Need Help with Potty Training - Sebastian,FL

My daughter went through a short lazy phase of only wanting pullups. I bribed her with candy. She liked M&Ms and Jelly Bellys. I gave her one every time she peed on the potty and 3 every time she pooped. I try not to give candy as a reward in general for behavior, but I couldn't think of anything else that would motivate her to do this. It did work. Now she wears underwear in the day and a pullup at night.

Hi, I took my little boy out of pullup and let him pick his own big boy underwear then I bought a toy that he liked and put it on the back of the tolit called him in and said look what the potty fairly brought and I told him if he pee and poop in the tolet for two day with out an actdant that he could have the toy well it took three days but he did it, he would tell me when we were out because I would remind him of the potty fairy, after doing it for three day he been doing it every sence I had tried all other stuff but nothing would work.

Are you a stay at home Mom? When I was potty training my daughter I was having a little bit of the same problem until we spent a week out at our beach time share and we where in the pool and out so much she was pretty much in her swim suit all the time. Another mom suggested I let her go naked while behind closed doors so she would have no choice but to go in the potty, My Pediatrician also confirmed that this is a big help. Sure enough she started going stinky in the potty like a big girl after the first 2 days of crying and carrying on about a diaper and not getting it.

Hi, S.-
Every kid is different so you may have to try different things. The key is realizing that it does have to be your son's choice. This is the first thing that he really does have total control over and that is a new and wonderful thing to him! For my son, we had similar problems. He was just over 3 and he knew exactly when he had to go...he just wouldn't. He was pretty good about going potty, but our main problem was going No. 2. SO, I got 5 big toys. Not expensive, just toys of a good size and I wrapped one up. I put it up on the shelf in our closet where he could see it but where he could not get to it. I brought him in to the room and showed it to him. I told him that it was a present for him when he went No. 2 in the potty and made sure he understood. After that I never nagged him about the potty, but I knew that not knowing what was wrapped up was getting to him! I caught him in our room a couple days later staring at the present. I casually asked him if he knew what that present was for and he said yes...for when he went in the potty. I said, "Yep." and walked out of the room. By the next day, he couldn't take it anymore and went in the potty. I praised him and we went to the bedroom and I gave him the present. I then wrapped up another present and we started again. I think I had bought 5 presents, but it only took 3 for him to get it. (He didn't know how many I had to start with.) By the end of the 3 presents, we were telling everyone what a big boy he was and he got so much attention from that accomplishment that it did the trick. If your son is having trouble going potty and No. 2, you could give him a present at the end of a successful day. I wish you well with this adventure and hope you find something that works for you-
L.

In my own experience, my daughter when she was 2 I stopped putting diapers on her, only at night. No pull-ups, they're just fancy diapers. I took her every hour. Don't get frustrated when accidents happen because, well, acidents do happen. Explain oh you had an accident, next time lets try and use the potty. After 3 months my daughter started to ask to go potty, she still has accidents now and then, and i also stopped night time diapers. She is now 29 months old

I am in the same position. My 35 month old son does not want to go in the potty but I know he could and he tells us the same exact thing - he just doesn't want to. All of the incentives that I used with my other 2 are not working. Please let me know what kind of responses you get - I would love to hear them too!

S.

Hi S.,

I first started out with the underwear that has the extra padding. You can find these at Babies R Us and Target and they are great for absorbing a little more than regular underwear without the "pullups" mentality. My son did great with these and liked being a big boy. We moved on rather quickly to regular underwear with the characters he loves. From my loving babysitter, she suggested getting the timer and every time it went off, sitting him on the potty for a minute or two. This was done every half an hour at first. It was a royal pain at first and I felt like I couldn't leave the house for a week, but in no time it worked. I rewarded him with a couple of mini M&M's each time. Pooping took longer, but it usually does. The kids seem to be more stubborn now a days, but we need to out stubborn them. Good luck.

You need to get rid of the pullups. I never bought pullups with my daughter but we went through the same thing (just with diapers). She is extremely stubborn and found it more convenient to "go" in the diaper and not have to stop what she was doing. We told her no more diapers during the day and put her in underwear. If she peed herself we sent her to the bathroom and monitored her changing/wiping herself. We did not help her. We wanted her to feel it was a lot of work and would be easier to just use the toliet. We always made her sit on the potty after an accident and told her she had to make sure there wasn't anymore(sometimes she went more:)). (This also reinforced where she should go potty and she learned she was going to have to sit on the potty anyways so she might as well do it without the time and trouble of changing her clothes.) #2 accidents are harder for a child to control so we helped alittle with these but she still had to sit and try to do more. And she had to redress by herself. Always dump the #2 in the toliet while your child is watching and tell him "Poopy (or whatever you call it) belongs in the potty". Then we would flush the toliet. Little kids love flushing the toliet so our daughter was only allowed to flush if she used the toliet.

Some kids potty train easily and some kids don't. Mine was one of the latter but she did potty train (daytime) by the time she was 3. It takes lots of patience and lots of laundry but your child will get there. Hang in there and try not to stress too much. Read all the advice every mom has given you and make a plan on what to do based on your child and what you feel is right for your family. You know your child best!! Then stick to it. Consistency is the key!! If your child knows you are not going to give in then he is more likely to follow through. Good Luck.

You could just ignore it, at some point and time, he's going to want to do something that will require him to be using the potty and then it will be over. Another idea....other then "praise", have you tried rewards? I used a method with my twin boys that worked wonders. I made a chart (you can just make something like a big tic tac toe board chart). My chart actually got longer every week, so the rewards came slower as they got the hang of it. Everytime they tried or did use the potty, they got to mark the chart and a tiny piece of candy (like a smartie or sweet tart). Once the row on the chart was full, they got to pick a prize out of a basket that I bought some cheap toys from the dollar store just for this. On the poop side of things, whenever they pooped, the got to go straight to the prize basket.......no marking the chart. That basket had a little better toys then the pee pee basket. Something like power ranger motorcycle or something special they are into. This was huge....cause we all hate the poop part more then the pee part. It worked like a charm. From start to finish of the entire potty training phase, it took me about 2 months to complete the process and they were between 28 & 32 months when I started. Hope this helps!

My oldest daughter wasn't interested in potty training either...this is what I did and it worked. I put a gumball machine on the back of the toilet, every time she went pee or poo in potty, I gave her a penny and she got to get a piece of gum...she loved gum at the time, but I'm sure M&M's would work or anything they are really into and the machine just was novel and she loved getting her penny to put in it. HOpe this helps.

C

Well, I live in FL, so my options might be easier said than done. What has always worked for me (I'm potty training my third son in 3 years, he's 2 1/2) is letting them be naked. As long as you're home, it should be fine. We have a lot of tile/wood floors so the clean up is easy. Because you know he can do it, it's just a control thing. Take over. Do not allow any pull-up unless it's nap/bedtime, when they can't really control it. You're the boss. Tell him, the pull ups are gone...your choice is undies or nothing. And, even if he pees in the underwear, replace them with underwear again. No one said it would be easy, but, like most things with small children, consistency is key. Good luck!!

I agree...Pampers and other have a great marketing ploy. Problem is if you have a product that wicks away moiture then where is the childs incentive to quit? If the child has had diaper changes soon after they are wet they will be more likely to want to stay dry. Now is the time to switch to "big" boy underwear...let them pick out the character underwear of their choice...get him excited. Then stop the pull up at once. My first boy was a breeze, my second needed extra incentive (he knew how and where to make pee and poop)but clearly was too busy to make it to the bathroom. So when he chose to soil his pants (mind you this was after overall successful potty training)we told him he would get a cold shower. You have to strip them out of their clothes anyway and clean them up...just pop him into the shower, use the hand held kind of shower head and use cool-cold water to rinse him off only, not take a shower. He will hate it, probably cry but it doesn't hurt him and he will understand it is easier to use the potty than endure a cold clean up. Take the comfort for him out of it and put the comfort back into your life. It shouldn't take long for this to remedy your problem, maybe 2-3 times. Good luck.

Just a little something that may help you. I have a little boy myself and found it very hard to get him to use the potty. But was successful at getting him potty trained. Some mommys may think that i am crazy, but you have to do whatever will work. I started out with letting him have the pull ups, then at a slow pace we went to regular underpants. Only they are boxer breifs, that allows room...he then started using the bathroom outside, yes outside, it at first was cute, but when you are inpublic that is where the lesson of learning to use the potty comes in. It took him a little while but after that he was using the potty.
I know it sound crazy, but you need to let him discover himself, and realize it is ok to go to the potty, even if it is the yard(poopy too)..
I wish you luck and remember one thing the more you push, the more you give into the pull ups he will always think it is ok to use the potty in his pants. Just don't get mad when he does come in and still has wet/poopy pants make him wash them out...thats what my mom did to me......
Good luck
D. in ona,fla

Hey I feel your frustration. I have a 9 year old who was 3 1/2 before using the potty! I still remember how difficult it was to get her to want to use the potty. My husband and I decided to try the incentive ploy. We heard how she wanted to go to Chuck -E. Cheese and we told her she could go when she kept her pants clean for 2 straight days. She got to go 3 days later! It was worth it to her to go.. Just remember to throw all the pull-ups out after the first day so there is no going back. Good luck!

I never used or bought one single Pull Up. Sorry if I offend anyone who thinks they're great, but I just think they are a crazy marketing ploy to get parents of potty trained kids to keep spending money on Pampers!! I think they are expensive and I see no use for them. If you are pretending they are diapers, then buy the cheaper diapers. If you are pretending they are underwear, then go for underwear-- why give them the option of going potty in something you are pretending is underwear just to have a smaller mess to clean up? I think they confuse the heck out of a child. I'm with the mom of 5 kids (though I only have 3) who said to stop using them. Use up the ones you have left-- put them in a basket or something and have your son go and get one for you each time he puts one on. Point out when there is only one left and when he gets the last one. Actually, put the last of the Pull Ups a basket with his underwear. After he takes the last Pull Up, he has a choice of which underwear to wear. You will be cleaning up messes, but I say go for it

It sounds like you have a WONDERFUL intuitive side...I need to always remind myself to follow my heart in everything I do but with the knowledge of being heart smart. It is a two step process and skipping your common sense/intuitive side is always a big mistake. I also have to remember that everyone does not think the same or have the same agenda so I have to trust that I am doing the right thing and have faith in that. Then I say to myself that learning is a process; there is never a race...it is an individual process. And lastly; the plumbers' rule: Never Force Anything....unless it is a matter that requires force...self defense in any form may require force and that includes protecting those things that matter.

About Me: I had a baby in 1972. She had many stages as she was a girl. But she turned out BEAUTIFUL. Babies and animals just need to feel safe and not threatened to follow your lead for a lifetime as they create their own path.
whiskersandbones.com
Good Day! SM

Hi S.

Boy, does this bring back memories! My son was almost 4 before he decided to poop in the toliet instead of in his pants. I couldn't afford the pullups, if I wanted to and finally got to the place that I got tired of being the one who cleaned the poop. My son was at least 3 and 1/2 and I knew he knew WHAT to do, he just refused. He really just didn't want to take the time.

I would offer him time in the morning before/ then after breakfast for time to sit on the potty. He never had to go then, I just thought that it might stimulate things, so when later, when he was involved and playing and didn't want to take the time, it was out of the way.

I would watch for the signs of his need and then offer, that never worked either. Finally, I offered that when he needed to go poop, and decided to go in his pants that he would need to wash his underpants and pants or shorts. Before he actually did, I showed him how to wash both his underwear and pants with soap and water and do exactly what I had been doing for over a year. Then when he pooped the next time, I then had him stay with me, while I redemonstrated the procedure. I wasn't angry or upset and just explained this is what HE would be doing the next time. And then showing him again how to expertly wash HIS own hands with soap and water to make sure there wasn't anything on his hands because of the germs.

Interestingly, he actually, under my supervision, would go through this about a month and one day, came to me and said, "Mommy, I think it would be easier if I just pooped in the toliet today." I agreed with him and watched him go to the toliet and do what he knew how to do, but had refused for so long. Just as easy as pie.

When he went out to play, I remember jumping up and down, you would have thought I made a touch down, just like those crazy football players! I really had something to celebrate!

I have plenty of poop stories that are hilarious, if you feel you need a pick-me-up! I know at the time, I was discouraged and thought there must be something wrong with my training. Now, I understand, my son is very strong willed, about everything! A true leader. Have a great day and I know you'll have gotten lots of great ideas. God bless.
D.

It is my opinion as well as my experience that potty training is develomental- we al develop at different rates for a multitude of reasons. Certainly a mother wouldn't insist her child sit or crawl at a certain time and nor should we insist with potty training. My 2nd child I did not encourage to potty until he was about the same age- he did very similar things you are describing. When he did wear underware he would just go in the underware and keep on playing...drove me nuts. Finally after a few months of potty training I came to my senses backed away from it all together and less than 2 months later he decided he didn't want pull ups anymore and would go in the potty from now on- just let it be. At his age your son knows the expectation and he also senses your anxiety. He will go when he's ready.

Countdown the last 5 Pull-ups. No more Pull-Ups in the house :) Tell him that the little kids need them now and they don't make them for him anymore - of course, make that sound like a great thing because he is a big boy now. Then stick to your guns, if you give then he knows that you always will. If you need them for overnight then label 5 at a time (Mon thru Fri) for each day so that he knows those are for overnight only. Good luck!

Hi there! First, don't worry - rest assured this is not the first time this has happened - many of us have been in your shoes.

I would suggest you pick up a wonderful little book called toilet training in less than a day. I know it sounds crazy, but if you follow what the book says, it will work! I used it with both of my boys (they are now 11 and 15) years ago, and they were both potty trained, day and night, within a few days. The books has a great checklist to make sure your child is ready to be independent, and it has been helpful to thousands of parents.

Something to consider is that the attention your son gets when he says he doesn't want to go on the potty may be something he enjoys. He may really want to use the potty, but he may just be saying he doesn't, because he enjoys the undivided attention he gets when he makes (or you make) a big deal about it.

Another thing to consider is that there is no "response-cost" for hime - which means if he goes in his pullup or underwear, you handle everything. Something I did was make my 2 1/2 year old clean up after himself when he didn't go on the potty. I didn't help him, I didn't give him a lot of attention (it was gross and tedious) but after making him do all the work 2 different times, I guess he decided it wasn't worth it and he just went on the potty from there on.

Hope this helps!

Get rid of the pull-ups!!! I did the same thing with my son. He had a hard time distinguishing between diapers and pull-ups. When I went to underwear we had accidents but he soon learned it was no fun being wet. I also didn't let my daughter wear pull-ups, and she got potty training right away. It is true what they say it is harder to potty train boys than girls. Don't give up! He will get it, and don't push him that just makes them not want to do it more. It is to much pressure for them.

I had the same problem. What I did was to hide the diapers and pullups and to just bring them out after my son's bath at bedtime. I was so scared about him peeing all over my house. I took my son and let him pick out his own big boy underwear and it seemed to work because he wanted to wear them. After two days of accidents he didn't like the feeling of being wet or soiled in underwear and he started going into the bathroom and getting on the potty himself to go. Now he's completely potty trained and it's great.

Don't force the issue - he will transition to underwear when he is ready -physically and emotionally. Offer him some reward for staying clean and dry - my recent 3 year old just got a fish for a pet for moving into underwear. The less pressure the better.

Mom of 2 with #3 on the way!

OH yeah, I forgot one thing, I complained to a neighbor that my son wasn't getting out of the pull ups. Now, she has like five kids. four are boys. She is a little harsh... but I tried what she suggested and she does this at age two.
NO MORE PULL UPs. She says this to the child. You are wearing underwear. You will use the potty. And she didn't buy any more pull ups.
So we did this.
It helped. (More the wallet... laugh)We only bought enough to use at night. When we had about a month of now wet pants, we stopped using them all together.
We did have to clean up quite a few messes.
Again, it wasn't till he got in with a bunch of kids that he got the hang of it.
Good luck.
V.

It's sounds like he's really close and I would honestly try a more structured form of positive reinforcement other than just praise, like a sticker chart--where he can see is progress, and then after he gets so many stickers (like 10) he gets something even better. I'
I've heard of moms putting "goodie" Baskets in the bathroom where they get to pick something from in once they achieve their goal. (Keeping it in there will remind them of what they get once they accumulate stickers) Things like big boy underwear with his favorite character, coloring books, hotwheels, etc. This will give him more incentive to want to use the potty--of course keep up the praise, but just bring it up a notch.