Need Advice from Other Home Birthing Moms

You probably don't have time to watch this but I saw it over the weekend and it was enlightening - The Business of Being Born. It's available on netflix. I had a very complioated pregnancy so for me there was no option but looking at the documentary makes me feel that had I had no complications homebirthing is a wonderful experience.

Oh gosh! Congratulations on your decision. My first was born in the hospital (induced a month early, pre-eclampsia/HELLP syndrome). My second was born in the hospital. It would have proceeded without complications but they made me lie flat on my back. She came out not breathing, and I believe that was due to the position being too stressful for her.

So I had my third at home last August, in a birthing pool in my dining room.

Two pieces of equipment I think should be mandatory for all home births...a birthing ball, and a birthing pool.

Panic is adrenaline. Oxytocin is the natural birth hormone that gets things going. The presence of adrenaline can supress the presence of oxytocin (that is why so many hospital moms end up 'needing' pitocin, because the stressful environment of the hospital reduces the supply of oxytocin in the body.)

You need to channel and harness that fear and think of it as energy and power in your body. Every woman will approach the pain of labor in her own way. I went through active labor on my birthing ball. Every time I felt a contraction start, I decided it was a surge of energy and power, and I just went with it. Focused on it being in my belly, separate from the rest of me. I actually sang through active labor, sang right through the peaks of the contractions, it really helped focus the energy rising through my body.

Your body was DESIGNED to do this. It's only in the last 100 years that birth has become medicalized.

Remember that, for a normal labor and delivery you are actually SAFER at home with a trained midwife than you are in a hospital. The mortality rate for hospital births is LARGER than the mortality rate for home births if you've had a non-complicated pregnancy!

It's going to go beautifully and smoothly, your body is doing what it was designed to do!

Feel free to message me if you want to talk :)

I had a HBAC one month ago and had a beautiful, peaceful birth experience. Honestly I didn't feel scared about what "might happen". Sure, it popped into my head here and there, but I didn't focus on it. Focus on the end result- a beautiful baby born in your home, exactly what you want. Positive visualization. It's totally normal to have a bit of a freak out about giving birth, whether it be at home or in a hospital. Remember- your midwives will know if something is wrong, and they won't let you stay home if there is ANY question that there is a problem. Good luck, enjoy it! I would totally do it again, matter of fact I can't wait to do it again! It was such an awesome experience. If you have any questions about homebirth ask me! I LOVE to talk about it!

Everyone said it all already!

I have 3 little ones myself and, I have to admit, it was actually my husband I was concerned about when homebirth was discussed, not myself. I didn't want any negative energy around me and I was afraid that I would pick up on his "what if" "vibes."... cutting to the chase, all went smoothly though and my oldest just had his 5th birthday yesterday!

I actually felt so empowered by my own experiences that I went on to learn more and became fascinated with birth! I am now studying to become a homebirth midwife myself (and I might even know the midwife you'll be working with, as I know a few in your area who are all FABULOUS!)

It is absolutely normal to have some fears, but its great that you got them out there and can talk with people about them. Let your midwife know too. I'm sure she will have had moms go through this before and maybe she'd have just the right words to calm your worries!

Best wishes!

Joanna really did say it best! I am planning a home vbac this August as well. My suggestion is to remember how much you love and trust your midwife! She knows what to do, as does your body. Try to savor the contractions as bringing your baby closer to you, opening you for birth. Maybe try to envision your birth. You can do this, and it will end soon! Wishing you the most beautiful birth, I'll be thinking about you throughout the day!!

My children were all born in a hospital, so I haven't experienced home birth myself, but last year I attended the home birth of a friend and came away wondering what we are doing involving hospitals at all for uncomplicated births. Having attended a number of hospital births, I can also say that uncomplicated births can be made complicated by "failure to wait" on the part of medical staff. It's natural to feel nervous about your childbirth decisions as you get close to your birthing time, regardless of your choice of where to birth. Relax, visualize a great birth and a happy, healthy baby and please let us know your great story.

J. (-:

I had a birth center birth. I wanted something similar to you. For me the "fear of doctors being far" wasn't a big fear since there was a hospital across the street. My SIL had 2 kids at home. She and her midwife had discussed all their hospital transfer plans already in case it was needed. Generally emergencies in labor don't happen all at once. I hope you have a natural homebirth as planned.

Hi L.,

Congratulations on your impending birth and congratulations on your decision to labor and birth at home. If your first labor and delivery were relatively uneventful and you have been getting regular prenatal care from a reputable midwife than I'd say your risks of choosing to deliver at home are relatively low. Remember all the interventions women undergo with hospital births are not without risk either. I have four children ranging in age from 29 years to 6 years and I can say that hospital birthing is more big business now then it was 29 years ago. With each successive delivery more and more interventions were pushed on me. It is as if an egg-timer gets flipped over when you walk through the Labor and Delivery doors and if you don't deliver before the sand runs out than look out they're coming in after the baby! The nurses are so busy; they are not trained to coach women in labor, only to push interventions such as narcotics, epidurals and pitocin to avoid having to spend much time with you during labor. I believe most of the discomfort associated with early labor is associated with fear and anxiety. That can be relieved in your own home where you can stay upright and moving until labor advances and becomes real work. Also, most women go to the hospital way too early so end up becoming confined to bed but really get no rest. No wonder by the time the real work begins they have already had enough.

I would remind yourself of all the reasons you made your decision and let your midwife know of your anxieties. She can probably reassure you of her emergency plan just in case you do need to go to the hospital. Don't worry you may have another panic attack when real labor begins, but it will probably quickly pass as you get down to the business of bringing the newest member of your family into the world. Remember, your body was perfectly designed for this purpose. Enjoy this birth your way.

J. L.

I just want to say congratulations and good luck!

It sounds like you had a terrible experience at a hospital. I found a book titled "Hypnobirthing" very helpful. I had my son at the hospital in a very liberal community and had a wonderful experience. Hypnobirthing is great for anyone who wants a natural childbirth. Problems in birth happen slowly, with signs of trouble, and with time to get to the hospital if you need to. My doctors and midwife told me it was very safe to have a home birth, that it was mostly a mater of personal choice.

Have you prepared for your home birth with Hypnobirthing or another relaxation program? That's what I'm doing - I'll be delivering at the birth center but am already working on these techniques.
M.
PS Women in Europe do homebirths with midwives all the time and they have lower mortality rates than we do. Check out the flick "The Business of Being Born" if you want to feel better about your choice!

I am planning a homebirth with the child I am carrying now. At first I was a little freaked out too, but remember your midwife is all about safety.

L.,

You will be okay! I gave birth at home just over two years ago and it was one of the best experiences of my life. My Dad was here to see it, and this was one of maybe three times I have ever seen him well up with tears. It wasn't just the birth that moved him, it was that it was so 'normal' (his word). He was so impressed by the fact that this personal, family event was carried out with such respect. He had only previously experienced the births of me and my brother. With mine, he wasn't even invited to stay at the hospital. He was in the delivery room for my brother, but it was a sanitized, highly medicalized event. He, and I and my partner, just loved how non-hysterical our home birth was. What a gentle way to enter the world!

Listen, L., if you want to talk to a mom who has home-birthed, send me an email and I'll send you my phone number. I'm happy to talk you through your fear, or just listen to you as you work through it.

I'm thinking of you and hoping that your home birth goes well and is everything you want it to be.

G.

Hi L.,
Are you close to a hospital? I knew if I had to be transferred I could be quickly. I never had any major fears about delivering at home but I hadn't had a hospital experience which I think could serve to increase your fears. Talk to your midwives about your fears. If you trust them, believe in their skills. You chose them for a reason. Your fears are understandable in this era of C sections and fewer homebirths though they are becoming more common. Know that you're allowed to change your mind at any time and that doesn't make you less of a person or mom.

Good luck. I hope your birthing experience is all you want it to be! Believe!

M.

Dear L. -
I am a mother of three who had three very different births at three very different hospitals. I also contemplated home birth, but ultimately I realized that the reason our infant mortality rate is so low and the reason very few mother's die during childbirth nowadays is because of these hospitals. I appreciate your wanting to have a home birth, with my second child I told the hospital that they could ONLY interfere if something was going wrong. (Remember, you are the patient and they can't do anything to you without your permission.) I had my daughter Abby completely naturally and it was wonderful. That being said, how will you feel if anything goes wrong and the only reason something couldn't be done was because you were at home. While I commend your decision, my heart tells me that it's our responsibility to do everything we can to ensure that our children are happy and healthy and that includes the benefit of a hospital birth, where emergencies can be handled as quickly as possible. Good Luck with whatever you choose.

Hello,

I had a home birth with my 4 month old baby girl. It was a wonderful experience. I had my son in a hospital and after 18 hours of labor I had a C section. I truly know this was because of all the intervention with my labor. I was nervous at first to have a home birth with a c- section but knew I wanted a totally different experience.

I went into labor in the morning and just hung around the house at breakfast, and took a walk. Labor seemed to have stopped so I took a nap and did a few visualization exercises. AT 4 ish labor started again strong and she was born by 6:00pm! I would not have it any other way and I am a huge FAN of home births.

Listen to your heart/intuition. Know you can always go to the hospital if you change your mind later.
Wishing you
J.

I have 3 children and we were planning on a homebirth for my first born but when I started pushing the babys heart beat went way down. Long story short I had to get to the hospital as fast as I could. No time to call an ambulance so I went via my husband and my mid wife. No time for a c section and thankfully I gave birth to a very healthy baby. The cord had a knot in it and when pushing and going thru the birth canal the oxygen level was compromised. I was very lucky and had an angel looking over my child because she could have had many problems due to the lack of oxygen. In not telling you this to scare you but complications can occur even when things look normal. I had two more children in the hospital all natural and had them without any inducing and pain meds.You have the right to refuse meds and inducing unless they feel you or the baby is in danger.I have worked in the obgyn part of the hospital since then and I see how things start out normal and can go wrong.I will pray you make the right choice and you need to go with what you feel is best for the baby.

Congratulations! You have made a wonderful discision and will not regret choosing a homebirth! I had my daughter at home in the tub and couldn't imagine it any other way. I was extremely frightened of hospitals and interventions, and I think that overrode any fears of complications at home. If you have time I would highly suggest you read Hypnobirthing by Marie Monogan. It is a wonderful resource on statistics, history and pain management! You will find with a little research that complications occur more frequently in hospitals due to the stress it puts the body under to be out of your "safety zone." I agree with the other moms that it is crucial you talk with your midwife about these feelings so that she can reassure you and explain how any complications are dealt with. Also, it is true that you have to channel those fears into willpower...your mind must be set on having a safe homebirth. Visualizations and affirmations help with this. Good luck with everything!

I have no experience with home birth but I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I have several friends who did home birth and they loved the experience. I had my daughter in a hospital but I dealt with several midwives in my doctors office and through my birthing classes and they are knowledgeable, caring, wonderful people. Good luck to you and your new little one. Let us know how things go! Congratulations!

L.,
I'm so proud of you for choosing a home birth! First and foremost, women have been having births at home, in the field, wherever, for all of the history of mankind... until the 19th and 20th centuries, when doctors started getting in on the action. This was not a trend for the better, IMHO, in the cases of women with normal, uncomplicated pregnancies. Our bodies were DESIGNED to do this. Work WITH your body, FEEL the surges (do not ever even think the word "pain" but rather "pressure" or "power" or "discomfort"). Your midwife had to train extensively and attend hundreds of births in order to be qualified to do this for a living. She knows what she is doing, and most likely, will have a backup midwife in attendance as well.

When I got pregnant in 2004 w/my 1st son, I wanted a total hospital experience... then I read "Gentle Birth Choices" and did a complete mental 180! My husband was freaked out because I'm a total "pain wimp" and I had suddenly opted for a birth center birth, with a team of midwives. It's the 2nd best decision I've ever made. The entire prenatal process was great, as was the birth center experience (I delivered on a birthing stool 75 min. after I arrived). The best decision (okay, after choosing my husband), was to have a home birth with my 2nd son in 2006 (my birth center had closed due to a change in staff/ownership). I had some doubts/worries because my placenta was still low at 34 weeks, but with lots of prayer, it moved up 10cm by week 36 and all was good. We went with a home birth and a team of midwives (mine was on vacation that day(!) but her two student midwives and her backup attended, along with HER backup). So there were two licensed and two practicing midwives on hand. Both my MIL and my mom were present, along with my husband, 17 mo old son, and my two best friends (one was there as a baby sitter, the other arrived after the birth).

When my mom arrived, she wasn't sure I was allowed to have anyone in my room because everything was so quiet and peaceful. An asst. MW came out and invited her into the room and Mom was again amazed by how peaceful and calm I was. The entire atmosphere was one of deep respect for me and my baby and the rest of my family. They rarely spoke, and then only in low tones. The primary midwife attended me directly; the others took care of various preparations and waited on me and my husband (e.g., brought us food/drink, extra pillows, the telephone, took photos, etc.). Mom got to witness the actual birth and when it was all over, her comment was, "if I could have children again, I'd do it at home. That was amazing. THAT is how birth should be." Mom has 4 children, I'm the oldest) and the 3rd of whom was born in a hospital in 1979 and suffered severe birth defects solely because the doctor did not believe the EFM was giving a correct reading. He delayed a C.S. and so my baby brother was born severely mentally retarded and physically handicapped. He died a week after his 3rd birthday of pnemonia. Mom was 33 at the time and had wanted "the best hospital" because of her "advanced age." That plan cost my brother his life due to a doctor's incorrect "gut feeling." So for my mom to have been through 4 hospital births (2 natural, 2 CS), and to see what she saw, that's saying a lot. The funny thing is, after my 1st son was born, she told me she'd never realized I'd never seen a single doctor even once throughout the entire pregnancy--she thought I was only using a midwife for the birth, not the prenatal side. Silly mom. :)

What I am trying to say is, fears are natural, for yourself and for your child. But what YOU BELIEVE is probably a stronger determinant of the outcome than anything else. If you positively program yourself, then you'll get what you want. I determined when I was 10 weeks along that I wanted a 6 hour labor, in a quiet, dimly list room, using a birthing pool. Well, labor went so fast I missed getting into the pool--I had to push after one leg got wet (only I thought I needed to poop, so I got out... then I opted for the birth stool instead of the jacuzzi, which I now regret a little).

Birthing at home was the most incredibly peaceful, empowering experience... I can't explain it. Nothing was so wonderful as not having to get in a car during labor. I've never been in a hospital as a patient and had no desire to feel treated as if I had an illness when I was pregnant, and the various midwives I had with each child were just so supportive. I know if you discuss your fears and talk openly with her/them, you will find yourself feeling similarly empowered. You've come this far... BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

L.
I am planning a homebirth for my second child. If you feel confident in your choice then stay with it. I fired my obgyn and he has called "warning me of my choice and he is worried about me and my baby dying during a risky homebirth." My midwife is wonderful I can call day or night and she is concerned about both of us. Her job is to help me with childbirth and guide me through it. I am so much more relaxed now with my midwife than with my obgyn. I refuse to have another c/s unless absolutly positively necessary. My doctor sechuled my c.s on my first visit without even telling me. I found out in my chart. If something should go wrong your midwife will get you to the hospital. Even a hospital can not garentte a perfect and safe outcome. Many unnecesary things happened in my first birth at a hospital and they almost killed my son and myself by procedures that were uneithical so I am willing to take my chances with a homebirth. You will question and second guess yourself again and again just believe in yourself and your midwife and let her guide you and your baby to birth. I wish you success and good luck and hope all goes well, I'll keep you in my prayers that all works out well.

Joanna S said it all wonderfully!