Need Advice on How to Handle Attitude in an 8Ry Old Girl.....

Children don't always understand humor. So what to you may be a joke, to them (or another person) is not. Yes she needs to learn to accept other people, but she also needs to learn to speak up if she sees a problem in a relationship. And you need to teach her that it's ok to speak up by showing that you respect her opinion. She also needs to learn from an example that people can modify their behavior when asked nicely rather than being yelled at. It's all a balancing act.

I don't think you are going to like what I have to say but I am going to say it any way.
You didn't say what you and your spouse do to act silly, but it is my opinion if your daughter has voiced that what you are doing is bothering her and has ask you to stop, I feel very strongly you should stop. Just the same as if she is doing something you don't like and you tell her to stop, you expect her to stop, and not you getting up and going into another room, so show her the same respect as you want her to show you.Also sounds to me maybe mom and step-dad might need to grow up just a little bit, and not horse around three or four times a week, and make life more enjoyable for the daughter., all of the time and not just one half the time. Also if step-dad is doing the touchy feely thing like tickling,it should be stopped all together!

Try to step into her shoes for a while...I remember being that age and my parents doing embarrassing things around my friends and I hated it (and in turn resented them for it). Maybe she's worried that you guys will act like that in public? I think what bothers me is that it seems like you keep doing it just to make her mad, and I don't understand when parents do that. She's at such a sensitive age right now, and she needs to know that her parents are supportive of her and care about her feelings, because if not, she'll try to find someone who is and does...

It sounds as if she's really just being disrespectful to you both. And, I wonder if there is something about how you are being silly that really bothers her and she doesn't know how to address it. Maybe she farted once at school and got teased about it??...something like that and so she acts out this way because it reminds her of that. Just a suggestion.

I would probably work on curbing how she expresses that she doesn't want to play. Girls do become rather private at an early age and maybe she's just changing much like we do during puberty. Next time you might try to explain that if she doesn't want to participate, she needs to ask politely. While she won't always get her way in other situations, she will learn that being nice about it will get better cooperation than yelling at people!

Good luck!

I recently read a book called "Siblings Without Rivalry" and while this isn't a sibling situation, it shed light on how to diffuse anger in children. Most anger, it said, comes from a *perceived* lack of attention or understanding of their feelings. Saying something like "you feel we are too silly and it make you feel like this...." gives their feelings a voice, and they have nothing left to be angry about. They want someone to hear them and verbalize their feelings and feel understood. Once that happens, the book says, the anger towards siblings/others dissipates. Fascinating!!

Wow S., wait until she starts looking at boys!!! I think you need to have a talk with her and explain the one great thing about people is that they are the same, but different. If she doesn't understand, then you need to point out some "silly" things that she does, when she does them and tell her that she is really annoying you. Even if she isn't, but that it could annoy others and why. Sounds like princess syndrome to me......(hee hee) My Granddaughter had it too. We just told her that someday, she will want to be silly and happy too. We compared her things that she liked that was alittle too young for her now at her age, but she still liked them. She will figure it out one way or another, but she does need to understand that she needs to respect other people, and if they are not causing danger to themselves or others, where they could actually get hurt, then it's o.k. Hopefully this will help. Hang in there, she'll be fine.
D.

I think you may want to listen to your daughter. She is at a sensitive age when peer pressure sets in hard core. It sounds like you are embarasing her. That is a sure way to push a kid away and you never want to do that. Your daughter's personality may just be different that yours and a little compromise is in order. (Seriously, farting when she is around is GROSS and she is probably scared to death that you'll do it when a friend is over! Who wants that floating around school?). Good luck and please respect her feelings.

Wow you really got a huge array of answers. I can tell you as a mother of 3 girls & 2 boys that around 8 yrs old girls get very emotional & their world starts to revolve around them. It is a fine line with them between "you don't care about my feelings" & helping them see that tho. their feelings are valid they are not the only ones in the family. Girls seem to have what I call a princess complex. It seems like your dear hubby cares for her. The poster that said you need to WAKE UP to the fact that she has been abused was over the top. You know your family better than anyone else & only you can give your daughter the attention she needs.

It could be a lot of thing; I think it's "that age" where things the parents do are "potentially damagingly embarrasing" to her "out in public" sort of thing (or at least so she thinks).

Basically, keep reinforcing to her that there are things that are beyond her realm of control. The way others choose to behave is one of them. She's either going to have to "get over it" or find some way to cope with it (like leaving the room). Let her know too that there are consequences for her actions. That suppose her friends saw how she reacted to you and your husband being silly....how would she feel if one of her friends saw her behave that way? If she saw someone behave that way, what would she think about it? You're not trying to "guilt" her into "behaving"...you're just trying to get her to think about what's going on.

For example, if she really is trying to be serious and want's your attention, there are better ways to do that than yelling at you and your husband. And you and your husband need to try to recognize and acknowledge her feelings sometimes too - and then you can go back to being silly.

For what it's worth....and good luck!

This sounds a lot like us. My husband and I are very goofy. I have an almost 9 year old who to her everyone is annoying. Her 6 year sister of course causes the most problems for her. My two girls go to their dad's every week for a few days. He is much more intolerant and serious that me or my husband. My husband, their step father likes to tease the kids and the 9 y/o can't stand it. She gets very angry and screams at him to "stop it". That often makes him do it more to the point that she starts crying. I usually try to intervene before it gets to that point, but I don't have a whole lot of sympathy because my dad was the exact same way.

I do think that some tolerance should be expected of your daughter, but I also think your daughter's feelings should be respected. I agree that she has the option to leave an area, but she also has the right to ask someone to stop a behavior if it directly involves her. Like I tell my husband, he is teaching our daughter that her personal boundaries should be respected. If she learns that her own boundaries are not important, she could end up being victimized later in life.

I am trying to work this one out myself. How do you balance respecting someone's feelings and expecting some degree of tolerance? Maybe you could talk to your daughter and ask her for suggestions on how to handle it. Explain that you and your husband have a need for playfulness and fun. She might have a need for relaxation and peacefulness at the same time, so how can that conflict be solved?

The down side to home schooling and only child. They don't have to learn the social skills required in public school. I'm not sure what's available where you live, but up here there is a group for home schooled kids to give them social interaction. They meet and go on "field trips" once a month or more. This gives the kids time to interact with each other in a social setting and teaches them how to get along. The down side to an only child and being home schooled is that they get to play what they want, when they want. They don't have to worry about what other children want to do because there aren't any others. If there isn't a group like that then I would suggest Girl Scouts or something of the sort. Get her involved in a group activity so that she learns that it's not all about what she wants to do all the time. Good luck.

And PS...she's getting toward the "tween" years. That's the time before she's a teenager. And eventually the attitude will be an every day thing. LOL Deal with as much of it as you can now.

My 8yr has attitude also. She displays it differently, but its all the same. At some point these young ladies need to learn that they don't call all the shots. For instance, if your husband is teasing her and being silly with her, then he needs to stop when she says so. He can completely ignore her and play with you instead. That lets her see that what she says about her body goes, but it also doesn't make her in charge of him. She may also get jealous about not being the center of attention. However, if what he is doing isn't being done to her, then she isn't in control of him and she does need to leave the room. And by the way, everyone farts. If she doesn't like it that you fart in your own bedroom, she can leave. It's not like your holding her in there and farting on her! Just wait for a few years until she realizes what else you do in your bedroom. Are you going to let her tell you not to do that also? Girls are so melodramitic. She's getting the attention that she craves by being difficult. You're trying to share it with her by having fun. Having fun is a much healthier way to share attention. You, as an adult, can manipulate the situation so that when she is difficult the attention shifts from her. she'll learn shortly that she isn't getting what she wants and she'll quit.