding them to the backyard/ hang out space. On second thought though, I think if your heart skips a beat when you see kids at play, probably best not to have them at or near your yard.

Best,
F. B.

You need to set the rules and the boundaries.

I have the "hang out house". Last weekend I had 6 boys in my home from 15 to 8 years old. They ALL know my rules and the consequences of breaking those rules.

Do their parents know where they are? When the kids come to my house - they are usually dropped off by their parents. If the parents don't know where they are - then that's a no-go for me. You are NOT their babysitter.

It's OKAY to set rules and boundaries. Make sure the other parents know as well. If there is rough-housing going on - and you feel it's too much - you will step in and mediate. However, if they get hurt? NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

Hope this helps!

Since your girls are the youngest, I would keep an eye on them while the others are over. In general, if they start to get to rough, even if it isn't with your girls, just say, "hey, you guys are getting a little rough, you need to settle down.". I have the hangout house and my son is 11 and we have a trampoline. We had 8 kids over here the other day, cousins of the neighbor kids were over that I didn't know. It was an older brother and his younger brother. Well, the older one got pretty rough with his younger brother on our trampoline so I opened the door and told him to stop. I told him flat out if he wanted to hang out at our house then he was not to do anything to make his little brother cry or anyone else for that matter. He shaped right up after that. So don't feel like you can't say anything. Good luck.

my place is the hang out place too. I love it. Hope it continues.

I have three kids sometimes 4 at a time if not more...ages range fro 3-12. Mostly have 5, 6, 8. one boy and two girls. They come over daily, the 2 girls. I supervise them as though they are my kids. They respect my house rules as my son does. Same goes for outside. If kids are rough, you set some rules with the kids if they wish to play on your yard. If they can not follow it, they must go elsewhere. They need to respect your rules at your house, no differently then at their own.

if any child play rough house, i warn them...if you play that way, and get hurt, do not come running to me. Its a choice they make. Now i am always watching and listening. If i see something inappropriate or can cause harm, i have no problem speaking up or telling them to knock it off. I am over cautious in protecting my son or any child. I have a two story play structure anyone is welcome to play on. I have rules on that too. for EVERY one.

The girls and my son are not allowed to cross the street without adult supervision and same goes for them going to the kids house down the street. They are older and play in the street. Wont happen unless i am there keeping eye. I just watch....look out for cars and direct if needed to keep the youngins safe.

your yard and house rules should apply to everyone. if the hang out continues, go speak with their parents. Tell them they are always welcome over but must follow the rules to play safely at your yard. If they do not, they will not be welcome back. Let the parent know you are not responsible if anyone get's hurt...so player beware as they must make their own decision if they are of age. Youngins, different story. If you are okay supervising the youngest, then continue, if not....tell the parent if their child plays over here, they must be present or arrange a playdate so you can be available to supervise.

DO what you feel is right. again...its your house. your rules.

I have the hang out house and have 2 girls as well, and most of the visitors are boys.

You set the rules. When we first started getting the kids at our house I just kind of let it go as it was until I got a visit from the cops. Apparently one of the boys told his sitter who was sleeping that he was going across the street, but when she woke up and he wasn't there, she called the cops and they started going door to door.

Now I have a strict rule that I need a parents approval before they are allowed to stay. My oldest is usually the oldest of the group, but I also have a 3 year old which is the youngest. I monitor just as if they were my own kids. If it is too rough they get 2 warnings, after that they need to break it up and go home. After the first few times of this they understand the boundaries and for the most part are pretty good. It has been a long time since I have had to send them home.

It gets a little sticky when there are kids who truly do not like each other and start fighting. They immediately get sent home. Everyone goes, not just the kids who do not like each other. I do not tolerate any type of name calling, or picking on other kids.

If I am reading your past questions right, your girls are young (2 and 5?). With kids this young, I would definitely establish rules. And, if you can, invite some of the other neighborhood moms over when the kids are playing so you can get an idea of the rules at their house. (I have 2 boys, and while touch football is fine, tackle is not allowed. Basketball is not allowed to turn into a wrestling match. Etc.)

It is possible that the kids are coming to your house to get away with stuff that they can't get away with at home - which is probably not what you want.

And the more I think about this - I think no matter what the age of the kids, the hangout house needs to have rules. Do you want your house to be known as a place where anything goes when the kids are teens?

Questions:
If they are somewhere else.... not in your premises... then WHO is watching, them?
Do their parents, know where their kids are or have gone to?
Then, since they originally started playing in your premises... to what extent are you, 'responsible' for them??? You said, part of the time they were in your yard, and part of the time they weren't. SO where, were they????
And where are the other parents? Do those parents know where their kids are????
And, do you have a way of contacting them... if you have to????

My house is a hang out house.
BUT, it is my house. Not a public venue. Therefore, *I* have rules, per my kids... AND whatever else goes on on my property or in my house. And, I have hours... per when or if, I even want kids in my house or on my property. It is not, up to the other kids to decide. I am the adult. It is my house. And if other people's kids are on my premises... I am therefore.... responsible for them. And I am not a passive 'babysitter' for those kids... who's parents may be lacking in common sense.
AND I am aware of 'liability.'
AND I SPEAK up, to the kids and/or parents... if I need to. And per my own sense of personal space and schedules... and per my own kids' sense of well being and safety etc.
Therefore, my questions above.

I have a son and daughter.
Boys and girls play differently.
BUT if someone gets hurt or is hurt or is getting roughhoused and the kid does not like it... then YES YOU SPEAK UP.
You are the adult.
And/or you send them home.

Unless someone walks their child down there, asks you to watch for something, do something, you are in no way responsible beyond your own children. Sure if they come in your home your rules apply but also you need to ask the child, does your mom know you are here as well.

In our subdivision the home shifted, there was never just one place.

Anyway unless you accept responsibility for the other kids you are not responsible for them. These rules always worked in our subdivision but then we all knew each other. There would never be an issue of liability from a kid getting hurt unless one of us did something so out there. Hey mom, Jimmy wants to borrow the lighter fluid. Sure! just makes sure you bring it back! Yeah, if Jimmy got hurt damn straight I would be paying without being asked. Jimmy fell off the swing, I safely got him home to his mom.

Not sure if that makes sense.

From personal experience of being that home over the years, my strategy was/is to maintain a strong presence.

Which for me meant walking in and out of the play zone(s), or walking by or nearby and setting down a few treats. It's a great time to clean out the remnants of cookies, chips, pretzels, crackers, etc. I would display snack items on a tray, bring it out to where they are, and yell, 'snack time!!"

Then once all were gathered, I'd remind them of simple rules of engagement, which basically are: keep your hands and arms and feet to yourself and do not under any circumstances hit, punch, pull, kick, trip anyone around you on purpose without them knowing. If I see that nonsense happen, your not invited to stay around.'

Now, if they are intentionally wrestling, playing tag, football, soccer, etc, then those rules don't apply.

We're the hangout house, but our kids are older (10 & 11). It's not uncommon to have 5 or 6 kids running around - backyard, front yard, in the house, in the garage. While I've never sat down and spelled out my rules (most have grown up around me and my kids, all on the same street) I have no problem stepping in if I see behavior I don't agree with.

Not everyone is cut out to be the mom of the hangout house, and that's ok. It's a struggle for me, I am type A and the chaos wears on me. Being worried about rough play that doesn't involve your kids, well that might be a sign that hang out mom might not be for you. Boys are rough. Girls with brothers are rough. If that bothers you, which is OK, then either spell out what is and is not acceptable at your house or tell them if they're going to roughhouse they need to go somewhere else.

"Fences do make good neighbors"-you have the right to say something when a child is on your property and an obligation to say something to them when they aren't on your property, if you feel the behavior could cause harm. Many years ago, my sister would take my parent's Jeep out when my parents went out at night. I was not living at home at the time. One night, she totaled the Jeep with 4 or 5 other kids in it, she was 14 years old, by God's grace and mercy, no one was injured, at all; later one of the mothers' of one of the girls in the accident, said to my mother that she had known my sister had been driving for some time but she did not want to tell my mother for fear it would upset her-whiskey, tango, foxtrot???? Did I mention my poor mother had already lost my dear brother, age 23, at the hands of a drunk driver? At the end of the day, you will be the adult who saw it or heard it and you are morally obligated to do something about it-if you make a parent mad and save a child-then so be it. All the best!

My son is 10.
EVERYONE is at my house ALL the time.
Kids are 8-13ish, with the occasional little brother here or there around 6.
I rarely step in. They're all good kids, behave, etc.
If they start to fight or argue? O. warning, them everyone goes home.
I'm not listening to that.
You have a 2 year old? Then she needs to be supervised and unless you have a nanny or a sitter--that's you.
2 year olds need constant supervision in that situation.
Maybe I'm not understanding your question.

Hi, Mama:

Gather all the children around in a circle.

Ask them one by one questions about how to play "nice."
Ask them what they think a consequence needs to be if
they forget to play "nice."

Tell them what you expect and the consequence they come up with.

The consequence will not be a rejection, but a correction.

Good Luck.
Thanks for caring.
D.